I'm sorry for procrastinating! Really I am, forgive me! Anyhoos, here's the much needed chapter that has been driving me crazy!
Un-Reality TV
I sat next to Tiff, who was writing something in her journal. Well, more so I was standing on one end of a slender piece of wood that came up to my forehead. In my teeth was a thick strand of twine with a loop on either tip. The bottom one was stuck in a notch on one end of the wood and I was still trying to get the other loop onto the top.
"Haven't you gotten that thing yet?" Tiff asked, looking up from her writing.
"Nnnnggggghhh...." I grunted, strained to transfer the twine onto the nearly finished bow. It finally slipped on and I flopped onto the ground, panting, "Yes…" I said, still trying to catch my breath.
"Now you just need to make the arrows."
"I… hate… you…"
Tiff smiled and shrugged. Tuff and some of his friends walked up to us, followed closely by Kirby "Hiya Tiff! Hi Lynn!"
"What are you doing?" asked one of the kids
"Is that you're homework?" asked another
"Can I get a copy?"
"Since when do you guy even go to school?" I asked, breaking a stick off of the tree that I was leaning against and sharpening it with a knife I… er… borrowed from Kawasaki.
"No, I'm writing an essay," Tiff explained
"So… you're doing homework with or without school?" I asked, "I hope it doesn't become habit for your sake,"
"Essay?" Tuff asked, apparently sharing my thought
"That's right, I'm putting down everything about Cappy town and everybody," she said, not realizing that Kirby had taken the book out of her hands. Finally, she turned and saw him shaking the book as if expecting something to fall out.
"Kirby!" she exclaimed, then sighed, "Finding the right words to describe Kirby isn't too easy ya know,"
"How hard could it be?" I sniggered, "He's pink, round, inhales everything in sight, and kicks monster ass,"
Shooting a death glare at me, she said, "But I write about how great it is to live in Cappy Town,"
"Speak for yourself,"
She sighed, "Why do I even bother with you? You're a disaster waiting to happen."
"You just answered your own question boopsie," I said, fitting the new (and poorly made) arrow into the bowstring and let it fly. It soared about 10 feet before thudding into the ground
"You're awful at that," Tuff pointed out
"And I'd like to see you do better,"
All of us turned when we heard someone call form behind us, "Hey, there they are!" a man and a woman ran up to us, looking almost excited, "Come on, we gotta get home right away!" said the man, looking at the kid whose name I think is Iroh.
"Is something wrong?" Tiff asked
"Kind Dedede is giving every family in town a special free gift,"
"That's bull crap if I ever heard it," I exclaimed
"King Dedede never gave anyone anything except a headache," Tiff agreed
The woman clapped her hands together, "He's giving everyone a television with DVD,"
My mouth dropped open, "No way! A TV? Sweet!" I immediately began grinning, even though I should have known it was too good to be true. I shouldered my bow and put some arrows in a poorly-made quiver I had made earlier and started running for the Cappy boy's house along with everyone else.
Tiff, Tuff, Kirby and I poked our heads through Iroh's window to see his and his family eagerly waiting for the show to start.
"The king's up to something," Tiff whispered as she hoisted herself down from the window
"Tiff, do you think the King's gonna give mom and dad a TV too?" Tuff asked
"Maybe, who cares?"
"I do!" Tuff exclaimed and ran up to the castle
"That's got to be the fastest I've ever seen that kid run," I muttered
We watched through the window as Escargoon's voice came through the speakers, "This is the world premier of Dreamland Television, 'Channel DDD'!"
As soon as Dedede appeared on screen, I hopped down from the window sill, "I'm out of here."
Tiff hopped down and turned to see me sitting up against the side of the house, "Is it over?" I asked
"No, but if some people want to waste their lives watching this TV junk, but we have better things to do, right Kirby? Lynn?"
"I'd like to waste my life watching good TV junk, but Dedede just killed that dream," I sighed
We then realized that Kirby wasn't next to us anymore, we both looked through the window this time to see Kirby sitting in front of the TV as well.
We walked down the main road in Cappy Town. It was vacant of life, it almost seemed unnatural
"Where is everybody?" Tiff finally screamed, "Hello?"
I watched in what was almost amusement as she ran to a window and looked in at what I assumed was someone watching their new television set. She ran from house to house, looking more and more flustered as she went along. I began to follow her down the road and eventually looked through a window to see Mr. Curio rolling on the floor laughing at whatever stupid thing Dedede had said or done.
"I would have thought Mr. Curio would have been too smart to watch television," Tiff muttered
"Well, you thought wrong," I said
Tiff burst through the door, startling Mr. Curio out of his skin, "Mr. Curio I'm very disappointed in you!"
