Chapter 3
Tom returned to his cabin still deep in thought over the day's events, learning Darien had died, that he'd been too late – felt like a kick in the head. They'd been together for nearly 20 years, had made every decision together even when he'd been away on deployment, it felt agonising to think of his life without Darien's calming presence. Add to that his realisation that his feelings for Rachel had become far deeper than he'd been aware of, left him feeling as if someone had yanked the proverbial rug from under his feet. He entered his cabin and collapsed on the sofa, his mind still whirring away.
"Penny for your thoughts son" Jed's voice startled Tom, suddenly aware of the man he hadn't even noticed was there, so lost in thought had he been.
"It's nothing Dad" Tom replied, watching his Dad shake his head – the old man had never been one to take no for an answer, especially about feelings. Where Tom played things close to his chest, Jed always laid the proverbial cards out on the table.
"That groan didn't sound like nothing Tom, and if you're going to be both Dad AND captain, you're going to have to start sharing, the world's changing – in more ways than one" Jed replied, his son was such a stubborn man. "I know you think I'm an interfering old busybody, but who else are you going to talk about this? Mike?"
"This, Dad?" Tom growled, wishing the old man would just leave it alone.
"Darien, Rachel, the kids, me, life" His father replied, fingering the letter he was holding "Darien is dead son, and yes, I DO know how that feels, I still miss your mother every day of my life – some days hurt worse than others, and I imagine right now you can't think of Darien not being part of your life without feeling like someone's sucker punched you in the gut- right?" Jed replied softly, tears threatening to spill over as he thought of his own wife, and his kind hearted daughter-in-law. Tom looked down at the floor, his own tears already coursing down his cheeks, wishing that his Dad wasn't so perceptive sometimes.
"Yeah, then I think of the kids...we made every decision together...how do I be Dad and Captain? This is why families aren't allowed on ships, I feel like someone is tearing me in half" Tom moaned, feeling overwhelmed by it all.
"Take one thing at a time – you'll learn to separate the two as you go along, as for having families on board, I imagine that's one change of many you and the command crew are going to have to make" Jed replied, squeezing his son's hand gently.
He didn't envy Tom one bit – since the Flu had hit, all the rules society had lived by had gone to hell. The crew of the Nathan James had to some extent been shielded from the mess the world had become, by their extended time at sea. Having come home, they'd suddenly been confronted by the realisation that the world they thought they were saving was gone. Tom and his command team were going to have to build a new society, starting with the Nathan James herself, and dispense with some of the rules they'd lived their entire careers by.
"Come again Dad? What changes?" Tom looked confused, although he had an idea where his father was going with this conversation.
"No fraternisation for a start – good chunks of your crew will have lost the only family members they have, the death toll has been immense son, from what little Intel I got from friends in the know the US population's been decimated, don't imagine any other countries did very much better" Jed told him "you're going to have to build your own society, and the rules will need adapting to this brave, new world we're living in now"
Tom nodded; it wasn't a new concept if he was honest with himself. He, Mike, Jeter, and several others, Rachel included, had discussed something similar in the wake of the news about Green and Foster's baby. Plus, having brought his own family on board, it would bring it up again in a roundabout way. Many crewmembers would either want to do the same, or start their own families, as they came to terms with the fact that the Nathan James family might be the only one they had left.
"Yeah, I know – it's come up already, but then we made port in Baltimore, and well...you know what happened next, there hasn't been time to discuss a sea change to rules and regs" Tom replied, knowing it was a discussion they were going to need to have soon, his father was right about changes being needed. It was then he noticed the letter his father was playing with, had been since this chat had begun.
"Dad, what's that you're holding? Is it for me?" Tom asked, pointing to the letter Jed held in his hands. Jed looked down at the letter before handing it over to Tom, who recognized the handwriting immediately.
"Darien wrote it before she passed away, made me promise to give it to you, she knew you'd come, never lost faith, anyway I'll leave you to read it" Jed replied as he stood and left Tom alone to read his wife's last words.
Tom stared at the letter, not certain if he had the courage to read these last words, deal with the memories they would inevitably bring. Yet she'd chosen to devote her last hours to writing this letter, the least he could do is read it he thought to himself, and tore open the letter, and began to read.
"My dearest Tom,
If you're reading this letter, then I didn't make it - I tried to hang on, I really did, but I'm so, so tired. I know that you'll come home to us, and I wish could've been there to see you one more time, but it's not to be my darling.
I need you to promise me something Tom, I need you to keep that promise you made to me not to wallow in grief if one of us should die, I just never thought it'd be me. I know that you won't want to think of it my love, but I don't want to be the cause of you missing out on a second chance at happiness. We were so lucky dearest – if a second chance comes along, don't bypass it Tom, so few of us get a first chance to love, let alone a second one. Promise me also you'll raise our children to be good people, Tom, and don't let them forget me. So if you find someone else, make sure they'll love you and the kids the way I did – there's so much about you all to love.
It's getting harder to write this, and Jed's got the car ready for the drive to Baltimore, he heard over the short wave radio that someone has a treatment for the Flu there. It may be too late for me, but not for Jed and the kids.
So good bye Tom, and thank you, I've never once had cause to regret marrying you, or the wonderful life we had together, our children – I would do it all again, in a heartbeat.
I love you Thomas Chandler,
Your wife,
Darien xx
By the time Tom had read the last words, the tears were flowing down his cheeks again. He missed her more than ever, but whilst he knew what she'd written was the truth, making good on at least one of those promises Darien had asked for was going to take time, for all of them.
