Chapter 3 : The Assistant

After Santana gets off the phone with her parents, she meets up with her friends in the kitchen. "Santana? Is everything okay?" Dani asks with a very worried look on her face. "I..I don't think so. My family is broke. What started off as the best week of my life just turned into a nightmare. Kurt interrupts, "We can't lose you! We've..we've bonded!". Santana looks at her suitemates. "I guess there's only one thing to do now. I have to find a way to stay. I'm not going down without a fight!" "Hell yeah! That's the spirit!" Kurt is certainly happy with Santana's decision. Mike then suggests, "Maybe you can get…a job?". Tina however disagrees. "No offense, but tuition runs like 50k a year here. Minimum wage isn't gonna cover that." Puck shows a concerned expression too. "There's gotta be some way you can stay. I mean, I'm here on a football scholarship." "I don't think I'm exactly what the football team is looking for." "Maybe not, but I'm sure there are other scholarships available." Dani agrees. "Not a bad idea, Puck. It might be worth a trip to the financial aid office to check it out!"

A few minutes later, Santana and Dani head to the Financial Aid Office. Dani goes straight to the problem and speaks before Santana has the chance to do so. "Hi there! My friend just realised she's super poor and needs scholarship!" Bewildered, Santana exclaims, "Dani!" "What? It's true. Besides, if we're trying to get this done fast, we've got to cut right to the chase. Ms Pilsbury calmly attends to them. "Let's see here, any special skills?". "Actually, I'm a star athlete!" Happy with the answer, Ms Pilsbury asks further, "Really?! What sport do you play?" "All of them!" "Ms Pilsbury starts to look gloomy. "You're going to have to be more specific, honey". "Oh well, in high school I played basketball, soccer and volleyball. And softball. Also, I started an intramural dodgeball league. "I guess you weren't kidding". Dani looks at Santana, amazed again with the secrets she unfolds. "I had no idea you were such a jock, Santana". "Unfortunately, it looks like all of our athletic scholarships have already been distributed." Frustrated, Santana sighs. "There has to be something." "Well, there is one thing. But I'm not quite sure you'd be up to it." "Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence". "It's nothing personal. It's just, well, we do have one research assistant position open. It would pay for your tuition, plus room and board. But, it's for Professor Sue Sylvester." Dani interrupts, "Professor Sue Sylvester? The famous author? The Cheerleader's Squad is one of my favourite books ever! Working for her would be amazing!" "Spoken like someone who has never met the lady. Professor Sue Sylvester has taken over a dozen assistants in the last five years. None has lasted more than a week." "Until now" "That's what they all say.." "The thing about me is, I'm special". "Believe me, honey. The real world doesn't care how special you are. And Professor Sue Sylvester certainly won't. Good luck. You'll need it."

Dani and Santana reach an office at the end of the Faculty. "I think this is the place". Santana takes a deep breath. "Time to make my first impression". Suddenly the door opens and Dani and Santana is greeted by a man in suit. "Hello?" "You! You're that guy I saw across the quad the first day. I..er..wait.. Are you a student?" "Guilty as charged. I'm Sylvester's..well, protégé, I suppose. She helps me with the play I'm writing, I help her with the odds and ends while he's between assistants. For a second, I thought you might mistake me for another lecturer. What gave away?" "The fact that you're not old." "Hey, I could just be an old guy who looks good for my age, right?" "I never said you looked good." "So you don't think I—" Their conversation is interrupted as a voice shouts from down the hall. "Artie! I've lost my latest pages again! Get in here and help me find them!" "I'd better get on that. Here's hoping you stick around. I'll let the professor know you're here". As Artie leaves, a notebook falls from his backpack onto the floor. Dani surreptitiously snatches it up and reads the cover. "Looks like someone dropped the script for his play!" "Should we run after him? I'm sure he'd want it back". "Yeah, but if we did that, we'd never get to read it!" Dani eagerly flips through the pages. "Blah blah, class disparity, blah blah, working conditions in Victorian London..oh here's something good!" "Dani, I'm not sure Artie would want you looking through that". "This is getting juicy. Apparently Artie has a creative imagination." "What are you talking about?" "I'm not sure I should show you, it might warp your innocent mind." "Dani!" "This is hot stuff. Tell you wjat, one time offer. You and I can do a little line reading. What do you say?" "Come on..don't read it" "Aw. You're no fun. Anyway, I should probably get going. Good luck with Sylvester, okay?"