"Uh, well… I uh…" but he didn't have time to say anything as Tiff yelled in his face, "WE USED TO HAVE LIVES BEFORE TELEVISION!!!!!" then stormed out, me following her.
She ran about halfway up the road before stopping and allowing me to catch up, "There's still my family. Maybe they could resist television ."
"And maybe not…"
We walked through the door and into the living room where, as I had predicted, Tuff, his parents, Fololo and Falala were all glued to the set.
"Oh, no," she sighed to herself, "Dad, if you watch this junk it'll rot away your brain cells!"
"Well I haven't been using my brain cells very much anyways," he responded
"He makes a very convincing argument," I mused, considering how ironic it was that even though Tiff hated TV, she was on it at times. Not that I had exactly told anyone that they were on a television show.
She brushed past me and, being the caring soul that I am, I followed her. Or maybe it was because I didn't want to be stuck in a room where everyone was watching a bad rendition of Transformers.
"My parents are couch potatoes." She said to me, but when she looked up, I was no longer next to her; I was peering into Meta Knight's room. I gestured to her, "Tiff, get over here! You are never going to believe this!"
I stepped out of the way and let her look; I had to laugh at the look of horror on her face. She shoved the door open, "I can't be,"
"This is what the great star warrior Meta Knight does with his spare time," I laughed
She ran up next to him, "Please Meta Knight, don't tell me you like Channel DDD too!"
He laughed, which caused me to almost go into shock, and replied, "King Dedede may be a despicable dictator, but you've got to admit he's got some funny shtick."
"Who are you and what have you done with Meta Knight?" I asked, staring at him in utter disbelief
"I've had toothaches funnier than King Dedede," Tiff huffed, "Please, he's got to be up to something!" but before she could rant any longer, a broadcast came on that mad ever her watch the screen;
Dedede; This here is an important news bulletin. A giant monster has been spotted stompin' our way!
"Not again…" I sighed
Dedede; Let's go live!
A huge monster made its way through the trees and into view of the camera.
Monster; Kirby! Kirrby!!!!
"Figures,"
Dedede; You heard it that critter's headin' our way cause it's lookin for Kirby!
Over the sound of the monster shouting Kirby's name over and over again, Sword said, "It's weird that the monster showed up on the same day as the telli's,"
"Let me give you a hint as to why, Sherlock," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm, "That monster is faker than my hair color,"
Everyone turned to stare at me.
"What? Naturally I'm a blonde,"
Everyone just seemed to shake themselves, and went back to their conversation, "Esurriteiandn," Blade said
"But why would it want Kirby?"
Tiff put her hand on her cheeks in what I though was a pretty good Home Alone face and rushed out the door, "Kirby!"
"Yes, because there really is a monster and it really is looking for Kirby," I rolled my eyes and followed her halfheartedly out the door.
We ran out the castle and down the hill to a small cliff that overlooked the village. There was nothing there.
"See?! What did I tell you?"
"Well, yes, but why would King Dedede say there's a monster coming if there's not really?"
"Because he's Dedede,"
Tiff thought a minute and looked over to me, "Lynn, go down to the village and see what's going on. I have a bad feeling about this,"
"Aye-aye captain," I said with an exaggerated army salute and made my way down to the village.
I made it to the village square just in time to see every single Cappy leaving there houses chanting, "Kirby must go away. Kirby must go away,"
"I knew I should have stayed in bed today…," I said, rolling my eyes, I peeked through Curio's window and say Dedede on the screen with a spinning background behind him. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I had a distinct feeling that Kirby was in for a rude awakening.
I ran over to Iroh's house, which was where I last saw him, and, sure enough, I saw the little puff being thrown out of the house.
"Kirby!" I yelled, and ran over to him, "We've got to go! Move! Movemovemovemovemove!" I grabbed him by his stubby arm and pulled him to where I thought I might find Tiff. Instead, we ran into a mob of Cappies, complete with pitchforks and torches, "Come on people!" I shouted, "Give me a break! I can only run so far without legs!" They ignored me, and charged straight at Kirby. This time I didn't have to pull him, he ran for his life, leaving me in the company of the angry mob.
"Kirby must go away…"
"Will you shut up?!" I screamed, starting into a jog, "I get the picture!" and ran off in the direction Kirby had gone. I heard the rumble of their footsteps behind me though and quickened my pace to a sprint. I collided wit Tiff, who was standing right next to my tree, "Ang-angry… mob… coming…" I panted, and flopped onto the ground. An arrow poked me in the back.
"Then get Kirby out of here!" she said, a hint of panic in her voice.
