A Familiar Life…
Chapter 3
"Nanoha?"
The girl in question raised her head dully. "Lindy-san?"
Admiral Lindy Harlaown hurried over to Nanoha's bed, smiling with relief. "I heard that you had woken up."
Nanoha tried a smile, and found that it came easier than she had expected. "Thank you for your concern. I'm sorry that I'm…kind of troubling you."
"It's never any trouble, dear." Lindy stroked Nanoha's hair, the motherly gesture making Nanoha want her own mother desperately. As if reading her thoughts, Lindy said, "I'm sorry, but I'm working on getting permission to transport your family here to see you. I've sent a messenger to them though, so they know that you're alive." A pained look entered Lindy's eyes. "I had called them telling them that you had died, you see."
"But I'm not dead now," Nanoha stated. Then she frowned. "Why can't I go see them instead?" She tensed, clenching her fists onto her sheets. "Am I a prisoner here too?"
"No, no!" Lindy patted her hand, but Nanoha wasn't comforted. "Your doctor—Shamal—has recommended against intense travel for you at the moment. It could be detrimental to your health."
"You mean Fate's health," Nanoha said, hearing the tiredness in her own voice. No more anger, just…weariness.
"Yours as well," corrected Lindy. The admiral took a seat on the stool next to Nanoha's bed. "Nanoha, I know that things must be confusing and scary for you right now. If it's alright with you, can I bring in someone who can answer some of your questions? Teach you what you don't know?"
The only person Nanoha wanted to talk to was Fate. But Fate had never returned from her check-up earlier, and when Nanoha had finally asked Shamal what happened to her Shamal had told her that Fate requested to be moved to a different room. Whether Nanoha was glad or upset at the news varied with her mood, and with her ever changing thoughts.
Why did you do it?
How could you do this to me, Fate?
…What do I mean to you now?
She realized that Lindy was still patiently waiting for her answer. "Okay," Nanoha said in a small voice.
"Come in," Lindy called out to the hallway.
"Aria-san!" Nanoha said in surprise. The long-haired cat-girl walked over and gave Nanoha a small smile. Although she was no longer a TSAB officer, Aria still wore her old uniform. Three years hadn't made her change a bit—but it was the same thing for Arf, and Hayate's Wolkenritter.
Would that be Nanoha too, in the future?
"Nanoha," Aria said, nodding at her. "Admiral Lindy asked me to come and speak with you about familiars. You haven't been instructed about familiars before, have you?"
"Just a little…when we were learning about Hayate and the Wolkenritter."
"Alright then," Lindy said. "Nanoha, do you want to go for a walk with Aria? It could give you two some privacy."
"Am I allowed?" Nanoha asked, slightly bitter.
"Of course," Aria told her. "You're the victim in this case."
Lindy looked so pained at that, Nanoha wanted to apologize. She shouldn't have to…but seeing Lindy so worried and strained made Nanoha feel all the more guilty and anxious.
"Yes. Let's go, please," Nanoha begged, turning away from Lindy.
After handing her a change of clothes Lindy left to see her daughter, and Aria waited out in the hall while Nanoha struggled with her clothes. It was odd to move, and every time her hands fumbled Nanoha kept remembering Yuuno's words. Fate had fixed her with cloning spells. Unsteadily, Nanoha staggered to the door and pulled it open.
"Ready?" Aria indicated their direction. "Let's walk."
Nanoha lurched to try and keep up with Aria's steps. She suspected that the cat-girl was doing it on purpose, to force Nanoha to work out her awkwardness. With that in mind, Nanoha pushed herself harder, sweating with the effort. "Aria-san, where's Lotte-san?"
"She's with your family."
Nanoha's eye twitched, and she straightened. Flatly, she said, "To tell my family about me."
"We thought it best if it came from one of us." Someone who is living the life you now have, Aria left unsaid. Aria kept her pace, making Nanoha have to stretch her legs to keep up without needing to break into a trot. "And Arf isn't—"
"Available?" Nanoha remarked, a twist to her lips.
"Suitable," Aria finished. "For the same reasons that she shouldn't be the one to speak with you about all this. It's a conflict of interest. You both serve the same master."
The brunette stiffened, biting her lip hard. "A conflict of interest, for her to teach me about living as a familiar? What I can expect from my…" Nanoha sighed, her shoulders slumping. "…life." Her second life. One she hadn't asked for.
One she hadn't wanted.
