A/N: I own NOOOTTHING!
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Chapter 3 DethPals
Light sat on a park bench idly running through swift chord progressions, Ryuk was intent on his bag of apples. Neither was really paying attention until Ryuk heard a snarling sound. He looked up and nearly choked on his apple.
"Uh… Light?"
They were surrounded by hungry tigers.
Light ignored the Shinigami and kept running his fingers up and down the frets.
What to do now? This world is mine to remake as I see fit...
Light continued to play without even trying... and reality realigned to his wishes.
The tigers closed in... and kneeled before him; lying down and cuddling at his feet like overgrown pussy cats.
Light smiled graciously.
Yes, that's what was missing. Gods need followers. An audience... and someone that could keep up and challenge me… Otherwise this will get really boring really fast.
Light pondered sourly now that the post-power-high was wearing off. He was already the best at everything before he gained some measure of divinity...
It's just more of the same...
As Light sat there brooding through the blackest and most brutal of thoughts the Shinigami cheerily crunched through the last of the apples. It wouldn't be long until he was whining at him again.
Dildos.
Light got to his feet, slinging the guitar over his back, and continued on his way, the Shinigami and the streak of tigers falling into step behind him.
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The young man blinked groggily as he tried to reconnect with reality.
The park... why am I in the park?
The blood dripped down into his eyes from where he sustained a massive blow to the head.
Everything was still fuzzy... Oh yeah, his glasses. They broke his glasses...
That's right he was jumped in an alley somewhere...
His muscles were screaming—he soon realized why. They had tied him to a tree. The boy tried to avoid panicking. After all this was hardly the first time this had happened to him, they'd grow tired of it eventually... but why the f/riff/ did they strip him naked?
"We'll teach you to f/riff/ with us!" growled one of his tormentors.
The man refused to give them any reaction, even as he realized exactly what they had in mind.
"Shit, someone's coming!" shouted another. His tormentors didn't get far. The guitar slammed into the back of one, crushed the throat of the other. They crumpled to the ground.
"Wowee!" The man said upon seeing his rescuer, a young man with gleaming red eyes. He radiated an aura of menace and raw power that crackled around his entire form. Light simply pointed and the chains snapped (His will be done) depositing the other man on the ground on his hands and knees, kneeling before the young God.
"Hey, you okay?"
"I'm... okay," he insisted. He'd survived much, much worse. That was pretty tame as beatings go.
Light gasped as he recognized the other boy. "Teru Mikami?"
Light never forgot about his childhood friend. The older boy protected him all throughout grade school before the bullies wised up to the fact that Light's daddy was the Chief of Police and giving the Nerdboy swirlies meant criminal charges and time in juvie. Teru was Light's best friend up till around sixth grade. But then Teru's mother died and he was shuffled off to some orphanage and Light never heard from him again...
The other boy dizzily shook his head trying to stay conscious. Light, who was quickly learning to harness his brutally awesome powers, laid his hands on the other and his weeping wounds closed, and Ryuk (after being promised more apples) helped find where the bullies had stashed Teru's clothes.
"Do you remember me?" Light asked.
Mikami could only stare stupidly in the face of his savior—in awe and because, at the moment, not enough blood was reaching his brain... Mikami sucked in a breath as he watched the other boy, who was backlit by the holy glow of the streetlamp.
"You're GOD!" Teru proclaimed. God knows me! Am I… chosen?
Light nodded. It wasn't the answer he was expecting but it pleased him greatly...
My... follower... A smug smile graced his lips. "That's right."
Teru groveled at Light's feet until Light decided to remind him of the little fact that he wasn't dressed.
Mortified, the other man rushed to dress himself.
He still has fine taste in clothes, Light noted as the other man donned that nice dress shirt and pants and that cool black trench coat like something right out of The Matrix.
Now fully dressed Teru was about to resume the groveling position when he seemingly just noticed how they were flanked by tigers that silently observed everything with hungry eyes.
"D'awww, I like your little kitty friends!" Teru cooed enthusiastically at the tigers as he reached down to pet one. The tiger snarled and lashed out at him. Teru yelped and hid behind Light.
"Bad kitty," Light scolded the tiger flattened it's ears in contrition and skulked away.
Meanwhile Teru gave another startled cry. While he was cowering he accidentally touched Light's guitar so he could now see Ryuk.
Light sighed. "Chill, it's just a Shinigami. He follows me everywhere. It's best to just ignore hi—"
"That is like, so cool!" Teru exclaimed.
"Huh?"
"He's like a special pal who's with you every day!" Mikami said excitedly.
Light shuddered.
But as Light's new follower took a shine to his creepy clown-demon an idea came to mind...
"Teru Mikami, will you join me?"
