Chapter 3: Bitch, Please.
Wendy Darling was a multitasker. Coached as the Lost Boys mother while simultaneously adventuring with Peter Pan, Wendy was a multitasker of professional standards. She was also somewhat of a perfectionist with a competitive streak. So, when Peter Pan's Thursday night Last-One-Out-Of-the-Dressing-Room-Is-A-Rotten-Egg challenge swung around, Wendy made sure she won. It was really that simple.
"What's this make it?" Mulan squirmed into her sports bra as Wendy ducked under Merida's blow drier. She almost got lost in Merida's hair. "O for what?"
"Peter zero." Wendy flapped her nightgown. She crinkled her nose at the wrinkles. "Wendy a million. Goodness – these wrinkles. This will never do. Well, if I suppose if I'm to beat him…"
"And make it zero to a million and one?" Mulan laughed as Wendy skipped around Merida and Rapunzel. "Aiya! Wendy, that must kill Peter to have you win!"
"Atta girl." Merida muttered from under her hair.
"Well…" Wendy called from the bathroom stall. She hated to change in public. "Well he is Peter Pan. He's wonderful at everything else. I might as well have a little glory. Oh dear. Has anyone seen my sash?"
"Negative! But here!" Rapunzel flung a pink ribbon over the stall. "You can use this one!"
"Thank you!"
"Np!"
"Girl." Tiana looked at Rapunzel through the mirror. "Stop speaking in abbreviations! I swear you talk more like Flynn every day!"
"Lol!" Rapunzel giggled, amused by her comeback.
Tiana smiled. "And stop laughing at your own jokes!"
Rapunzel giggled more.
"Okay dudes." Mulan flipped her hair into a bun. "Get a move on. I'm done for the night but Rapunzel's still got the Princess Parade thing. So let's – "
Mulan stopped. "Oh. Hey. Princess Ariel. Tinkerbell."
The girls turned. Ariel and Tinkerbell were glittering in costume at the end of the aisle, clearly dressed for the Princess Parade. Ariel smiled broadly. Tinkerbell sucked her cheek.
"Nice warrior outfit, Mulan." Tinkerbell jerked her head. "Men's Locker Room is that way."
"Can I have a locker next to yours?" Mulan said.
"Atta girl." Merida muttered from under her hair.
"Umm we're busy!" Tiana swiveled her head and snapped her fingers in the mirror. "And Wendy's on a timed schedule to bust Peter Pan, so Honey back off with the poison yo and let us do our thing, oh-kay?!"
"Atta girl." Merida muttered from under her hair. They loved it when Tiana got sassy. Always a good show.
"Tinkerbell." Ariel scolded. Brightly, she returned to the girls. "Sorry. I'm just here for Rapunzel? Rapunzel, you wanted me to braid your hair for the parade?"
"Ooooo!" Rapunzel bounced up and down. Excitedly she patted the bench. "Yes, yes, yes! Do it, do it, do it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oooo I can't believe it! It's gonna look soooo good!"
"Must be some hairdo." Mulan mused, a wary eye still on Tinkerbell. "What's the type of braid?"
"Fish tail!" Rapunzel squealed as Ariel lifted her aquamarine skirts over the bench. She was wearing flip flops underneath. "Fish tail braid all the way down! Thought we'd try something new! Thank you Ariel! Thank you!"
Mulan crossed her arms. "Do you have enough time before the parade?" she asked as Tinkerbell prowled the lockers. She glared as Tinkerbell peered curiously into Wendy's.
Ariel smoothed Rapunzel's hair. "I think so. I have six sisters, remember. Lots of experience braiding. Especially fishtails. It's a mermaid thing."
"Shocker." Mulan mumbled, reaching for her deodorant. Suddenly, she barked. "Hey! Tinkerbell. That's Wendy's locker."
"Oops." Tinkerbell flicked the door shut. She hid a hand behind her back. "My bad."
"I can't wait for the parade!" Rapunzel fidgeted as Ariel divided her hair. "I love dancing! Especially on a moving float!"
"Mm-hmm." Tiana circled moisturizer on her cheeks. "You would."
"And I hope Flynn is watching!" Rapunzel hugged her shoulders, unable to contain her glee. "I want him to see my new braid! Maybe he won't fall asleep in the crowd this time! Maybe he'll come for a dance!"
"Gosh I forgot." Ariel said, weaving Rapunzel's hair like liquid sunshine. "Giselle was talking about the boys. She seemed pretty excited. Something about a date."
