A/N – It's summer now and there's not a lot to do at my house, so I did another chapter. I have to pace myself since there can only be 7 chapters, but it's just so darn fun! There's another part from Deathly Hallows in this chapter at the beginning. It's not a direct quote like last time, but it's still there.


BOOK 3

When we join young Harry, he is stuck in his room at the Dursley's for stepping on a teacup that Dudley had strategically placed outside his door. So the Dursleys use this against him to shun him. They are so mad he's a wizard that they decide to STARVE HIM! This incites Harry sends Hedwig out for mice and such. One day, Hedwig brings Harry a ferret. After a while, the ferret miraculously turns into Draco Malfoy, and is then stuck in Harry's room with him. Harry builds a little fire in his room to cook the mice. Harry thinks he is going insane because mice are icky and Malfoy has been stuck in his room for like a week. Harry then owls Hermy asking if he can live with her for a bit. Harry goes to Hermione's home, Windows of Peril, where Hermione's insane dentist parents live.

So, Harry leaves, and once he is gone, the Dursleys come up to his room to see if he is dead yet, and find in his stead, one Dracoy Malfoy; "..Who the heck are you?" they say, and he's like "The name is Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." They narrow their eyes and ask, "Are you a ZARD?" And he's like "… do you mean Wizard?" and theyre like "DON'T SAY THAT WORD UNDER THIS ROOF! IF YOU MUST REFER TO THAT TYPE OF INFERIOR BEING, SAY ZARD!" Then Malfoy is like "..Yeah, I'm a PLURAL BLOOD! It's a new kind of zard. It's like pure blood, except PLURAL! WHICH IS MORE! WHICH IS BETTER!" and they're like, "GET OUT, FOOL!" Then, with their newly attained karate skillz, they kick his buttocks. Especially Aunt Petunia. Malfoy then develops blood clots because he has TOOOO much pure blood now that he's a plural blood (plural blood is denser than real blood and pure blood put together).

ANYWAYS. Harry is at the Windows of Peril with Hermy and the whacko dentists, just chillaxing, eating some sugar free Twizzlers and what not. (The dentists hate sugar like the Dursley's hate zards.) So Harry and Hermy get their Hogwarts letters and they're like "WOOHOO! Tis nearly time 4 Hogwarts." So Harry's got his Hedwig with him and he's like "Gee, I think my Hedwig looks a bit lonely. I think I'll get another pet, to keep my Hedwig company and it can go up and visit her in the owlery."

So they go to Diagon Alley to get their tidbits of educational tools. So they've got all their useless junk and Harry goes to the Magical Menagerie and there's a BIG, FAT, BLACK, OMINOUS DOG IN A CAGE. It looks like the Grim! But you don't know what the Grim is yet, so shh. Trelawney will tell you. But you don't know who she is yet either! ANYWAYS. So Harry sees this dog and he's like "Wow this is interesting. This dog seems rather familiar." And he decides to buy this big fat ominous fat black dog that looks rather like something you don't know, AKA the Grim, And Hermione purchases a vicious tiger of a cat.

Then they go to Hogwarts. And they meet Rawn, and go about their Hogwarts lives until June, when exciting stuff always happens.

So this one day, they go to Le Hogsmeade and Crookshanks and Harry's nameless not-fat-anymore-cause-it-worked-out dog and Scabbers all came along. And out of the blue comes Fenrir Greyback, a werewolf! AAAH. So Rawn and Harry and Hermy didn't know what to do when all of a sudden there was this guy. And this other guy! And no more dog or Scabbers! And they were like "Oh snap! What happened to our pets?" Then the two guys are like "Yo! We're the Marauders! We're gonna save you cos we know how to handle a werewolf!" Then one of the guys, with really long tangled hair was like "And Harry… I AM YOUR GODFATHER!" and then the other guy was like "And Harry… I told Voldemort where your parents were!" So Tangly-Hair was like "WHAT? YOU DID?!" and other guy was like "Yes. But now we have to save them from the werewolf!" Next they conjured up some top hats to pull Super Soakers out of. So Tangly-Hair starts soaking that werewolf superbly, and other guy is trying, but he has a problem. He cant pull the trigger because.. DUN DUN DUN.. HES MISSING A FINGER!! And Tangly Hair is like "Well! That's what you get for framing me as a murderer!!"

Then the werewolf, sensing weakness in the other guy, goes after him and chomps off his whole hand! But then Harry causes a diversion by putting on a grass skirt and doing the Hula! But the Fenrir Greyback is not so easily distracted. So Harry proceeds to sing, and Rawn conjures a ukulele and Hermoine begins reciting a recipe in the form of a song for a pig with an apple in it's mouth. This is too much distraction for Fenrir to bear. He gives in and sits down to watch their amazing hula performance. Tangly Hair jumps up and shoots Fenrir with a laser gun! Then they bury the werewolf in the woods. YAY!

Hermione and Rawn turn to Tangly Hair and other guy and ask in unision; "WHO. ARE. YOU. PEOPLE." Tangly Hair says, "Why, I am surprised you don't recognize me from Wanted posters! I'm Birius Slack, of course! And I'm innocent! This fellow beside me is the guilty one!" The other guy says "Alas! It is true! I did not want to do it. The Dark Lord made me! I am Peter Pettigrew! I tried switching the letters in my name, like my friend Sirius Black did, but it did not work." Birius exclaimed, "Dude! You blew my cover!" Harry says, "Wait! Pause for a second. Peter Pettigrew, or Peter Pettigrew, whichever you prefer; YOU are the reason my parents are dead?" Peter looks around nervously, and Apparates away. Everyone is like "Snap. He got us again." "You see, young tch (the witch form of zard) and zards," Birius said. "Myself and Peter were friends with James Potter growing up. I got blamed for their murder but it was truly Peter's fault. Stupid head. Now I must go into hiding. Cheerio!" And with that, he ran into the woods.

But then the trio was discovered in Hogsmeade by one Fleur Delacour. They were like "Who the heck are you?" and she was like "I am from Beauxbatons! I don't why I'm here!" Madame Maxine came along and said, "Fleur, you silly ninny! You ran away again!" Madame Maxine grabbed Fleur by the ear and turned to the trio, saying "She has a few problems." Then they walked off. The trio then returned to Hoggy Warty Hogwarts.

Later on, Draco gets sentenced to execution for being whiny. But the trio saves him with Hermy's time turner. They lure him into the woods with dead ferrets. Then Draco flies Birius to safetly. The trio is like "SAVE HIM! FLY!" and he's like "I dunno how." And theyre like "Well, learn. NOW." So he does.


A/N – This is the long chapter I promised. And, guess what, the next one's even longer! That one will be up soon too. Reviews are happy-making, so please leave some for me.

PS: Anyone who caught the Lion King reference in there is made of awesome.

-Megan