CHAPTER THREE

"You told Kevin I was married." Naomi has placed herself standing behind the chair, behind the kitchen table, almost as if she thinks that the two pieces of furniture will give her enough cover and time to make a run for it if Addison, at any point in their conversation, decides that killing her immediately is a favorable option.

"I am so, so sorry," Naomi says, her voice as close to contrite as Addison has ever heard. "It just slipped out in conversation, and I thought you had already told him!"

"Well I hadn't!"

"Obviously I know that now. Look, doesn't the fact that he didn't bring it up mean that he's not mad?"

"Yes, but that's not the problem," Addison snaps. "The problem is that now that he does know, I have to tell him about Derek. And talking about Derek means talking about Seattle which means talking about New York which means talking about Mark, and then before you know it I'm stuck trying to convince someone again that they shouldn't hate me for being an adulterous bitch!"

"Addison…" Naomi begins gently, which causes Addison to glare a little more because Naomi's the one who messed up; she shouldn't be allowed to slide right into the wise-mother role. "If someone cares about you they're not going to think that. But you're never going to able to grow in this relationship if you keep lying about your past ones."

"It's not a lie, it's an omission. Which is different. And besides, you're not one to lecture me about honesty, you haven't even told Sam that you made out with Dell."

"My omission doesn't span eleven-plus years so that's different, too," Naomi snipes back. "And stop getting mad at me for trying to help you with your very many emotional issues."

"Stop pretending that you know more about relationships than everyone around you when you still don't even know why you got divorced in the first place."

"That because I wasn't stupid enough to throw away my marriage in a single night!"

Addison's silent for a moment, then lets out a shaky laugh. "So much for the people who care about me not thinking that, huh?" She says before fleeing the kitchen, brushing by Sam in the process.

"What was that about?" Sam asks, staring at the redhead's retreating back.

"Shoes," Naomi mumbles into her hands, leaning back into the counter.

-o-

The point isn't what Naomi said (because it's true) or even that she said it at all (because Addison more than anyone gets doing or saying things out of anger that you wish you could take back later). The point is that she was able to say it, and that once Addison tells Kevin about Derek and Seattle and New York and Mark, even if he doesn't think she's an adulterous bitch, even if he understands how she could have messed up like that, even if he calls Derek an ass and blames the whole thing on him, he's still going to know that she's capable of doing that. And that's knowledge that could change everything. So, yeah, Addison's freaking out a little.

"Hey." She feels a warm palm on the back on her hand and looks up to see Kevin's concerned look illuminated by the restaurant's candles. "Are you okay? You've been kind of quiet."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little distracted. Naomi and I had a pretty big fight this afternoon."

"About what?"

"About you," Addison finally meets his eyes. "She told me what she said you last night."

"Oh," Kevin's hand lifts up for a second as he leans a little back in his chair.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugs. "I didn't want to force you into telling me if you weren't ready yet. Are you… ready now?"

"Not really" Addison scoffs quietly. "But there's a good chance I'll never be so maybe we should just… get it over with. So," takes a sip of wine, "what do you want to know?"

"Okay," Kevin says, looking a bit surprised at being given free reign, "When did you get divorced?"

"A little less than a year ago."

"So back in Seattle?"

"Yeah, actually he's the reason I moved there. We had been living in New York and then when we separated he went out to Seattle. I followed two months later and we tried to make it work for a little while but things eventually fell apart again. Well actually," she hears herself unintentionally letting out a somewhat bitter laugh, " things were never really put back together so it's more that he – we – decided it wasn't worth it." She feels Kevin's grip tightening and wishes that she hadn't let that last 'he' slip out, that she wasn't making Kevin think she was the victim because that theory was about to be blown apart.

"Why would he move to Seattle if you were already having problems?" Kevin asks. Addison takes note of the fact that he already sounds defensive on her part and it's enough to make her think 'Okay, maybe this won't be that bad,' and take a deep breath to plunge right in.

