Thanks to Bob again, VerySmallProphet, IonicAmaglem, Excessivelyperky, Badgirlgoesworse and Mystique84 for the reviews.
A/N: Bob since I can't pm you-I don't think he would have jumped at the chance because he was convinced the Death Eaters were not "bad". I think he would defend them, try to convince her that they were not really bad people. I really don't think he understood the danger at all at this time in his life (seventh year-a couple days before Christmas).
No dues ex machina-It's important to think of how old-fashioned the wizard was. It may not be illegal in the wizard world to cause miscarriage, but that does not mean it would be approved. In the ancient world, people did use herbs to try to bring on menstruation and cause miscarriage (would be considered abortion today). However, there is no proof they worked and some products and methods were dangerous, even fatal. Think mercury and pennyroyal and stomach beating. If it did not bring it on-child could end up damaged in the process if it survives. Mother could become permanately injured, even killed in the process. So I see potions as a bad idea. Spells would not be much better and are likely dark magic. As for Severus or Lily coming up with one-that would take time if they even thought about it-I think they are still in shock a bit. Two, if they did, why would they want to try it on her first hoping that it might work-with the chance of risking harm to her and/or the zygote? Besides, Lily may be young and not ready for a child, but maybe she doesn't really want to stop a pregnancy if she is indeed expecting (at this point, conception may have not even occurred yet, but still might as it can take anywhere from minutes to hours and up to five days for it occur and sperm can live on average up to about 72 hours and up to five days in a very fertile environment. Info for anyone who does not know all this-if you do-ignore the parentheses ;) ).
One thing to remember always-what's said tells a lot, but sometimes what's not said can say far more than words ever could.
READ: I live in the US and in the Bible Belt-abortion is a very tense and heated topic. So, to keep things calmer-if you review, can you leave religious and political views of abortion out, please? You can review on anything else though, including Lily and Severus's situation and thoughts on it and opinions and questions and curiosities. If you wish to discuss the topic of abortion, I ask that you please take it to the pm's. Thank you! And thanks for reading!
ETA: Some trouble with this chapter so apologize for the delete and re-upload, but something was fuzzy, the lining and such was way off and it wasn't working when replaced. Nothing was really changed-minus a couple minor errors/mistakes.
Chapter Three: Proof Is In the Bottle
Severus sat down beside Avery.
"Where were you last night?"
Severus grabbed some of the food that was left and put it on his plate. "I fell asleep working on some potions."
"Must have been good ones. You look happy."
"Happy?" He asked, confused. Did he look happy?
"You are smiling. Guess you took care of your problem yesterday? Or do you still fell madly in love?" Avery's last question dripped with mockery.
Severus grinned slightly. Oh, he took care of that problem all right.
"You shagged her, didn't you?"
Severus looked at Avery. "What?"
"You shagged her. The girl you were obsessed with yesterday. You go, Snape."
"What makes you think I shagged her?"
"The look in your eyes. Potions work my arse! That's where you were last night. Damn, Snape. All night?"
Severus swallowed his bite of food hard. "No-I mean, I didn't-"
"You did. Go, Snape." Avery gave a lewd gesture.
"What are you doing?"
"All night long." He laughed.
"That's disgusting."
Avery just laughed and punched Severus's arm. "Bet you didn't think it was disgusting while you had a leg over, did you?"
Severus ignored that question.
"Who was she? Come on, tell me. Was she good?"
"That's not your concern."
"Aw, come on. If you spent the night screwing her, I think I should know about the girl you were with. Was she good in bed?"
"I didn't say I slept with her or anyone."
"You did. You shagged her good too. I've never seen you so happy before or so content. If she's not yours for the taking, you ought to give me a shot with her. I could use a night like that." Avery looked down the table.
Severus rolled his eyes. He couldn't deny that he had been a girl last night, but there was no way he would reveal just who she was to Avery. While Avery scrutinized the young ladies who had stayed at school, Severus let his eyes wonder to Lily. She was not happy and looked nervous. She wasn't eating her food and her plate was still half full. Her hand was on her stomach. For a brief moment, he thought she might have a stomach-ache, but then it hit him. He had a feeling she was thinking about the possible consequences of their night together.
