"My So-Called Best Friend's Wedding" by BumbleBeeTheta (based on several Friends episodes)
Part Three- "How Leela Loves/Hates Fry"
"I hate you
I love you
Leave
Don't Go Away.
I can't decide if I like your face
Or if I wish it would stray.
You're a child but your malicious.
You're sweet but don't remember my name.
Heads you win and tails I'm lost.
Love equals pain.
I am drifting without an anchor
Through your ambiguous reign,
A strange continent immune to all reason
And I'm flattered by your grey matter."
-"Grey Matter" by Jewel
Scene: the local NNYC "7 to the 11th exponent (Sorry, I don't know how to type it out!)".
(Leela is walking down one of the aisles. She passes a shelf stocked with "Soylent Cola", "Diet Slurm with Lemon" and "Crossroads Coke", which features a particular blonde pop star on the front. She stops to grab a six-pack of "Chai Tea: Now with more caffeine!" and reaches for a magazine titled "Singular and Opinionated Monthly".)
Leela: (looking at the magazine) Ooh! "How to Effectively Send Yourself Flowers on V-Day While Displaying Your Lack of Dependence on the Opposite Sex"!
(She looks down from the magazine to gaze at the multitude of typical female-faire publications. She sighs as she reads the names of different articles.)
Leela: "Making it a Day to Remember", "Will He Pop the Question?", "How to Effectively Receive Flowers and Stress Your Dependence on the Opposite Sex"...Ugh. Don't these magazines realize not all women are senseless bimbos who'll do anything for a man? I mean, I'm spending Valentine's Day pining over someone and you don't see me rushing for the nearest article about getting his atten- Hey!
(She snatches up a pink magazine and reads the cover.)
Leela: "Make Sure He Knows You're Interested", "The Art of Dating a Co-Worker", "How to Break Them Up"! It's perfect!
(She sticks it in her basket and runs up to the counter where the clerk is on the phone.)
Clerk: I told you, sweetie. We can't go to Mars for Valentine's Day! There's a line of people winding around all the aisles-
(Cut to behind Leela, the only one in line. A lone tumbleweed rolls by.)
Clerk: I'm telling you, business is really swelling...I don't care if it's the red planet!
(Off-screen, someone comes in the door. Leela, impatient, begins thumbing through her magazine.)
Fry: (walking on-screen) Uh...hey, Leela.
Leela: (looking up, surprised) Oh! Um...hi, Fry! (Looking back down at the mag, reading) When speaking to your prospect, greet him cheerily and pay a compliment. (Looking at Fry) How are you? You look...nice...today.
Fry: (Confused) Uh, thanks. You too.
Leela: (happy) Really? I mean, thank you. (Pause) So, what are you here for?
Fry: Nothing much. Just picking up some Saturn-2-0 for Lizzie. You?
Leela: (At a loss for words, giggling nervously) Oh, you know, just...buying energy booster tea.
Fry: (rummaging through the back-wall fridge) Yeah? That sounds like you. You know, Lizzie says it's just Slurm mixed with milk.
Leela: (anxious) You don't say?
Fry: Yup. And she also said Slim Fast is a flavored-laxative. She sure is bright, huh?
Leela: Oh, most definitely.
(Awkward silence.)
Fry: Um, Leela?
Leela: Yes?
Fry: I had something I wanted to ask you, but I'm afraid I'll blow it.
Leela: (Anticipating his response) I'm listening.
Fry: Okay, here goes...how can you tell when you're in love?
Leela: (dreamy) Mm...when you can't bear to be apart from them and you'd do anything for them and even if you know you don't deserve them, you still feel the same way...
Fry: Thanks.
Leela: (Still dreamy) Don't mention it.
Fry: I've really been trying to figure out how I feel about...Lizzie, if you know what I mean.
Leela: (disappointed) Oh.
Fry: Also, I wanted to apologize for those awful things I said last week. It was totally uncalled for. (holding out hand) Friends?
Leela: (Sad) Friends.
