Dear Mr. Barkley,
I am happy to inform you that our agents have located Mrs. Elizabeth Randall Barkley in New York City. As per your request, I am not providing any details other than to report she is in good health and managing well. If you require further services, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Adam Hartwell
Pinkerton Detective Agency
Jarrod leaned back and closed his eyes after reading the letter. After three months, they'd finally located Beth. He was glad they hadn't provided any more details; he really didn't want to know how she was living her life, but he still felt certain obligations to her as her husband. The words he'd spoken to her when they were married, for better or for worse, continued to haunt him. He had made those vows and even though Beth wasn't honouring them, the man he was wouldn't let him forget them. Besides, if this wasn't worse, he really didn't know what was.
Jarrod sighed and pulled out a fresh piece of paper.
Dear Beth,
He found he couldn't stomach calling her that, so he crumpled the paper and started again.
Beth,
I am writing to inform you that Chloe and I are doing well. If you need any assistance, you can contact me at my office in Stockton.
Jarrod Barkley
He didn't ask her to come back and didn't ask how she was. He thought about asking for a divorce, but that was such a final step in admitting he had failed, even though he knew he had done everything he could to make Beth happy. Knowing he couldn't have done anything else didn't make it any less of a harsh blow to Jarrod's manhood that his wife had left him and he ruthlessly pushed away the feelings that a man who filed for divorce was a failure, that a real man would have found a way to keep his wife. He tucked the letter into an envelope with a note to ask if they could take care of delivering the letter, quickly wrote the Pinkerton's address on the front and placed it on the pile of correspondence to go out in the morning.
He checked his watch. If he hurried, he'd get home in time to play with Chloe or be able to read to her before dinner. Jarrod was indebted to his mother, sister and Silas for volunteering to look after his daughter while he was at work. He didn't want to impose, but they had all offered and he ultimately accepted their assistance with gratitude tempered by guilt. His practice was finally consolidated in Stockton without angering too many of his San Francisco clients and Jarrod didn't intend on taking out of town cases if he could help it. There were bound to be those who had no one else to turn to and the family businesses would occasionally require time away, but he wasn't about to leave on any regular basis. The few overnight trips he'd had to make to San Francisco to tie up outstanding cases had been hard on both him and his daughter; she'd been brave, but he saw that hint of fear in her eyes that he wouldn't come back and it tore at his heart to see her hurting like that.
Tomorrow was Saturday and as Jarrod mounted Jingo to head home, he made plans to spend the entire day with his little girl. Maybe a picnic if the weather held, or if not, a day indoors for a tea party with her dolls and playing games. Jarrod chuckled when he remembered the last rainy day. Nick was griping about paperwork and Chloe invited her uncle to a tea party. Looking for an excuse to get out of doing the ranch accounts, Nick accepted. To his horror, he was offered a frilly hat so he'd be 'dressed up properly' and was a bit perturbed that Jarrod, being Daddy, got away with a top hat and tie. Not that Nick refused invitations to Chloe's tea parties after that; he just made sure he picked out his own dress up clothes before he arrived.
Jarrod urged Jingo into a lope; not a demanding enough pace to tire the sorrel but fast enough to get them home before dinner. Soon the ranch buildings came into view and Jarrod pushed his horse into a full-out gallop. One of the stable hands came to take the reins when they pulled up in front of the barn and the lawyer quickly unfastened his saddlebags before heading towards the house.
His arrival must have been watched for because before he even reached the porch he heard the enthusiastic cry of "Daddy!" and his arms were immediately full of his little girl.
"How's my kitten today?" Jarrod asked as he hoisted Chloe into the air and gave her a big kiss. "Were you good for Aunt Audra?"
"I'm always good, Daddy," she told him seriously.
"I know you are, Chloe," he assured her as he carried her into the house. It bothered him a little that she didn't get into normal childhood mischief. He knew she still harboured a fear that if she was naughty, the people around her wouldn't love her anymore and would leave her. As much as it pleased him that his daughter was well-behaved, Jarrod sometimes found himself wishing for the occasional tantrum or two.
He set her down after closing the door. "So what did you do today?" he wanted to know as he removed his hat and unbuckled his gunbelt.
"Aunt Audra and I made cookies," she said. Jarrod winced a little and hoped Silas had been there to supervise. "And we visited the puppies in the barn and the new foals and then I made you a surprise." Chloe's blue eyes gleamed with excitement. "Do you want to see, Daddy?"
"I'd love to, kitten," he assured her with a smile. "Are you going to show me right now or can I go upstairs and change out of this suit first?"
Chloe thought hard for a moment. "Right now, Daddy," she decided. She ran to the table in front of the sofa, grabbed something off it and ran back. "Here," she said as she handed it to him and waited expectantly.
