Chapter 3
Alec wasn't sure what was going on, but they were having so much fun together. At first, the evening had been a bit uncomfortable with both of them trying to navigate through the night without bringing what had happened between them all those years ago to the table, but they had been talking nonsense since dinner had started and somehow, it felt like before. Like way back when they had first moved together to their crappy apartment and all they did—after getting enough of each other under the sheets, of course—was talk, and drink, and laugh, and drink again for hours and hours and hours.
Magnus was telling him all about the secrets behind the fashion world and the thousands of adventures he had lived with his friends ever since his life had changed with the fame that, having his own brand, had brought him. Alec, obviously, already knew some of the people he was talking about; Catarina and Ragnor had been Magnus's friends since middle school, so he had met them enough times in the past to know how they were and why, despite the radical change that Magnus's life had had with fame, they were still part of his life to this day. But Raphael, Tessa, Jem, and all the others Magnus kept mentioning in his stories were completely new to him.
"Do you have pictures of your other friends?" Alec asked. "I would like to meet them. Put a face to the names and all that."
"Of course, I have thousands! My phone is full of them, but wait-" Magnus said, standing from the table, "I'm going to show you the good ones, not the ones on my phone, those are boring. There's a box."
"A box?" Alec asked curiously.
"Yes, a box with embarrassing pictures of all of them that I'm sure you're going to love. Also, those are going to let you see more clearly why I love these people so much. They're a bunch of freaks, just like Ragnor and Cat." Magnus said.
Alec knew that Magnus was already a bit tipsy and that was why he was so open about showing him those intimate pictures of his friends, but Alec didn't care. He wanted to make the most of tonight with Magnus, he had a hunch that it would really be the last time he would be with him. Magnus had been, although very friendly and polite, also very distant and detached with him tonight. It was clear that he was way over Alec and wasn't interested in anything he had or wanted to say about the past. This dinner had really been just a friendly invitation to catch up with their lives—what anyone would have done if they had reunited with someone who had once been an important part of their life.
"Okay." Alec said, smiling.
Magnus walked to one of the many rooms in the penthouse and quickly returned carrying a big black box. He was grinning like a little kid on Christmas Eve as he motioned for Alec to follow him to the couch.
They sat together and Magnus immediately opened the box, showing him all the embarrassing pictures he had of his friends. There were literally thousands of them and Alec laughed with each and every one of them, especially when Magnus shared the stories behind them. All his new friends—the ones Alec hadn't met—sounded incredible, even that Raphael guy, who seemed to enjoy teasing Magnus as much as he enjoyed breathing.
"Oh look at this!" Alec said, taking a picture out of the box. It was a picture of Catarina, Ragnor, and Magnus back in middle school, they were hugging like a human sandwich and their smiles were so bright they were almost blinding. "How come I'd never seen this picture before? You all look so cute, look at those cheeks!"
Magnus smiled. "Ragnor found it like two years ago and gave it to me as a Christmas present. This is the original, but I got it resized and put that copy in my studio. It's framing one of the walls. It's one of my favorite pictures ever."
"It's beautiful, you all look so cute and were so young." Alec smiled, and took another picture from the box. This one was of Catarina and Magnus alone. They were together in what appeared to be a Halloween party and were wearing matching costumes.
Alec immediately recognized the place where the picture had been taken: the living room of their old apartment. So he tried to pay more attention to all the details and his smile died. Not only because it was, indeed, their old apartment and in the background it was clear that not only a Halloween party was taking place, but also a big move; but because it seemed that the picture had been taken just a couple of weeks after Alec had left, which meant that Magnus hadn't been able to stay in the place they had once called their home for more than two weeks after Alec's departure.
Alec stayed a couple of seconds just looking at his old home, the place where he had spent the happiest four years of his whole life, and trying not to get emotional.
"I…" Magnus said nervously and trying to grab the picture from Alec's hand, but Alec moved a little to his right to prevent him from doing so. He still wasn't finished with the picture. His eyes were now focused on Catarina and Magnus's matching costumes.
They were dressed as clowns, one sad and one happy—Cat as the happy one, Magnus as the sad one. But that was not what completely destroyed Alec. No, it was the fact that both had a sign hanging from their necks with a legend written on them. Catarina's said, "I got laid," and Magnus said, "I got dumped."
"I'm so sorry, Alec," Magnus said, "I didn't know that this picture was here." He added. "It was a stupid thing that Ragnor came up with for that Halloween, I was moping because of what had happened and he thought-"
"You must hate me." Alec said because he knew it. He could see it in Magnus's eyes in that picture—all the pain and suffering he had caused him.
"I don't," Magnus said, "but I did." He confessed.
Alec looked up from the picture.
