Thank you for your reviews last chapter and sorry if I haven't gotten back to you yet. :) Please to not be killing me at the end of this.
Warning: m/m sexual situations, language.
James returned a few hours after their makeshift late lunch of the sandwiches, interrupting an increasingly amorous clinch on the couch. He looked suspicious as Sirius fled to the bathroom after a quick greeting and Remus hastily pulled a pillow onto his lap.
'Any news about Peter?' Remus asked, hoping to Merlin he didn't look as thoroughly snogged as he felt. 'Have you released him yet?'
James eyed him for another moment then shook his head, putting a paper-wrapped parcel of fish and chips on the coffee table. 'He is refusing to offer an alibi of any kind,' he told Remus, sinking down into the armchair opposite him. 'He says he knows nothing about it and is cooperating in every other way, but...'
'Can't you give him Veritaserum or something?' Remus asked impatiently. 'He shouldn't have to spend a night in jail for something he hasn't done.'
'Remus, perhaps the reason he won't tell us where he was when you were attacked is because he was the one doing the attacking,' James retorted, reaching out to unwrap the food. 'And Veritaserum isn't infallible.'
Remus bit his lip to stop himself saying something he might regret later on. Abusing James wasn't going to help Peter. He watched James as he walked to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery, so deep in thought that he barely heard James' puzzled, 'I'm sure he had more plates than this,' or looked up when he returned.
It wasn't until the other man handed him a food-laden plate that he finally asked, 'Can I talk to him?'
Sirius threw himself down on the couch next to Remus, accepting a plate from James before he asked, 'Talk to who?'
'Peter,' explained Remus. 'If I talk to him, maybe he'll tell me where he was and you can start looking for whoever is really doing this.'
James sighed, spearing a fat chip with his fork. 'I don't think Moody'll go for that,' he mumbled just as Sirius said, 'That's not a bad idea.'
The Aurors looked at each other then James said in a warning tone, 'We should talk about this later.'
Sirius and Remus both heeded his caution and dug into their dinner. Remus had just taken a mouthful of butterbeer when James asked casually, 'So how have you two been entertaining yourselves stuck here?'
Remus choked, coughing violently as a flushing Sirius slapped him on the back. 'Reading,' Sirius answered, edging away from Remus a little. 'Talked a bit... nothing much.'
'Alright there, Remus?' James asked, raising an eyebrow, and Remus nodded.
'Drank too fast,' he muttered, clearing his throat.
They chatted about James and Sirius' childhood for the next hour, Remus laughing as the two men recounted stories of their time at Hogwarts School of Wizardry. He wiped away his tears of mirth, catching Sirius watching him with a little smile on his face. When he saw Remus had caught him, he quickly looked away, grabbing his drink and gulping it down.
'Where did you go to school, Remus?' James asked, covering a burp with his hand. 'You're the same age as us so it wasn't Hogwarts. I'm sure I'd remember a werewolf...'
'Durmstrang,' Remus replied with a smile, crossing one leg casually over the over. 'They jumped at the chance to have their own Dark Creature to study. Peter and I both went there.'
The relaxed atmosphere became charged at the mention of Peter's name and Remus' tension returned. He felt Sirius shift uncomfortably then James yawned loudly.
'I should get back to Lily and the sprog,' he said smoothly, standing and stretching. 'Sirius, walk me out. I want to tell you about a development on a case we were working on.'
Remus saw a startled expression on Sirius' face but he followed the other man to the door without a word. Remus gave them a few seconds then stood quietly and moved closer so he could hear the muted voices.
'...encouraging Remus to have false hope,' James whispered and Sirius snorted.
'I looked over the notes, James,' he hissed back. 'It's a bit too convenient, isn't it?'
'He won't talk to us...'
'All the more reason to allow Remus to talk to him,' Sirius broke in. 'He'll be safe with the Aurors there and Pettigrew might just open up a bit more to him.'
James sighed heavily. 'I'll suggest it to Moody,' he finally agreed and Remus grinned.
He was about to move away when he heard his name again. He shifted back into the shadows, straining his ears.
'... looked pretty cosy when I came in.'
'You're imagining things, James,' Sirius mumbled and even Remus could hear the fear in his voice.
James must have heard it as well because the next words were low and reassuring. 'Sirius, I've always told you that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to men...'
'I really wish you wouldn't bring that up again.'
'Sirius, it was just a kiss,' James said softly. 'We were young and drunk and I could laugh about it the next day, but you...'
'I'm not gay, James,' he said irritably. 'I wish you'd stop...'
'I'm not saying you're gay,' James snapped quietly. 'But you can be attracted to men and women – bisexual. You know I wouldn't care... I don't think anyone would care as much as you think they would.'
'You hear the things people say about poofs at the Ministry,' Sirius hissed urgently. 'No one would want to work with me...'
'I'd work with you,' James insisted. 'And I don't think you're giving the others enough credit. Look, I'm not going to argue about this with you; all I'm saying is to be careful with Remus. You know I'm a bit oblivious sometimes, Sirius, but even I could see the way you were looking at him tonight and, as attractive as I am, I doubt Remus would get spontaneous erections from me walking into the room.'
'Fuck,' Sirius muttered and Remus cursed similarly inside his head. He hadn't realised that James had known exactly what had been going on when he arrived.
'Apart from the fact you're supposed to be guarding him, not snogging him, he's out, Sirius,' James continued. 'And I doubt he wants to go back into the closet. If you are going to pursue something with him, you're going to have to be willing to be as out as he is.'
'I... I don't know... what I want,' Sirius mumbled so softly that Remus could barely hear him. 'I like him, James and I am... attracted to him. I just... I don't know.'
Remus bit his lip and quietly moved away, not wanting to hear any more of Sirius' doubts about what they were doing; he had enough of those himself. He collected the dirty plates and made his way to the kitchen, filling the sink with warm, soapy water to wash them the Muggle way. The events of the last few days were beginning to take its toll and his emotions were bubbling too close to the surface. He needed distraction that didn't take the form of a broad-chested, nimble-fingered, sexually confused brunette and the dishes provided it.
He heard the front door shut and a minute later, Sirius appeared by his side. 'I'll do that,' he offered but Remus shook his head.
'It's fine,' he said. 'It takes my mind off... everything.'
Sirius watched him for a moment, leaning a hip against the counter. 'James said he'd talk to Moody about you seeing Pettigrew,' he said and Remus looked at him.
'He couldn't do this to me, Sirius,' he said, his voice wobbling a little. He cleared his throat and tried again. 'Pete has been my best friend since we were in nappies. He isn't capable of what you're accusing him of.'