(She shakes his hand.)
Leela: (letting go) I really have to go. See you at work!
(She dashes out.)
Clerk: (on phone) Fine. Go with Brian, like I care. Bye.
(He hangs up the phone.)
Clerk: Hey! That freak just ran outta here without paying!
Fry: Here, I'll pay for whatever she "bought". And she's not a freak.
Clerk: Then what is she, huh?
Fry: She's the only girl I've ever- (defensive) She's my best friend, okay?
(He hands over the cash for both purchases and smiles as he gazes the way she left.)
Clerk: Whatever you say, Lover Boy.
Scene: Leela's apartment.
(Uh, note about this scene: I wrote Part Two before I saw "Leela's Homeworld", which is why I mentioned her not having a family. Disregard that. Just forget I ever wrote it and this next scene'll work like clockwork, k?)
(Leela is sprawled out on her bed, writing in her journal.)
Leela: (narrating) Dear Journal, sometimes I can't believe the stupid things I do. I know that sounds like it should be coming out of Homer Simpson's mouth rather than mine, but I'm being honest. I totally acted out of turn with Fry this afternoon. I can't believe I let myself blubber like that. Who would ever have thought that love could make you do such idiotic things?
Voice: (OS) Did I just hear my daughter use the word 'love'?
Leela: (freaked out) N-no. Of course not. 'Love' isn't even part of my vocabulary...
(She climbs off the bed and down onto the floor to peer into the air shaft where she sees her mother.)
Munda: Because I could swear I heard you say 'Fry' and 'love' in the same paragraph...
Leela: (whining) Mo-om! Do you have to show up unannounced?
Munda: So it must be wrong for me to want to look out for my little girl?
Leela: No, it's just that...well...
Munda: You think I'm totally clueless about your love life? ::chuckles::
Leela: Well, I did. Right up until you laughed.
Munda: Sweetie, I know you're in love wi- well, "have feelings" for Fry...
Leela: (surprised) You do? How? I didn't write about him in my diary, did I?
Munda: No, I just know these things. It's in the way you speak to him when you talk on the phone, the way you tried desperately to get rid of any memory that he loved you, the way you looked at him when he reunited us, the serene way you breathed when he placed his hand on your shoulder to comfort you. It's everywhere. And you've become a slave to your denial.
Leela: There's no way in hel-heck that you could tell I loved him- if I loved him- from all those things.
Munda: Believe me, I can. I acted the exact same way when I first fell in love.
Fade to: Xavier High School circa 2965.
(Munda is walking down the hall, talking to another girl resembling Celia from "Monsters Inc.", only the girl has three eyes instead of one...)
Girl: So then Robert says he can't go with me to the dance 'cos he's already going with Francesca.
Munda: No way! That's terrible.
Girl: I know! Guys are such jerks.
Munda: Totally, Kate.
(The two walk by Maurice who has long hair a la Homer Simpson in "The Way We Was" at the drinking fountain. He catches jumps up as they pass by and runs in front of them.)
Maurice: Uh, hi...you.
Kate: She has a name, dork.
Maurice: Um...would you go to the dance with me, please?
Munda: Uh....well, you're really nice and all, but I just....am allergic to dancing.
Maurice: Really? Me too! I figured we could just hang out by the punch bowl and talk and stuff...
Munda: Can't. I'm allergic to punch too. Sorry.
Maurice: Oh. Okay. I guess I'll see you around then.
(He walks off looking dejected.)
Kate: You didn't have to be so nice to the weirdo. It's not your fault he needs a face-lift.
Fade back to: Leela's apartment.
Leela: Wow. Dad was really the reject, wasn't he?
Munda: Well, kind of.
Leela: So how did you end up together?
Munda: We both went to the prom alone and he caught me by the punch bowl.
Leela: Ouch.
Munda: You can say that again.
Leela: I bet he felt terrible.
Munda: We both did at first, but we started talking and by the end of the night we were...well, never mind.
Leela: (smiling) Were you...I mean, was it....