Suddenly, Severus did not feel so hungry either. He put his fork down and huffed to himself, running his hand through his hair. What if she was pregnant? That would be really bad. Lily was supposed to be with James. They were practically dating and she had screwed him instead. There was no way to claim it as James's child. It would be obvious when Lily learned of the conception date and Lily was not with James that night. She was with him. He hoped to god she was not expecting. If she was, he was in deep trouble. The marauders would probably kill him for real this time. Not to mention that nobody would believe him or Lily about the potions and he knew they would think he had raped her even if she said otherwise. No one would want to think well of him at all. He was just a lowly, poor, nerdy Slytherin.
Severus slammed his butter knife against his plate. Avery turned in confusion and so did a couple others nearby.
"I'll prove it." He said and got up from the table.
"Prove what?"
"That I did not do it."
"Do what?"
Severus was already leaving the Great Hall though so he did not bother to answer Avery. He would prove it somehow. There had to be a way to prove he had not harmed Lily that way. He would start by checking if his bottle of potion had any of its contents missing.
Lily looked down the table at Severus. She saw him getting up and saw him saying something to Avery. It sounded like he said he would prove it. Was he talking about Death Eaters? Then it hit her. No, he was going to prove someone got into his potion or that someone had laced their drinks with potion. Lily bolted up at that. She had to know too. She wanted to know as much as he did what had really happened the day before.
"Where are you going?" James asked.
"I have to find something."
Lily noticed Sirius was watching her intently this morning, as if with a purpose. Something told her Severus might be right, that Sirius may have had something to do with their night together. If she ended up pregnant, she would make him pay because if had done this to her, it would not have mattered if it had happened between her and James instead, it was his fault.
"Do you need any help?"
"No, but thanks." Lily looked at Sirius for a moment before turning away and heading out of the room. Lily could see Sirius watching her, scrutinizing her as she left the hall.
Lily hurried down into the castle's bowels and into the room where they had the slug club meeting the morning before. She looked at the pile of bottles in the bin and sighed with relief. It had not been emptied yet. She grabbed the bottles and sorted through them until she could smell the scents on two of them. They still smelled like what attracted her. Smelling the remnants of the potions made her suddenly feel attracted to Severus again and he wasn't even in the room and she had not taken a drop. She realized then that it was very powerful and she suddenly understood why the desire had turned so passionately sexual and there was no way after they had drunk the whole bottle each that they would not have ended up lying together like they had. Not when a whiff caused her feel in love and made her pelvis ache a little.
She took the bottles and hid them in her robes before hurrying down even deeper into the bowels of the castle where the potion room and Slytherin dorms were. Lily knew she would find Severus there. They would figure this out so when someone found out and someone would inevitably find out, they could present evidence of their drugging.
Lily saw Severus waiting outside of the potions classroom.
"Sev-erus?" She paused. She was not sure if she should call him Sev again. The one night from not speaking to sexual partners had made her feel unsure about their relationship now. It was not how she had planned on her first time. She expected to be in love and over time work her way up to that moment. She did not expect to go from a kiss to making out to intimate touching to sexual intercourse to all forms of sexual activity in one day, but that was what happened. Not to mention doing all that with an old friend who had not been her friend for more than year and they were barely speaking and suddenly, all that together as each other's firsts for almost all of that. Were they really friends again? Could they just be friends now after what happened and knowing that he found her attractive without the potion?
He looked up and gave a small smile.
"I, I found the bottles of ours, that we drank from yesterday. I thought it would be good evidence."
Severus nodded. "That's good. When Slughorn comes down, I am going to ask him if I can get into his room to check on my potion."
It was silent excluding a few talking portraits. One of which Lily was sure was listening to them though pretending to be asleep. "You know if I am pregnant, we are both in a lot of trouble. I mean, I am sure for awhile I will be able to hide it, but eventually, it would be obvious."
"There isn't a 100% guarantee it will work. Maybe it didn't. Maybe it was just a love potion, not my potion. There are probably ways to stop it, stop conception and fix the situation."
"Conception may have already happened."
"Implantation wouldn't, right? There are ways to stop that."
"And they are dark and often dangerous."