Remus flicked the soap suds off a hand and rubbed at his eyes, silently cursing at the stinging behind his eyelids. He had been trying to downplay his concern about the attacks and the accusations against Peter, but suddenly, he felt incredibly defeated and his shoulders slumped. 'I can't think of anyone who is capable of that,' he whispered. 'Who would hate me that much?'
He felt a hand slide over his hip then soft lips pressing lightly against his jaw. 'Leave this,' Sirius murmured, leaning his chin on Remus' shoulder. 'Go and shower – it'll make you feel a little better.'
The comfort, although sweet, made Remus feel even more emotionally vulnerable so he nodded and slipped out of Sirius' embrace.
***
Sirius watched Remus go and leaned back against the sink. He wasn't usually the cuddling kind but something about Remus made Sirius want to wrap his arms around him and kiss that pain off his face.
Merlin, I am getting in so deep here.
He heard the hiss of the shower and tried not to think of Remus all soapy and wet under the spray as he finished the dishes. When Remus came out, hair mussed and damp wearing only a borrowed pair of Sirius' sweatpants, Sirius' fingers dug hard into the arms of his chair as he tried to resist the urge to touch the smattering of scars over Remus' chest.
This is too much power for one man to have. He makes me question everything I thought I knew about myself...
Remus sank down next to him on the couch and sighed. 'We don't know very much about each other,' he said, making Sirius glance at him in surprise. 'We should talk.'
'Truth or dare?' Sirius joked, the corner of his mouth twitching and Remus smiled.
'Without the dare part,' he agreed then curled his legs up on the couch.
'Fine,' Sirius said in surprise, turning to face him. 'I'll start. Tell me about the night you were bitten.'
Remus made a choking noise and his eyes widened. 'Wow,' he said, voice breaking a little. 'You don't waste time, do you?'
Sirius shook his head and watched as Remus gathered his thoughts. 'It all comes down to bad luck and bad timing,' Remus said eventually, leaning forward, his forearms resting on his thighs. 'My sister and I played outside too long, it was the night of the full moon, my father had just refused to represent Fenrir Greyback in front of the Wizengamot that day... It all led to Greyback taking revenge and I happened to provide him with the perfect opportunity.'
Sirius frowned. 'Yet you now work defending people like him,' Sirius mused, noting the even tone of Remus' voice when he spoke of the other werewolf. 'You don't blame him?'
Remus shook his head. 'Not anymore. I blamed everyone for the longest time,' he admitted. 'My sister for being able to run faster than me, my father for refusing Greyback, my mother for not making us come inside at the usual time, myself for being so weak as to become a victim. Funnily enough, I didn't blame Greyback until years later; until he bit someone else and publicly crowed about it, boasted about turning another child. Then I realised that he enjoyed it, that he lived to turn others...'
Remus made a moue of disgust. 'I don't know how he can do it,' he whispered, dragging a hand through his hair. 'I am terrified that one day, something will go wrong with a transformation and I'll hurt someone...' He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and closed his eyes tight.
Sirius reached out and gripped Remus' hand reassuringly, respect for the man growing. 'You won't,' he said firmly. 'You won't.'
Remus glanced sideways at him and nodded before taking a deep breath. 'My turn?' he asked and Sirius let out a nervous huff of laughter.
'Take your best shot,' he said reluctantly.
Remus' face broke into a wicked grin and Sirius' skin broke out into goose bumps, marvelling once again at how powerfully Remus affected him.
'Tell me about your job.'
Sirius couldn't hide his surprise. 'My job?' he asked then smiled in relief. 'I thought...'
'Oh, we have plenty of time,' Remus smirked, swinging his legs up onto Sirius' lap. 'I plan on asking plenty of questions that will make you squirm.'
His toes brushed over Sirius' half-hard cock, making him moan. 'You're making me squirm alright,' he muttered then began to tell Remus about his job.
An hour and three more questions later, it was Remus turn again and he finally asked the question that Sirius had been expecting from the moment he'd agreed to play.
'How far are you planning on taking this... experimentation with me? Just how confused are you about your sexuality? Is this just to pass the time or are you looking for something... else?'
Sirius gnawed at his lip. 'That was three questions,' he mumbled, looking down at Remus' feet still in his lap.
'I answered your questions,' Remus retorted, prodding Sirius in the stomach with a toe.
'I know. I just... don't know how to answer you,' Sirius admitted, fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt to avoid the werewolf's eye. 'I kissed a guy once... at school. He was a bit curious as well and so we did it and...' He shrugged. 'He said he felt nothing, but I...' He finally looked up at Remus. 'I felt something.'
'And you didn't tell him,' Remus guessed and Sirius shook his head.
'No,' he said effusively. 'No, I was terrified. My family are very traditional, Remus. My uncle Alphard, the one who left me this flat, was gay and if my brother or I so much as breathed his name, we were flogged. I don't see much of my parents anymore but... I guess it's hard to throw aside twenty odd years of brainwashing.'
Remus made a disgusted noise. 'So you pretended you felt nothing after this kiss and castigate yourself every time you glance at another man's arse?'
'The other bloke – James - guessed I felt something, but I've never been attracted to any other man the way I am to you,' Sirius said softly. 'I've never done any of this...' He waved his hand between the two of them. '... before now. I was curious, but I've never really wanted to do anything about it. I enjoy being with women.'
He stroked a finger over the fragile bones of Remus' foot. 'I enjoy being with you too.'
Remus smiled affectionately, but Sirius could see the pensiveness behind it. 'I don't know where this is going or how far,' Sirius said, circling his fingers around Remus' ankle. 'But I won't ask anything of you that you aren't willing to give...'
Remus stared at him in contemplation. Sirius waited impatiently for the other man to come to a decision and was startled when Remus abruptly got to his feet.
'I'm going to bed,' he said, walking down the short hall and stopping outside Sirius' bedroom door. He turned to raise an eyebrow at Sirius. 'Coming?'
***
Remus sat on Sirius' bed, leaning back on his hands as he watched Sirius fidget with no small amount of amusement. 'What are you most curious about?' he asked.
Sirius frowned in confusion and Remus elaborated. 'In bed. With a man. What would you like to do?'
Sirius gaped at him and Remus smirked. 'You must have thought about it,' he said, standing and walking slowly, predatorily, towards Sirius who suddenly looked like a deer caught in headlights. 'You know now what it's like to have another man touch your cock, suck your dick...'