"I hated you so much," Magnus continued, but he wasn't looking at Alec, he had his eyes fixed on the picture, as if he was reliving the moment, "I turned all the love I had for you into absolute hatred. It was a very dark time for me. I hated you so much for leaving me, for ruining us, but above all, I hated you because you hadn't even given me the chance to say anything—to make my own choice. You just broke up with me and left." He sighed, finally looking up. "I would have gone with you, you know? I would have gone with you to the end of the world if necessary." He whispered, and Alec saw the tiny gleam in his eyes, which only meant one thing—that he was trying hard to keep his tears at bay.
"I know." Alec said because he had always known that.
"So you didn't want me there with you?" Magnus said in a chuckle, but there was a lot of pain in his eyes.
"Of course I did, there was nothing I wanted more, but I knew it wasn't fair to you." Alec said. "I knew you wouldn't get to achieve all your dreams in Idris, I knew you wouldn't get all this," he added, pointing around to make a statement of what Magnus would have missed had he gone with him, "if I had asked you to come with me."
Magnus chuckled again, but this time that pain had turned into anger. Alec knew him too well to notice the difference. "Well, Alec," Magnus said, standing up from the couch, "that's the bitter and maybe ironic part of this story. I didn't want all this without you. Yes, having this place and becoming who I am today was part of my personal dream, but you were my dream too, what we had was my ultimate dream. All this stuff, the fame, the money, the prestige, were just silly things that I wanted to share with you. I got everything but you, so as you can see, I didn't achieve my dream here either." He said, turning around.
"I'm sorry." Alec whispered because that was all he could say. He knew he had screwed up, big time. That thought had been haunting him for years and it was the reason why he hadn't tried to find Magnus again. He knew that the man would never forgive him for what he had done—Alec hadn't forgiven himself yet.
"I know you are." Magnus said, turning around again. He was now composed and in complete control of himself again. That had always been his specialty—he had the ability to build up his walls in the blink of an eye, but Alec also knew that those seemingly thick and impenetrable walls could be climbed with the right words. And tonight, Alec was determined to, if necessary, tear them down just so Magnus knew how really sorry he was about everything.
"I mean it, Magnus." Alec said. "I know I hurt you and that there's no way you can forgive me, but please know that I'm sorry. I'm very, very sorry for everything. There's not been a single day since the day I walked out on you that I don't want to go back in time and do things differently. Stay here with you, make all our dreams come true, have that family we once dreamed of..."
Magnus chuckled again. Alec knew that his sarcastic persona was taking over the helm, in an attempt, perhaps, to protect his heart again from the person who had hurt it the most: Alec. "Well, it's too late now, don't you think?" He said bitterly. "You are with someone and-"
"I'm not." Alec said. He had no idea where Magnus had gotten that information from. They hadn't talked about their romantic lives all night, both probably dreading this moment, but he wasn't with anyone. He couldn't be with anyone.
"Alec, please, I heard you, okay? You don't need to hide him to spare my feelings. He called you before dinner. You said you loved him, it's fine. I get it. It's been too long since we broke up, it's okay. More than okay."
"Of course it's okay because I do love him, I will always love him...he's my brother."
"Your brother?"
"Max. I told you before that he's in college. He lives in the city. He's studying at NYU and, in fact, I'm staying with him while I find a place for myself. Today was a strange day for me for a lot of reasons and when I got home after we met at the subway station, he noticed that something was up and asked me what had happened. I didn't tell him that I had seen you again, of course, I just told him that I had a dinner to attend. I didn't want him—or anyone from my family for that matter—to know where I was. They also hate me for what I did to you."
Magnus looked at him.
"Max figured out where I was. He was tracking my phone and somehow, he knows that you live in this building, so he asked me—not very politely—not to hurt you again, but apparently that's all I can do." Alec sighed. "So I think it's better if I just go." He said, standing up and walking to grab his coat.
He couldn't do this, not again. Magnus deserved better. No, Magnus already had better. He had a great life and Alec wasn't going to ruin it again.
"Alec, wait!" Magnus said. "Are you really alone?"
Alec nodded. "There hasn't been anyone since you, not really." He confessed, putting on his coat to leave. "I tried to meet people, I tried to stick to the decision I had made and give my heart to someone else, but it turned out that I didn't have a heart to give—that's been yours all this time." He said, taking out from the pocket inside his coat a package containing one of the two advanced copies of his book he had received today, and left it on the small table that Magnus had by the door. "I hope you like it." He added. "I know I'm too late for a lot of things, but I'm trying to make some of my dreams come true—even when I know I can't have the life I once dreamed." He said, walking out of the penthouse without giving Magnus the chance to say anything at all.
**The last chapter will be up in 3 hours ;)