Munda: Well, I can definitely say it wasn't as far as you and the world's biggest windbag.
Leela: Does everyone in the entire universe know about that?
Munda: In the lower one at least.
Leela: If I could travel back in time, I'd stay locked up in my cell that night...and go to the musical with Elisabeth...
Munda: We've all made mistakes, sweetie. But I think you might be able to change things this time.
Leela: How? I mean, even though I do- erm, if I did love him, I can hardly stand him anymore. He's swooning over me one minute and down on the floor with some shape-shifter the next.
Munda: Turanga, if there's one thing I learned from dating the quarterback during my junior year, it's that guys are always going to be attracted to other women, but as long as you put out quickly, they'll stick around.
Leela: Mom!
Munda: Uh, did I just say that out-loud? I meant, don't put out! Not till you're good and married!
Leela: You mean you waited that long with Dad?
Munda: Hey! I'm not on trial here!
Leela: I know. But what can I do to change what's up with Lizzie and Fry?
Munda: Turanga, I can't promise it'll work or that the two of you will end up as soul mates, but I will say this: Just be honest. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he's the same sweet guy who wrote you that letter expressing his feelings, he'll still be just as in love with you as before.
Leela: I hope it works.
Munda: Me too.
(Leela and her mother embrace, a couple tears tricking down both their cheeks.)
Scene: Fry and Bender's apartment.
(Fry and Elisabeth are sitting on the couch watching a sappy Julia Roberts movie, "Love is Nice".)
Lizzie: I love this movie. I first saw it when I was fourteen and I've been in love with it ever since.
Fry: Yeah, it's, um...nice.
Lizzie: What're you so nervous about?
Fry: Nothing! I'm not nervous! Who said I'm nervous?
Lizzie: (smiling) You're so sweet.
(She kisses him on the cheek and gazes into his eyes.)
Lizzie: I love you.
Fry: You do? I've never heard that from anyone before in my life! I mean, I love you too!
Lizzie: Really?
Fry: Why wouldn't I?
Lizzie: (hugging him) I'm so glad you took me to the musical instead of Leela...
Fry: (saddened, quietly) Leela...
Lizzie: I don't think she'd be much of a lover...
Fry: Look, Lizzie, there's something I've been wanting to ask you...
Lizzie: Yes?
Fry: Elisabeth, the past two weeks have been some of the happiest of my life.
Lizzie: Mine too.
Fry: So...will you marry me?
Kid in the movie: Radical!
Lizzie: Yes! Yes I will!
Usher in movie: Is that your final answer?
Lizzie: Yes! Yes it is! I love you!
(The two hug and kiss and, well...let's skip to the next scene.)
Scene: Planet Express, the next day.
(Bender, Amy, Cubert, Hermes and the Professor are in the lounge watching "All My Circuits".)
Monique: Calculon, I must tell you...
Calculon: What is it, my love?
Monique: I...I can't marry you. For, I'm in love with-
Calculon: With who???
Monique: With, with...Tara-bot!
(She sobs.)
Calculon: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Out in the hall, Leela is pacing back and forth.)
Leela: Fry, I love you! No, too strong....Fry, I really like you. Too childish. God, I can't do this...
(Just then, Fry and Elisabeth come running in.)
Fry: We have an announcement to make!
Lizzie: We're getting married!
(Everyone gasps.)
Leela: (entering the lounge) You're, you're what?
(Fry looks back at her and sees her hurt face.)
Lizzie: (smirking) Getting married.
(Tears begin to form in her eye, but she bites her lip to hold them back.)
Fry: Leela, I-
Leela: (holding back tears) Why are we just standing around talking? You're getting married, for God's sake!
Amy: Leela, you know-
Leela: (interrupting) Isn't that just spit-on-your-neck, kick-you-in-the-crotch fantastic?
(Silence.)
Lizzie: Of course! I'm so happy! (smirking) I hope there are no hard feelings between us...