Sirius moaned as Remus' hand dragged across the prominent bulge in his trousers. 'But what about the other stuff?' he whispered, tongue flicking over the shell of Sirius' ear. 'Do you want to know how good it feels to have three fingers in your arse? Or a tongue?' He leaned closer, lips brushing over Sirius' ear. 'Or a cock?'
He grabbed Sirius' arm as the other man's knees buckled and pushed him towards the bed. 'Undress,' he ordered, licking his lips as Sirius hurried to obey, fingers reaching for the hem of his shirt. 'I want to see you.'
Sirius yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor. 'You too,' he whispered hoarsely, eyes raking over Remus' chest. 'Then I want to touch you... Fuck, I have to touch you.'
Sirius' hands fell to his fly and he tore it apart, shoving his pants and underwear down his legs. Remus' breath hitched as more creamy flesh was exposed and when Sirius stood in front of him completely naked, he forgot to breathe altogether.
'Gods,' he moaned, unable to take his eyes off the other man. 'You are fucking perfect.'
Sirius flushed; the pink colouring his cheeks then creeping down his neck. 'Remus...' he prodded, gesturing to the other man's pants. 'Please?'
Remus regained control of his senses and stripped the sweatpants off his legs, hearing Sirius' murmured, 'Bloody hell.'
He stood up straight, forcing himself not to hide his bony hips, his scars, his sticking-out ribs. Though, by the way Sirius' cock lurched and the man's mouth dropped open, he guessed Sirius must have seen something he liked.
'So?' he asked hoarsely. 'What do you want?'
Sirius' eyes rose from somewhere around Remus' groin to his face. 'I want to fuck you,' he said, wondrously, gazing at Remus with something like awe on his face. 'I really want to fuck you.'
Remus bit his lip and nodded. He didn't bottom often, but he wasn't about to stop Sirius now. He wanted the man too much to stop for anything.
He stepped closer, aligning his body with Sirius' so they were mouth to mouth, chest to chest, cock to cock. Sirius gasped as he slipped his arms around Remus and his lips were hungry and desperate when Remus kissed him.
They fell back onto the bed, immediately twisting and turning as they both tried to take control. Finally, Remus capitulated and lay back against the pillows. 'Do whatever you want,' he said, voice rough with desire and anticipation. 'I'm yours.'
The moment the words were out of his mouth, he wished he could take them back. Sirius' eyes rose to his and he knew the other man had heard the undercurrent of emotion in his words. It wasn't often Remus gave over control and he knew Sirius sensed that tonight was different.
Sirius dropped a kiss on Remus' lips and whispered, 'Yes, you are.'
***
He thought it would be more jolting – the lack of softness, the missing breasts, the extra appendage, but it wasn't. Sirius' initial nerves quickly faded as he kissed Remus long and deep. Their angles somehow managed to slot together as if they'd been made with the other in mind and Sirius was thrilled to discover that Remus was every bit as responsive and sensitive as any woman he'd been with.
And as an added bonus, there was less guess work. Sirius knew exactly how to translate what he himself liked and used that knowledge to give Remus as much pleasure as the other man gave him. It was strangely freeing – for the first time, he felt like he didn't have to pretend to be someone that he wasn't, to feel something that he didn't.
Sirius kissed along the trajectory of each scar, pausing to flick his tongue over the pebbled nipples and smile as Remus arched into the touch. He traversed Remus' chest, mapping each inch of skin, memorising every scar, cataloguing each spot that made Remus chuckle, each spot that made him gasp and moan. His tongue dipped into Remus' navel and he bucked up, his erection bouncing off Sirius' chin, leaving a smear of pre-come there.
He looked down, faced with another man's hard, dripping cock for the first time, and nerves set in once more.
'You don't have to do anything you don't want to.'
Remus' rough whisper made him look up. The werewolf smiled down at him and must have read his hesitation as reluctance because he sat up and put a hand on Sirius chest. 'Your turn,' he said with a leer, but Sirius playfully pushed him back down onto the mattress.
'You said I could do whatever I want,' he murmured, parting Remus' thighs with his own and settling between them. 'I want to learn how to fuck a man.' He stroked a finger along the underside of Remus' cock. The werewolf bucked up and Sirius smiled. 'I want you.'
The smile that spread across Remus' face made the room light up and Sirius' chest contract in a way that made it hard to breathe. He closed his fingers around Remus' shaft and moved it, twisting and tightening experimentally; cupping the tight sac beneath and rolling each ball carefully between his fingers until Remus was a swearing, gasping mess writhing and sweating underneath him.
He grabbed Sirius hand, stilling it as he panted hard. 'You keep that up,' he huffed. 'And it's going to be over.'
Sirius grinned smugly then cried out in surprise when Remus tackled him and rolled them, Sirius now beneath the other man.
'What are you doing?' Sirius asked and it was Remus' turn to smirk.
'Showing you how to fuck a man,' he replied blithely, reaching for his wand and calling, 'Accio lube.'
'How do you know I even have lube?' Sirius asked even as the small tube of lubricant flew from the dresser into Remus' hand.
'Every man has lube,' Remus retorted, popping the cap. 'Gay or straight.'
He poured some of the clear emollient into his cupped palm then dragged his fingers through it. 'Watch me,' he said, shifting to straddle Sirius' hips. 'Then it's your turn.'
Sirius' respiration paused as Remus' hand disappeared between his own legs. He saw the rhythmic motion, saw Remus biting down on his lip, and he sat up quickly.
'Lay back,' he said, voice harsh with need. 'I want to see.'
Remus lay on his back, legs spread, so completely, shamelessly exposed and Sirius' breath stuttered. He watched the other man push two fingers inside himself, fucking himself with the invading digits. His cock gave a throb and Sirius moved until he was kneeling between Remus' thighs once more.
'Does it hurt?' he asked, gritting his teeth to hold back a whimper when he saw a third finger join the first two.
'No,' moaned Remus, bearing down hard onto his fingers. 'A little... uh... burn... the first time... ah... but... fuck.' His hips snapped up and he let out a groan. 'If you get the right... angle... fuck, it's so good.'
Sirius couldn't wait, grabbing Remus' wrist and stopping his motion. 'My turn,' he said, reaching for the tube of lube with his other hand.
He coated his fingers in the lubricant then hesitantly placed the tip of his index finger on Remus' perineum. 'How...?'
'Just push,' Remus said, watching Sirius' face closely.
Sirius circled the darker-hued pucker with his finger first, trying to convince himself it was just like preparing a woman. He pushed, harder than he thought he'd need to then the ring of muscles gave way and his finger slid into Remus' arse with a slippery pop.
'Fuck,' he muttered, shaken by what he was doing, by how incredibly tight and hot and clenching Remus was and by how very much he wanted his dick encased in that tight sleeve. 'How much...?'
