Chapter 3 SOA FANFIC. DISCLAIMER: ALL RIGHTS GO TO SOA.
Tara doesn't see Jax again until lunch, she sits with David and his soccer buddies as usual but she's alert, looking for Jax. She knows that he and Opie always go out for a smoke before they enter the cafeteria, and she realises, with a start, that she has never not been aware of Jax.
When they enter, Jax scans the hall until his eyes find hers, then he looks at David and all his buddies.
Tara sees the surprise on his face, like he didn't expect her to be hanging out with them. But who else would she sit with? David was the only one who didn't see her as some drunks daughter, and he sure as shit didn't let the rest of the boys say a bad word about her. Besides they always throw good after-game parties, everyone knows that. Not like the ones Jax is used to, with drugs, alcohol, pornstars and Crow Eaters. But normal teenage ones, the kind you see in films.
Tara watches as Jax sits at his usual table, Opie his ever present shadow is right beside him as they take their seats. Already at the table is Lowell and Kyle, there are a few girls there - Wendy, Donna, Sarah, Jenny. Jax sits next to Wendy, she smiles up at him and kisses him on the mouth. It makes Tara feel jealous - a feeling she isn't familiar with and doesn't know how to handle. She looks away quickly.
"I told you" David whispers in her ear, "he's bad news." When he meets her eyes he winks at her, then he throws an arm over her shoulder and pulls her into his side. She knows, without a doubt, he's doing it to make Jax jealous and she smiles at him. Not that she thinks it will work.
"You're a good friend, Hale. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," he laughs. "I do."
Tara doesn't turn to look at Jax for the rest of lunch. When Hale has to move his arm in order to open a container with chocolate mousse, she doesn't move away from his side and she prays that Jax is looking.
He is. Wendy is wrapped around him like a vine, and all he can see is Tara pressed into Hale's side, it makes him want to pummel that too-good pricks face even more than before. He wonders if in the last year they've had a thing, if David has ever kissed her? He doesn't like the jealousy he feels coursing through him, the rage that seeps from his skin with a necessity to get out via violence.
Despite all of Wendy's efforts, he can't peel his eyes away from Tara and the schools jock. It kills him to know how good of a pair they are, both academic, both good looking, Tara used to be on the cheerleading squad but dropped out in ninth grade, both want to leave Charming, both interested in books. Jax's fists clench. With a tut, he realises they could easily be Prom King and Queen, something he would never be, or have an interest in. Is that what Tara was in to? Does he even know her as well as he thinks he does?
He turns his face away from a laughing Tara, whatever Hale just said to her is apparently hilarious.
"Let's bounce, Ope." Jax suddenly says, his eyes are dark and he looks like he's trying to contain his inner rage. Opie loves Jax, but he can be real scary sometimes. "I've got History and G.R.E next and I ain't interested." Jax says, as if that's the explanation.
Opie makes a point of looking at Tara and David, then nods, not voicing whatever he's thinking, Jax doesn't comment either as they both stand and head out. Opie smirks as he notices Tara watch them leave, her shoulders slumping a bit. Though he's a bit disappointed because he wanted to spend the rest of lunch with Donna, a girl he's become fond of, but doesn't know how to voice, and he had Mathematics with her next, but he didn't want to risk Jax beating Hale to a pulp. Besides, they can be doing loads more productive shit as Prospects then they can in this dump.
They ride into the garage and Gemma meets them as they park their bikes with a stony glare. "Decide you didn't wanna stay the rest of the day?" She's got her hands on her hips, that means trouble.
"Relax, Ma." Jax says taking of his helmet and standing up, stretching out his back. "It was History and G.R.E, when am I ever gonna need them in SAMCRO?" he gives her a kiss on the cheek in greeting.
"There is nothing wrong with being educated, Jackson." Her voice is firm, she eyes her son warily.
"Which is why I still go when I don't need to." He says to her, walking away, he's not in the mood for Gemma today.
He nods to Opie to move in the direction of the Clubhouse, let them find Clay and do something useful with the day. Get his mind off everything else, take it off Tara and Hale. His mom stares after him, Jax can feel her eyes boring into his back but he doesn't care, today isn't about her.
Clay wastes no time getting them into duties. Jax doesn't comment as he mops up blood from the garage floor, nor does he say anything about the fact the garage is closed today. A Monday, their busiest day. He notices none of the club, except for Clay and Gemma, are around, but he doesn't question it. A good Prospect knows his place.
He laughs when Clay makes Opie sort out the overflowing toilet, and cringes when Clay makes him change the cum-stained sheets of the dorm in the clubhouse. Being Prospect is way less glamorous then he imagined, but as long as it gets him to where he wants to be, he doesn't care.
He doesn't even notice the entire day has gone and it's six o'clock until Gemma tells them to get home and get washed for dinner. Jax snaps to it, eager for dinner to be over so he can go and meet Tara after work. His anger has lessened, but he still has to know if something has happened with her and Hale, if something is happening. He's not sure he can respectfully bow-out if it is, since seeing her in the gym, the raw anger she had, the darkness she was emanating, he's been consumed by her. That's the only way to describe it, she's taking over his every waking thought and she's not even done anything yet, they haven't even kissed.
Dinner is over quicker then he thought it would be, Clay and Gemma can't keep their hands off each other, and though it's disgusting and in his dad's house, Jax is happy that they're distracting each other. He can escape before the nightly Prospect duties, he already knows he's going to 'accidentally' leave his phone at home so they can't call. He knows it's bad, but tonight Tara is more important. The thought causes him to stop mid-step, he almost trips over his own feet as he enters his room. More important then SAMCRO? The M.C? A girl? Is he losing his mind?
He leans over the sink in the bathroom, splashing water on his face, then he presses his face to the mirror, eyeing himself. He looks much better then he did when his daddy died, his blonde hair has grown back, he has no bruises or cuts because he doesn't get into bare knuckle fights anymore. His face isn't gaunt and skinny because his only diet isn't alcohol. He still feels the loss of his father everyday, but Ope' was right - he was killing himself, and his mother too. Sometimes, when he's alone, he sits and he laughs at the irony of his father dealing guns and being Prez, but being wiped out by a mechanical error of his bike. It's at these times he wonders if he's gone insane.
When he first got back to school he thought he'd never be able to feel emotion again, he was numb and the only emotion to ever surface was rage. Now, he was consumed daily by everything. He 's not sure how to handle it. Laughter feels wrong, like a betrayal to his brother, but he's happier and he knows it. He knows he should live for them, but sometimes he feels so guilty acid burns in his throat. Survivors guilt, Tara had called it on one of her many lectures, before he finally pushed her away. He wished he thought it was that.