As Dani leaves, Santana hears a footstep approaching. "Who is making all of this racket out here?!" Artie follows the professor as he storms up to Santana. "We..we were practically whispering" "Professor, allow me to introduce your new assistant, Santana Lopez" "Assistant. What a joke. Have you ever assisted anyone before, Santana?" "I mean..not professionally. But I like to think of myself as helpful." "My last assistant thought she was being helpful. Right up until the moment she 'helpfully' lost a flash drive containing three months' worth of work! And then there was the assistant before her. He thought it would be helpful to hum while he dusted my office. That cacophonous melody was rattling around my head for weeks! I couldn't write a word on my new novel! And then there was the last guy. He had a distracting sense of fashion! So many stripes!" "How terrible for you" "Terrible is an understatement. Do you think Faulkner had to deal with such distractions? His family afforded him the peace and quiet of their barn! He got quiet solitude. All I get are assistants." "I understand, but I won't be like your other assistants." "And why exactly is that?" "I'm different because I'm a fast learner. Everyone makes mistakes, but I never make the same one twice!" "Weren't you listening to a word I said? Around here, one mistake is grounds for immediate termination! Get out!"

Santana turns and takes a step toward the door. The she stops and looks back at Professor Sue Slyvester. "No." "No?" "I won't get out. I'm going to stay. Yesterday was incredible. I made friends faster than I ever have before, I may even met the love of my life. I can't just walk away from this. I know in my heart that this is where I need to be. And I'm not going to let some angry old woman ruin that!" "Listen to you. Reactive. Angry. Entitled. You're a caricature of your entire generation!" As she says the words, Professor Sylvester stops for a moment, and then.. "Which actually makes you exactly the person I'm looking for after all." "What?" "I'll explain later. For now, I'll accept you as my assistant on a trial basis. Starting immediately. In fact, I have a pressing matter that I need you to take care of tonight. Let's call it your first test." "Anything! I'm on it!" Santana is ready than ever to receive her first test. Sylvester walks over to her bookshelf and pulls out a massive, dusty old novel. "This is my second novel. A Winter in July. It needs to be digitized by tomorrow morning." "No problem! I'll scan it right away!" "Actually..no. I need it formatted as a text document. You'll have to transcribe it by hand." "But..it's like a thousand pages!" "In that case, you'd better get to work."

Santana heads back to her suite, feeling devastated and already lost half of her hopes of staying at Hartfeld University. As she enters the suite, Kurt welcomes her back. "There's our roomie!" Mike continues, "I heard from Dani that you got a research job". "Let's celebrate! The roof garden is calling my name!" Dani is definitely a party-girl. "Guys, there's nothing to celebrate. Sylvester is crazy. She wants me to transcribe her thousand-page novel tonight. Even if I work all night, I'll only be able to pound out a couple hundred pages max." "Typing at a hundred words a minute for eight hours, assuming 250 words per page, you'd generate 12 pages," calculated Mike. "Wow. Did you just do that math in your head?" asks Tina. "Uh..is that weird?" Santana replies, "Weird? No way! Smart is sexy!" "Really?" "Totally." Tina agrees. "Wow. Uh..thanks". Tina smiles shyly at Mike as Santana winks at Dani and Kurt. "So, back to the matter at hand. What do you think, Mike?" "According to my calculations, one person typing alone can write 192 pages in 8 hours, but if all six of us do this together, we'll have more than enough time to write the full book!" Puck agrees. "Go team! Let's do this thing!" Touched, Santana almost is at a brink of tears. "You..you'd really stay up all night helping me with this stupid project?" Dani answers, "It does mean I'll have to miss several fabulous frat parties tonight, but I'm in." Tina also agrees to help. "Eh. I didn't have plans anyway." Puck speaks up for the rest of their suitemates. "You belong here, Santana. With us." Kurt pumps up the energy. "I'll start a pot of coffee. It's going to be a long night!" "Let's write some pages!"