'Don't need much,' Remus said shakily, his head flung back, his body tense. 'I did most of the work myself. Crook your finger... no, the other way... Yeah, it's there some... Shit, there!'
Sirius nearly pulled out when Remus shouted and flung his hips up, but it was clear that it was pleasure not pain Remus was experiencing and, when Sirius touched the little nodule again, Remus' head thrashed on the pillow and he sent a litany up to the heavens of moreharderfucksiriusdeeper.
'Sirius...' Remus begged, his eyes black with lust.
Sirius knew exactly what he was asking for, had heard that desperate, pleading tone in his own voice last night. He withdrew his finger and reached for the lube again as Remus whispered, 'Hurry.'
'I don't want to hurt you,' he said, squirting a generous dollop of lubricant onto his palm then hurriedly coating his aching cock. The light strokes were nearly his undoing and he took a couple of deep breaths to try and stave off his imminent climax.
'Sirius...' Remus whined and, without thinking, Sirius bent and bit the top of Remus' thigh.
'Patience,' he admonished when Remus yelped in surprise then grinned at him. 'Let me just... calm down.'
With a few more calming breaths, he was ready and eagerly guided the leaking head of his cock to Remus' pucker.
'Go slow at first,' Remus choked out, even as he arched up off the bed impatiently. 'It's been a while...'
Sirius did go slow and that was the only thing that kept it being over in an instant. Remus was just too tight and too hot and he made noises that drove Sirius' libido insane, so it was with immense mortification that he found himself crying out Remus' name after only a dozen frantic thrusts, free falling as his intensely powerful orgasm overtook him. But what kept him from complete and utter humiliation was watching Remus coming undone a second later, watching as he stroked himself and coaxed every last drop of come from his cock before he heaved a great sigh and pulled Sirius down to him.
He fell onto Remus' sweat and come-slicked chest, fervently sucking in as much oxygen as he could now that his body had remembered how to breathe. His cock slid out of Remus' body and he mourned the loss of that feeling of closeness, of being one with another person, with someone you cared about...
It hit him like an Avada Kedavra. He cared about Remus. This wasn't simple attraction that he could work through until it no longer held appeal. This was becoming something else entirely. The unspoken spectre of emotions were becoming more tangible every time he and Remus touched and it was fucking frightening. He couldn't tell his colleagues that he was shagging a bloke. He couldn't tell his family that he had a boyfriend. He couldn't fall for a man.
Remus' arms tightened around him, as if the other man knew the direction Sirius' thoughts were taking. Sirius burrowed into the warmth, into the security of the embrace and put his feelings into the too-hard basket to deal with much, much later.
***
Remus woke slowly to warm fingers trailing over the scars on his thighs and he moaned quietly into the grey early morning light.
'Sorry, did I wake you?' came the whisper and Remus rolled over onto his side, facing a softly smiling Sirius.
'My favourite way to wake up,' he murmured, sliding a hand over Sirius' hip then leaning in to kiss him. He pressed their bodies together and was surprised, but pleased to feel the poke of an insistent erection against his stomach. He smiled into the kiss then pulled back. 'Definitely my favourite way to wake up,' he reiterated, slipping his hand down to close around the thick cock.
Sirius groaned and lazily canted his hips, fucking the loose ring of Remus' fingers. 'That's good,' he mumbled.
Remus made a noise of agreement in his throat, kissing a fiery path down Sirius' neck then nipping lightly at his collarbone. Sirius groaned again then Remus felt strong fingers wrap around his shaft, squeezing questioningly.
'I don't expect you to...' he began, but Sirius kissed him long and languid, stroking his cock just as unhurriedly.
'I want to,' Sirius whispered against Remus' lips, before drawing him into another kiss.
Remus wondered for a moment if he was still asleep; the slow, sensuous stroking, the deep, sumptuous kisses, the slow burn as flames licked indolently at their skin – it was all so fantastical.
Don't want to wake up if this is a dream.
Sirius was rocking his hips erratically now, biting that luscious bottom lip between even, white teeth. Remus didn't think he'd ever seen anything as erotic before in his life. Something hot and electric flowed between them and, unconsciously, Remus opened himself up and, for the first time in a long time, stopped thinking and allowed himself to simply feel. He shifted closer, so close their bodies touched from forehead to toes then he pushed Sirius' hand out of the way.
'Let me...' he said softly, taking both their throbbing cocks in his hand and stroking carefully.
Sirius made a high pitched noise and arched his back. 'Gods,' he breathed, reaching down to twine his fingers with Remus', both men stroking and kissing with needy desperation until they fell, first Sirius with an emphatic, 'Fuck!,' then Remus, exhaling loudly, shakily.
They lay there – still – for long minutes as a sunbeam pierced the dimness of the room and crept ever closer to the bed. Remus murmured, 'Scourgify', and the stickiness between his fingers disappeared. He pulled Sirius to his chest, the other man coming willingly, and dragged his fingers through the thick black locks.
This was getting intense – this... thing between them, and Remus knew that if he wasn't careful, his heart might not make it out of this intact.
'I feel safe with you,' Sirius said softly into the waning darkness. 'I'm always the one who is keeping people safe and I kind of like being on the other side.'
Remus' stroking faltered as Sirius' words drove into his heart, making him long for things that he couldn't let himself hope for.
Sirius tensed in his arms, sensing he'd revealed too much. 'Sorry,' he mumbled. 'I shouldn't have said that,' but Remus quickly shook his head.
'That's okay,' he said. 'I... I...' He sighed and shifted so he was on his side again, meeting Sirius' wary gaze. 'I just have to be... careful with you,' Remus admitted, trying to make the words light. 'You are... not what I expected, Sirius, and I think that, if I should fall for you – and I could very easily – you would be a very hard man to get over.'
Sirius' forehead creased and Remus' stomach sank to his knees. 'Sorry,' he said, rolling onto his back. 'Too much information, right?'
'Remus...?'
'It's fine,' Remus said, throwing an arm over his eyes. 'I know – this is... what it is.'
A hand wrapped around his wrist and tugged his arm down firmly. 'I am hard to get over,' Sirius said with a crooked grin then the smile faded a little and his face became serious. 'Don't fall for me, Remus. I... I don't know what I want; I'd be very bad for you.'
Remus swallowed hard. 'Right,' he rasped, tapping his temple with two fingers. 'I'll remember that. Don't fall for the straight boy.'
Sirius gave him a tentative smile and curled into him. 'I'm lying naked in bed with another man, his come still between my fingers because his Cleaning Spells are shit... Would we call me straight?'
