The return of the third chapter!! This is where the story REALLY starts to get PG-13! I am naughty :D enjoy!
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Chapter 3
More Chaos and Newcomers!
"Where the heck is he!?" and impatient R.O.B groaned. He had been waiting on the battlefields near an ancient castle, right next to another bomb. But his partner was supposed to be there helping him blow this thing up.
"I'm here..." moaned another R.O.B who came over to his brother.
"Where were you!?"
"I dunno, thinking about life. Have you noticed we're killing ourselves just to destroy other places?"
"You're right...maybe we should stop...after all, this is madness!"
The second R.O.B.'s eyes suddenly grew an angry red.
"No..." the second R.O.B. said.
"...?"
"This...is...SPARTA!!!!" He punched his fits into the outlet of the bomb, accidently triggering it and blowing themselves up. Retard. Standing on top of the castle was the prince of Altea, Marth, his eyes yummy-licous as ever. He looked up from his Simpson's comic book, alarmed at the large void which was making hundreds of primids appear! Pointing out his loyalty to the kingdom, He held his blade high which shimmered into the sky.
"FOR ALTEA, AND FOR ASLAN!"
"Who?"
"AGHHH!" Alarmed, he tripped over a stone pebble and toppled over the edge. Luckily during his fall to the ground a few flag poles had been in the way to break his fall (painfully) until he crashed to the dirt in a pile. He managed to get up and brush himself off. The voice that had spoken to him flew to his side.
"So wait, who's Aslan?"
"I dunno, some lion I read from a book-" He gave a scream of pain as something blunt had hit the back of his head, making him double over. He could've sworn he was bleeding somewhere near there. He turned his head and had nearly jumped as a sword was held close to his throat. The wielder of the blade, was Meta Knight, captain of the Halberd (OMG i just realized that's the name of the battle cruiser! WOW I'm dumb) and who had been the one who smacked Marth with the hilt of his weapon.
"WHERE'S MY SHIP??" He demanded to the prince, looking almost deranged.
"I don't-"
"WHERE IS IT?"
"I don-"
"WHERE IS IT?"
"I-"
"WHERE IS IT-?" Marth had taken his own sword from out of nowhere and attempted to slice the mysterious Knight, who dodged quickly.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR'E TALKING ABOUT!"
"Of course you should know! You were standing up there, watching the ones who had hijacked my Halberd-"
"Those little freaks hijacked a battle cruiser from you?"
"...I WAS HAVING A HANGOVER, OK? THERE WERE TONS OF THEM!"
"..."
"Anyway, you were obviously doing nothing and therefore is, the one in charge of them!"
"Why would I demand them to blow up my home!? I was about to fight them off until you startled me! Maybe you shouldn't try and fight somebody and assume they're the bad guy!"
"....."
"Ha!" Marth crossed his arms with a triumphant smirk, "How does it feel to get owned?"
Before Meta Knight could reply, a blur flew past them carrying a large ball identical to the bomb.
"Hey, he must be the one blowing up this place!" Marth pointed out.
"Come back here!" Meta Knight cried out as he flew off after the dooms day bringer, Marth following by his side. The blur, who by the way was the Ancient Minister, noticed the two chasing after him and sped off. Marth attempted to slash at him, but missed by an inch. Meta Knight jumped and tried to use an uppercut but the Minister shot a laser at him, forcing the knight to stop.
"MWEE HEE HEE. YOU SUCK. I ROCK."
He proudly continued flying away to his next location but felt another presence. Unable to react in time, a gold two-handed blade slashed at the bomb he had been holding causing it to fall and break. Smoke was pouring out of the bottom of his body (?) causing him to zoom in off in different directions and out of sight.
"ANCIENT MINISTER'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN...!"
Marth's jaw was now on the ground...sort of. He faced the one who had destroyed the bomb, who happened to be the two-handed sword wielder was Ike.
"EW! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"
"I was going to say hi to the main character of the game who had started my series." He said cooly.
"No, you mean the main character of MY series. Not the main character of the series of some ambidextrous freak."
"What!? You wanna say that to my face??"
"I AM saying it to you're face!"
