A/N: I decided that it's Beckendorf's turn to give love advise. Usually, Piper or Silena are the ones to help couples get together, but not this time.
And, of course, you get more Percy low self-esteem Jackson.
Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Omypians and Heroes of Olympus are the intellectual property of Rick Riordan. I own nothing but the plot.
I was in the mood to cry. Who would have thought that I would come to paradise and suffer more than I had during my mortal life? What an irony. I really felt like punching The Fates square in the face right now.
Luke asking me to come with him for a party sounded an awful lot like a date, and it hurt, because I knew for sure that this wasn't a date. The phrase 'since we've met again' could also be misinterpreted romantic-wise too easy, and all that resulted in my heart working overtime to pound its way out of my chest. I felt grateful that Luke had counted the days I'd spent here, and I found it sweet that he thought that was worth a party, but the whole thing looked to much like a date to make me feel comfortable.
'Did I do something wrong, Percy?' Luke didn't fail to notice my mood. I shook my head. 'No, it's really sweet of you, but… it's my fault. Sorry for ruining your surprise. I'm sure you put a lot of work into this.' Luke didn't seem to care about the amount of work he'd put into this, because he scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulder. 'What's wrong, Percy? You can trust me, whatever it is. I promise.' I wanted to laugh drily, but the laughter died down in my throat to make place for other words.
'I'm in love, Luke.'
Luke visibly flinched, for whatever reason, but he tried not to let it show. 'Who is she?' he asked. 'Who is he' I corrected, and Luke frowned. 'Is that what's bothering you? That you fell in love with a guy?' He didn't move one inch and didn't move his arm either, unlike I had expected. 'You know, there's nothing wrong with liking someone of the same gender—' I interrupted him. 'I know. He won't ever like me back, that's the problem. He probably isn't even into guys.'
'Who is he?' Luke asked. 'Do I know him?' But I shook my head. 'Sorry, Luke. I – I can't tell you.'
Now the hurt and angry look on Luke's face was obvious. 'Fine.' His voice was filled with venom. Wordlessly, he stood up and left, leaving me too stunned to run after him. When I had recovered from the shock that I had just scared my best friend and secret crush away, he was already out of sight.
The tears that I had been holding back until now finally fought their way into my eyes. The Fates really had to hate me. Burden me with a life full with death and war, having to act like an adult before I was even in high school, having someone loving me whom I didn't love, and even after my death scaring the one whom I did love away. What was I supposed to do? If I told him that I was in love with him he would have run away. Now I didn't tell him and he ran away as well. Another person whose friendship with me I had fucked up. It was a long list. Annabeth, after our breakup, Nico, after his confession to me, Calypso, after my departure from Ogygia… I could continue this forever. So many people I had disappointed… even in death I kept screwing things up.
After a while, it began to rain, the weather mirroring my emotions. Freshwater mixed with salt water as raindrops and tears fell to the ground.
'Percy?' Someone else sat down next to me. Beckendorf. 'Percy, I saw Luke running away, crying… did something happen between you two?'
'I told him that I fell in love with someone. He—he asked who it was, but – I can't tell him.'
'You love him, don't you? Luke, I mean.' Beckendorf's words startled me, jolting me out of my thoughts. How would he possibly know? I had never told anyone, and I was pretty sure that I had not let it show in any way. So how—?
'Hey, being with a daughter of Aphrodite rubs off on people' Beckendorf grinned. 'There are lots of people here who were at least acquaintances of yours, yet you only hang out with Luke. You've been friends for, like, less than a week before you became worst enemies, but you're treating him like you'd been best friends for years.' He smiled. 'At camp, whenever the subject of Luke came up, you acted almost as agitated as Thalia or Annabeth, and they had known him for years. But you didn't seem to hate him, more regret his betrayal.' He smirked. 'And, of course, Silena knew it from the day you met him again.'
Stupid daughters of even more stupid love goddesses. I remembered my encounter with Aphrodite on the quest for Artemis. The fate of the world had been on the line, we had been on the verge of a full-scale war, but the so-called love goddess had only cared about the 'tragic love story' – as she had phrased it. Now, this was going to be Tragic Love Story IV – after me and Annabeth, after Nico's unrequited crush on me, after my disappearance for eight months and Annabeth's quest for me.
