He catches her in the partners' kitchen. She's pouring coffee, her back to the door, and he takes a second just to admire her without her knowing.
"Do you need something?"
He sighs. "No I…" he gulps and approaches her lowering his voice, "what if we did something different tonight?"
She turns around just to find out he's closer than she thought, her body trapped by his against the counter. "Like what?"
"Like, I could take you out for dinner and maybe the night could end with me just taking you home and saying goodbye."
"What? I tired you out that much last night?" She smirks mischievously, her voice almost a whisper.
"No, it' just-, I thought it would-"
His anxiety is evident. "Okay." She nods without letting him finish.
He smiles tentatively, "Okay?"
"Okay."
He wonders when he did became so shy with women and where has his usual confidence gone. But he knows she's his weakness and it's about time she acknowledges that too.
She used to imagine what a date with Harvey would look like. She tried guessing the restaurant he'd choose and the car he'd be driving that night. She pictured the dress she would wear and she settled on the makeup. She would have left her hair fall loose on her back, slightly curled, because she knows the kind of attention they demand and ultimately get and that's something she secretly loves.
Years have passed since then. The restaurant she thought they'd be sitting in has been closed for too long and that fabulous car has been outdone by hundreds of new models. The dress she would have wore back then is definitely out of fashion and she's learnt a few things about men that took her to question her hairstyle choice.
She has a few ideas about where he'll actually take her and she knows that Ray will be the one driving them there in the Lexus. She wears a black dress, her cleavage showed off by the v-neck that falls deep between her breasts; she wonders if that's something a woman her age should even wear, it ends on her mid thighs and she's not in her twenties anymore but she loves her body and knows how to seduce (even if whatever the dress and the words he said she can guess how the night is going to end). She wears her hair up so they won't get too much attention and she already knows that his eyes will linger on her neck the whole night while his mind will think about leaving trails of kisses on it.
He's waiting for her down the street when the lights in her apartment go off. He straightens up; the front door opens and then she's there in front of him. He stares astonished as she makes her way towards him, he gazes at the gathered up hair and the exposed neck but then his eyes go straight to her bouncing breasts and he feels his pants tighten slightly when his mind recalls the way they feel under his hands. He would have been a fool if, in all the years they've worked together (and in all the nights they spent together), he had not noticed how beautiful she is, but the mere thought she dressed up to go out with him makes his heart ache and his mind go blank. For a second he thinks about canceling their plans for the night and just take her upstairs and ravish her, keeping on with their scratch-the-itch routine. He slips his hands deep into his pockets 'cause touching her would be the last straw.
"Hey."
She moves a strand of hair from her face. "Hey."
His hands are still in his pockets, clenching for the persistent urge to touch her. "Shall we?"
She bites her lower lip and nods.
He opens the car door for her and spies as her dress goes a few inches up and exposes her upper legs as she gets inside. He swallows and shuts the door doubting he's going to survive the whole night.
Dinner is weird, it's the weirdest they've ever had in ten years. As coworkers and friends this used to be an habit and it had always felt natural. Where conversation flew smoothly they now seem to have nothing to talk about, silences are overwhelming and they speak about work because it seems like the only topic they're able to exchange a few words over.
He should have expected she would've been the one to point out the awkwardness of the situation.
"This is not right." She laughs nervously.
He notices her eyes don't meet his as she talks, "Donna-"
The smile on her face is a sad one, "that's because you've seen me naked."
"Well I had before too." He states the obvious referring to the night they both left the DA's office.
"It's different now."
He waits for her to explain.
"All you want from me right now is to undress for you and-"
"Donna," he stops her before she takes things further. Maybe it's time to talk about feelings and hidden hopes.
"What?"
"I think-"
She interrupts him before he says things he may regret later, "I don't think this would work."
He knows she got what he was about to say even if they didn't talk about it. "Why not?" He pouts.
"Because you're you," she watches as his face falls at her words, she doesn't want to hurt him but she still thinks she's doing the right thing."And I know you; and you just think you want this but you don't really do."
"Gosh, they should give you an award for the "who can read Harvey Specter's mind better" contest." He can't hide how pissed he is at all of this. She always seems to know everything but the only thing he really needs her to acknowledge is so strange for her that she keeps denying it.
"I'm serious."
"So am I."
She can read on his face the fact that he's upset with her because he thinks she's denying him what he really wants. She just has to prove him wrong.
"Harvey, what have you been thinking all night long?"
"You." His answers is immediate, his voice is unwavering, the one word spoken firmly.
"You've been thinking about fucking me."
"Well you can't blame me, I know what you look under that fine piece of clothing you're wearing-"
"Harvey."
She stops him and shakes her head. She can't say yes to this, she's too afraid of changes to let this happen to them. She still needs him in her life too much.
He goes back to eating, disappointed. He doesn't understand why she's so against the idea of them.
In the car he tries to keep his hands to himself. He revisits the conversation they had. According to her, he doesn't really want what he claims to want, he just has to prove her wrong. Of course he wants to have sex with her; of course the only thing his mind is focused on is the thought of ripping that dress from her body and have his way with her but that is not enough anymore. So he stays there on his side of the car, and tries to not think about the fact that she's sitting there right beside him, her creamy legs peeking out under her dress, her neck exposed to his lips; his body is desperate for her but he's not going to give into temptation and keeps staring outside the window.
The only thing the half-hour trip across Manhattan does is increase the need of her, his mind pictures her spread out on his bed like many times before, his name rolling out of her lips, whispered at first and then screamed; he shuts his eyes and tries to relax.
The car comes to an halt and he gets out to take her to the front door.
"So, you're not coming upstairs?"
He can take her suggestive tone, he knows she wants them to fall into their usual habit. But he's convinced of the fact that he should have her in all of her aspects, he's not going to settle for just her body. "No,"
"It's funny because you keep saying no but your body is betraying you."
The smirk on her face sends his mind on halt. He doesn't need to follow her eyes to know she's talking about the hard on he's showing due to his thoughts in the car.
He sighs, "Donna,"
"What," she giggles, "it's the truth."
"Goodnight."
"Come on, I dressed up for you, the least you could do is-"
He turns back again and climbs the first few steps, he kisses her cheek as his hand searches for hers. "Goodnight Donna."
His fingers lingers on her for a second longer before he suddenly drops her hand.
The weird thing is that this never happened, not since the sleeping together thing started. She's startled and upset, she fumbles to find her keys in her bag and then gets inside her apartment shutting the door behind her without even glancing back at him.
He holds against the urge to follow her into the building and gets in the car asking Ray to take him home.
When he's alone on the sidewalk besides his apartment building he decides to take a walk because he doesn't feel like being alone in his condo. An hour later he's in the elevator towards the 50th floor of the Pearson Specter offices, her scent still everywhere around him.
AN: Sorry if it took so long to update, I'm now on vacation and hopefully things will get better. Thanks to everyone who's following or who favorited this and thanks to everyone who's reviewing.
