A/N: Thanks for the reviews; you guys are so awesome ;)
This story could really go one way or the other, so hopefully I don't mess it up. I know where I want to go with this, but getting it written down is hard, so bare with me guys.
I'm also trying to make these stories sound less British, because I'm well aware that most of you guys reading it are American, so yeah. Also, TMNT is an American show, so it's kinda hard to picture them saying English words haha XD
Disclaimer: What do you think?
"Hey Mikey," Raph greeted his younger brother, who was, as usual, relaxing in the beanbag
"Hey Raph," said Mikey absently, focusing on his phone.
"Whatcha doing?" Raph asked, sitting on the bed. Although he wouldn't admit it, he was desperate to get a conversation out of his little brother. Mikey had been more and more withdrawn lately, and Raph just wanted things to go back to the way they were before.
"Nothing," muttered Mikey, hardly acknowledging that his brother was in the room at all, let alone speaking to him.
"You're on your phone." Raph cringed at how stupid he sounded, but there was really nothing else he could think of to start a conversation with Mikey, and he hated it.
"Yeah."
"Who you texting?"
"No one."
"Oh really?" Raph raised an eyebrow and leaned in closer, only for Mikey to swivel round so his older brother couldn't see his screen.
"Yes. Really."
"Look, Mikey..." began Raph. "I don't know what's up with you, but when you sort it out, let us know, yeah? We're missing the old you.
"What are you talking about?" asked Mikey, putting the phone on his lap.
"You're a lot more..." Raph hesitated as he struggled to find the right words. "Distant lately.
"Oh, sorry. I'm just tired," replied Mikey. "Guess I need to go to bed earlier, huh?" he flashed a trademark grin and Raph sighed in relief – there wasn't anything wrong with Mikey after all. He was just a little tired.
"All right then, knucklehead." Raph rubbed Mikey's head, before moving to the door. "See you later."
"Yeah," said Mikey, as Raph closed the door behind him. "See you later."
Mikey breathed out in relief. He had been reading through that girl's blog again, and hadn't really thought to minimize the page when his brother walked in. That is, until Raph had tried to see it. Mikey looked at his phone. He felt horrible for having to lie for his family, but he was also confused – isn't this what they wanted? Didn't they want him to be thinner so they could be proud of him? Mikey sighed. This was all just too complicated. Everything he did was wrong, and his family didn't seem to realise how much he was going through just to make them happy. To fulfil their wants, their wishes. It only just so happened that what they desired had rubbed off on Mikey, although for that he was grateful – he couldn't imagine having to go through life without realising that he was fat.
Fat.
The word stuck in his mind, seeping into every thought he had. All his actions, conversations, decisions centred around that one word. He was a planet, stuck in orbit and unable to get out. It controlled him, and he let it. He needed to let it, unless he wanted to disgust everyone around him – including himself.
No he thought. It wasn't controlling him, he was controlling it. He had to power to stop. He could stop whenever he wanted. He was completely in control. He just wasn't finished yet. He wasn't perfect yet. Not up to his family's standards. But I will be.
"Hey guys!" April said, opening the door. "Come in!"
The Hamato brothers had come to April's place after freshening up a little, and the party seemed to be in full swing, with most of the people invited there already. Almost as soon as they entered, Leo split off to join some of his friends in a corner of the room. April had moved to dance in the middle, and the music was deafening.
"Donnie, I don't know anyone here!" shouted Mikey, frowning.
Donnie opened his mouth to reply, but before he could a group of boys came over and dragged him away. Mikey sighed and turned to his remaining brother.
"Just you and me, huh bro?" said Mikey.
"Nope," replied Raph. "Just you." Mikey watched sadly as Raph walked over to join a group of tough looking boys, all high fiving and fist pounding each other. He hated that no one his age was there. He felt so out of place. This isn't as fun as I thought it'd be. Mikey thought.
"Hey!" Mikey turned to see a tall, red headed boy walking over, who looked to be about Mikey's age.
"Hey," Mikey greeted, smiling. He didn't know this boy, but he supposed he was lucky to have one person his age to hang out with, so he wasn't complaining.
"Your brother ditched you, huh?" he said, gesturing to Raph who was currently holding someone in a headlock.
"Brothers," Mikey corrected. "You got any?"
"Yeah." replied the boy. "An older one." he pointed to a ginger boy who was currently talking to Leo, before shrugging.
"It sucks being the youngest doesn't it?" said Mikey with a laugh.
"Oh, I'm not the youngest. I have a younger sister."
"Oh, lucky,"
"I'm Sam, by the way." he smiled.
"Mikey," Mikey said, grinning back.
Their conversation was cut short when April came into the living area, announcing food. "Yes!" said Sam. "I'm starving!"
"Yeah, me too!" said Mikey, although he was dreading having to actually eat the pizza. He'd looked up the number of calories in a slice of pizza on a calorie counting website, and had found that it was a hefty 285.