Leela: None whatsoever. In fact, to show I'm completely and totally over Fry, I'm throwing you guys a party!
Scene: Later that evening.
(The lounge is decorated with pink and purple streamers everywhere. A long banner is hung on the wall saying, "Congratulations Fry and Elisabeth". We can clearly see that 'Elisabeth' is written over a crossed-out 'Evil Bitch'. Everyone is dressed up. Leela is talking to Elisabeth who is holding a martini.)
Leela: So you've been going out how long?
Lizzie: Two weeks for the umpteenth time.
Leela: Hm...only fifty-six weeks less than the time Fry spent infatuated with me. What a coincidence.
Lizzie: Look, freak. He picked me over you. That's not my fault. So I'd advise you to back off, okay? Unless you want to go blind.
(Fry walks up to them.)
Fry: Ah. My two favorite ladies talking civilly to each other.
Lizzie: (fake) Nice outfit, Leela.
Fry: (oblivious to the hate in the room) Carry on.
(He wanders off.)
Leela: Thanks, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Early Halloween is such a good look on you.
Leela: You too. Except, when I dress up like a British bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
Lizzie: Bite me. This ain't a Harvard party, sweetheart. And my fiancée isn't calling you Pooh Bear.
Leela: He will when I'm through with him.
Lizzie: Look, if you do anything to wreck my wedding, I swear to God, my father will run this company into the ground. You'll be out of a job, little Miss Captain. And Fry will come crawling back to...Oh, not you. Me.
Leela: You know, if I learn anything from this experience, I hope it's that being a slutty, back-stabbing shape shifter is the one thing I don't want to be, married or not.
Lizzie: At least I'm not a fur-reek like you.
Leela: Ever looked in a mirror?
Lizzie: Yes. And it's perfect. But you already knew that...(whispering) Mutant.
(Leela looks at her, stunned.)
Leela: Is it perfect before or after it breaks?
(She walks out onto the balcony.)
Leela: Ugh! I can't believe her!
Fry: What'd she do?
Leela: (startled) Oh, Fry! I didn't know you were there.
Fry: (chuckling) You don't know how many times it felt that way to me last year.
Leela: I know you like her, but Elisabeth isn't so sweet to me.
Fry: She made an eye comment, didn't she?
Leela: Oh, much worse.
Fry: Like what?
Leela: Like insulting my family, calling me a mutant...I don't understand what you see in her.
Fry: Neither do I...
Leela: I'm sorry. Here I am complaining about the woman you're going to marry. (softly) You must really love her...
Fry: Well, it must be something...
Leela: Can I axe you something kind of personal?
Fry: Axe away.
Leela: Well...when did you stop feeling the same way about me?
Fry: (turning to her) Leela...
(He caresses her face with his hand.)
Fry: Even if I have feelings for someone else, I can never fully stop feeling the same way about you...
(The two are close enough to kiss now.)
Leela: Because today I was going to tell you that I-
Amy: There you are!
(Fry pulls away from Leela.)
Amy: We're putting on some music. You and Elisabeth have to share your first dance now that you're engaged.
Fry: Uh, okay. See you inside, Leela.
Leela: Um...bye, I guess.
(She looks downcast as he walks out.)
Amy: Buck up, Leela.
Leela: I almost...We almost...
(She begins to cry.)
Amy: Hey, I'm here for you, okay?
(Leela nods.)
Amy: I'm gonna go inside now, you wanna come with?
Leela: No, I'm okay.
Amy: You sure?
Leela: Yeah, I just need some time alone.
Amy: K.
(She walks into the building and squeals with delight.)
Amy: Kif!
(The door shuts and Leela is left alone with her thoughts.)
Leela: (Flopping down onto the floor) Why do I ever listen to my heart? It's never done a thing for me...
(Savage Garden's "Gunning Down Romance" plays as she sighs and hugs herself, shivering out in the cold.)
~
Aw...I feel sad now. Anyway, there'll be one more installment in this series, followed by a sequel series. Please tell me what you think! Peaces, peeps!