Remus wasn't fooled by the nonchalant tone; he could see the disquiet in Sirius' eyes. 'Perhaps we could say slightly bent,' he said gently.
Sirius frowned and Remus offered him closed-mouth smile. 'Sirius, attraction is fluid. It's not about X and Y chromosomes. It's chemical, it's elemental. It's about a connection between two people and it doesn't care if both of those people have cocks. You can't choose who you...' He nearly said 'fall in love with', but bit his tongue in time. '... want.'
Sirius nodded and Remus brushed the back of his hand over his cheek. 'I've been with women, you know. Slept with them, had relationships with them.'
Sirius looked surprised and Remus chuckled quietly. ''Gay' is a tag that straight people give me to make themselves more comfortable and I don't feel any shame in wearing it, even though bisexual is probably a more accurate label. To be honest, I do tend to date men fairly exclusively these days, but if I had that connection with a woman, I wouldn't necessarily reject it based on what lay between her legs. People are more than sex organs.'
Sirius was staring at him and Remus wondered if he'd gone too far. 'What?' he asked, feeling a bit too exposed.
'You... you are incredible,' Sirius said, the corner of his mouth turning up. 'You know exactly who you are and what you want and... I envy you.'
Remus lifted an eyebrow sceptically. 'You are jealous of me?' he said, his voice tinged with disbelief. 'I'm a werewolf, I'm a poof, I've got a crazed lunatic after me...'
'You know who you are and don't apologise for it,' Sirius interrupted. 'You aren't afraid to show your true self...' His eyes were wide and fathomless as he admitted, 'It scares me – that you make me feel so good. It fucking terrifies me, Remus.'
Remus shook his head slowly. 'You think I'm any less frightened?' he asked, his voice rough with emotion. 'This... thing... it's happening so fast, it's so... consuming. I don't even know if it's real or if it's just the situation. It scares me too.'
Remus hesitated then, taking Sirius' hand, said softly, 'We can do this together. If you wanted to... keep this going, I'll stand with you.'
Sirius breathed in sharply, biting at his bottom lip. 'I... I'm not ready for that...'
'For keeping this going or coming out or both?' Remus asked and Sirius' hand tightened around his.
'Can I have one without having to accept the other?' he asked lightly, but his expression was grim; as if he already knew the answer. 'Can't we keep doing this but keep it private?'
Remus disentangled his fingers and skimmed his hand along Sirius' arm, feeling the other man shiver. He traced the curve of Sirius' jaw then brushed his thumb over his mouth, smiling when Sirius pressed his lips to the pad of the digit.
'We could do that while we were seeing if this even has legs,' Remus said, staring at Sirius' lips for a moment longer then looking up into his eyes. 'But I won't hide who I am, Sirius. I spent years being hidden away as though I was something to be ashamed of before I convinced my parents to let me live my life – bumps and all. I won't go back to being someone's dirty little secret.'
'I wouldn't...'
'Yes, you would,' Remus said firmly. 'You'd have to lie to your friends and family; I'd have to lie to my friends and family. I deserve better than that, Sirius. And so do you.'
Sirius sighed and wrapped his arms around Remus who Sirius knew saw the embrace for what it was - avoidance. 'Can we just get a bit more sleep?' he whispered, nuzzling into Remus' neck. 'Can we just enjoy this for right now?'
'Yeah,' agreed Remus, sliding his leg in between Sirius' and knotting their limbs together. 'We can do that.'
***
It was unfortunate that Sirius was so completely spent from the best sex of his life because otherwise he might have heard the creak of the bedroom door as it opened and he might not have suffered what could still turn out to be a nasty concussion from where James smacked him around the ears then dragged him – quietly so as not to wake Remus – out of bed.
'What the fuck are you doing?' James snapped, his eyes wide and shocked. 'Didn't you listen when I told you to take it carefully with Remus... and is that what I think it is on your stomach?' He made a disgusted face as Sirius' hand went to his abdomen, feeling a little crusted come that Remus' Cleansing Spell had missed. 'Merlin's hairy sac, Sirius,' James said, shoving him hard. 'Go and have a shower. That is disgusting... Ugh! As if it wasn't bad enough that I saw your dangly bits...'
His complaining was cut off as Sirius shut the bathroom door. He leaned against the cool wood taking long, deep breaths as his heart pounded and his hands shook. Even though James knew how confused Sirius was about his sexuality, it was another thing altogether for his friend to see him naked, in bed, with another man. Was it disgust for more than just the dried remnants of the night's activities that had coloured James' voice?
He snogged you less than ten years ago... He can't be that uncomfortable with the idea of two men...
Sirius sighed and turned the taps in the shower, hoping his curiosity wasn't going to cost him his best friend.
When he came out, clean and come-free, James was sitting at the kitchen table with Remus, who was flushed and agitated.
'My turn then?' he murmured, standing and brushing past Sirius, his hand deliberately gripping Sirius' for a second before he disappeared into the bathroom.
'What did you say to him?' Sirius demanded and James looked defiant.
'Just asked him what his intentions were,' he retorted and Sirius' jaw dropped.
'You didn't,' Sirius hissed furiously and James stood up.
'Less than a week ago, you were telling me how straight you were and this morning, I walk in on you in bed with a bloke,' he said in his defence. 'I'm worried about you. I don't want you taken advantage of or for you to get hurt if Remus is doing some kind of saviour sex thing...'
'What?'
'The whole 'thank you for saving my life, let me reward you by sucking your dick' thing?' James said, glaring at Sirius who was scowling at him. 'Don't look at me like that. I really do not care who you put your dick inside, Sirius, but don't ask me to just blindly accept that you both have really thought through what you're doing when all the evidence suggests otherwise.'
'It's none of your damn business, James,' Sirius muttered, not wanting to admit his friend had a point.
What if this was just an adrenaline thing? He and Remus only known each other for a few days. What if, once Sirius stopped being so accessible, once all this was resolved, Remus cast him aside for someone who wasn't so much hard work? That would certainly end Sirius' concerns about what kind of future they might have together, but...
Should the very thought of not having Remus hurt this damn much?
'You're my best mate,' James said straightforwardly. 'You are my business. Now get dressed you wanker. Moody said yes. Remus can see Pettigrew.'
***
Remus was on edge as he walked through the Atrium of the Ministry, flanked by James and Sirius who were scanning the crowds as if expecting an attack at any moment.
Which, Remus realised as a wizard bumped into them and Sirius' hand tightened painfully around his arm, is exactly what they were expecting.
