All recognizable names are the property of Stephenie Meyer. We just like playing dress up in her shoes.
This story is not suitable for those under the age of 18. It is rated M, so if you're not old enough to buy a pack of smokes… we don't wanna know!
Chapter 2 – Bella
Digging deeper in my mind, can't get you out of my head.
There's no way to describe, just how you make me feel.
I don't know is it love, I have lost control
Even when I'm gone, I can't get away.
Focus by 10 Years
Driving home from the Black's house in my newly acquired truck, I felt as though I'd forgotten something. It was like I'd put something down and hadn't picked it up on my way out; but everything I'd taken with me was on my person. It didn't make sense. It felt like I was leaving my mom all over again, but the emptiness was bigger somehow.
Placing one arm on the small shelf where the window met the door, I gripped the root of my hairs and pulled. I couldn't place the feeling or the source of it and it was driving me crazy. In all honesty, apart from this disturbing emotional meltdown, all I could think about was Paul.
After spending barely five minutes enquiring whether he was all right I decided that it was insane to be thinking about him in any capacity other than a mystery; but I just kept coming back to him, those scars, that look in his eyes. There was so much torment in his eyes when he'd looked at me. Stranger than that, I felt like I knew him when I couldn't possibly.
Even Charlie was beginning to freak me out with the surreptitious glances from under his lashes while he watched me eat. I felt like the earth had slid from its axis and I was the only person who hadn't noticed.
It was only when the looks of complete rapturous fascination became too much to ignore, that I reminded Charlie I had school in the morning, and politely said my goodbyes. I'd told him to stay but he insisted on coming with me, his eyes bright and full of humor as he and Billy said goodbye with whispers like two old women gossiping. If I hadn't known better I would have been worried.
Jacob walked me to my truck and dangled the keys in front of me with a grin that showed a row of his perfectly white teeth, dinner had at least managed to give me one friend and I was glad of it. I was still none the wiser about what had entertained them all so much, but at least I wasn't terrified about starting school the next day. Jacob was a year younger than me but he'd promised to introduce me to Jared and his girlfriend Kim who were juniors too. There was hope that I wouldn't feel completely alienated. At least I hoped I wouldn't.
When my alarm went off the next morning I groaned into my pillow and rolled to my side, slapping at the small box with the inoffensive green numbers. It felt like I'd only just fallen asleep. I'd tossed and turned all night with that same haunting feeling of forgetfulness. When I finally did drift off, my dreams were filled black holes that led nowhere.
I was tormented even by my subconscious, and I couldn't put a why to the affliction.
Going through my morning routine, I headed down the stairs with a backpack filled with the books Charlie had bought in preparation for my arrival. I felt like a walking zombie, and it didn't go unnoticed by the only other occupant in the house. Charlie was sat at the table in his uniform, eating cereal as he flicked through the morning paper.
"What happened to you?" he asked with a bemused smile.
"Couldn't sleep," I grumbled, grabbing a bowl and filling it with the cereal from the first box my hand landed on. I fell into the seat opposite him and let my heavy head rest on the hand at the end of the arm resting on the table. I had a distinct feeling I wasn't going to be learning much in class today. I could barely think, so listening and absorbing would be a no go.
"First day nerves?"
"Something like that," I sighed, wondering why he was all of a sudden a chatty Cathy. I'd never heard him talk so much, not even with Billy around. Why he'd chosen that morning for a game of twenty questions was beyond me, but I would humor him, considering I was heading out in ten minutes.
"You okay to drive?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just need coffee," I said nodding to the pot.
"Your mom let you drink coffee?"
I smiled a lazy smile and shook my head as I pushed up from my seat. Resting my hand on his shoulder as I wandered past I made my way to the coffee. He looked up at me with questioning eyes.
"You do remember who my mother is?" I asked, opening the cupboard above the coffeemaker. "And anyway she trusts me to make the right decisions for me. It's one cup a day."
Charlie took a mouthful of his cereal and got up, placing the bowl in the sink before turning to lean against it. He watched me as I hunted for the sugar. The look was the very same he was at the Black's house last night, and it unnerved me.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like you know something I don't," I said, padding back to my chair and sliding into it. "I don't see you often, but I know you, and that look is not in your inventory."
"Just proud of my little girl is all. You're growing up too quick."
"You make it sound like I'm getting married. It's just high school."
He gave me a nod and turned to grab his utility belt from the hook he'd kept it on since I was old enough to know what it was. The only difference now was he left the gun in it.
"You have my number if you need me?"
"Yes, sir. I also have Billy's number, the direct number to your desk at the station, dispatch, and Sue Clearwater's number. I think I'm covered. Now how about you go to work before you insist on driving me to school."