Part Three- "How Leela Loves/Hates Fry"
"I hate you
I love you
Leave
Don't Go Away.
I can't decide if I like your face
Or if I wish it would stray.
You're a child but your malicious.
You're sweet but don't remember my name.
Heads you win and tails I'm lost.
Love equals pain.
I am drifting without an anchor
Through your ambiguous reign,
A strange continent immune to all reason
And I'm flattered by your grey matter."
-"Grey Matter" by Jewel
Scene: the local NNYC "7 to the 11th exponent (Sorry, I don't know how to type it out!)".
(Leela is walking down one of the aisles. She passes a shelf stocked with "Soylent Cola", "Diet Slurm with Lemon" and "Crossroads Coke", which features a particular blonde pop star on the front. She stops to grab a six-pack of "Chai Tea: Now with more caffeine!" and reaches for a magazine titled "Singular and Opinionated Monthly".)
Leela: (looking at the magazine) Ooh! "How to Effectively Send Yourself Flowers on V-Day While Displaying Your Lack of Dependence on the Opposite Sex"!
(She looks down from the magazine to gaze at the multitude of typical female-faire publications. She sighs as she reads the names of different articles.)
Leela: "Making it a Day to Remember", "Will He Pop the Question?", "How to Effectively Receive Flowers and Stress Your Dependence on the Opposite Sex"...Ugh. Don't these magazines realize not all women are senseless bimbos who'll do anything for a man? I mean, I'm spending Valentine's Day pining over someone and you don't see me rushing for the nearest article about getting his atten- Hey!
(She snatches up a pink magazine and reads the cover.)
Leela: "Make Sure He Knows You're Interested", "The Art of Dating a Co-Worker", "How to Break Them Up"! It's perfect!
(She sticks it in her basket and runs up to the counter where the clerk is on the phone.)
Clerk: I told you, sweetie. We can't go to Mars for Valentine's Day! There's a line of people winding around all the aisles-
(Cut to behind Leela, the only one in line. A lone tumbleweed rolls by.)
Clerk: I'm telling you, business is really swelling...I don't care if it's the red planet!
(Off-screen, someone comes in the door. Leela, impatient, begins thumbing through her magazine.)
Fry: (walking on-screen) Uh...hey, Leela.
Leela: (looking up, surprised) Oh! Um...hi, Fry! (Looking back down at the mag, reading) When speaking to your prospect, greet him cheerily and pay a compliment. (Looking at Fry) How are you? You look...nice...today.
Fry: (Confused) Uh, thanks. You too.
Leela: (happy) Really? I mean, thank you. (Pause) So, what are you here for?
Fry: Nothing much. Just picking up some Saturn-2-0 for Lizzie. You?
Leela: (At a loss for words, giggling nervously) Oh, you know, just...buying energy booster tea.
Fry: (rummaging through the back-wall fridge) Yeah? That sounds like you. You know, Lizzie says it's just Slurm mixed with milk.
Leela: (anxious) You don't say?
Fry: Yup. And she also said Slim Fast is a flavored-laxative. She sure is bright, huh?
Leela: Oh, most definitely.
(Awkward silence.)
Fry: Um, Leela?
Leela: Yes?
Fry: I had something I wanted to ask you, but I'm afraid I'll blow it.
Leela: (Anticipating his response) I'm listening.
Fry: Okay, here goes...how can you tell when you're in love?
Leela: (dreamy) Mm...when you can't bear to be apart from them and you'd do anything for them and even if you know you don't deserve them, you still feel the same way...
Fry: Thanks.
Leela: (Still dreamy) Don't mention it.
Fry: I've really been trying to figure out how I feel about...Lizzie, if you know what I mean.
Leela: (disappointed) Oh.
Fry: Also, I wanted to apologize for those awful things I said last week. It was totally uncalled for. (holding out hand) Friends?
Leela: (Sad) Friends.
(She shakes his hand.)
Leela: (letting go) I really have to go. See you at work!