The ride to the bowels of the building was silent and tense, Remus watching Sirius roll his wand between his fingers nervously, smiling a little grimly at him when he saw Remus staring.
'Sure you want to do this?' he asked in an undertone and Remus nodded.
'Peter's my friend,' he said softly, but firmly. 'He wouldn't hurt me.'
He saw the sceptical look in Sirius' eyes but before he could comment, the elevator doors slid open, revealing a scarlet-robed Auror.
'This Lupin?' the woman asked and James nodded.
'We were told we'd have privacy, Auror Jeffries,' he said with a frown and she shrugged.
'I guess Moody changed his mind,' she retorted, looking Remus over with an expression of obvious dislike. She unlocked a nearby door with a flick of her wand and gestured to the open doorway. 'In you go.'
Sirius stepped forward but James grabbed his arm. 'Alone,' he said quietly, glancing at Remus. 'We'll be watching and will be able to hear you, but he won't know that. If you need us, we'll be there in a second.'
Remus nodded then felt Sirius' hand brush over his, tightening momentarily before the heat of contact was gone. 'Be careful,' he murmured.
Remus smiled then took a deep breath before he walked through the door.
'Remus! Gods, are you alright?'
Peter jumped to his feet, his brown eyes a blend of concern and pleading as he said, 'Remus, I would never... You know I would never hurt you...'
'I know, Pete,' Remus murmured, hugging his friend tight. 'I know.'
***
'I don't like this,' Sirius mumbled as he, James and Auror Jeffries watched Remus embrace Pettigrew through the one way screening window that neither man in the holding room could see. 'Pettigrew could strangle him now...'
'Pettigrew would never give up any information if we were in the room,' James said as Remus and Pettigrew sat down. 'He may lower his guard with Remus.'
Sirius made a 'we'll see' noise in his throat then leaned forward when he heard Remus' voice as clearly as if he was standing next to the man.
'Why the hell didn't you tell me you were in financial trouble?' Remus admonished, looking at his friend with a worried expression.
Pettigrew flushed brightly enough that even Sirius could see it and shook his head. 'I didn't want you to have to bail me out,' he muttered, scrubbing a hand across his face. 'I got in too deep...' He shook his head and looked contritely at Remus. 'I should have told you I was in trouble but I knew you'd convince me to take your money and I didn't want to drag you into my problems.'
'Pete,' Remus sighed, reaching out for his friend's hand. 'You're my best mate. I have the money and I want to help you...'
'I did this,' Pettigrew said stubbornly. 'And I'll get myself out of it.'
Remus stared at Pettigrew, frustration etched in his features then he said, 'And why aren't you telling them where you were at the time of the attacks?'
Pettigrew's face closed up and his body tensed. It was an almost imperceptible change, but Sirius made note of it.
Pettigrew's hiding something.
'I can't,' he whispered, looking around the room as if he expected Aurors to be hiding in the corners. 'I... promised.'
'Promised? Promised who?' repeated Remus and Sirius felt Auror Jeffries shift closer to the viewing screen. This was the most anyone had ever gotten out of Pettigrew.
'I can't say,' said Pettigrew, crossing his arms over his chest. 'I promised I wouldn't say anything.'
'Someone made you promise not to tell us where you were so you can get out of bloody jail?' Remus snapped and Pettigrew closed his eyes.
'I was with someone those nights,' he muttered through tightly closed lips. 'But I can't tell you who.'
Sirius frowned and glanced over at James, seeing his friend was as startled as he felt. 'What the hell?' he murmured and James shrugged.
'First I've heard of it,' he said. 'Why on earth would he keep quiet about something like this unless he was covering for something dodgy?'
Sirius put a hand on the screen, wishing he was in the room with Remus. He eyed off the men's hands, still joined as they sat on the table, and claws of jealously swiped at his chest.
'Just how close do you reckon they are?' he asked, the words slipping out before he could stop them, and James stared at him. Sirius saw him look over his shoulder at Auror Jeffries before he leaned in.
'This is more than just experimentation for you, isn't it?' he said quietly. 'You really like him?'
Sirius' hand dropped off the screen and he frowned. 'Shut up,' he mumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up. James was still staring at him as though he'd just sprouted an extra head and all Sirius wanted to do was escape. 'I'm going to see Moody and tell him what Pettigrew has said so far.'
'Sirius, there's nothing concrete...' he heard James say, but he ignored him as he almost ran out of the cells.
The fact that James could read him so easily, the fact that his feelings seemed to be splashed all over his damn face, made him want to run as far and as fast as he possibly could to escape what seemed to be the inevitable.
He was falling for Remus.
***
Remus shook his head, gripping Peter's hand tight. 'Pete, for Merlin's sake,' he hissed, voice low. 'I'm sure whoever you were with would understand...'
'I promised, Remus,' he interrupted and Remus let out an aggravated exhale as he stood up abruptly.
'Don't you understand what's happening?' he snapped, glaring at his friend. 'Peter, they are going to arrest you for this! They aren't going to let you go unless you give them an alibi. It won't just go away!'
Peter paled more and more with each word that fell from Remus' lips and his tremor intensified. 'But... they can't prove...'
'They don't need to!' Remus growled, pacing in front of the table. 'They think you were trying to kill me to get my money to pay off your debts. You won't do a damn thing to defend yourself; you may as well write a confession out.'
Peter swallowed so hard Remus heard the gulp then he whispered, 'You can tell them... the Minister will listen to you...'
Remus sank back down into the chair, grasping Peter's hands once again. 'I've been telling them, Pete, but they aren't listening,' he said, desperation colouring his voice. 'Please. You have to tell them who you were with so you can get out of here.'
'She said...' he began then bit his lip. 'Remus, I love her.'
Remus blinked. 'You were with a woman?' he asked, astonished. 'You've been dating someone...'
Peter nodded, looking fearfully around the room again. 'She's married, Remus,' he said softly. 'That's why I can't tell anyone who she is. Her husband... he hasn't been the same since their little girl died and she needed someone to listen, to comfort her...'
'Pete, she wouldn't want you to go to jail for her,' Remus insisted. 'I can ask Sirius to talk to her, privately so she's not embarrassed or anything. You don't have to tell me - I'll get him now and you can give him a name.'
Peter closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands. Remus waited on tenterhooks for almost two minutes before Peter looked up, his eyes red.
'Get him,' he said hoarsely. 'I'll tell him.'
Remus smiled in relief and walked over to the door. As he put his hand on the knob, it turned and he was surprised to see Auror Jeffries walk into the room.
'Oh,' he said, running a hand through his hair. 'I was just about to get Sirius...'