Jarrod looked at the folded piece of his sister's favourite stationary. 'To my Daddy' was written crookedly across the front. He unfolded it and on the inside was printed 'I love you' and underneath 'Chloe'. A little stick figure was drawn on the side, holding the hand of a larger stick figure. Both had big smiles on their faces.
"Do you like it, Daddy?" she asked earnestly. "Aunt Audra helped me get the words right, but I did it myself."
Jarrod got down on one knee and pulled Chloe into a tight hug. "I love it, Chloe," he said, "and I love you too." He kissed her forehead. "I think I'll take it to my office. Maybe then I won't miss you so much when I'm at work. Do you think that would be okay?"
Chloe smiled brightly, grabbed him around the neck and planted a big kiss on his face. "Uh huh. You can go change now."
"I'll be as quick as I can," he promised. Jarrod gathered up his things and headed upstairs. Laying the saddlebags on the table, he placed the card on his nightstand before changing into more casual clothes. When he went back downstairs, Chloe insisted that they go to the barn so she could tell him the names she gave to all the puppies. It was dinnertime before they knew it and Audra greeted Jarrod as he sent Chloe upstairs to wash up.
"Thank you for looking after her today," Jarrod told his sister.
"I was happy to, Jarrod," Audra assured him. "We had a good time. Did you like the card she made you?"
Jarrod nodded. "It's wonderful," he said with a smile. "And have I told you just how wonderful you are for helping me out like this? I don't know how'd I manage without you."
"You don't need to thank me," Audra admonished lightly. "Just think of it as repayment for how you stepped in after Father died."
Jarrod was slightly taken aback. "Audra, you don't owe me for that. That's just what family does. I did what I needed to and I was happy to do it." He felt guilty that she might be helping him out of a sense of obligation.
Audra stretched up and kissed his cheek. "And you and Chloe are family. I'm happy to help you out, too, big brother. Besides, Chloe's such a sweetheart. I love taking care of her and she's never any trouble."
Jarrod sighed heavily as he went to pour himself a drink. "Sometimes I worry about what Beth's leaving has done to her. Chloe's always been a good girl, but since Beth left, it's like she's scared to make anyone upset."
"She'll come around, Jarrod," Audra said. "Give her a little time. Nick and Heath will have her spoiled rotten and she'll have everyone even more firmly wrapped around her finger."
Jarrod gave her a wry smile as he took a sip of his drink. Then Audra walked over and slipped an arm around his waist. "How are you doing with all of this, Jarrod?" she wanted to know. "I'm sorry I haven't asked before, I guess we've all just been so concerned with Chloe…"
"Thanks for caring, honey," Jarrod replied with a kiss to her temple. "I'm all right."
"Do you miss her?" When Jarrod didn't reply, she added, "Beth, I mean."
Jarrod pulled away and walked over to the fireplace. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "She's my wife and the mother of my child and I know I should miss her, but I really don't know. We hadn't been close for a long time."
"Would you be upset if I told you I think it's good that she's gone?"
There was a hint of surprise on Jarrod's face when he turned towards his sister.
"You're more relaxed since she left," Audra pointed out. "Even with having to change your practice and being worried about Chloe, you seem happier. At least, I think so."
Their conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their brothers and Jarrod pondered Audra's words all through dinner. No one commented on his preoccupation; Chloe kept the family entertained with talk about the puppies and questions about the colts.
He hadn't considered that his situation with Chloe was anything like the time when his father died. Being the oldest, he'd automatically stepped in as head of the family because that was the only thing he could do. He was almost fourteen years older than his little sister and it was only natural that she turned to him as a father figure, a role he didn't think he was ready for but carried out to the best of his ability. When the family offered to help take care of Chloe, Jarrod had been plagued with guilt about accepting and imposing on them. She was his daughter and his responsibility, not theirs. He hadn't looked at it in the light that they were all family; they were only doing the same for him as he had done for them. Jarrod smiled as he watched Nick help Chloe cut her chicken. His marriage may have been a disaster, but he was truly blessed in his daughter and family.
He then thought about the rest of his conversation with his sister, about her being glad Beth was gone and how he seemed happier. Jarrod had to be honest with himself and admit she was right. He hated what Beth's leaving had done to their daughter, but her staying would likely have done the same thing eventually. Chloe probably realized Beth's indifference on some level already; as she got older, it could have gradually and permanently ruined his beautiful girl's self-esteem.
He'd missed being surrounded by his family and missed being out on the ranch. His brothers teased him about getting soft sitting behind a desk, but they never refused when he offered to help out. When everything was considered, Jarrod knew Beth's leaving was a blessing in disguise. Chloe would grow up surrounded by wide open spaces, fresh air and the love of their family and he knew he was better off surrounded by their love as well.
