Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach
Chronicles of the Sereitei Philharmonic
By annyenil
Ukitake Jyuushirou sighed inwardly as he sat at his desk, waiting for the day's paperwork to arrive for his inspection. He had been drowning in inundating quarrels for the past few hours and it was starting to get tiresome. But of course, Ukitake taichou never ever raised his voice, but this fracas in the Division Office was nearly tearing the building down. He sighed, and resumed reading the scroll before him, completely ignoring the boisterous arguments swarming about him like a particularly irritating looping scherzo. "That was one sick joke, Yoruichi-san." Ukitake thought to himself as his two Third-Seat Officers continued their perpetual argument sparked by the arrival of their instruments.
It was indeed one sick joke to assign Kiyone and Sentarou the same instrument and leave them scores for two different parts. It was always known that The First Violins are better than the Second Violins, but the Second Violins were an absolute necessity for an orchestra to be complete. That was exactly what Jyuushirou had been reiterating for quite awhile, but in such a frenzied moment, neither of his subordinates could give even a care. Kiyone simply had to get her hands on the First Violin scores, while Sentarou wasn't willing to give in so easily either as the two raced around the Thirteenth Division, each hoping to grasp their coup. Jyuushirou sighed again; somebody certainly had a twisted sense of humour……
"Eh, Rukia? Your instrument is so pretty, it looks like Sode No Shirayuri!" An excited Abarai Renji slapped Kuchiki Rukia hard on the back as she opened her casing, picking up the brilliantly glowing silver, her eyes widening in pleasure. She tried to hide her ebullience as she assembled the beautiful silver flute and blew into it. Renji held his breath as he watched Rukia intensely. Surely a beautiful sound as beautiful as Rukia would be elicited from the instrument. Rukia held her head high and lofty. And she blew-
And all that escaped was a large blurt of saliva that landed on the front of Renji's chest where no fabric covered it. Renji glanced down at his heavily tattooed chest with a stricken expression on his face. That was one gauche moment as the two's eyes met and neither knew what to say. Rukia's eyes widened to occupy more than half her face as she quickly used her haori sleeve to wipe away the visually-caustic pile of drool. Renji glanced down at Rukia's bobbing head, dabbing away at he chest so earnestly, and couldn't help but feel something swell up inside him. This is bad, extremely bad. He gently pushed Rukia away and complained as though nothing had happened, "I haven't opened my instrument. Wonder what it is, wanna see it?" He coughed awkwardly and escaped to the safety of the other side of the Office.
Renji's face fell when the case was opened. The golden, pompous-shaped instrument before him was neither elegant, nor aristocratic, nor even remotely attractive. Rukia couldn't help but cover her mouth and tried suppress her laughter. Very soon, they were both rolling on the floor grabbing their stomach and gasping for air, with tears streaming down their cheeks. "This……is……hilarious!" Rukia managed to utter a few words. Indeed, the shape of the instrument before them had an absurdly obscene shape in their eyes. It was pure gold, with a large swirl that wantonly burgeons outwards in an almost perverse manner. Renji picked up the manual, and grinned, "Look, Rukia, I get to put my hand in the hole!" He promptly held up the French horn and did as instructed, blowing as hard as he could into the mouthpiece. "BOOOOO!"
"Goodness, Renji! You are going to disturb Nii-sama!"
"Already done." Renji and Rukia jumped as Kuchiki Byakuya entered the room with a much regal air. Quietly and slyly, Renji tried to smear the saliva on his hand onto his haori, and grinned at his taichou sheepishly, "So……taichou, what is your instrument?"
Byakuya raised an eyebrow, weighing quickly in his head whether to be approachable that day. He remembered relenting to Renji's lack of progress a few days ago……
In the Thirteenth Division, dinner was being served, but there were two empty seats next to Jyuushirou. "How lonely……" He spoke with much retirement as he exasperatedly requested his other officers to fetch his two very much caught up Violinists. Alas, Jyuushirou had no other option but to fetch his own instrument. He let his throat hang dry, inducing a horrible rush of coughing fits. And at that moment, he coerced himself into coughing right into the nicely-shaped, handy saxophone.
The entire Thirteenth Division. No, the entire Sereitei stopped in their tracks and wondered what that terribly ear-piercing noise could have been. Was the Espada breaking in? Was the Hueco Mondo opening up in the sky? Many cringed in fear and covered their ears at that frightening cacophony. Jyuushirou chuckled in content as he put his instrument away while watching his two Third Seat Officers docilely sat down next to him, bowing in the most appeasing manner. "So-sorry we are late, tai-taichou." They both muttered in unison, with flaming cheeks, bowing deeply. Jyuushirou waved his arms in his usual manner, secretly hoping that nobody else in Sereitei guessed that noise had been him. He patted the saxophone underneath the table. "Good boy, good boy……"
"I think we went too far……" Sentarou leaned in towards Kiyone and they both glanced worriedly at their taichou.
"Taichou is talking to himself……" Kiyone whispered as they both stared, neither daring to mention the fact that their taichou was not only speaking with himself, but also at the same time feeling himself under the table.
Both Sentarou and Kiyone remained quite well-behaved and amenable for some time after.
Seeing that his beloved sister Rukia was present, Byakuya decided that Renji would just be a very lucky man that day. With a great flourish, he spun around to face the two, showcasing his deep black, shiny, elongated instrument. The Kuchiki siblings watched in wonder as Renji's face distorted beyond its original distortion in an attempt to suppress his laughter.
"What is so funny, Renji?" Rukia demanded hotly.
"It's……" Renji grasped his mouth to prevent laughter from spilling out too incongruously before his taichou, "a long, black..." His eyes shifted to the lower portion of his taichou's hakama.
"RENJI!" Rukia exploded, her face blushing in the most conspicuous shade at the reference of the clarinet as her respected brother's zanpakutou. "HOW COULD YOU?" She flung herself at Renji with fists ready to pummel, but was shoved to the side by another strong hand.
Byakuya was glowing pink, in the most dangerous manner.
"Chire, Senbonzakura!"