"Cool it!" Meta Knight intervened as he came in between them, "If he's a good sword wielder than he can help stop these things!"
"But...but..I'm the one with the sexy eyes...mine aren't empty and make people wanna vomit...."
"Yeah, well at least I'm a man." Ike snickered.
"Excuse me!?"
"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU DOPES!" Meta Knight roared. He grabbed the two by their capes and marched off dragging them along. "WE ARE GOING TO STOP THE SUBSPACE ARMY, WE ARE GOING TO GET BACK MY HALBERD, AND YOU TWO ARE GONNA BE BFFS!"
"Bff!?" Marth gasped, alarmed. "NUUUUUUUUUU!"
"By the way, Ike. What were you talking about by "main character of game" and "your series"?
"Uh..." Ike said awkwardly, "If I told you I'd be breaking the fourth wall."
"....?"
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"I'm-a-Waddle-Dee, I-Like-To-Eat-Tacos ALOT!" Sang the voice of, you guessed it, a Waddle Dee. It was happily skipping along a path in the middle of the day, forgetting it's mission. He stopped skipping happily to notice a green figure jump in front of him.
"Oh yeah!" said the ambusher, Luigi. "It's-a Luigi! I'm-a gonna beat you up! 'Cause, um...I'm fly!"
The Waddle Dee stared at the plumber for a moment. He then embraced Luigi, who had struck a pale color.
"NEW FRIEND!"
"NO! I'M SORRY, DON'T EAT ME!"
"Yo, mofo's!" came a new voice. The Waddle Dee felt a force that had nearly knocked him over, and when he turned to glance at his new companion, he was not there but blasting off into the sky. He came falling back down, but only as a statue. Luigi's statue was swiftly caught by the hammer that had smacked it and thrown onto it's feet (or whatever is making it stand)
"Yeah, I RULE! WOOOTTT!" King Dedede cheered triumphantly of his beating. His pride was interrupted shortly by the sniffling of the Waddle Dee.
"B-But he w-was my bestest buddy in the whole wide word!! Why???"
"Yeah, well he's my new trophy, so quit your wining!"
The sound of a nearby engine was heard aloud.
"Hey, here comes Wario! Now we can hi-jack that gay fat-so! Quick, hide!" Him and the Waddle Dee jumped into the bushes. Wario came into the path driving listening to 94.5, PST! in the back of his weird vehicle were Zelda and Ness's statue. He was singing along with the tune, but since he did not know the words, he made up his own song!
"I'm gonna go home tonight and have some with a hooker, and a sexy li-it-ttle boy! Which probably is messed up- what the hell?"
He stopped driving as his car suddenly jerked. Annoyed, he jumped out of the vehicle and peeked underneath it. It was his cousin!
"LUIGI GOT TURNED INTO A STATUE TOO? Oh hell yes, this is awesome! But I'd never do it with him in my life, so I'll just bring 'em for Waluigi and me to bug!" Laughing with happiness, he picked up the trophy and-
"Woah! Where'd all you pipsqueaks come from? Wait, NO-" He gave a shriek as all of the Waddle Dee's had come running over him, causing the Luigi trophy to fly into his car. King Dedede was sitting at the wheel, kicking at the gas pedal.
"SEE YA LATER, FAT ASS! MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!"
"I likez chicken!!!!" cried the Waddle Dees as they followed their master who drove into the forest. Wario managed to sit up, coughing dust before noticing his trophies were gone.
"Hey, those were mine! GET BACK HERE, I HOPE YOU DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL, AND HUMOROUS DEATH!"
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The sound of birds whistling, squirrels running, and a leopard eating up the insides of a deer (EW) were heard within the forest. Beside all that stuff that was happening a pedestal with the master sword inside of it, waiting for a certain boy in a green tunic to take it out.
"No, Navi! I'm too lazy, you take it out." complained the Hero of Time, Link.
"What?" his sidekick fairy said, "I can't take it out, you're the one destined for it! Beside, I have NO HANDS."
"Come one, do something for once beside yelling in my ear."
"Hey, listen! I do that for a good reason you psychotic cross-dresser-" She was cut off as Link had decided to take the master sword out of it's pedestal and slice the fairy in half, RIDDING IT FOREVER!!
