I stared after my beautiful daughter smiling. She was so beautiful, so perfect; it was hard to look at her for too long. But I frowned as I thought of the secret behind that perfect face.
I had disappeared the day Sam and Jacob announced that we were going to the battle with the Italian vampires; for fear that I would die. Not that I minded much, but I wasn't just protecting one life. I was protecting two. Mine and my baby's. The motherly instincts kicked in the second I had the suspicion I was carrying another life. These instincts were foreign, new, and strange…I didn't recognize them. The bitter, mean, acid-tongued person I was before just melted away,
I didn't tell anybody I was leaving, why, where I was going, when I would be back…that I was pregnant. Definitely not that I was pregnant. I remembered the one little mistake of a night. The one that ruined, but completed my life.
We were both drunk. Terribly so. The room was spinning slightly from the alcohol as he laid me down on his bed. I told him I had a weakness for red wine. I probably shouldn't have, but all I could think about was how his tight black t-shirt stretched over his abs, his chest, his biceps. I giggled as he traced my face with his finger. I knew that neither of us would remember this in the morning.
Somewhere between our shirts hitting the floor, and our lips smashing together, I lost all control over my body. And somewhere in between him taking off my skirt and underwear, and him massaging my entire body, I lost control over my actions, too. At the time, I said 'screw the condom, nothing will ever happen anyway'. At the time, I didn't care. At the time, I was incredibly stupid.
I didn't regret that night anymore as I stared at my perfect daughter. The daughter I'd always dreamed of.
At first, I went to a homeless shelter for women where I was the best-off person there for the first time in my life. I got a job quickly, and soon enough, I was able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Seattle, food, nice furniture. I was doing pretty damn well for someone who started out with nothing. I would've gone farther away, but I couldn't make myself do it. As soon as I was settled in my new apartment and my new lifestyle, I convinced myself to go to the doctor. I needed to see if this sudden gain in weight was me eating too much, or me having a baby.
I sat in the chair, anxiously. All the home-tests had been positive, but I had to make sure. My hands were shaking; not with anger, but with excitement. Finally the doctor came into the room.
"Congratulations Miss Clearwater. You are having a baby girl." An impenetrable smile spread across my face. It was only at home when I realized what this meant. This baby could not be delivered in a normal hospital. Not with me, a werewolf as the one giving birth.
So the only solution was to find a private caregiver who would deliver the baby at my house. It was hard to find, but not impossible. I paid her a good amount of money for her in advance. She told me that was the only way they accepted payment. I didn't believe her at first, but decided to trust her. Maybe I paid just a little too much, but it was unsafe to do it a normal hospital.
Nine months passed. Those months seemed slow, but they passed. I was questioning if the kicking, screaming, mood swings, sudden cravings, throwing up all the time, fatigue, bloating, headaches, heart-breaking gossip, crying, side-glances when they thought I wasn't looking, all the secrets I was keeping…the question that I battled myself with, the question that kept me from sleeping, the question that I had beat myself up over…my ability to be a mother. For a long time, I could hardly take care of myself. Was it practical to take responsibility over something as helpless as a baby?
She knew some bits and pieces of La Push from the pictures I kept lying around. Pictures of my mom, Seth, my dad, Emily, and the one photograph of Jacob that was on my nightstand. She knew these people by their face, not by name. I was scared to terrify her with the dark past that lurked behind those smiling pictures.
But one day, about 14 years from now, she would become a…werewolf. I still had trouble even thinking the word. She had no idea what I was…what I had the potential to do. I hadn't phased in a long time, but I knew that power was still within me. My inner wolf was still a part of me, no matter how long I had tried to deny it. The inner wolf was a part of who I was.
That didn't stop the excruciating pain I was in when it was time for my daughter to enter the world. I had been mentally preparing myself for being in labor, knowing it would be different than most. For one, I was a werewolf, two, I would have the baby with a home "nurse" who claimed she had all the equipment she needed to help the baby stay strong throughout her first few days of life.
I screamed again, forgetting about the neighbors. The door was locked shut, and these walls were supposed to be sound proof. I screamed again and again, forgetting the surprisingly professional-looking woman working over me as I prepared to make a new life.
My vision blurred. "You can do this," Leah, I encouraged myself, since there was no one else to do that for me. "You can do this. Do this for yourself. It will be worth it. Do it for the baby. Do it for everything you've ever wanted. Do it for everything you've worked for these past few months. Do it because everyone thought you couldn't. Prove them wrong. Do it because you told yourself it was impossible. Prove yourself wrong. Do it for yourself, Leah. You deserve something to live for. Something to rebuild your heart. You can do this, Leah. It will be worth it."
And for once, the promise to myself was right. As I stared at my daughter in all her brilliance, I knew that everything I had ever done led up to this. And I knew it was worth it.
Okay so this chapter isn't really part of the story, it's just kind of giving you some background information on what happened during the time Leah was gone and blah blah blah. Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I might post the third chapter today because I'm staying home from school. I have a good idea for a preface too, so watch out for that. Keep reading! Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so much!!
See if you can guess who the baby will be named after? I have a few ideas I just have to choose. So please review and tell me what you think!!
P.S.: I didn't say who the dad was on purpose. Tell me who you think it is!
