SCENE 7

-Trip and Malcolm stormed into the captain's ready room arguing-

Archer- QUIET!! What is going on?

Trip- (says at the same time as Malcolm) he broke the warp core cord

Malcolm- (says at the same time as Trip) he turned the torpedoes around

Archer- shut up, one at a time. Trip you go first

Trip- well….

Malcolm- why does he get to go first?

Archer- because he out ranks you

Malcolm- oh, ok

Archer- Trip go ahead

Trip- captn' do remember that time when the ship hit an ice burg and I had to fix the warp core cord because it had been broken in half?

-Malcolm stood there rolling his eyes-

Malcolm- of course he does Trip, it was only 2 hours ago

Archer- Malcolm, you'll have your turn. Yes Trip I remember, but what's your point?

Trip- my point captn' is that after I fixed the warp core cord and left to fix something else, and well, when I came back through that area I found the cord had been severed, not once, not twice, but 7 times, and only Malcolm would have done it.

Malcolm- has Malcolm admitted to doing it?

Trip- yes captn' he has, but that's not the point



Archer- you mean I listened to all of that and it wasn't your point?

Trip- uh

-Malcolm trying to contain his laughter-

Archer- Malcolm!!

Malcolm- sorry captain

Archer- ok, Trip one more time, what's your point?

Trip- my point is that every time it was broken I had to replicate a new cord and now my rations for the week are almost gone

Archer- Malcolm, is that true, did you break the warp core cord?

Malcolm- yep

Archer- why

Malcolm- I was board

-archer shakes his head-

Archer- ok, Malcolm, what is your complaint?

Malcolm- Trip turned the torpedoes around and I had to turn them back around all by myself. Needless to say it was difficult. And not to mention if there had been an emergency and we needed the torpedoes they would have destroyed that deck. Good thing I'm a bridge officer.

Archer- you two are so childish, why can't you be more like, um, more like … more like, Hoshi?

-right at that moment, Hoshi jumps through the captain's ready room door, landing in a partial crouch with a wide eyed determined expression on her face wearing her uniform and a mask covering her eyes and a black cape-

Hoshi- I'm batman



Malcolm, Trip- you were saying

Archer- never mind

SCENE 8

-T'Pol at the replicator-

T'Pol- tea, hot

-the tea came out and splattered all over the place-

T'Pol- why does that always happen?

-Dr. Phlox comes up to her-

Phlox- hello T'Pol, having replicator problems again?

T'Pol- yes, the stupid thing never seems to work for me

-Travis Maywhether comes up to their table holding a ball of doe-

Travis- may I join you?

-T'Pol nods-

Travis- have either of you noticed the replicator malfunctioning or something? I was getting my lunch and I ordered a pizza and it gave me raw doe

Phlox- yes, a similar thing happened to me, I ordered a cows tongue and I got a cows, well let's just say it wasn't a cows tongue. Though it was rather tasty.

Travis- eew that's disgusting Dr.

T'Pol- I concur with Ensign Maywhether. But I had a similar thing also happen to me. I ordered a tea, hot, and got it

Travis- with all due respect Sub Commander, how is that similar?

T'Pol- I shouldn't have to ask for a cup

Travis- oh



SCENE 9

-the captain called the senior officers together in the conference room to have a meeting of the utmost importance-

Archer- ok, you all know why we're here. We have a problem that demands our attention, and all of us needs to take this very seriously. Our replicator is malfunctioning.

-silence fills the room-

Archer- I want Trip and Malcolm to fix it. In the mean time no one uses the replicator. That goes for everyone.

-sniffles sound and everyone looks in Hoshi's direction-

Malcolm- Hoshi, why are you crying?

Hoshi- (says between sobs) I can't use the replicator

Trip- that's nothing to cry over

Hoshi- I'll starve, I'll be skin and bones, I'll, I'll, I'll look like T'Pol (lets out a big sob) with less cleavage

Malcolm- it's alright Hoshi, you can eat what the chef makes. And you're not going to be skin and bones like T'Pol. I mean it's true you'll never have as much cleavage as T'Pol, but neither will I

-everyone stops and looks at Malcolm-

Malcolm- what, I wont

Archer- alright you have your orders, dismissed

T'Pol- for the record, I'm not skin and bones, I'm just thin

Malcolm- yeah, to thin

Phlox- there is medical research that can remedy that



T'Pol- I don't think that will be necessary

Hoshi- she still has bigger ones than me

Malcolm- that's true, Hoshi, but at least yours don't stick out

T'Pol- mine do not stick out

Malcolm- T'Pol, have you looked in the mirror, when I look at you I'm completely blinded, I mean there so big, that's all you see. Guys am I right?

-phlox, Travis, and Trip all say 'yes' in unison-

T'Pol- Lt. Reed, how can you insult a senior officer like that

Malcolm- what do you mean. I was complimenting you. I never said I didn't like the sight

Archer- (screams) DISMISSED!!

-everyone leaves-

Archer- why me?