"You telling me you'd be embarrassed to show up in the back of a police cruiser?"
"The fact that you even said the back is exactly why the answer to that is yes."
He bellowed out a laugh before patting my shoulder and heading for the door, his perfectly polished shoes creaking as he moved. "Have a good day, kid."
"You too, old man."
He left, leaving his laugh hanging in the air as he closed the door behind him. It appeared that exhaustion made me snide, and amusing to my father. Not that I was complaining, having a semi decent conversation with a father you saw for three weeks a year wasn't a terrible start to the day.
Finishing off my breakfast, and coffee, I dumped my dishes in the sink and hurried out the door, making sure to lock it before climbing into the truck and cranking it up. Thankfully, it started first time. I'd had my doubts, looking at the rusted exterior you wouldn't know the manifold had been replaced. Whatever the hell a manifold was. Whether I understood the lingo or not was a moot point, the fact was I would have to remember to thank Jacob . . . and, well, Paul.
I tried to ignore the slight stirring in my stomach as I thought his name. It was ridiculous. I didn't know the guy and he very obviously didn't want to know me, so this crush I had going on was pointless and highly unreciprocated. I just needed to get over myself and get on with my life. Of course that didn't stop my mind from wandering to him on the drive down to the reservation. It was like he was a magnet and my crazy ass brain was the polar opposite, I couldn't even forcefully part them. Maybe finding out a little more information about him would stop this stupid schoolgirl obsession I seemed to have with him.
Jacob met me in the parking lot just as he'd promised, his smile lighting up the foggy gray morning that had done nothing to improve my mood or my fatigue. I was actually glad to see him and returned his smile.
"Morning," he sang pleasantly, offering me the crook of his arm and actually pushing a laugh out of me. "Welcome to the most exclusive school in Clallam County."
"I feel honored."
"And so you should, we don't let just any riff raff in here. Be thankful that the chief likes your dad."
"Oh I am," I teased. "Let's face it, I'm nothing without my influential father."
"You'd be surprised," Jacob laughed, and jumped as one of his friends slapped the back of his head. "Hey."
"And you wonder why we call you big mouth Black," the guy shook his head, and wrapped his arm around a pretty girl that was stood to his left. "You must be Bella, Jacob hasn't stopped talking about you. I'm Jared and this is Kim."
"Well I would be flattered, but with a nickname like big mouth Black, I'm not convinced it's the right emotion to have."
Kim laughed, it was a light sound, airy almost, and her raven black hair seemed to cascade down her back with her laughter, shining in the dull morning light.
"I like you, Bella," she grinned. "You and I are going to get along just fine. Come with me and I'll fill you in on some of the need to know stuff. The first rule in this place is never to trust our boys . . ."
"Kim!"
"Oh shut up, Jared. You're our boys whether you like it or not." She looked at him pointedly making him shrink back and shrug before falling into step with Jacob. "They're going to test you, but it's all harmless fun, you just have to know how to handle them."
"Okay, them? Are you talking about boys in general or Quileute's?"
"A bit of both," she laughed winking at me and looking over her shoulder at Jared.
Kim ended up being one of the best tour guides I could have asked for. The kids in our group truly seemed to have some sort of exclusivity, most of the other kids seemed to give them space, but it was out of respect rather than fear. It just seemed unusual to be accepted without a blink. Each of the guys was hilarious and actually made me forget just how tired I was.
For a little while I felt like a normal teenager and it was nicer than I ever could have put words too. It had always just been my books and me in Phoenix, but I'd never needed anyone else when I had my mom around. She gave me space when I asked for it and seemed to know when I needed even a hint of companionship.
After the last class, which was an hour earlier than most other schools, I ended up taking up the invite to the Black's house. Observing the boys together was like watching brothers interact. They had a close bond that I couldn't really place other than a sibling rivalry. They ate like animals and took up almost all of the space in the house, but it felt natural, and even Billy seemed to enjoy the company. I never thought he could have fit them all into his house, but he'd managed with ease.
When it was finally time to leave, Jacob caught my eyes moving to the small shack that was behind their house. I hadn't meant to let my eyes wander, but they gravitated toward it, it was like fighting the direction of rain.
"He went out of town for the week, some . . . mechanical conference."
"Who?" I asked, trying to act as indifferent as I could without much success.
"Nice try, Bells," Jacob chuckled, giving me a one armed hug before releasing me. "I'll see you tomorrow and you better bring your A game."
"My B game is better than you're A game, Black," I teased, as I got in my truck and waved goodbye and headed home. I was happy that I had at least one normal day in a new school.
