Everyone Needs A Hero

A Lost Cause

Part 1


"See reason, Brother. I don't want to fight you."

The look in Carver's eyes had convinced me. I turned my back on everything Anders stood for. I couldn't lose the only family I had left.

Knight Commander Meredith's voice brought me back to the present.

"I'll leave you to deal with him. He's your companion. Do as you see fit." She glared at Anders' back before moving on.

I moved to stand by him. His back was hunched, elbows resting on his knees.

"There's nothing you can say that I haven't already said to myself. I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all mages have awaited."

"Did that spirit tell you to do this?" I almost spat.

"No… When we merged he ceased to be. We are one now. I can no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could."

"I might've understood if you'd only told me!"

"I wanted to tell you! But what if you stopped me? Or worse! What if you wanted to help? I couldn't let you do that…"

I looked around at all the bleeding bodies of mages…innocent mages.

He continued. "The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending the Circle is a solution. If I pay for that with my life…then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free…"

"You talk about not wanting to get me involved but I was already involved! I was knee deep in all this shit!" I gripped his shoulders to turn him around. "And you couldn't trust me enough to tell me?" My shoulders fell in defeat. "I gave up everything for you…"

Anders' eyes flashed blue and his skin crackled. "You have not given up everything!" Justice's voice boomed. "You have turned your back on your people to join the Templars!"

I gritted my teeth to keep from shouting.

When the blue faded I was met with Anders' eyes, obviously regretting Justice's words. "Garrett…"

I turned away. "I wish I could support you no matter what…but I can't go against my brother! Besides…you forced my hand, Anders. What would you have me do?" I looked back at him.

"I don't blame you…"

"Then join me." I knew he could hear the begging clear in my voice. I knew this was a lost cause. "Help us restore order."

"And help the Templars? Go against every sacrifice I've made? That is the one thing you cannot ask of me, Hawke…" He paused. "I'd rather die…"

"I suppose it shouldn't come as a shock… I always knew the Cause would mean more than me in the end…"

I saw the emotions swirling around in Anders' eyes. Sympathy, regret, love, hurt. "Garrett…" he whispered. "That's not true."

I couldn't stop the tears from filling my eyes. "Then don't make me do this!" My voice was shaking and I struggled to keep myself in check.

Upon meeting my gaze, his eyes mirrored mine. "I cannot fight beside you, Hawke…I'm sorry." There was so much emotion in that apology I could feel my heart breaking.

"I told you I would break your heart…Just know it breaks mine to do it…"

Remembering those words ran a shiver down my spine.

I remained silent then knelt down in front of him, a hand on his shoulder. "If this is what you want…then there is nothing left to say…" I pulled my blade out with a shaky hand. "I loved you, Anders…more than anything…" I kept my eyes locked on his as I plunged the dagger through his heart. I watched his eyes fill with pain and shock. "Even when I knew you loved your Cause more than me…"

I watched Anders fall to the ground then I turned away, shutting my eyes tight against the remaining tears.

"Hawke…" Isabela began.

"We should move on." I said gruffly and walked away.

"You've been rather quiet, Brother."

I stepped through the threshold, leaving the ash-covered streets behind, Carver beside me.

"Well aren't you living high these days?" He looked around, walking toward the main room.

I had never seen Carver so…well I suppose it was happy.

Knight Captain Cullen had sent most of the Templar Order home to their families while he sorted out his plan of action. And Carver seemed rather uncharacteristically happy about it.

"I'm proud to call you Brother…that's gone unsaid too long…"

I smiled a little at remembering his words.

"Is master Anders not with you, messere?" Bodahn asked as I walked through the doorway.

I stopped. "He won't be coming back." I said simply.

"Oh that's unfortunate. I enjoyed having him around."

"He lived here?" Carver sounded shocked.

"Why yes, messere! Sent the dog looking for another bed to sleep in." He chuckled.

With that Haze raised his head from where he sat at the fire and looked at me. He trotted over, pushing his head against my thigh.

I knelt down and let him lick my face.

"Yes, you can sleep with me again."

I avoided Carver's gaze, fearing what I might find there.

"Carver, I'll show you to your room." I walked through the doorway to the left of the stairs, leading him up and to one of the back rooms.

Haze was panting happily as Carver pet his head.

It was silent.

"He was more than just a friend to you…"

"Yes…"

"Did you know what he was going to do?"

I shook my head.

"And…did you…"

"I killed him." I answered the question I knew was coming. "I couldn't side with his precious mages. And he couldn't side with the Templars."

"You must have known he'd never help the Templars. With all his talk of injustice."

I looked to him. "I wasn't afraid of "sharing the mages' fate", Carver. I refused to fight you."

He stood up straight and faced me. "We're the only family each other has left. Unless you count our arse of an uncle. And the cousin I've heard about from him. But besides that, we have each other. And while I know I haven't always exactly shown my love for you, I do. Love you, I mean…"

I knew admitting something like that was difficult for him but I couldn't help but hug him.

"It means a lot to hear you say that, Brother." I patted his back. "At least I know my choice to side with you wasn't in vain." I stepped back and smiled.

He chuckled. "I hope that wasn't the only reason?"

I sighed. "No…it wasn't. It's not that I don't wish mages could be free it's just…well I don't know if all of them have what it takes to live freely."

He nodded. "My thoughts exactly."

"But I'm sure we've both had our fill of mages for the night." I looked over to Haze who had taken his place at the bottom of Carver's bed. "He's chosen you it seems so I'll retire to my room alone." I chuckled and bid him goodnight.

Once in my room I shut the door. The first thing my eyes were drawn to was the desk. The chair I half expected to be occupied. With a wave of my hand I could send all those papers up in flames. But something held me back, stopped me from destroying the only things I had left of…him.

"I can't even make myself say his name… Pathetic."

I wanted to cry. Wanted to feel something. But all I felt was a terrible emptiness in my chest. I had felt the knife in my heart just as he must have felt. And just as it stopped his heart, it stopped mine. How could I be a "champion" if I felt like I needed my own hero?

I undressed, thankful for the fire Bodahn had started before I arrived home. It chased away the dark and the biting chill of the room. I only wished it would warm my chest, because it felt miserably cold.