"I don't know what they are exactly. It's not like I just looked up ways to end a pregnancy on my free time." He let out a breath. "I just wondered, I mean, I know you don't want a child, especially with me."
Lily sighed. "I'm not ready for a child period. It does not matter who fathered it. I am not even 18. I'm not done with school." She caught a sob that arose from her throat.
Severus felt even worse. It was not fair to her, him or even the child if she was pregnant and Severus saw the whole situation as a disaster waiting to happen. If had never made that potion in the first place it would be a non-issue. If it was just a plain love potion, it would have been fine. They never would have done all that. What were they thinking, doing all that unprotected? Of course, that was just it, they weren't thinking.
Still, part of him was not that upset. How could he be when he got to have a beautiful, amazing night with the girl he always dreamed of being with? How could be upset when they enjoyed it and he had got to do all that pleasurable activity with her? Being with her like that, touching her so intimately and being inside her that way, and seeing her be so pleased by him, how could he feel upset? He knew that trouble was ahead, regardless of Lily being pregnant. He knew too that when Potter found out what Severus had done with Lily, when anyone else found out what they had done, there would be hell to pay. If Sirius was the one who caused this, Severus would find a way to get the bastard back.
"I can't." Lily said softly. She felt sick. None of this was supposed to have had happened, but it did happen. It all happened and she couldn't do a thing about it. She didn't know if she was pregnant and there was no use worrying until she knew for certain she was or wasn't expecting, but she was worried. Of all the potions they could put in their bottles, why that potion? Why the one that make them do what they did together and one that was meant to get her pregnant and why did it have to be Severus when they weren't even talking? Being up the duff would be bad enough. To admit what she did and that Severus was the one who got her to wear her apron high would be hell. All her plans for life might change now because of this situation.
"You can't what?"
"I don't think I can do this."
"Well, maybe we can try to stop it. I mean there must be a way, right?"
Lily put her hand to her abdomen and looked at it. She looked back up at him and shook her head. "I don't think I can do it. If I do that and someone finds out, I mean, they will know I did something I shouldn't have done. Those methods are too risky anyway."
"So you are saying you want to have a child with me?" He asked in surprise. "If you are indeed pregnant that is."
She wasn't sure how to answer that question because she was not sure what she thought about the situation yet. Lily looked into his eyes for a second and then looked at him. She sighed. She never ever imagined they would have been together that way, so intimately. They were friends once, but lovers? That was not something she ever really thought about. However, she could not deny that last night they definitely were. Not to mention that she liked it a lot and really enjoyed that time with him and that was what still surprised her. That she did that with him and instead of feeling completely disgusted at the reality of what all she did to him and what all she let him do to her, she actually felt happy.
As upset as she was at what happened and what may happen, part of her was anything but upset. He had made her very happy last night and made her feel like she never had before. He had loved her entirely, made her feel worshipped by him. Flashbacks came to her mind of lying under him and him stroking her spine and of his lips on her neck. The feeling of him loving her and the feeling of his rough hands caressing her stomach and stroking her hair were all things that kept coming back to her mind. She could almost feel his lips on hers, over hers, his tongue on hers like yesterday. He had been a good lover to her and that would be something that, no matter what happened between them, she would never forget and she didn't want to by any means.
"Lily? Lily?"
Lily snapped out of it. "What?"
"Did you hear me?"
"No, sorry."
Severus huffed, but softened his expression. "Never mind. It wasn't important anyway."
"I'm sorry, I was just-thinking."
"Me too. I'm in a heap of trouble."
"Why is that?"
"I told you already. No one will believe I somehow got a potion and it made me sleep with you. No one. Everyone will think the worst."
"I know what happened too. You act like I can't remember what all happened. I have evidence of how it went down." She pointed to the bottles.
"And? You think they will believe you? You are forgetting who fucked you, Lily. You will be fine."
"We did what we did to each other and it was not your fault any more than it was mine."
"Does it matter? It was my potion and I am a Slytherin and therefore I would be the one to do something like that."
"You said it was untested and meant for lovers, right? So why would you drug yourself with it and how could you have known we would be the ones to give out the drinks. I mean, he usually asks" Lily paused and gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh merlin."
Severus looked at her and raised an eyebrow.