"You want me to... Wowee!" Teru swooned. "I mean, of course my Lord!" Teru agreed without hesitation. Mikami knew right now, he would do anything, absolutely ANYTHING, for the other man.
Light turned to the forgotten Shinigami who was whimpering and turning into a floating pretzel.
"Kyakyakya... Apples..." he moaned.
"Say Ryuk, got any more Death Notes?"
"Uh, no... just the one... ku-ku-ku-c'mon, PLEASE give me an apple?"
"Hmm..."
Light played his guitar and conjured up another one out of thin air. This one was almost solid black with just a few white squiggly glyphs decorating the body.
"How'd you do that?" Mikami's voice broke with absolute reverence.
His God shrugged. "No clue... Here you go, Teru," Light handed him the guitar. "Now you can back me up."
Teru was so nervous his knees gave out. "Yes God!" He didn't play but he would learn if that was what his God commanded.
"If you can do THAT you can make me some apples!" Ryuk growled sullenly.
"Say Ryuk," Light asked, ignoring Ryuk's request "Is it possible for a Shinigami to possess two people at once?"
"Kukuku Yeah, baby! But... it'll be a pain though... hmmm but you know what would make it worth my while?"
"What?"
"MORE APPLES!" Ryuk roared.
"I just got you apples!" Light said exasperated.
"Well I'm sure I can think of something else..." the monster leered suggestively.
"Fine... I'll get you more apples. Just... follow Teru for now."
Ryuk looked disappointed. "Fine!" The Shinigami huffed.
"There, now Ryuk can follow you."
"YAY! Thanks Light-sama!" Mikami whooped with joy and hugged the shivering monster. "You're the best!"
"Apples?" Ryuk whimpered pathetically.
"Sure buddy! Whatever you want!"
Ryuk's fangy grin widened.
Light resumed his march to nowhere in particular. Mikami swiftly fell in step behind his God and nearly tripped on one of the bodies that littered the ground. He hadn't really noticed them before.
"Wow-wee! Are they dead?"
Light shrugged when he saw more guys he made "go-sleeps-in-blood." "Who cares? They're dildos. It's Justice, Teru."
"Yes, God!"
Of course, Light had no problem with that name, though when he noticed the odd looks they were getting by people passing by from Teru calling him that (the tigers... the BODIES... they didn't seem to notice)... perhaps the world was not yet ready to know him.
"Er... let's stick with 'Light,' okay?"
"Yes Light-sama!"
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Meanwhile in Kabukicho Mello ran about the streets, his eyes lighting up at the lewd neon signs like L in a candy store. L and Matt trailed along behind him. L was far more interested in the crepe-selling street vendors than whatever these stores had to offer... and Matt was becoming increasingly worried that Mello, in his tight leather outfit, might get mistaken for a hooker.
"Oh oh oh! I am gonna get so wasted and I'm going to screw every slut I come across and I am I am... totally gonna buy THAT!" Mello declared as he stopped at a storefront showcasing edible erotica, the window dressing displayed a deal on installation of a giant chocolate swimming pool."Ryuuzaki," Mello whined L's newest alias "Can we get that installed at our new headquarters, please?"
Matt gaped at the price.
"Seriously?" Matt pushed his goggles up into his red hair so he could properly glare disapprovingly at his chocoholic friend.
"I'll get it on credit and then pay it back after we get famous!" Mello argued.
"Think of the interest rates!"
"Yeah, totally," L agreed. "it's better to just buy it now."
"Wait, what? You're enabling..." Matt began but then turned to see that L, too, was drooling at the display. He really should've seen that coming.
"F/riff/ING AWESOME! Good work, Mello!"
Matt face-palmed. "Guys... Getting dentures before you turn thirty because your teeth have all rotted out is totally not metal."
As soon as Matt had said that L swiftly whipped out a recording device from his jeans pocket and clicked it on. "Idea for song: 'Rotted Metal Teeth'."
Matt gaped at L. "I get residuals for that, right?"
And so L called up Watari and after a long argument laced with the occasional death threat Watari agreed to have a chocolate swimming pool installed at Headquarters.
Matt overheard Watari's exasperated "For the record I tried" before L flipped his phone closed and went off to buy a strawberry crepe from the street vendor.
Meanwhile Mello was chatting with a very attracting individual of ambiguous gender who lured him eagerly into a seedy-looking establishment.
"Uh, Mello..." Matt began but it was too late, Mello had already slipped inside failing to actually read the sign.
L returned with his crepe and asked "Where's Mello?" before taking a big bite, the strawberry filling dripped messily on his white sweater, resembling blood.
Matt sighed and pointed at the sign written in kanji that read "Enema Club."
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The worst of killers you do track /
Target painted on your back /
You're gonna die young /
You might as well have fun /
If a Shinigami doesn't kill you in your sleep
Your fate awaits you with rotted metal teeth!