"Because he found me cheating on him with his best friend."

Kevin moves his hand.

He's still looking at her but something's changed and Addison can't quiet tell what it is but it's enough to make fear, the we-can-survive-this-whose-panties-are-these panic, bubble up ever so slightly in her chest and out her mouth. "It was a huge mistake made for… a number of reasons that sound completely ridiculous and shallow when said out loud and I spent months in Seattle trying to make up for it but it… it would be really great if you said something."

"I, um, wasn't expecting that," Kevin tells his plate.

"Well, what were you expecting?" Addison says softly, still trying to catch his eye.

"Let me just think for a second, okay?"

Besides a few pleasantries exchanged with the waiter, Kevin remains silent for the rest of dinner. Addison washes the fear down with the rest of the wine and thinks about what bullshit policy honest is.

-o-

"You probably won't hear from me for a few days, I'm just going to think about things for a while," Kevin says after pulling up to her house and Addison, despite feeling his reservation for what feels like a lifetime, can't help the tears welling up in her eyes. Not wanting to be seen crying about this in front of any man ever again, she turns to face the window and blinks to clear her head.

"But this… this doesn't have anything to do with us. You're not my ex-husband and I'm not that person anymore, I'm not. This is all in the past."

"If that's true, then why didn't you tell me sooner?" He doesn't say it as if it's a real question, but as a dismissive comment to stall for time and then suddenly she's waiting for the 'Not now, Addison' that will inevitably end this conversation. And that's what triggers her anger.

"Because after meeting you everything seemed to be falling into place again and I was afraid that telling you would ruin that. And now you're reacting exactly the way I thought you would."

"I'm not reacting any way, I'm just… I don't know, trying to get this to make sense with the Addison I know."

"So, what, you learn something that doesn't fit your expectations and then just shut down?" she shouts.

"I get it," Kevin returns coldly, "I'm an ass for not being supportive. But I think I'm entitled to ask for just a little time without turning into the villain. If this is tough for you I'm sorry, but it's just what I need from you."

"So even after the divorce and cutting every single person from that time out of my life, I'm still being punished." Addison's voice cracks as she speaks and she hates that this is what finally causes Kevin to look at her for the first time since the restaurant.

"Addison…"

"No, I got it. I'm sorry for yelling, you go think. Thanks for dinner."

She jumps out of the car, practically runs down the walkway and fumbles with her keys before finally making into her house. Sliding down against the door, Addison remembers the last time she rushed inside and thinks that at least she was right about one thing, at least she made him take it back.

-o-

After a long, hot shower, Addison slips into her robe and wanders downstairs for a glass of water when she hears someone knocking. She opens the porch door to find Pete standing there with no wine and no smirk.

"Hey, I saw you were home and just wanted to – hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Addison says, pulling her robe more tightly closed.

"That would be a lot more convincing if you didn't look like you were about it cry. Is this about your fight with Naomi?"

"How do you know about that?"

"You guys weren't exactly being quiet. I mean, I didn't hear what was said or anything but that shouting didn't sound fun," Pete shrugs.

"Well, no it's not just – wait a minute," Addison peers up at him suspiciously. "Is that why you're here? Because I fought with Naomi?"

She can't be certain because of the dark but Addison's almost positive that at her words, a blush spreads across Pete's cheeks. "I just wanted to see if you were okay," is his reply.

"Why?"

"I don't know Addison, because this is what friends do. Are you going to let me in? It's cold out here." She considers him for a bit before stepping aside. Pete stands awkwardly in the living room until Addison gestures towards the couch.

"Do you, um, want anything to drink?" she asks, as he takes off his jacket and rests it on the arm.

"No, I'm okay." The famous Pete smirk finally makes an appearance on his face. "Are you going to sit down or just flit around the kitchen a lot?"

"Oh, shut up." Addison perches gingerly on the other end of the couch, and then hesitates a second before swinging her feet onto the cushion and pulling a blanket over her legs.