"It was meant for us. James and I, it was meant for us. It had to be for us."
"You said that this morning."
"No, I mean, it had to be. Slughorn almost always asks James and I to do things for him. I don't know why he asked you, but he did and that's what changed it. I mean, even with the amortencia, there has to be a giver."
"So? How did my name get mixed up Potter's?"
"The name tags just kind of hung there. When I was passing them out, a couple of them fell off. Professor Slughorn told me it didn't matter, the names were just there to make sure everyone got one anyway. He said" She stopped.
"What? He said what?"
"He knocked a few over that morning. I bet that's what happened."
"Why didn't yours get mixed up then?" Severus said then paused. "I bet yours didn't fall over. Just a few fell right?"
"That's what he said." Lily sighed. "If yours hadn't gotten mixed up and James and I gave each other our drinks, it would have worked, but why would someone think we needed the potion?" Part of her wished it had been James. He was her boyfriend after all. She was not upset that she did with Severus though. It was perplexing. She put her hand to her forehead and huffed.
"Well, it is like amortencia, although mine was more an aphrodisiac. Amortencia alone though can make someone have strong feelings for another. If you both took it-"
"We would probably have ended up in bed. I know, but still. We were already, I mean we are already a couple, dating. Why would we need it? A love potion?"
Severus gave a curt nod, not liking the thought of that. Still, he had been the one to sleep with her first and part of him hid a smirk knowing he would have the one thing James didn't have, but had wanted. It was not Severus's goal to take Lily's virginity or to even consider it really, but he knew how Potter would feel about that and if Severus could prove he had not done this on purpose; he would always have a one up on Potter even if Lily did end up with James.
"I think it was meant for the two of you."
Lily looked at him again. "I really think Sirius had something to do with it."
"So do I. He is definitely the type."
"He was watching me at breakfast, scrutinizing me. It was wierd. I am beginning to really wonder."
"So, find a way to make him pay."
Lily huffed. "I can't prove he did anything. I can think he did it all I want, but without any evidence or proof, I can't do it."
"Can't do what?" Someone asked.
Severus and Lily both turned to see Professor Slughorn standing there.
"Oh, um, we were just talking." Lily said.
"The two of you were talking?" He asked with surprise.
Lily shrugged. "Long story, but yes, we had something important to speak about."
"Why are you down here?"
"I need to get a bit of dittany for our assignment over the holidays. I ran out if it and wondered if I could borrow a little to finish. As for Severus, I asked him to meet me here."
"Oh. Sure." Slughorn opened up the classroom. "Take what you need."
Lily entered the classroom and Severus followed. Severus got into the cabinet and found the potion. He took the bottle and hissed bitterly. Lily turned to him.
"Some of it is missing, isn't it?"
"Yep. The silly aphrodisiac fertility potion I stupidly experimented with. I should have left it alone. I don't like love potions at all. I think I should get rid of it."
Lily turned back to him from another cabinet. "No, don't. Keep it. If something happens, we have evidence that your potion experiment was used to drug us."
"It's dangerous."
"Not that dangerous. In the wrong hands, yes, but it was not-that-bad." She felt her cheeks grow hot and turned away to find the dittany. She cleared her throat.
Severus raised an eyebrow and turned to her just as she looked away, but he could see her face was flushed. "I'm sure you would enjoy it better with Potter, your real lover." He knew that came out harsher than he wanted it to come out. "I ruined your relationship with my potion."
Lily looked at her hands. It was quiet a moment. She glanced at him and opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it again silently.
"I can't believe you want to consider going through with seeing if you are expecting a child and from me of all people." He put the potion in his pocket. He noticed Lily didn't respond. Instead she shut the cabinet.
"My mum will kill me if our night results in me being pregnant."
Severus raised his eyebrow again at her response. "If you are pregnant, my parents won't be happy either. Typical loser from the wrong side of the tracks. Knocks a girl up before finishing school."
"You are not a loser. It's not like we did it on purpose. If you are one, I'm no better, am I? Head girl gets herself knocked up by a member of the rival house. Tell me that's not gossip worthy? Not to mention the muggleborn with one of the Death Eater wannabes."
"I'm not a Death Eater."
