Chapter 3: Baby Assignment

SNORE

"ZIM!"

Zim jerked himself awake as Ms. Bitters harsh voice rang through his wigged antennae and the yardstick slapped violently on his desk, nearly hitting his head in the process. A few kids snickered as he blushed about falling asleep in class. Dib was among them.

"Must you be reminded that it is against skool policy to fall asleep in class?!" Ms. Bitters hissed.

"My apologies, Ms. Bitters." Zim yawned as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I'm afraid I didn't get enough sleep last night. Being up and doing homework."

"Psh, yeah right." Dib rolled his eyes. "I bet you were up all night trying to find weaknesses or build a new weapon."

"For your information, Dib…" Zim hissed at him. "I, was the one weakened last night. I barely made it through the night! I was just so busy."

"Enough of this!" Ms. Bitters growled, hitting the desk again, making the Irken jump. "Zim… this late nighter might actually do you some good practice for what our next assignment will be."

Zim, Dib, and the rest of the class were confused as the teacher slithered back to her desk.

"Class… due to the Skool Board wanting to make sure you are all prepared for the miserable lives you will be living, and possible parenthood, the Skool Board is forcing you to pair up with a partner and take care of one of these baby dolls."

Suddenly, Ms. Bitters reached under her desk and pulled out an ordinary looking baby doll and put it on her desk. The class groaned as they realized what their new assignment was.

"This baby doll is robotic and has all the functions of a real baby." Ms. Bitters continued. "You will all have to pair up with a partner and take care of one of these dolls. Also, to promote segregation, there will be one black and white couple, one lesbian couple, and one gay couple, which will be chosen at random by this hat."

Zim gulped as he started to take all this in. Didn't he see something in the book about babies?! This was not good! Taking care of a baby while also having to deal with those vile Night Blights might be impossible! He'd have to make sure that his partner would be the one to take the baby home every night.

Ms. Bitters reached under her desk and pulled out a hat with scraps of paper inside. The scraps contained the names of all the students in the class. She reached in and pulled out two scraps.

"For our black and white couple," She started. "We have Aki and Keef."

Aki and Keef blushed as their names were called out. Everybody silently giggled. Everybody knew that the two already had a crush on each other.

"For our lesbian couple," Ms. Bitters pulled out two more scraps. "We have Zita and Gretchen."

The two girls shared a high five with each other, happy that they were put with someone they actually tolerated.

"And finally, our gay couple is… Zim and Dib."

"WHAT?!" Both boys cried out as the class started laughing.

Zim and Dib were about to complain, before Ms. Bitters slithered up to the two, grabbing them both.

"Do we have a 'problem' boys?" She hissed darkly.

"N-No! No problem at all!" Zim and Dib stammered fearfully, hugging each other for effect.

"Good." Their teacher spat before setting the hugging duo back down. "Because if anyone refuses to work with their partner, that couple will automatically get an F! Do I make myself clear?"

Zim and Dib both nodded, still refusing to let go of each other. Ms. Bitters nodded in satisfaction and slithered back to her desk, pulling out a box of baby dolls.

"Everybody else, find a partner and come get your doll."

Zim and Dib sighed with relief, glad that they got away with it. Suddenly, they realized they were still hugging and quickly let go of each other, their faces red from embarrassment. They stayed a bit of a distance from each other, feeling very awkward in their predicament.

"So…" Dib coughed.

"So…" Zim repeated.

"... Do you… want a boy… or a girl?" Dib asked awkwardly.

"It doesn't really matter to me." Zim shrugged. "Though, I always did dream about having a daughter."

"Really? Me too." Dib smiled.

"Well, there's one thing we can agree on." Zim smiled back. "So, a girl then?"

"Let's get a girl."

The boys nodded in agreement and went up to Ms. Bitters, asking for a girl doll.

"So, what should we name her?" Dib asked.

"Hmm," Zim thought. "How about… Pam."

"Pam's a good name." Dib agreed.

"OK, so here's how it's gonna work." Zim started as they sat down with their new assignment. "I get her days, and you get her nights."

"Sorry, Zim, that's not gonna work." Dib shook his head.

"And why not?" Zim glared at his nemesis.

"Because having a baby in the house, even if it's just a doll, will set dad off." Dib explained. "Plus, if the baby cries, I don't want Gaz to be even twelve feet from it!"

"Hmm, you got a point." Zim agreed.

OK, this was bad. Dib did have a really good point, but there was no way Zim could take this baby to his own place at night. The Night Blights would surely be attracted to it! Or worse! It could be the kind of distraction the Blights will need to start their feast!

Of course, Zim couldn't tell any of this to Dib. He'll either find it as a weakness, or he might just laugh at him. He had no choice but to agree.

"Very well Dib." He finally sighed. "You get her days, and I'll get her nights."

"That works fine with me." Dib nodded as the two shook hands.