(She dashes out.)
Clerk: (on phone) Fine. Go with Brian, like I care. Bye.
(He hangs up the phone.)
Clerk: Hey! That freak just ran outta here without paying!
Fry: Here, I'll pay for whatever she "bought". And she's not a freak.
Clerk: Then what is she, huh?
Fry: She's the only girl I've ever- (defensive) She's my best friend, okay?
(He hands over the cash for both purchases and smiles as he gazes the way she left.)
Clerk: Whatever you say, Lover Boy.
Scene: Leela's apartment.
(Uh, note about this scene: I wrote Part Two before I saw "Leela's Homeworld", which is why I mentioned her not having a family. Disregard that. Just forget I ever wrote it and this next scene'll work like clockwork, k?)
(Leela is sprawled out on her bed, writing in her journal.)
Leela: (narrating) Dear Journal, sometimes I can't believe the stupid things I do. I know that sounds like it should be coming out of Homer Simpson's mouth rather than mine, but I'm being honest. I totally acted out of turn with Fry this afternoon. I can't believe I let myself blubber like that. Who would ever have thought that love could make you do such idiotic things?
Voice: (OS) Did I just hear my daughter use the word 'love'?
Leela: (freaked out) N-no. Of course not. 'Love' isn't even part of my vocabulary...
(She climbs off the bed and down onto the floor to peer into the air shaft where she sees her mother.)
Munda: Because I could swear I heard you say 'Fry' and 'love' in the same paragraph...
Leela: (whining) Mo-om! Do you have to show up unannounced?
Munda: So it must be wrong for me to want to look out for my little girl?
Leela: No, it's just that...well...
Munda: You think I'm totally clueless about your love life? ::chuckles::
Leela: Well, I did. Right up until you laughed.
Munda: Sweetie, I know you're in love wi- well, "have feelings" for Fry...
Leela: (surprised) You do? How? I didn't write about him in my diary, did I?
Munda: No, I just know these things. It's in the way you speak to him when you talk on the phone, the way you tried desperately to get rid of any memory that he loved you, the way you looked at him when he reunited us, the serene way you breathed when he placed his hand on your shoulder to comfort you. It's everywhere. And you've become a slave to your denial.
Leela: There's no way in hel-heck that you could tell I loved him- if I loved him- from all those things.
Munda: Believe me, I can. I acted the exact same way when I first fell in love.
Fade to: Xavier High School circa 2965.
(Munda is walking down the hall, talking to another girl resembling Celia from "Monsters Inc.", only the girl has three eyes instead of one...)
Girl: So then Robert says he can't go with me to the dance 'cos he's already going with Francesca.
Munda: No way! That's terrible.
Girl: I know! Guys are such jerks.
Munda: Totally, Kate.
(The two walk by Maurice who has long hair a la Homer Simpson in "The Way We Was" at the drinking fountain. He catches jumps up as they pass by and runs in front of them.)
Maurice: Uh, hi...you.
Kate: She has a name, dork.
Maurice: Um...would you go to the dance with me, please?
Munda: Uh....well, you're really nice and all, but I just....am allergic to dancing.
Maurice: Really? Me too! I figured we could just hang out by the punch bowl and talk and stuff...
Munda: Can't. I'm allergic to punch too. Sorry.
Maurice: Oh. Okay. I guess I'll see you around then.
(He walks off looking dejected.)
Kate: You didn't have to be so nice to the weirdo. It's not your fault he needs a face-lift.
Fade back to: Leela's apartment.
Leela: Wow. Dad was really the reject, wasn't he?
Munda: Well, kind of.
Leela: So how did you end up together?
Munda: We both went to the prom alone and he caught me by the punch bowl.
Leela: Ouch.
Munda: You can say that again.
Leela: I bet he felt terrible.
Munda: We both did at first, but we started talking and by the end of the night we were...well, never mind.
Leela: (smiling) Were you...I mean, was it....
Munda: Well, I can definitely say it wasn't as far as you and the world's biggest windbag.
