CHAPTER 3 – FOUND OUT

I own nothing, I just love Twilight – no copyright infringement intended.

Thanks to Nowforruin and sangrealfire at PTB for looking over this for me, I really appreciate your comments. New, improved version, now with less monologue. Although if I had great sex with Demetri I'd go on about it too! :)

(No Lemons, lots of Angst – consider this a warning!)

Something's missing and I don't know why,
I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you.
Is it me or you that I'm afraid of?
I tell myself 'I'll show you what I'm made of,
Can't bring myself to let you go.

Bad Girl, Madonna

Once my eyes were closed, I was dead to the world until my alarm clock tore me from my sleep. My dreams had been full of the events that had taken place in the forest with my vampire partner in crime. I'd relived every touch, every caress, and felt every spike of pleasure ten times over while I'd slept. So this morning I was pretty damn happy. I had forgotten how good it felt to be sexually satisfied. It was even better knowing there was more to come.

I got up and ready for my part-time job. Our family wasn't exactly wealthy, and while I finished my courses and opened up my own shop, I was a part-time cashier. I skipped downstairs and kissed my mom on the cheek as I breezed out the door without breakfast. By her expression, I believed she was wondering who had taken her daughter and replaced her with this pleasant, carefree stranger.

I began to notice passers-by turning to stare, or they caught my eye and smiled back, rather than looking away nervously like they normally did. At first I thought I had something on my face, or my ass was on show, before I caught sight of myself in a window and realised that the reason was me. I looked happy, and a smile did so much more for my face than a scowl.

As I gave the few customers who walked through the door service-with-a-smile, I thought a little about my situation. Demetri had a week left in La Push, and I didn't want this feeling to end. It seemed irresponsible to leave my family, my studies and my job in pursuit of good sex, although I had to admit the thought of leaving all my pain in La Push was very appealing.

I had no idea what I was going to do. I knew my head should prevail over my hormones, but my badly patched-up heart screamed at me for a fresh start.

Well, I had a week to decide. Maybe that would be long enough to get all the mad, passionate, vampire sex out of my system. Maybe it would make me hungry for more. I needed to be cautious, as I doubted my mangled heart could take another blow like Sam. This was just sex, a bit of fun, nothing more.

After my shift had finished, I grabbed a couple of pizzas on the way home for myself and Seth. Mom was staying at Charlie's tonight, leaving us wolves to fend for ourselves. Seth was still going through the wolf growth spurt and the amount of food he ate was gross. I seemed to have reached my peak. Shape shifters attained the physical form of a twenty-five year old regardless of age, and stayed that way until they could stop phasing. Certainly at twenty-three years, I looked a little older than I actually was.

I did not phase very often. I was best out of the pack mind, and away from the torture that was being a party to Sam's thoughts. The hurt and pain that it caused only brought out the worst in me. If I kept away, I managed to get some kind of closure on the situation, if you could call it that. Maybe a bit of light-hearted fun would help heal me and I could finally move on. Maybe it would just help me forget for a while. Either way, it was what I needed.

Another reason for not phasing was the fact that someday I hoped to have children, once I could start aging again. I had no menstrual cycle, and I missed what that stood for. Fertility. I guessed this week I was going to be spending a lot more time in wolf form to see Demetri, and I would have to forget about my pledge to stop phasing to try to become a regular human girl.

Once I got home, Seth greeted me with a big smile as I walked through the door bearing food. I tossed him a box and we sat in the living room watching trashy prime time television.

"So you've volunteered to do another patrol tonight." My baby-faced brother finally spoke after he'd devoured the entire pizza I'd given him.

"Yep," I mumbled, around a mouthful of dough, cheese and tomato.

"You never volunteer. What's with that?"

"Just felt like it." I shrugged.

Seth looked at me, he wasn't convinced. "You seem different today, not your normal self. Have you been taking happy pills or something?"

I laughed out loud. "So now I'm not allowed to have a good day once in a while? Don't you think it's about time I learned to enjoy life a little? I can't spend my entire life moping about Sam and being a werewolf. Maybe for now I've just found a different way of looking at things."

