Keep Holding On
Chapter three
Dean sat silently beside Sam, his brother's small hand clutched in his larger one. He didn't know how to deal with the information that the doctor had given him. How could he just expect Dean to give up on his brother? It wasn't in him in the past and it wasn't in him now. He had to believe that there was still hope that some cure could be found for Sam. He wasn't willing to let him go just yet, not after Sam had saved his life, Dean had to make him understand that that wasn't Sam's job it was Dean's.
"The doctors aren't expecting you to make it through the week" Dean started his voice sounding gruff as he took his free hand and ran it through his hair. "I don't believe it! They don't know about the things that we do. I will never stop looking until I find a way to make you better." Dean bowed his head as he fought the tears in his eyes. If Sam were conscious right now he would be making fun of Dean. He could practically hear Sam ask who the girl was now.
"You can't leave me Sammy, no matter how much it hurts you have to fight until I can find an answer. There's one out there, I know there is." Dean looked up, hating the paleness of Sam's skin, even as blood was slowly dripping into his vein from an IV. He hated this situation more the longer he sat there, watching his little brother fight for his life. This was Dean's worst nightmare come to life. He hated seeing his brother suffer, and though it probably would be a kindness to let Sam go when the time came, Dean found that he wasn't willing. He was going to find an answer somehow some way, this wouldn't be the end for Sam Winchester.
"Please just hold on for me!" Dean begged as he lay his head down on the bed. "Where you go, I follow, so you had better hold on for me." Dean raised his head when the door opened and a blonde nurse walked in. She proceeded to check Sam's vital stats while Dean watched silently.
"I know that things seem bad right now" The nurse named Mary said "but in the end things are going to be okay, it just might get rough for a little while." Dean snorted and turned away.
"The doc said he won't make it through the week, that the pipe caused too much damage for his heart to be able to handle."
"It did cause a lot of damage" Mary agreed as she reached out and brushed the hair away from Sam's eyes. "But doctors don't know everything even if they act like they do." Dean frowned and through narrow eyes stared at the nurse.
"How do you know, he'll be okay?" Dean wondered why this nurse looked familiar. She seemed like someone he had known a long time ago but he couldn't quite place her.
"I just do" she said smiling, sympathy for the child's situation shining in her eyes. Dean shook his head, he would like to believe her but Sam was looking pretty bad at the moment.
"Keep believing in your brother, and trust me when I say he'll be okay." Mary reiterated before turning and leaving the room. Dean frowned he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew her. Sighing, he turned his attention back to his little brother.
"I'm not leaving you kid, so you better not leave me." He looked towards the door and saw Bobby standing there, standing Dean walked over to him.
"Kid looks like crap." Bobby said, hating to see the youngest Winchester in that condition.
"Of course he does" Dean said "he had a steel pipe shoved through his chest, did you expect him to be up and dancing around?"
"I don't know what I expected" Bobby admitted "But it wasn't this. I could shoot your daddy right about now. If he'd been smarter about the hunt then this wouldn't have happened."
"You got that right," Dean said "At this point I hope he doesn't come to the hospital, I might be forced to do something I regret."
"He needs to be here though in case the worst happens to Sam, he deserves the chance to say goodbye." Dean knew that, but he was still finding it hard to forget that it John was the reason that Sam was in this condition to begin with. He didn't know how he'd be able to stomach the sight of his father around Sam right now; logically he knew that it wasn't exactly his father's fault that the ghost had gotten the better of him. Dean just couldn't shake the anger he felt at the situation, and he knew Bobby would understand if he tried to explain.
"I can't be around that man right now." Dean said turning to look at Sam again, it was painful to see Sam's labored breathing. "if he comes it better be when I'm not here."
"Which will be when exactly?" Bobby asked "Whenever Sam is injured you go into bulldog mode and refuse to leave his side." Dean shrugged before replying. "I might need some sleep eventually. I'm sure he can find a way to get past the nurses." Bobby shook his head, he had never met anyone as stubborn as the Winchesters, and if they didn't watch it pride would be the death of them.
Dean turned away, unable to look at his brother in that condition any longer without it feeling his heart would break in half. He could use a Jack Daniel's at that moment.
"There's a nurse here, she kind of reminds me of mom" Dean said breaking the silence after a minute. "Ironically her name is Mary. It's weird because she looks a lot like Mom." He frowned now that he thought about it; they could have passed as twins.
"Except it's not physically possible that it is her." Bobby said. Dean scowled at him; he didn't need a reminder about that. After all even though he had been pretty young he could still remember what she looked like.
"I'll check in with you later, there are a few hunters in town that I need to see." Bobby said and Dean nodded and went back to his bedside vigil.
Twenty minutes later, Mary returned to check on Sam and to tell Dean that visiting hours were over. It warmed her heart to see how protective the older brother was. It was very obvious that the two boys were very close despite the differences in their ages.
"Sorry, hon, it's time to go visiting hours are over." Mary said and Dean nodded. He really didn't want to leave his brother in the condition he was in but he had no other choice.
"Can I have a few more minutes?" Dean asked, and Mary nodded. She didn't want to separate the boys when it was clear that the older one depended on the younger one so much.
Dean turned back to Sam, frowning he wished once more that it was him lying in the bed instead of Sam. He would do anything to go back and change what had happened.
"Sammy, I have to leave for the night but I'll be back in the morning, so you can't go anywhere on me you hear me? As long as you fight to live, I will fight to find you a cure! I won't ever give up on you!" tears formed in Dean's eyes and he shook his head. He'd never shed as many tears as he had tonight. If Sam were conscious, he could almost guarantee that he would be making fun of him. At this point though, Dean wished Sam was making fun of him, which would be better than seeing him in this state of sleep if you could call it that.
"I'm sorry Sammy, so damn sorry. It should have been me, lying here but instead you had to be self-sacrificing and save me. I'll never forgive myself if something happens." Dean paused and took a deep breath. Sam wasn't going to die, he would pull through he just had to keep telling himself that, he had to find a way to believe it would happen.
As Dean exited the room, he wondered how he would get any sleep. Without Sam there, it would be next to impossible. Sighing, Dean headed towards the ICU waiting room. He wasn't ready to see his father yet, so he would spend the night in the waiting area, even though that meant he wouldn't be sleeping, which with the condition Sam was in, that was just fine with him.
Several sleepless hours later, Sam's doctor approached Dean who was lying on a bench seat staring up at the ceiling. It was more than obvious he hadn't gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep. Dean sat up as soon as he saw the doctor coming towards him, and a bad feeling overcame him.
"Is Sam… is Sam still alive?" Dean asked almost afraid of the answer.
"He is, but his kidney isn't responding to the medicine we have him on now, we need to start dialysis as soon as possible and get him on the transplant list as soon as possible."
"Why don't you test our blood and see if we're a match, if we are I'll give him my own kidney, forget about the transplant list if we are."
"Are you sure that's a decision you want to make?" Dr. Harris asked "It's not often but things can go wrong in your case."
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Dean spoke softly "There's nothing I wouldn't do for my little brother, I'd give him whatever organ he needs to survive."
"The odds of him surviving the surgery will be very slim because of his condition, are you sure you want to go through with that?"
"I'm well aware; I just want you to do whatever possible to help him."
"Follow me then and we'll get some blood." Dr. Harris said thinking it admirable that the older brother was willing to give his little brother a kidney when it might not even help him to begin with.
Twenty minutes later, the nurses had all the blood they needed, and Dean was back where he belonged, right at Sam's bedside.
Sorry it took so long to get posted. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