Leela: Does everyone in the entire universe know about that?
Munda: In the lower one at least.
Leela: If I could travel back in time, I'd stay locked up in my cell that night...and go to the musical with Elisabeth...
Munda: We've all made mistakes, sweetie. But I think you might be able to change things this time.
Leela: How? I mean, even though I do- erm, if I did love him, I can hardly stand him anymore. He's swooning over me one minute and down on the floor with some shape-shifter the next.
Munda: Turanga, if there's one thing I learned from dating the quarterback during my junior year, it's that guys are always going to be attracted to other women, but as long as you put out quickly, they'll stick around.
Leela: Mom!
Munda: Uh, did I just say that out-loud? I meant, don't put out! Not till you're good and married!
Leela: You mean you waited that long with Dad?
Munda: Hey! I'm not on trial here!
Leela: I know. But what can I do to change what's up with Lizzie and Fry?
Munda: Turanga, I can't promise it'll work or that the two of you will end up as soul mates, but I will say this: Just be honest. Tell him exactly how you feel. If he's the same sweet guy who wrote you that letter expressing his feelings, he'll still be just as in love with you as before.
Leela: I hope it works.
Munda: Me too.
(Leela and her mother embrace, a couple tears tricking down both their cheeks.)
Scene: Fry and Bender's apartment.
(Fry and Elisabeth are sitting on the couch watching a sappy Julia Roberts movie, "Love is Nice".)
Lizzie: I love this movie. I first saw it when I was fourteen and I've been in love with it ever since.
Fry: Yeah, it's, um...nice.
Lizzie: What're you so nervous about?
Fry: Nothing! I'm not nervous! Who said I'm nervous?
Lizzie: (smiling) You're so sweet.
(She kisses him on the cheek and gazes into his eyes.)
Lizzie: I love you.
Fry: You do? I've never heard that from anyone before in my life! I mean, I love you too!
Lizzie: Really?
Fry: Why wouldn't I?
Lizzie: (hugging him) I'm so glad you took me to the musical instead of Leela...
Fry: (saddened, quietly) Leela...
Lizzie: I don't think she'd be much of a lover...
Fry: Look, Lizzie, there's something I've been wanting to ask you...
Lizzie: Yes?
Fry: Elisabeth, the past two weeks have been some of the happiest of my life.
Lizzie: Mine too.
Fry: So...will you marry me?
Kid in the movie: Radical!
Lizzie: Yes! Yes I will!
Usher in movie: Is that your final answer?
Lizzie: Yes! Yes it is! I love you!
(The two hug and kiss and, well...let's skip to the next scene.)
Scene: Planet Express, the next day.
(Bender, Amy, Cubert, Hermes and the Professor are in the lounge watching "All My Circuits".)
Monique: Calculon, I must tell you...
Calculon: What is it, my love?
Monique: I...I can't marry you. For, I'm in love with-
Calculon: With who???
Monique: With, with...Tara-bot!
(She sobs.)
Calculon: Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Out in the hall, Leela is pacing back and forth.)
Leela: Fry, I love you! No, too strong....Fry, I really like you. Too childish. God, I can't do this...
(Just then, Fry and Elisabeth come running in.)
Fry: We have an announcement to make!
Lizzie: We're getting married!
(Everyone gasps.)
Leela: (entering the lounge) You're, you're what?
(Fry looks back at her and sees her hurt face.)
Lizzie: (smirking) Getting married.
(Tears begin to form in her eye, but she bites her lip to hold them back.)
Fry: Leela, I-
Leela: (holding back tears) Why are we just standing around talking? You're getting married, for God's sake!
Amy: Leela, you know-
Leela: (interrupting) Isn't that just spit-on-your-neck, kick-you-in-the-crotch fantastic?
(Silence.)
Lizzie: Of course! I'm so happy! (smirking) I hope there are no hard feelings between us...
Leela: None whatsoever. In fact, to show I'm completely and totally over Fry, I'm throwing you guys a party!