"So what was the fight about?" Pete asks, turning a little to face her.

"Kevin."

"Oh," His face darkens and Addison can't help, especially after the day she's had, letting out a little laugh.

"Are you sorry you asked now?"

"No," he says, shooting her a look. "I'm just trying to figure what about that guy would piss Naomi off. He's practically a spokesman for people pleasing."

She decides to let that small jab go by. "It's just Naomi told him something I didn't want him to know yet and he didn't say anything about it but then she told me she told him so then I yelled and she yelled and then I had to talk to him about it and then he..." Addison feels her chest begin to tighten so she abandons that road of conversation and switches back to vague generalizations. "Anyway this whole day has just been kind of…. "

"Swirly?"

"But not in the good way." Pete smiles at her, before noticing that she's still staring down at her hands twisting on her lap.

"There's something else wrong," he says, not as a question. "What happened when you told Kevin the thing that Naomi was supposed to tell him? Our vocabulary right now is making my head spin by the way."

Addison tries to laugh at that but then suddenly the retelling of her long, crappy day and the long, crappy day itself creeps up on her and forces a small sob out of her throat. Embarrassed, she avoids Pete's gaze, now wide with concern, and grabs for the tissues resting on the table next to her.

"Hey," Pete gently touches her shoulder and Addison jumps a little, not realizing he had moved closer. "Hey, what it is?"

His hand stays on her shoulder, but she doesn't try to shake it off as she turns to look at him. "You ever feel like one mistake is going to define the rest of your life?" she says softly.

To anyone else it might sound like nonsense, but for some reason Pete's eyes suggest that he gets what she means. "He didn't take… whatever you told him well?"

Addison shakes her head in response. "It's my own fault. It was my own fault and I can't expect everyone to take my side and then get upset when they don't."

"You can expect him to try and understand your side. If he doesn't even do that, it's not your fault. The guy is clearly an idiot."

"Kevin's not an idiot!"

"If he makes you this upset then, yeah, he is."

"Why do you care this much?" It's a loaded question, especially when his thumb is still gently rubbing the fabric against her skin. Because if Addison is being honest with herself she knows exactly why Pete cares this much because Pete, despite standing her up and having issues, cares, at least a little, for her. She also knows that that's not enough to change years of repression and anger and commitment problems, and anything they start would be destined for complete and utter failure.

She knows all this, it's all running through her head clearly and loudly, even as, instead of answering her question, he slides his hand to the back of the neck, even as her palm somehow finds it's way to his thigh. And their gaze isn't breaking and their both moving and staying completely still at the same time and he's close, very close, and she can feel his breath on her lips, hot and ragged, and this is a mistake, she knows, but she's going to let it happen anyway and –

The phone rings suddenly and Addison jerks away, hand shooting out to snap up the receiver to her ear.

"Hello?" she says, getting up from the couch and turning her back to Pete.

"Hey," Naomi's voice drifts through the line. "Addison I am so sorry for today, I felt awful the whole night."

"Yeah," Addison replies quietly, "I'm sorry too. Look, I actually can't stay on the phone now but we'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye." She hangs up, and as she places the phone back in the cradle, she sneaks a look at Pete. He's staring at her, slightly flushed. "Naomi," she explains.

"Oh, okay," he gets up and takes a step towards her. "Addison…"

"You should probably go," she interrupts, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We're seriously just not going to talk about this?" Pete asks, disbelievingly.

"No, we're not. It was… nothing."

"Not to me. And not to you either," he accuses, jamming his hands into his pockets.

"You don't get to decide this," Addison says evenly. "Please go."

Pete glares at her for a few seconds, and then grabs his jacket and leaves, slamming the door behind him. Addison remains still while taking a few deep breathes, and then opts to collapse on the couch instead of climbing back upstairs. Her dreams are full of thunderstorms, locked doors, and yelling that pierces through the rain.

TO BE CONTINUED…