Seth gave me a strange look; he seemed to sniff the air and his nose wrinkled in disgust. "Guess you found that vampire."

I grunted my non-committal reply.

"Do you have a new boyfriend?" he asked me.

"Why do you ask?"

"Do you?"

"So what if I do? It's none of your goddamn business." I tried to look nonchalant and not smirk as I took another mouthful of pizza.

"What does that mean? Is it someone I know?"

"What the hell is this? Spanish-freaking-Inquisition?" Part of me secretly hoped this conversation would leak out next time Seth was part of the pack mind. Leah and someone other than Sam. What a scandal!

The rest of the pack would have a field day with their male, hormonal, teenage minds. I got sick of them panting over my naked female form when they caught me changing back to human before I could get dressed. It got to the point where if any of the guys thought about me just one more time, I was going to have to remove the goddamn organ they did their thinking with.

For a moment, I almost returned to my bitter self until I remembered that tonight I was meeting Demetri again. One thing was for sure; whether or not I planned to go anywhere with him, I was making the most of this week.

A million thoughts of Demetri and what could happen raced through my mind, and for a moment, I was lost in my own head. Once I snapped out of it, I noticed Seth staring at me. I didn't need to be in his head to know he was caught between brotherly protectiveness, versus being happy that his sister was on the mend.

Later that evening, I packed a pair of cut-offs and a black vest into my Velcro pouch, wishing I owned nicer portable clothing. I gathered by the pace we'd set last night that I wouldn't be wearing them long. Seth had arranged a night with Jacob at the Cullens' house, so at least I wouldn't have to worry if I had to sneak back into the house naked. Once I was out the back door, I took off my clothes on the porch before I changed into my animal shape.

Immediately I was aware of a number of others in my head than just Jared, who I was meant to be relieving.

"Leah." I heard Sam's voice. "Would you like to come join us? We'd like to have a word with you." It wasn't a request, it was an order.

"Oh shit," I thought, before I could stop it escaping. I slunk over to the spot all the other wolves had congregated, and entered the circle with my ears back and my tail low. They knew, I was in trouble. Damn, they heard that too.

The rest of the pack, without Jacob and Seth, stood in a circle. Paul in particular looked restless pacing by Sam's side. Discipline, crap. Damn, I hated the pack mind.

"Leah," Sam began. "You know why you are here. Is there something you want to tell us?"

I got a flash from Paul's mind, an image of small fragments of skirt and the smell in a familiar clearing to the North East of the territory. The same smell clung to me now. Vampire. Damn, found out.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I was on patrol last night. I kind of took a break in human form. I neglected my duties, and I'm sorry."

A mental murmur ran around the circle. I realised I wasn't going to get off with just an apology. I was going to play Omega wolf and they were going to gang up on me for the sake of pack stability and discipline. Damn, damn and damn.

"You took a goddamn break?" Sam snarled. "I could tell you did more than that!"

"I was wrong to leave La Push unprotected," I retorted. "The reason why I did it is none of your freaking business!"

"On the contrary Leah," Sam replied. I could tell he was very angry; angry with me. "If you are putting us all at risk we all deserve to know the reason. I think you should admit to everyone what you were doing."

"Not on your life," I growled back. This was about more than pack discipline; this was personal. "I'm sure you've all caught from Paul exactly what he found. You don't need to know all my private details."

Paul moved in front of Sam and took an aggressive stance. Sam never could discipline me himself.

"Leah, I order you to tell us what went on in that clearing last night while you were meant to be guarding the res. While a threat was in the area. A strange vampire."

It was an alpha command. I tried my hardest to prevent myself from complying but the thoughts escaped me, and the whole pack saw the scenario replayed in my mind. They saw and heard everything, and my humiliation was complete.

Sam reacted more than most; the twinge he registered caused a pull in my own chest. We both quickly caught ourselves before the spiral of pain could begin for all to see. I decided the pack had seen enough for one night, and I hid the hurt with aggression.

"We weren't under threat; the vampire was with me the whole time. Who I choose to meet and have sex with is my own business. Admittedly, I shouldn't have done it on pack time."