'It's not as if he could ever feel the same way' I spat at Beckendorf. It wasn't fair to take my anger out on him, I knew. Sue me. 'He's waiting for someone else anyway, so why do we even talk about this? He ran away because he's hurt that I don't trust him, or whatever is going through his mind. What should I do, go to him and say, "hey, I know you're mad at me, but I happen to be in fucking love with you", or what ever you thought I would say?' Every other person I knew would have lost their patience with me already, so why was Beckendorf still here?
'Percy, I'm not blind. I see the looks he's giving you. He said he's waiting for someone special, right? Did it never occur to you that you might be someone special? You haven't seen the tears in his eyes when he confessed how he had to kill you after you returned the Master Bolt. You haven't seen his trembling hands when he painted his last moments in the Olympic throne room. You haven't seen how his eyes lit up when the message of your arrival went around. But I have seen all this.' Beckendorf made a pause. 'When he came here, he was crushed. He was literally begging for our forgiveness. He thought he was the most unworthy person to be here.' He took my hand and forced me to look into his eyes with the other hand. 'Luke thinks he's not worthy of your friendship, let alone your love, Percy. So, as you phrased it earlier, go to him and tell him that you're in love with him.'
'Silena really rubs off on you' I commented drily, and the son of Hephaestus sighed. 'That's all you caught?' I snorted. 'Of course not. But you must be talking about someone else. I'm far from special. I've led hundreds of people to their deaths, Charles.' The blacksmith flinched at his first name. 'I'm no hero. People have died for me, and what did they get for it? Another war, more casualties. When they needed me, I was thousands of miles away in Greece. When my friends fought Clytius, I lay unconscious and unable to help them.' I shook my head. 'I'm the worst loser Camp Half-Blood has ever seen. My entire task in saving the world from Kronos consisted of handing Luke a knife. Everyone could have done that.'
Beckendorf sighed and rested his head in his hands. 'Perseus Jackson, you have the lowest self-esteem I have ever seen. You're worse than anybody I have ever met.' Duh, man, that was what I had tried to tell him with this monologue. 'Promise me you're going to set things right with Luke. I'm not telling you you should confess to him – well, basically, I am – but at least apologise to him. Explain to him that you don't have the courage to tell him who it is, and that it's not because you don't trust him.'
I shook my head. There was no way I could explain this to Luke without confessing my feelings to him. Though, things couldn't get worse by now. He was already mad at me, I might as well add another reason why he was angry with me.
'If this goes wrong, it's so your fault.' Beckendorf smiled. 'Fine.'
'Alright Percy. Let the cake cool down ten minutes and it's edible.' Silena furrowed her eyebrows. 'You're still not telling me what you need this for?' I shook my head. Confessing my crush on Luke was way harder than getting told that it was obvious.
'He's going to make up with Luke' Beckendorf piped up. 'And hopefully ask him out' he added. I frowned. 'Silena, would you tell your boyfriend to stop selling me out?' Seriously, why had he have to do this? My face was probably the same colour as the strawberry cake I was cautiously removing from the oven right now. Silena's help had been worth a mint. The cake was as close to perfect as I, with my nonexistent skills in baking, could make it.
Carefully, I made my way to Luke's tent, anxious not to accidentally drop the cake. I hadn't talked to Luke in a week – and yes, it had taken me seven days to think of a way to make up with him. Eventually, I had settled for virtually 'turning back the clock' and re-arrange the party he had prepared for me. Which was why I was now standing in front of the tent with a cake in my arms.
'Luke? Are you in there?' As far as I knew, Luke hadn't left his tent during the past week, for all I knew, he might be the-gods-know-where. But he poked his head out of the tent, hair messy and eyes bloodshot. If his surprised expression was anything to go by, he had not expected to see me. His eyes widened as his gaze flickered over the cake before it returned to my face.
'Luke… I'm sorry. I trust you. I didn't mean to offend you. And… I'm here to make up for it. Maybe – maybe we can retry the whole party-thing?'
Luke nodded wordlessly, gesturing for me to come inside. The tent was big, it could have easily provided space for ten people. I placed the cake at the cake inside before I sat down diagonally across from Luke, who still remained silent.
'Luke, please say something.' I didn't intend to sound so pleading.
'I'm sorry, Percy.' From all the things I had expected he'd say, I had never expected him to apologise. I had screwed up, why was he apologizing? 'I've overreacted. I shouldn't have get so agitated or run away from you.' He smiled ruefully. 'It's really sweet that you baked a cake, do you know that?'