Scene: Later that evening.
(The lounge is decorated with pink and purple streamers everywhere. A long banner is hung on the wall saying, "Congratulations Fry and Elisabeth". We can clearly see that 'Elisabeth' is written over a crossed-out 'Evil Bitch'. Everyone is dressed up. Leela is talking to Elisabeth who is holding a martini.)
Leela: So you've been going out how long?
Lizzie: Two weeks for the umpteenth time.
Leela: Hm...only fifty-six weeks less than the time Fry spent infatuated with me. What a coincidence.
Lizzie: Look, freak. He picked me over you. That's not my fault. So I'd advise you to back off, okay? Unless you want to go blind.
(Fry walks up to them.)
Fry: Ah. My two favorite ladies talking civilly to each other.
Lizzie: (fake) Nice outfit, Leela.
Fry: (oblivious to the hate in the room) Carry on.
(He wanders off.)
Leela: Thanks, Lizzie.
Lizzie: Early Halloween is such a good look on you.
Leela: You too. Except, when I dress up like a British bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
Lizzie: Bite me. This ain't a Harvard party, sweetheart. And my fiancée isn't calling you Pooh Bear.
Leela: He will when I'm through with him.
Lizzie: Look, if you do anything to wreck my wedding, I swear to God, my father will run this company into the ground. You'll be out of a job, little Miss Captain. And Fry will come crawling back to...Oh, not you. Me.
Leela: You know, if I learn anything from this experience, I hope it's that being a slutty, back-stabbing shape shifter is the one thing I don't want to be, married or not.
Lizzie: At least I'm not a fur-reek like you.
Leela: Ever looked in a mirror?
Lizzie: Yes. And it's perfect. But you already knew that...(whispering) Mutant.
(Leela looks at her, stunned.)
Leela: Is it perfect before or after it breaks?
(She walks out onto the balcony.)
Leela: Ugh! I can't believe her!
Fry: What'd she do?
Leela: (startled) Oh, Fry! I didn't know you were there.
Fry: (chuckling) You don't know how many times it felt that way to me last year.
Leela: I know you like her, but Elisabeth isn't so sweet to me.
Fry: She made an eye comment, didn't she?
Leela: Oh, much worse.
Fry: Like what?
Leela: Like insulting my family, calling me a mutant...I don't understand what you see in her.
Fry: Neither do I...
Leela: I'm sorry. Here I am complaining about the woman you're going to marry. (softly) You must really love her...
Fry: Well, it must be something...
Leela: Can I axe you something kind of personal?
Fry: Axe away.
Leela: Well...when did you stop feeling the same way about me?
Fry: (turning to her) Leela...
(He caresses her face with his hand.)
Fry: Even if I have feelings for someone else, I can never fully stop feeling the same way about you...
(The two are close enough to kiss now.)
Leela: Because today I was going to tell you that I-
Amy: There you are!
(Fry pulls away from Leela.)
Amy: We're putting on some music. You and Elisabeth have to share your first dance now that you're engaged.
Fry: Uh, okay. See you inside, Leela.
Leela: Um...bye, I guess.
(She looks downcast as he walks out.)
Amy: Buck up, Leela.
Leela: I almost...We almost...
(She begins to cry.)
Amy: Hey, I'm here for you, okay?
(Leela nods.)
Amy: I'm gonna go inside now, you wanna come with?
Leela: No, I'm okay.
Amy: You sure?
Leela: Yeah, I just need some time alone.
Amy: K.
(She walks into the building and squeals with delight.)
Amy: Kif!
(The door shuts and Leela is left alone with her thoughts.)
Leela: (Flopping down onto the floor) Why do I ever listen to my heart? It's never done a thing for me...
(Savage Garden's "Gunning Down Romance" plays as she sighs and hugs herself, shivering out in the cold.)
~
Aw...I feel sad now. Anyway, there'll be one more installment in this series, followed by a sequel series. Please tell me what you think! Peaces, peeps!