The rest of the week passed much the same way, I had trouble sleeping, woke up and felt as though I had misplaced something, checked everything in my bag including my homework. Then headed to school and mingled with the people that truly seemed to accept me. They seemed to ease some of the void that lingered within me. It wasn't a complete fix, but they made me feel welcome and occupied me enough to stop the emptiness that always triumphed when I was alone.
When the weekend rolled around, I found myself alone for the first time all week, I spent Saturday cleaning the house and doing laundry to keep myself occupied while Charlie fished with Billy. Jacob and the others had something they had to do which only left Kim, who was visiting her older sister in a small town down the coast.
They were all apologetic, but I waved them off as though it was no big deal. It was strange needing people after being so content to be alone most of my life. I'd thought that Charlie would be home on Sunday, but something had come up and he left early leaving me alone yet again.
This time I had nothing to do and I ended up wandering around the house, fighting the feeling that continually kept me hollow. It would have been nice to have a reason behind it, but there was nothing but endless space haunting my dreams, even subconsciously I seemed to be looking for something that was missing. I just had no idea what it was.
Jacob, being the friend he was, called me that afternoon to check in on me, and I appreciated the gesture, but the only thing I could do was assure him that I was fine. Even though I doubted he believed me.
Charlie ended up getting home in the late afternoon, when he took me in he apologized for leaving me alone so much and promised to be better. I wasn't sure how to explain to him that even as much as I appreciated the gesture, it didn't fix anything. After an hour of my pacing he gave me a sad smile and looked out the window as though looking for escape.
"Why don't you go for a walk? Clear your head a bit."
Without even thinking about it I agreed. It was as though he'd read my mind, something inside of me seemed to pull and tug as though the thing I had been missing so long would be waiting for me in the pines and spruces that surrounded the house.
"Just do me a favor, and stay on the path."
"You doubt my mad skills as a human compass?" I asked lightheartedly, feeling more liberated than I had in a week.
"Absolutely, you may be my daughter, but you're also Renee's."
"Point taken," I laughed, pulling on the olive green parka my mom had bought for me. "If I'm not back by night fall, send a search party."
"Not funny."
I giggled regardless and headed toward the door, unable to ignore the pull any longer. I closed the door behind me and headed toward the path that led into the forest behind the house. It was well worn so I hoped to at least stick to it, otherwise my statement would become more prophetic than a lame joke.
Before I was even two steps into the forest I stopped; the natural instinct to follow took my eyes off the beaten path and into the dense underbrush of the forest wall. I don't know how I found him when he was so hidden in the shrubbery, but then again he was huge, his silver fur blowing proud in the slight breeze that rustled through the forest. The wolf had to have been as big as a horse, and I couldn't stop the gasp that escaped my lips.
The sound came from both shock and recognition, because whether I understood it or not, this wolf was bringing me the peace I had longed for all week. Gone was the hollowness, even the void seemed to close in on itself and leave me with a quiet kind of serenity. Even though I knew he could rip me apart with little effort, it afforded me a sense of calm.
With a huge sigh that made his ribs expand in his chest, he limped toward me slowly. I wasn't sure what to do, I knew it was a dangerous animal and I should run, but I couldn't fight the pull I had to it, and it kept me in place as he approached. He limped slowly, his face reflecting the pain he seemed to be in.
"You poor thing," I mumbled, inadvertently reaching out to touch him. I dropped my hand as my head overruled my heart and I eyed the great beast from under my eyelashes.
Close up he was beautiful, the fur that was shorter around his muzzle looked like a soft suede, it gave way to silky looking silver fur that ran over his cheek and down his neck, running all the way across his body and down his muscular flanks. He was magnificent.
"You're huge! I bet you could kill me instantly couldn't you? Are you going to bite me?" I asked, almost laughing at myself for having a conversation with a wolf. Then he shook his head.
My whole body froze, and I had to fight the urge to feel my forehead, I didn't feel like I had a fever. Before my mouth could check with my brain I squeaked out exactly what I was thinking.
"Shit, that did not just happen."
He tipped his head to the side and the air came out of his nose. It perfectly resembled a snort, which only seemed to confuse me further. Then again, he had been limping; maybe he was hurt worse than I'd originally thought.
"Where are you hurt big guy?" I asked, leaning to the side to see his underbelly. "You are a guy, right?"
As he snorted above me I caught a glance of his anatomy and it was pretty obvious that he was, indeed, a male. I stood up and blushed, but he wasn't looking at me anymore, his head was turned toward the forest. I caught a brief glimpse at the guy that was stood just up the hill from where we were, but before I could check him out any further the wolf placed himself between us, his ears lying flat against his head as a deep guttural growl emitted from him, making his whole body vibrate.