"Get a grip lady, you're not the one who just ran a quarter of a mile trying to catch up with a cream puff," I snapped, then hoisted Kirby into my arms, and scuttled up into the branches, concealed by leaves. We heard Tiff conversing with the mob below, "Hey, what's going on? What are you doing?"
"Do you know where Kirby is?" asked Chief Bookem in monotone
"I've been looking for him but he must be gone,"
"He's hiding. If you know where Kirby is, you should tell us now. Kirby must go away! Then the monster will leave us."
"Wow, I looked all over Cappy Town and I didn't see a monster,"
"It wrecked the mayor's house on TV," Kawasaki explained, also in monotone
"Well I haven't been watching because I think TV's stupid,"
I heard Bookem growl in annoyance before saying, "Let's try that way,"
Once I was sure they were gone, I dropped Kirby down from the tree, and I quickly followed
"Ok guy's lets go!" Tiff said hurriedly and she and Kirby ran off
"Guys! Wait up!" I shouted after them, "I can't run as fast as you! I failed P.E.!"
I eventually met up with them at Kirby's place to find Tokkori shouting word of encouragement to the Dedede, who was on the screen.
"Tokkori! We need a place to hide Kirby!" Tiff said
"Yeah, hide Kirby at his house. They'll never suspect it," I said, leaning against the wall to catch my breath
"Huh? Kirby? Hey junior get lost that monster's lookin' for-," But before Tokkori could finish Tiff punched him into a wall
"Nice aim," I admired, giving her a slow clap, "Too bad I didn't get to shut his mouth for him instead,"
Tiff, Kirby and I watched as Dedede shot missiles at the monster and the monster blow fire at him in return.
"Epic fake," I mumbled, "Dedede doesn't have that good of aim,"
"Very fishy," Tiff agreed
Next we saw the monster rearing up behind Kirby's house.
"Oh no! The monster's found out Kirby's hiding in here! We're gonners! Wah-," This time I grabbed Tokkori by the neck, "Shut you're beak for about 5 seconds and look for yourself, it's not going to be there!" I kicked the door back open and showed Tokkori the yard, "What do you say to that?"
"Hey, the monster skedaddled! It's gone!"
"IT WAS NEVER HERE!!!" Tiff and I both screamed, "It was a hoax!" Tiff said
"But we saw it on TV," Tokkori contradicted
"This is what's real! Why isn't it here? Because it's fake!"
I laughed, "And this concludes our game of 'how many different ways can Tiff say the same thing over and over again' on account of the fact that Meta Knight is right behind you,"
"Don't believe everything you see on the television set my friend," Meta Knight said, as expressionless as ever.
"Aaaand how long ago did we try to tell you this?" I asked, them mimicked him, "'The king may be a despicable dictator, but you've got to admit, he's got some funny shtick,' ring a bell?"
"What is it Meta Knight?" Tiff asked, "Lynn, I think you're hurting him," I then looked down at Tokkori, who had turned a faint shade of blue, I let him go, "Sorry 'bout that,"
Meta Knight ignored me, "I have searched all of Cappy Town. There is no monster."
"Poyo?"
"Yes, we know, I was the one that told you in the first place!" I said, exasperated
"Come with me to the castle,"
We looked at each other, then to Meta Knight, then back to each other, and followed Meta Knight back to the castle.
We snuck past a troop of Waddle Dees that were patrolling the hallway and up to Tiff's family's house. We made it there, panting and out of breath.
"Look, it's Kirby!" Ebrum noticed, "And Tiff and Lynn," Lady Like finished
Tuff ran up to us, "Kirby must go away!"
I slapped him, "Snap out of it and tell us something we don't know!" I was about to hit him again but Tiff caught my hand, "I think he gets the picture,"
"There's a monster coming! We saw it on TV!"
"Just because it's on TV doesn't mean it's true! And we're going to prove it!"
"We are?" Tuff and I asked in unison
Meta Knight opened the door I was leaning against, almost shoving me to the floor, "You so did that on purpose!" I accused
"Excuse me,"
"Meta Knight, you startled us," Tiff sighed
"You'd think you'd be used to him showing up out of nowhere. It kind of deadens whatever reflex is used to startle you,"
"Something is going down in the dungeon, where the king has his TV studio," Meta Knight explained, "He is hiding something,"
"Surprise surprise,"
"Is there a way to get in?" Tiff asked
"Lynn and I will create a distraction,"
I stopped short, "Woah, 'Lynn and I'? what does that mean?"
"You are obnoxious and destructive, this should be know problem for you,"
"Thank you, I knew you cared,"
"Are you ready?" Meta Knight asked, looking at me. It was weird, being in charge of the distraction. I loved it more than anything, having to tell Meta Knight what to do, but it was nonetheless weird.
"The question is, are you?"
He nodded.