'No need,' she said smoothly, pointing her wand at the door and Remus heard the lock click. 'I can handle this.'
'Jenny,' he heard Peter say tremulously and he turned to look at his friend in confusion.
'You were going to break your promise, Peter,' Auror Jeffries said and Remus' breath caught when he glanced back at her and saw that her wand was pointing right at his heart.
'I could go to jail...' Peter said desperately just as Remus spluttered, 'What the bloody hell...?'
A red flash cut their words off and Remus stared in horror as Peter crumpled to the ground then her wand was aimed directly between Remus' eyes.
'I really do think he loves me,' she snickered, smirking at Remus. 'I'm a better actor than I thought I was.'
'Who are you?' he whispered, holding up his hands in surrender as he took a step back.
A sneer twisted her pretty features and her wand moved closer until the point was touching his forehead. 'I'm the last face you'll ever see, Lupin.'
***
Sirius sat behind the large desk he and James shared, staring at the moving photographs of James and his wife, Lily and their son, Harry. He watched as James and Lily laughed, James pulling Lily into an embrace before Harry forced his way between them, smirking up at his father. He sighed. He'd always envied what James and Lily had together; it seemed so comfortable, so easy, yet he knew that their marriage was also fiery and passionate and that they completely adored each other.
He always wanted something like that – and he thought he might have just found it with Remus.
Perhaps when I was wishing for it, I should have been more specific in regards to sex.
Could he have an open relationship with Remus? He looked around at his colleagues. They were all married or in relationships – photos on their desks revealing their staunch heterosexuality - or, like Sirius had been until now, shagging their way through the women of London and not afraid to tell the tale of their latest conquest loudly and proudly. The thought of telling his co-workers that he was dating a bloke - and therefore admitting that he was... what? Bisexual? It was enough to make him go cold. They were mostly good people, but Sirius had spent enough nights out with the boys to know how they talked about queers and he cringed at the thought of his own name being bandied about like that.
'I can't,' he murmured to himself, closing his eyes as his heart ached. 'I can't do it.'
It was hard enough for him to admit to himself that he fancied men; he couldn't tell other people, didn't know if he'd ever be comfortable enough with his sexuality to be open about this.
And Remus wouldn't wait for a declaration that, in all honesty, might never come.
Sirius shivered, his skin prickling as a sudden chill ran down his spine. His eyes snapped open and he pushed himself to his feet quickly, the chair under him clattering to the ground.
'Black?' Moody asked, looking up from his desk, and Sirius frowned.
'Something's wrong,' he said urgently, stumbling over the chair and banging his shin in his haste to get to Remus, every instinct in him screaming that he was in trouble. 'Remus...'
'Potter is with him,' Moody began but Sirius was already running out the door.
***
Remus tried not to think about the wand pressing between his eyes, his own useless in his pocket. 'I don't understand,' he said, fighting back his panic. 'I don't even know you. Why are you doing this?'
The Auror glared at him, her lip curling in a dangerous growl. 'I'm doing this to keep the Wizarding world safe,' she spat, advancing even as Remus slowly backed towards the door. 'Your kind should be put down, not given the same rights as humans. I'm doing my job...'
'Your job?' Remus said, unable to stop himself. 'Your job is to protect wizards and...'
'That's what I'm doing!' she shouted, eyes flashing with a manic fervency. 'I'm doing this so no one else has to suffer losing someone they love to one of you animals. I'm doing this so no one else has to ever see the beast that killed their child walk away without punishment...'
Remus stopped in his tracks, recalling Peter's earlier words. 'Peter said...'
'Peter,' she said with a hysterical sounding giggle. 'Poor Peter. I didn't mean to make him fall in love with me. I just needed a way to get to you.' She narrowed her eyes and made a frustrated noise. 'But you just kept on getting rescued by that bloody Black. I was so close that first night then the elevator stopped...'
She shook her head, the wand in her hand losing contact with Remus' skin. 'I thought I'd get you with the wards on your office, but Black had to be a bloody hero again.'
'That was you in my house too?' Remus asked with a frown. 'How did you get past the wards? Peter never would have told you...'
'No,' she agreed, grimacing. 'He was stubbornly loyal to you. I had to fuck him until he passed out then steal the ward key to his office.' She glanced over at the prone Peter and grinned. 'It wasn't entirely unpleasant.'
Remus' hand moved towards his pocket when her eyes shifted, but she turned back to him too quickly, her wand rising to jab threateningly at him.
'But Peter said he was with you that night,' he said hastily, trying to keep her distracted with chatter for as long as possible. The fact that Sirius and James hadn't burst into the room yet told him that she'd incapacitated the other men and he hoped that someone might stumble across them if he just kept her talking long enough.
'Peter is a sweet man,' she said, once again glancing affectionately at the blonde man. 'But a good fuck befuddles him. It wasn't hard to slip out once he was asleep – particularly as I... encouraged... his post-coital lethargy with a Calming potion. He believed I was there the whole night and I didn't tell him otherwise.'
'And all this because you don't like werewolves?' Remus asked, making eye contact with her. 'What does this have to do with your daughter's death? Or was that a lie as well?'
A sharp sting across his cheek made him cry out in pain and surprise and his back hit the wall next to the door. 'My daughter was very real,' she hissed, wand trembling badly in her shaking hand as she stabbed it into Remus' chest. 'Until a monster just like you took her from me.'
Remus forgot about the pain across his cheek as comprehension hit. 'She was killed by a werewolf?' he whispered then had a sudden burst of clarity as the memory of one of his first cases came back to him. 'Ebony Markham.'
Auror Jeffries blinked then nodded. 'Yes,' she said softly. 'My Ebony. Her father was looking after her while I was at work. He didn't see her leave the house – we think she left her doll outside – until he heard the screaming.'
The wand shook violently now and tears streamed down her face. Remus' hand moved ever-so-slowly towards his pocket, sensing he didn't have much longer.
'He tore her apart!' she yelled, gesticulating wildly with her wand. 'He took my baby from me and got away with it! They couldn't find which werewolf did it so he got away with killing my little girl.'
Remus shook his head. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, swallowing hard against the fear he felt. 'I'm so sorry, but it wasn't me. I didn't do this to you.'
'But you want to save them!' she screamed, wand thrusting painfully into his chest. 'You want those monsters to have a trial! You want them to make excuses for murdering innocents...'
'We aren't all like the werewolf that killed your daughter,' he tried to say but she wasn't listening.
'If I kill you, no one else will push for your legislation to be passed,' she said, suddenly sober, the change very, very frightening. 'If I kill you, we can rescind all your new laws and allow werewolf hunting to continue. You are a Dark Creature... you should have been put down a long time ago.'