"Most familiars are glad for a second chance at life," Aria said. Nanoha was pathetically grateful for the neutral, almost school-teacher air that Aria gave off while she spoke. Everything already hurt so much, without more guilt for Nanoha to have to deal with. "But most familiars were animals…beasts. They didn't have a concept of this kind of living before being changed. You did." Aria touched Nanoha's shoulder lightly, just a brush before moving on.
"It's not wrong if you wished that it hadn't happened."
"But it did," Nanoha said quietly. "And I should be grateful."
They were walking along the edge of the waterfront now. Nanoha recognized the place—it was a military hospital, slightly away from the main city to accommodate aircraft and ships that may have to make emergency dockings. For Fate to have held off so many mages and still proceed with her…her plan…Nanoha was awed, and slightly humbled.
She should be grateful.
Grateful that Fate had done so much for her…
"I'm not Arf," Aria told her, her tone falling until she almost sounded harsh. "I'm not Fate or Yuuno. I'm not your friend." The cat-girl inclined her head, the setting sun making her eyes gleam yellow. "You don't need to lie to me."
Nanoha didn't reply.
They stopped by a small look-out spot. Aria walked all the way to the railing, watching the horizon. "A familiar is bound to the life of their master. Some familiars are created under a contract, in which case once the contract is fulfilled the familiar dies."
"Fate didn't do that to me," Nanoha said. She swiped at her eyes, dashing the tears before they formed. "Like she didn't with Arf."
"Yes, that's slightly unusual. It's an altruistic act, to create a familiar without a contract." Aria glanced sideways at Nanoha. "You're a complex, human-like form. That's a hard type of familiar to maintain, especially for a young mage like Fate."
Nanoha flinched at "type of familiar". She really had to stop reacting to diction like that. "I can't exactly be any other way. Would it be easier on Fate if…if I was smaller? Like Arf with her puppy form?"
"Probably," Aria answered practically. "But I don't think it'd be good for you. Psychologically, that is. I doubt that Fate would allow it."
"I can choose if I want to do that or not by myself!" The outburst surprised both of them. Nanoha whimpered and covered her eyes with one hand. She hated how angry she was lately. She didn't like herself this way at all.
"You're not happy that I used the word "allow"?" Aria asked softly, her cat's eyes narrowed, one ear flicking. "A familiar is bound to their master. Do you think, that if Fate demanded something of you, that you can refuse?"
"Can," Nanoha asked back. "Or may?"
Aria smiled, showing a small fang. "You're learning. Do you really want to know the answer?"
No, Nanoha really didn't.
But she had to know. It would break her completely to pieces inside if she had to live never sure of her own choices. Never sure if she was a willing puppet or an unwitting one. "Tell me. Please."
Aria laughed, the sound light and amused. "Who knows?" Her tail lashed as she crossed her arms and looked out over the cliff. Each wave crashing into the rocks made Nanoha flinch. That was her life now—helpless, out of control…she couldn't stop herself from being flung against the sharp, cutting stones over and over again.
"Please, Aria-san."
"Do you remember the Book of Darkness incident?" Aria inhaled, settling against the rail. She didn't wait for Nanoha's affirmation. "Admiral Grahem came up with the plan to imprison a nine-year old girl away in a pocket dimension forever. Abhorrent, wasn't it? Even to Lotte and I, the idea seemed amoral…but we agreed to help. We wanted to help. If we had succeeded, it would have been our triumph as well." She turned her head to look at Nanoha. "How much of that was our own choice? How much of it was because it is simply in our nature to agree with our master?"
Nanoha's hands trembled on the rail. "Arf…Arf disobeyed Fate before."
Aria shrugged. "Like I said, Nanoha. Who knows? We familiars can never be sure. Our will isn't entirely our own anymore."
But if my will isn't my own…then who am I?
"One last thing…"
"Yes?"
Nanoha exhaled slowly. She gripped the railing, just to ground herself with the touch.
"What happens to the master…when the familiar dies?"
Aria's eyes flashed, a cat-like luminous glint that vanished when she turned back to look over the water again. Her ears twitched, lying gently back. They let the cold ocean breeze blow over them for a while.
Then Aria answered her.
"Nothing."
Nanoha breathed in deeply, putting her elbows on the railing and hanging over it, scuffing a boot negligently on the ground. She let out a breath, staring at the darkening horizon and smiled wistfully.
"I see."
Author's Note: Fun trivia—I was originally going to end the story with this chapter, but as I still have certain foreshadowed plot-points that I haven't explained yet, and since I had quite a few kind people ask me to continue writing, this will likely go on for a few more chapters ^^. But what fun implications at the end of Chapter 3!