"Excellent," I walked out into the hall, and was immediately swarmed by Waddle Dees, "What are you doing down here?" Doo asked, "This is restricted area!"
"I have a present for the king," I replied
"He's busy, if you give it to us, we'll get it to him,"
"You sure?"
"Positive,"
I shrugged, "Ok, you brought this upon yourself," and reached behind the pillar next to where I was standing and Meta Knight handed me an old strawberry. I threw it at one of threw it at one of the Waddle Dees. It hit it squarely in the face.
"It's good!" I shouted football-fan style
I kept chucking the berries, most of them landing off target, but everyone, including myself, was covered in strawberries by the time I ran out. Even Meta Knight got a few smashed berries on his cape, which he tried to hide.
Waddle Doo ran up to me and pointed his sword at my face. However, I towered over him. I knocked an arrow to my bow, which I hadn't used whatsoever since I made it and pointed it at him threateningly, "I'm warning you, I have no idea what I'm doing,"
Apparently I looked as if I had meant it, because he stepped down, "Ok, ok, move on,"
"That's what I thought," I said smugly, wiping rotten strawberry out of my eye, and brushed past them and down the stairs to a door that said 'ON AIR' and shoved it open. I rolled my eyes.
Tiff, Tuff, and Kirby were in a large cage in the middle of the room while Dedede was laughing and dancing around in the middle of a miniature model of Cappy Town with Escargoon who was dressed up as the monster.
"I leave you guys alone for 5 minutes and this is the progress you've made?" I asked, "What would you do without me?"
"We would have been in here a whole lot sooner!" Tiff yelled angrily, "At least I'm not covered in rotten fruit!"
"You will be once you go upstairs!" I chuckled
Tiff's cheeks flushed with rage. Surprisingly, I don't think it was me. I think it was Dedede dancing around like a creepy school girl and Escargoon, laughing at her and making snide remarks, "Kirby, suck up this whole dumb studio!"
"No! Nononononono!" I yelled, grabbing onto the bars of the cage as Kirby started inhaling. Furniture and film equipment flew everywhere. I managed to hang on to my bow and quiver but lost all my arrows in the wind. Once Kirby finally stopped, I managed to land on my feet, wobbly, my hair was sticking up in all directions and my head was spinning. The rotted strawberry juice had dried and was caked onto my skin, "Not one of your smartest ideas Tiff…"
"Nice going Kirby," Tuff whispered
"Tuff, can you work a camera?" Tiff asked
"Watch me!"
We started the broadcast with Dedede lying on the floor, completely disoriented.
"This is a special report," Tiff began, "These pictures prove that King Dedede faked the monster on TV so we'd all turn against Kirby,"
"We told you, but did you listen? Noooooooooo. You think anything with a felt costume, a jeep, explosions, and Dedede's crappy acting makes him a good guy!" I said into the camera lens, "But you're not going to learn are you? You're going to forget about this and when the king orders a real monster, where are you going to be? Sitting there watching your king pretend to beat it!"
"Lynn? Lynn, I think they've learned their lesson. Move for a second." Tiff side-bumped me out of the way of the camera and went back on speaking, "Kirby is the real hero!"
"Poyo! Poyo!" Kirby chirped, jumping in front of Tiff
Tiff turned to Escargoon, "Escargoon, tell the viewers why you dressed like a monster and helped King Dedede!"
"Oh, I dunno, maybe it because he works for him Tiff?" I said coolly
"Please, no! Mama might see me!" he yelped, covering his face
"Please tell me he didn't say there are more of him…"
Kirby Dedede grabbed the camera and turned it on him, "Those kids got it all wrong. This is a king-sized understanding! Any events and situations depicted on channel DDD are purely fictional"
It was then thatTuff turned off the camera and (to my disappointment) it all seemed over.
-The next day-
Tiff read aloud from her journal;
"Meta Knight was right-,"
I glared at her, "And I don't get any credit for being right whatsoever? Yes, let's give all the credit to Meta Knight, who basically said everything I had said earlier except with a sexy Spanish accent!"
"Ok, ok, fine," Tiff said, "Meta Knight and Lynn were right. You can't always believe what you see on TV. But Maybe the king has learned his lesson and will provide quality programming from now on…"
"And if you believe that, I am now going into a career of selling lacy doilies,"
"I suppose you're right,"
"Aren't I always?"
"….No,"
"Well then," I grunted, shooting off another arrow, "I am going to find a decent place to wash the strawberries out of my hair. Have fun with your sick fantasies "
"I'll finally have peace,"
"Enjoy it while you can, because it's the last peaceful moment you'll have for awhile,"
Reviews are lovely. Flames will be used to keep my basement above 20 degrees! :D