From my position I could see his huge canines bared at the figure that was out of view. Saliva seemed to make the teeth glisten with threat and I couldn't help but take a deep breath. I found that for the first time since the wolf had revealed himself that I was scared. He was so big, that if he decided to turn on me I wouldn't have a chance in hell at surviving the attack. Another wave of growls came out of his mouth garbled and aggressive and I couldn't help the squeak of fear that escaped me.
As soon as I'd emitted the noise, his shoulders relaxed and he turned his head to me once again. His tongue lolled from his huge mouth as though he were trying to help me relax around him. He was the most curious creature. I leaned to the side and looked up the hill to where the guy had been stood before he'd taken off. I couldn't blame him. Had that aggression been aimed at me I would have made a run for it too.
I just couldn't understand how he'd escaped so quickly, I would have seen him running in any direction he would have taken, but there was nothing, not even a shaking leaf to signify his exit. Being so caught up in my own head I'd missed the movement of the wolf until it was too late and I was being bathed by his huge rough tongue. Without understanding how, I knew that he was yet again trying to calm me in his presence. The feel of his tongue against me made me giggle, and I couldn't stop myself from reaching out to him.
I moved cautiously, stretching my hand out surprise by the steadiness of it as I finally let my fingers tangle into the fur of his cheek. It was just as soft as it looked and I could feel the thick undercoat beneath the softy downy fur. He truly was an amazing creature, and being stood as close as I was now, I noticed his eyes for the first time. They were so familiar, yet I couldn't place them. They eased me and held me captive as though they could see into my very soul.
"Your eyes," I whispered, but I was silenced by another rumble of his chest that resembled more of a purr than a growl. It was yet another thing that eased me with him. He made me feel safe, and I couldn't explain why. By all accounts I should be terrified and running in the opposite direction, but instead I was stood next to him, fighting the urge to bury my face into the fur that was attached to those huge canines.
With a great huff he lowered himself to the ground and I found myself following him, my side aligning with the bracken on the floor of the forest as I continued my gentle scratch into the depths of his silver coat. My eyes on his as he watched me with fascination. It was so easy and right being with him in nature like this. I doubted anyone would ever believe me, and I wasn't going to risk him being hunted so I knew I had to keep this to myself.
As the sun cast a deep red behind the gray of the constant cloud cover, I knew my time was limited. I wanted to lie against him and bury my face in his warm fur and inhale the natural musk of him. It was such a magical moment that may never be repeated so I wanted to enjoy as much of it as I could.
"Bella, I ordered pizza, Kid. You got five minutes."
Sadness seemed to fill me when I though of leaving him. Especially when he was as hurt as he was. I climbed to my knees and stood up, watching him for as long as I could before I absolutely had to leave. With one last glance, I turned and ran back to the house and my normal world, which would never compare to the time I had spend in silence beside that wolf.
I ate dinner, but I couldn't stand staying in the house for another minute. I picked up my keys and told Charlie I was going to see Jacob. I knew I couldn't tell him about the amazing experience I'd had, but I knew he could distract me. He was quickly becoming one of my best friends, and if I'd ever needed that, it was now.
He wasn't there when I got to the house, but Billy assured me he wouldn't be long. I didn't want to impose on Billy who was sat in his wheelchair watching the weeks sporting highlights so I stepped out onto the small porch and breathed in the ocean air.
When I opened my eyes all I could see was Paul. I could hear Jacob calling my name and I was aware of him running toward me but I couldn't drag my eyes from the man walking past me.
"Hi, Paul," I offered, worrying my bottom lip as I steeled myself for his rejection.
As I'd assumed he didn't say a word and get walking until he punched the door of his shack out of his way and threw it back into place.
"Don't take it personally, he's just weird around new people."
I nodded and looked at Jacob, finally feeling a faint bite of the loneliness that had consumed me all week.
Nostalgicmiss: Poor Bella has no clue what's going on, and no one seems to want to clue her in! Thank all of you guys for reading, favorite-ing and alerting, it means so much to the two of us. I would also like to thank you for the wonderful reviews we get from you guys. Every one of you is amazing and your support is very much appreciated. Last, but certainly not least, thank you to the most amazing BFF a girl could ask for! It's an honor writing with you, and I am even more honored to call you my BFF! *Smooshes*
Sabi'sSookie: Oh, how I love your Bella, bestie! And writing with you is always amazing! Then again you are amazing and you are the best friend a girl could have! *Tackle Smoosh* Isn't she awesome guys! And so is her Bella! Poor thing… she has no clue! And I want to second Nostalgicmiss on her thanks to all of you! You are all amazing, and RL is busy so if I didn't get to respond to your review know that I read and loved every one! Half naked Paul's for everyone!