It took about five minutes for everyone to grab a pizza slice, putting them on flimsy paper plates. The lucky people got to sit on the sofa or at the dining table to eat, while the not so lucky ones had to sit on the floor. Mikey thought he even heard someone say they were going to sit on the toilet.
Mikey looked at his pizza in disgust as he sat on the floor, and Sam gave him a funny look.
"You not hungry?" he asked. "I thought you said you were starving?"
"Oh, I am! Just checking for mushrooms, that's all. Don't like them." quickly replied Mikey.
"Oh yeah, me neither bro" Sam nodded in understanding before returning to his food. Mikey took one last look at his before taking a breath and biting into it.
It was delicious. He hadn't allowed himself delicacies like this for a while, and it felt good to have something so tasty, but a part of him felt wrong that he was eating this, although his taste buds and empty stomach yearned for more, overpowering the voice in the back of his mind, and he got up for another slice with Sam. Leo was there with a couple of friends, and smiled when he saw Mikey.
"Nice to see you eating something Mikey," he said.
"Yeah, man. This pizza is amazing!" replied Mikey happily. The words weren't a lie, but the smile that came with them was.
"April did say she knows some good places," said Leo, rubbing Mikey's head affectionately, messing up his curly hair.
A blonde girl beside Leo looked at Mikey and cooed. "Awh, your brother's so cute!" she bent down so she was eye level with Mikey and grinned. Mikey couldn't help but smile back, even though he hated it when people called him cute. Especially in front of his brothers.
"I'm Monica!"
"Mikey," she grinned up at Leo as he attempted to pull her away from his younger brother. I'm not six, Mikey thought. And I'm not cute! His thoughts must have shown in his facial expression, because once they were gone Sam laughed.
"Dude, you sure know how to get the ladies!"
"Very funny!" said Mikey, laughing with his new friend.
Mikey looked at his empty plate and frowned. Sam had left a few minutes ago, leaving Mikey alone and with his thoughts. I ate too much, he thought, disgusted with himself. He felt like crying – all that work he'd put into losing weight, and he'd blown it all in just one night. I'm going to get even fatter; I need to get it out of me! How could I have let myself lose control so easily?!
In desperation, Mikey looked around until his wild eyes fell on the bathroom door. It was slightly ajar and he could see the toilet through the crack. It's just two fingers down the throat. If I do this, then it could solve all of my food problems! I could eat with everyone else and they wouldn't suspect a thing! With these driving thoughts in his mind, Mikey got up and made his way to the toilet, keeping his head down so that he didn't make eye contact with anyone.
Once he made it, he shut and locked the door behind him before sighing and looking at the toilet. What was I supposed to do again? He thought, looking at the toilet bowl. Oh yeah, drink two glasses of water...I didn't bring any water! Mikey looked around, beginning to panic until his gaze rested on the sink. Perfect!
He walked over to the sink and turned on the tap, watching the steady flow of water before running his fingers under that tap to make sure it was cold enough. Once he was satisfied with the temperature, he leaned over and put his lips to the water, forcing it down until he was confident he had consumed about two glasses of water.
He then wiped his mouth on his sleeve as he made his way back over to the toilet and knelt down in front of it, his hands shaking slightly. He felt a little sick thinking about what he had to do, but in hindsight that was a good thing, considering that's exactly what he wanted. He raised his hand and put two of his fingers in his mouth, but stopped as he really thought about what he was doing. Mikey groaned and sank to his hands and knees, breathing steadily.
I'm such a failure! He thought, clawing at his stomach desperately as if doing this would get rid of his unwanted fat. He stopped as he felt hot, angry tears begin to prick in his eyes. C'mon Mikey, you can do this. Don't be such a wimp – if that girl could do it, then so can you. With these encouraging thoughts in the back of his mind, Mikey moved back to leaning over the toilet.
Knowing he could chicken out again if he left it for too long, he put two fingers in his mouth before he could think about it, pushing them as far back as he could. He didn't even have time to remove his fingers before the vomit was washing over them and into the toilet. It covered his hand and splashed around his mouth and the rim of the toilet bowl, some of it even going onto the floor.
Once he was sure he was finished, Mikey leant on the toilet bowl, breathing heavily. Had he really just done that? The girl with the blog was right – it wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. Yes, it was unpleasant, but it was definitely something he could get used to doing.
Mikey swayed a little as he stood up and grinned. He'd done it, he'd found a way to lose weight without having to worry about people noticing the lack of food. He quickly grabbed some toilet roll from the holder by the toilet and began to clean up, first himself then the floor and the toilet seat, removing all signs of vomit before flushing the loo, the toilet paper and the sick going with it. Pulling the spray he'd brought with him from his pocket, Mikey squirted it around the room in an effort to freshen up the air.
He sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. He brushed a hand over his hair to make it look less like he'd just gotten out of bed, before unlocking the door and walking back into the party, a real smile on his face.