"What if there were others?"

"I did a circuit, and I smelled no-one else. We were twenty minutes max." I knew I was going to get my punishment tenfold for my insolence, but I was unable to help myself.

"It doesn't matter how long you were whoring yourself out for. The fact was you left us unprotected. Wolves do not have sex with vampires; we're here to kill them! He almost killed you himself."

"Have you told Jacob that?" I snapped.

"Told Jacob what?" Sam looked puzzled.

"That vampires and werewolves don't have sex. He's going to be awfully pissed if he waits until Nessie grows up and he's stuck as just the family dog."

For a second Sam was speechless. I noticed Quil agreed that I had a good point, before Paul glared and he cowered.

"That's different," Sam argued feebly.

"How different? Once he imprinted I didn't see you interrogating him."

"You haven't imprinted. He wasn't having sex when he should have been on patrol."

"What if female wolves don't imprint? I don't have the choice to sleep with whoever I want? If I want to have goddamn sex with a vampire, I will have goddamn sex with a vampire!"

Sam was livid, and I sensed his jealousy. This was definitely about more than just the correctness of vampire/werewolf sex.

"Leah, you idiot! What the hell do you think would happen if you went to Italy? They'd interrogate you, probably kill you. He's using you to find about the pack."

"I never said I was going to Italy. And using me?" I snarled and gnashed my teeth. "Trust me, I know exactly what being used feels like. Say hi to my cousin when you go home, Sam."

Sam reeled for a second at my low bow. "That has nothing to do with this."

"It has everything to do with this. If it hadn't happened, I wouldn't be meeting vampires in the woods. You wouldn't be making more of this than there really is. I did wrong doing it on pack time, but other than that it's my own business and I will see whoever I want to. Ok?"

"Leah, this is for your own good. You know he's poisonous to you right? One drop of venom in your bloodstream and that's it."

"I can assure you that the venom wasn't in my bloodstream," I spat back, every syllable calculated to hurt him.

Sam snorted; he had lost patience with me and my smart mouth. He signalled to Paul, who leapt towards me teeth bared, and knocked me to the ground. He grabbed a mouthful of my fur on my shoulder and I yelped, as I tried to twist and allow my jaw to make contact with him.

We rolled, twisted and growled as we battled for supremacy. Paul was stronger than I, and he quickly beat me into a submissive position with his mouth around my throat. Eventually I lay there silent, bloodied, and humiliated.

Sam approached. I could tell it distressed him to order Paul attack me. Sometimes he let our past history get in the way of the needs of the pack. Personally, I found the reminder of what we used to be more hurtful.

"You are not to meet this vampire again. You aren't allowed to patrol on your own until you can be trusted not to leave us in such a vulnerable position. You will learn your place in the pack."

All I could manage was to growl my disappointment as Paul let go and allowed me to stand on all fours. I'd been commanded by my alpha, and there was no way to resist. I could not see Demetri again.

But something told me this was wrong. Something inexplicable was pushing me to defy the alpha order that had been set in stone. I couldn't comply; I had to see Demetri. Every fiber of my being was calling me.

I noticed the pack watching me apprehensively, as confused by what was going through my mind as I was. Until something happened, and I was on my own even though I was still in wolf form. I could see the pack, but not hear them.

I was free of the pack mind. Something I could not comprehend had made it impossible for me to follow the hierarchy, and I was cut off. The silence scared me and I backed out of the circle. The other wolves looked around at each other, and it was disorientating not knowing what they were thinking.

Sam made a motion towards me. He didn't seem aggressive, but it startled me and I turned and bolted through the trees. I ran as fast as my paws could carry me. I may not have been the strongest or the best fighter in the pack, but I was definitely the fastest. They would never catch me.

I headed east at first, weaving through the trees, until I suddenly changed direction, and then again. I had no idea where I was heading, only knowing that I had to lose the pack. It felt like I ran for hours before I eventually stopped and phased back into human form. Dirty, covered in my own dried blood and naked; I fell to my knees and wailed.