She pressed the tip of the wand into his pectoral, her smile edging maniacal. 'They'll all thank me,' she said almost earnestly. 'They'll all see that I'm right.'
'Please...' whispered Remus, but she drew the wand back, a spell on her lips, when the door burst open with a loud bang.
The spell shot off to the left, the deadly green light missing a wild-eyed Sirius by mere inches.
'Expelliarmus!' he called, but the woman managed to get another spell off before her wand was ripped from her hand, the purple jet of light striking Sirius in the middle of his chest.
'Stupefy!' Remus yelled, having finally managed to draw his wand and the woman fell heavily to the ground.
Remus stood stock still for a moment, stunned by the rapid fire pace of the last few seconds, then he dropped to his knees beside Sirius.
'Sirius?' He shook the man then cast spell after spell to try and wake him. 'Sirius, please. You have to be alright.'
He checked the other man's pulse and was relieved by the slow but steady thumpthumpthump. Loud footsteps from the hall behind him made him spin around, wand out. The last thing he saw was a red-cloaked Alastor Moody sending a bolt of white light at him before everything went black.
***
James glared at Sirius as he walked through the hospital door. 'What?' Sirius asked, widening his eyes. 'I didn't mean to get hexed.'
'You never mean to do stupid things,' James muttered, sitting on the edge of Sirius' bed. 'The Mediwizard says you'll survive to do even more ridiculous things and that you can go home in the morning.' He rubbed his shoulder where Jeffries' hex had blindsided him. 'That woman packed a hell of a Stunner.'
Sirius nodded, hesitating a moment before he asked, 'Is Remus alright?'
'He's fine,' James assured him. 'You know Moody: hex first, ask questions later. He was a bit... er... enthusiastic with the spell but Remus is fine.'
Some of the tightness in Sirius' chest eased and he smiled. 'Good,' he said as the door opened and one of their colleagues poked his head in.
'Hey! Good to see you alive, Black,' he said and Sirius gave him the finger. The other man laughed and gestured with his head to James. 'We're needed elsewhere, Potter. We've got to take Jeffries back to the Ministry for questioning.'
James stood as the Auror continued talking. 'Oh, and that faggot werewolf is still here. Reckon he's waiting to see you.' He smirked. 'Taking undercover a bit too literally, are you, Black?'
Sirius' fists clenched but he said nothing, turning his head to look out the window.
'Fuck off, Marshall,' James snapped, scowling at the man. 'Don't use that kind of language around me. I find it offensive.'
Auror Marshall's eyes nearly popped out of his head. 'Come on, Potter,' he said with a laugh. 'Since when did you get so sensitive?'
'Since you started insulting my friend,' James shot back. 'Now, bugger off. Tell Moody I'll be there in a minute.'
Marshall looked offended before he disappeared and Sirius felt James accusing gaze on him. 'That should have been you defending him,' James hissed.
Sirius' response was to roll onto his side, trying to ignore both James and the little voice inside him that kept telling him the same thing – that he had betrayed Remus by not speaking out.
James was quiet for a moment then said in a low, hard voice, 'You've done some pretty shitty things in your life, Sirius, but I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in you than I am right now.'
Sirius sat up abruptly as James was heading out of the room. 'I can't,' he said desperately, lip shaking mortifyingly. 'You heard him. That's what they think of men who sleep with men. I'll have to transfer or something...'
James stared at him as though he'd never seen him before. 'Why the hell do you care what gits like Marshall think?' he said angrily. 'You probably would cop a bit of shit for a few weeks, but they'd get over it and get on with their own lives after that. Really, Sirius, you aren't that interesting.'
Sirius bit his lip and shook his head. 'I like him, James,' he whispered. 'A lot, but... I just can't.'
James' jaw clenched and he leaned in. 'Then you'd better tell him that right now,' he growled. 'Because that man out there is head over heels for you. Don't hurt him any more than you are already going to by putting it off and giving him false hope.'
He straightened and looked down at Sirius, disappointment in his hazel eyes. 'You rushed into that room today without a thought for your own safety because Remus was in trouble,' he said softly. 'No one seeing that would ever guess what a coward you could be.'
That hurt. A lot. But James simply shot him another filthy look and stalked out of the room.
***
Remus stood when he saw James burst from the doorway and wondered at his agitation. Before he could question the other man, James caught sight of him and smiled a forced-looking smile.
'Hey, Remus,' he said, holding his hand out for the werewolf to shake. 'You can go in now.'
Remus let go of James' hand, but the other man caught his arm before it could drop. 'Listen, would you like to have dinner with me and my family one night? I think you and Lily would get along really well.'
Remus smiled and nodded. 'I'd like that,' he said then grinned as he pulled his hand out of James' grip and opened the door to Sirius' room.
'Big bad Auror,' he teased when he saw Sirius and the other man smiled.
'My day is not complete without a good hexing,' he retorted and Remus chuckled softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.
'Looks like I owe you another life debt,' he murmured, looking down at his hand which was resting next to Sirius', not quite touching, but close enough to feel the heat rising off the other man's skin.
'It's my job, Remus,' Sirius said quietly and something in his voice made Remus look up.
The expression in those grey eyes made a sharp pain lance through Remus' core and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was over.
'Right,' he said, voice raw and ragged and he cleared his throat, determined not to let Sirius see just how much he was hurting. He had warned Remus not to fall for him...
'Remus, I'm sorry,' Sirius whispered, his hand brushing over Remus' and the werewolf jerked it out of the way, standing abruptly.
'Nothing to be sorry for,' he said quickly, focusing all his attention on keeping his voice steady. 'You saved my life. We managed to actually have a bit of fun together – you kept my mind off the fact a sociopath was after me...'
'I... I wish I could be as honest as you,' Sirius interrupted. 'I wish I could live as openly as you, but I can't. I'm not ready for that and...'
'... and I'm not prepared to live any other way,' Remus finished, smiling a grim, closed mouth smile. 'You did warn me, Sirius, not to fall for the straight boy.'
'Not so straight anymore,' Sirius reminded him and Remus let out a breath of ironic laughter.
'Yeah,' he whispered sadly. 'Sorry about that.'
'I'm not,' Sirius said, swinging his legs off the bed and standing shakily. 'You've turned my life upside down, but I'm not sorry. I just wish...' He slid his hand into Remus'. 'I just wish I could give you want you want.'
Remus squeezed his hand then let go, taking a step back. 'So do I, Sirius,' he murmured then he turned and walked out the door.
TBC