"But that's what you want to be, right?"
Severus turned to the cabinet. "So, we have the bottles and the potion and our word if something goes down."
Lily gave a curt nod, her eyes saddened at his response. "But we are just going to forget it right-pretend none of this ever happened? I mean, to anyone else-pretend it never happened. I don't think we will forget it." She paused. "Maybe I should shut up."
"Yes, no one else will know. Unless you actually are pregnant."
"And if I'm not-no one will know the difference. Nothing's really changed between us."
"Something has changed. No one has to know why though."
"Yes, I just meant, a sudden reconciling may have people curious and may arise suspicion."
"It might." He looked at her again. "We should go. You got the dittany you don't actually need?"
She nodded. "I'll put it back the next time I come down here to experiment."
They left the classroom and he shut the door back. They were both silent on their way up from the dungeons.
"You really can do better, you know." Lily said finally.
"Better than what?" He asked.
"Being a Death Eater."
"Lily-"
"No, I mean it. I just wish you would see it-that you are better than that."
"And what? Join Potter and his pals in the stupid Dumbledore club?"
Lily stopped on the stairs.
He turned to her and saw her standing there, looking at him. He could sense the frustration. "What?"
"No."
Severus stopped ahead of her on the staircase. "No what?"
"You don't have to join The Order."
"Then what do you want from me?"
"To stop hanging out with Avery and Mulciber. And other Death Eaters."
"What else will I do then?" He snapped. "You want me to hang out alone-have no friends at all."
"No."
"Well, they are all I've got!"
"Are they?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest.
"Yes. Asking me to stop being friends with them is like asking me to stick a metal pole in a thunderstorm-suicide!"
"It's not suicide. Don't even joke!" She started up the stairs again.
"I'm not joking! I go off by myself and that boyfriend of yours and his pals will start after me again! When they find what I did to you, regardless of fault, they will murder me!"
"They won't kill you."
"Wanna bet?"
Lily stopped as she neared the main floor. "James stopped doing that to people."
"You think so, huh?"
She looked at him confused.
"He still does it to me. Thought you should know that."
"Do you do it to him?"
Severus said nothing and the empty corridor was silent minus the murmurs from the portraits.
"I haven't seen him do it to anyone since last year."
"You think I'm lying to you?
"No. I believe you. I am just saying, I haven't seen him to do it anyone. For the most part, he changed."
"Not from what I see."
"You two have this deep-seated grudge that I will never understand." She sighed. "Let's just go upstairs. I think I will go work on some charms before lunch. What are you going to do?"
"Probably go see what Avery is up to."
"Just don't anything stupid and dangerous with him." Lily started down the hallway.
"Same goes for you and Potter." Severus said quietly behind her.
She stopped and raised an eyebrow. "You think James and I will get frisky now?"
"Well, if you want to try and get your boyfriend to think the baby is his if you are pregnant-"
Lily looked at him in shocked disgust. "That is terrible. I wouldn't do that! How-"
"Sorry." He apologized. "I just thought that-you know-I mean-he-"
"I know." She sighed. "It's already occurred to me what would happen." She folded her arms again. "If I am expecting, James and I, it won't work. I mean-I can't-there is no way it will-work between us."
Severus sighed though secretly hid a smirk. "We will cross the bridges when we get there. Until then, we should leave it alone. At least for now."
Lily nodded. "Yes." She gave him a smile. "I will see around, later?"
Severus felt himself smiling. "Yes. Later-around. Enjoy your day."
"You as well." She walked off in the opposite direction.
Severus watched her go with a heavy huff. Part of him hoped Lily was pregnant now. He knew Potter would never be okay with Lily carrying a baby that belonged to the two of them.
As she turned the corner, he felt something hot running up his back and he cringed in pain. He turned just as a spell flew at him. He ducked and whipped out his wand. "Black!"
A/N: Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas who celebrates. Should also mention-up the duff and wear the apron high are euphemisms for pregnancy. Also a reminder that it is fine to comment on the story itself and Lily's situation (Severus's too) and all that, but please avoid pointing out strong opinioned views regarding abortion for reviews. You are welcome to put those thoughts in a pm if you would like to discuss them with me. I don't mind debates. They can be fun.
