sorry for the weird way this is written, but the original version apparently didn't get saved and so this is the new version, and this week college started up again, and while this isn't a real excuses getting back into the swing of things can be a tad hard.
Still I enjoy if you can :)
Talking to Chuck in college had been Bryce's first mistake, not because he regretted meeting Chuck, but because Bryce regrets everything that happens to Chuck simply for the reason that Bryce feels responsible for everything bad that has happened to Chuck. Trying to set Chuck up with Jill(failure), getting together with Chuck(wonderful but…), breaking Chuck's heart(painful), getting him kicked out of Stanford(to protect him though), and putting Chuck in harm's way, all of that was his fault and Bryce Larkin knew it. That's what keeps Bryce Larkin awake at night when he's on missions with other agents and then eventually Sarah.
Bryce will think to himself when he's lying in bed at night after a mission with Sarah by his side that instead of Sarah by his side it could be Chuck. Bryce knows that Chuck is the "girl" who got away for him, the only person that Bryce wouldn't mind settling down with and yet Bryce is the one who chased Chuck away. That he lied to Chuck and that day when Chuck left Stanford Bryce Larkin could barely look at Chuck, the shame weighing him down. So entangled in all the spy business that he didn't even realize that he had become so possessive and wanting to keep Chuck safe that he had driven him out of his reach. The soft curls and the lopsided boyish grin as he curled up with a sci-fi book or his back hunched as he worked on remaking Zork, the sun long gone from the sky and only the light of his computer screen bathing Chuck in light.
Daydreaming about Chuck during missions was a big thing and then Bryce met Sarah and thought that maybe, just maybe he could forget about Chuck, that he could be happy. Still though even the golden shine of Sarah's hair and the soft curves of her body couldn't keep his mind off of Chuck and his lithe body strung out on a dorm mattress and then the whole mess with Chuck's father and the intersect happened and the only person that Bryce could trust with it was Chuck. Chuck whose life he had ruined trying to keep him out of a mess that Bryce was getting ready to throw him into without any warning or preparation. The only thing Bryce could hope for was that Chuck wouldn't open the file.
Surviving while not a surprise was still a bit of a shock to Bryce since the last thing he could remember was the stupidly angry NSA agent John Casey leaning over him as the world turned black due to pain and loss of blood. The first words out of Bryce's mouth is "Chuck", he knows everything he says will get reported back to any and everybody and so he asks for Chuck Bartowski, Chuck is the only one he asks for. In the room filled with white head bowed down low in defeat he doesn't bother to look up when Chuck walks into the room, doesn't believes that it's Chuck even when the man walks to the window and asks to be let out and then walks back and answers in Killingon. When Bryce realizes that Chuck has the intersect he's glad that only one person has it and then he feels regret for what he's about to do. And then Sarah and that stupid NSA agent john Casey are racing into the room guns drawn. Half of Bryce's brain is focusing on the situation and the other half is think about how nice it is to have Chuck in reach, to have Chuck's long lanky body pressed up against his even though he's holding a syringe with who knows what in it, and then Bryce is racing down the halls with Chuck in his hands Casey and Sarah on his tail all the way to the elevator.
The elevator almost has Bryce telling Chuck everything and results in him learning information though he could have done without Chuck learning all about Fulcrum. Leaving Chuck on the full of the elevator without even giving him some type of sign of affection is another heart bruising blow. Having to explain to Chuck about Fulcrum was a blow to his own pride, keeping the fact that he knew where Chuck's father was the whole entire time though was an even harder though then when he got Chuck kicked out Stanford. And then telling Chuck to ask for Sarah to meet him in the bedroom when all Bryce wants to do is draw Chuck close, flush with his body and map out the body he once knew so well, but he can't and he doesn't know what hurts more the yearning for Chuck or pulling Sarah close and kissing her wishing the whole time that Sarah was Chuck. Still Bryce thinks, no he knows that his ship with Chuck has sailed when the whole time he had the syringe to Chuck's neck he only looked at Casey, eyes only flicking to Sarah and then how when Sarah comes into Casey's house and finds him bent over Casey's computer trying to find information he notices how Chuck stays behind Sarah but doesn't press up against him the way that Bryce knows Chuck does when he feels threatened and trust the person. When Casey enters though Bryce notices how Casey doesn't focus on him, not really but on Chuck how his eyes are constantly trying to flick over to look at Chuck. When they're in the Buymore and Morgan comes up and recognizes him Bryce finally understands how much he ruined Chuck's life and feels even guiltier, but he also notices how Chuck doesn't look at him the way he used to that the secret glance the way his eyes used to shine looks only that way he gives brief glances at John Casey. The glances that the two share though, Chuck and John, makes Bryce Larkin wonder.
Still when he came back Bryce come back to seek out Sarah as everyone else believed, but for Chuck, because somewhere in his heart Bryce had never let go of those ridiculous long nimble fingers that were precise on a computer, but clumsy everywhere else. The shock on Chuck's face though when he opened the door to Sarah's apartment and sees Bryce, makes Bryce want to cry, because even though Bryce has an inkling that Chuck and Casey have a thing, the look on Chucks face when he sees him makes him wonder about it. Bryce remembers college Chuck and the few months that he had spent with Jill and then the time that they had spent together. Bryce goes back for Chuck, but it's not just for Chuck, he goes back because of his orders, because first and foremost Bryce Larkin is a spy.
Chuck doesn't belong to Bryce Larkin anymore and Bryce Larkin doesn't belong to Chuck.
It doesn't matter that Bryce never thought that it would be like this, that Chuck would find someone else, but maybe, just maybe Chuck will be happier if he realizes his feelings for John Casey, but Bryce knows that he no longer has a say in Chucks life, no matter how much he wishes that he still did and Bryce is so very tired of running, fighting, pretending and Chuck is no long Bryce's to woe and cling to, no longer his because there are no parties to go to and no more stumbling back to the house drunk on alcohol, life, and each other or wrapped tight around each other on Bryce's bed instead of sleeping separately. Chuck might not know it but Bryce knows that Chuck is John's and John is Chuck's.