Tinkerbell clanged a locker. Her wings buzzed. "What? Really? No! A date?"
"A date."
"A date?" said Mulan.
Rapunzel tilted her head. "Whatsa date?"
Wendy hopped from the bathroom, one slipper on her foot. "Three minutes left! Has anyone seen my…bow?"
She straightened, startled by Ariel and Tinkerbell. "Oh. Hello. I was – "
"— looking for this?" Lightly, Tinkerbell flittered onto the bench. From behind her back, she displayed Wendy's bow. "This old thing?"
"Oh come on!" Mulan reached into her locker. She withdrew a baseball bat. "We are not playing this game – "
"Tinkerbell. Please." Wendy interrupted. She held out her hand. "Give it back."
"You're on a timed schedule." Tinkerbell sneered. "Come and get it! Ándale! Ándale!"
"Tinkerbell!" Wendy scooted past Ariel and through Mulan's hands. "Tinkerbell! Please!"
"Why, big ugly girl?" Tinkerbell dangled the bow. "Think it'll make you look pretty for Peter Pan?"
"No!" Wendy grabbed. She blushed violently. "Tinkerbell it's – "
"—time is flying!"
"Tinkerbell!"
"So why don't you fly?!"
"Tinkerbell! I'm going to be late!"
"She's late! She's late! For a very important – "
"DATES!"
The Girl's Dressing Room door wacked open. Giselle, Charlotte, and Snow White swirled inside.
"Dates!" Giselle sang, grasping Cinderella and spinning her about. "Dates! Dates! We're all going on dates!"
"Dates?" The Disney ladies fluttered around Giselle. Tinkerbell hovered out of Wendy's reach. Mulan made eye contact with Tinkerbell and sliced a hand across her throat. "Oh Giselle what's a date?"
"Oh!" Charallot La Bouff fanned herself. "Oh it's just too much to absorb!"
"Well try." Tiana muttered.
"A date!" Giselle danced, grasping hands with each Disney lady she passed. "Is a wonderful thing! You're prince will plan a special night! You stay out much too late! You're dress is just a little tight…"
"Is she seriously starting to sing?" Mulan said.
Giselle twirled. "Presto you have a date!"
"Yup." Tiana answered as the Disney ladies cooed.
"We can't go on dates!" Jasmine said. "Aladdin is too tacky. He's broke."
"A whole night with Naveen?" Tiana pulled her skin. "I'll be sick."
"But what do we do on a date?" Shyly, Belle brushed a stray hair. "Beast is so introspective. I can't talk to him."
"Kristoff has the energy of a Tupperware replacement lid!" Anna tugged anxiously on Elsa's sleeve. "Do you think he'll let me bring Olaf?"
"As long as Edward wears his poofy pants!" Giselle beamed. "Then our dates will be a dream come true! Oh ladies! Think of it! A date!"
Elatedly Giselle painted a rainbow across an invisible canvass. "Imagine it! Your prince takes you someplace special! You're dressed nice, and so is he. You eat under the stars. Hold hands. Talk about yourselves. You're likes. You're dislikes. You're interests…"
Giselle squealed. "See! A date!"
"I do not understand." Pocahontas cocked her head. "Our men agreed to this?"
Ecstatically Giselle nodded. "Edward and our princes are arranging the details with Mickey Mouse right now! Eeeeee! So by tomorrow!" Giselle flapped her hands. "We may have dates!"
"Ladies!" Fauna, Flora, and Merriweather tapped their wands through the door. "Ladies! The Princess Parade is about to start! Wisk, wisk! Wisk, wisk!"
"Ooooo!" Hurriedly, Ariel braided the last two feet of Rapunzel's hair. "There! Sorry Rapunzel, a little sloppy! Oh and Wendy?"
Wendy looked up. Her cheeks were still red.
Lifting her skirts, Ariel lunged over the bench. Pushing Tinkerbell, she snatched Wendy's blue bow.
"Here!" Landing gracefully, Ariel tossed Wendy the bow. She pointed at her wrist. "You still got a minute left!"
Gratefully, Wendy smiled. It melted as Tinkerbell swooped overhead.
"When you see Peter…" Swiftly, Tinkerbell tugged Wendy's hair. "…tell him to start planning our date. Big, ugly girl."
Mulan rolled her eyes. As Tinkerbell zipped to the door, Mulan tossed a baseball, swung her bat –
"Ouch!"
"Bitch," Tiana snapped as Tinkerbell hobbled out. "Please."
"Atta girl." Merida muttered from under her hair.