"Can't...move..." The barely alive creature croaked. Ignoring her moaning and pleas for help, Link walked off and past the bushes tired. After wandering for a while he stopped with a sigh.
"This is getting me nowhere if I wanna visit Zelda! Might as well sit down." He bent and placed himself down upon the tree stump behind him. Unfortunately, that stumped was already being used by a green slumbering Yoshi. He opened one of his eyes noticing how something was in the way of his sunlight. Before the poor Yoshi could scream, he was crushed by Link's arse.
"Huh. Comfy stump?" He said curiously, unable to hear the loud muffling from the suffocating dinosaur. He shot up, alarmed as darkness came over the trees. He didn't seem to notice the abused Yoshi who had rolled off his seat, gasping for breath. The Halberd was towering over the two, dropping more and more primids!
"What the heck? WHAT ARE THESE THINGS? And who are you??" He seemed to notice the Yoshi who stood up, panting.
"Yo...Yo-"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"Yo-"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"Yos-"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"YOSH-"
"WHO ARE YOU?
"..."
"WHO ARE YOU-" Link gave a scream of pain as Yoshi had kicked him where it hurts A LOT FOR A MAN. The dinosaur had also grabbed the master sword from Link, using it to keep him down.
"The name's Yoshi, and you've been CRUSHING ME WITH YOUR BIG-FAT-A-" Yoshi gave a yell of pain as one of the primids jumped from behind and tackled him to the ground.
"Sucker!" Link grinned as he quickly took back his sword and began to escape.
"NO WAIT, I'm sorry!" Yoshi cried as more primids advanced on him and held him to the ground. "Please, help me! Don't let these things kill meeee!"
Link stared at the dinosaur, pondered for a moment, then charged forward. The force of primids had suddenly lifted off Yoshi as they had been slaughtered.
"You...you saved me! How can I thank you?"
"First off, you NEVER will kick me there again." Link explained, counting these rules with his fingers. "Second, you have to help me find Zelda 'cause she could be in danger, and THIRD; I ride you."
"...OK!"
"Hmm...al-righty then!" He gladly took a seat on the Yoshi's back and looked up at the sky. The Halberd had already vanished, going who knows where.
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ONTO OUR NEXT FEW HEROES, one a bounty hunter, the other one a cute animal! But lets start with the bounty hunter. Why? 'Cause, they show her first in this scene so don't complain to me, COMPLAIN WITH NINTENDO!
In the darkness of the room, a figure jumped from the vent up top. The bounty hunter Samus dusted herself off, a disgusted look on her self at the sight of her...tight outfit...? No suit power suit? Yes, well she never was fond of her power suit thinking that she always looked too much of a woman, when she preferred to hide the unnecessary body parts of hers.
"Dumb R.O.B.s..." she growled, taking a gun from her belt, "Stealing my suit during my shower! They even had to open the curtains and-" A loud ripping noise came from the back of her leg above her knee. She looked there too see a small part of her suit had teared revealing some skin.
"ARGHHH! IT'S NOT WORTH IT BEING A WOMEN!" She blasted down the wall next to her out of anger, to see that it lead to a secret tunnel. Convenient. She sneaked through the tunnel as slowly as she could, not just so she wouldn't be noticed, but so more of her outfit wouldn't rip. This didn't last long a a loud shredding noise came from her left hip-
"OH-MY- BLEGHH!!EHRKLHHSYJGDD (what the heck?) OJREEHITYDLFYYUD! Does this always happen when wearing my power suit!? I HATE YOU TIGHT SPANDEX!!!!" Samus had stopped twitching in rage as a scream of pain could be heard. She hurried down the end to a new room, where a flash of green light glowed. A large capsule, hooked with these weird wires, held a fragile Pikachu whose body was jerking around in severe agony. The electrocuting stopped for a moment, allowing the pokemon to pick up it's head.
"Can't...move...kill me...what the? Hot chick? Finally, someone murdered me!!"
"Pardon!?" Samus roared, now twitching in anger again, "You little-!"
She began firing crazily at the glass prison, attempting to hurt Pikachu. This did not work, however. It instead broke open the capsule freeing him.
"I'm freed!" He exclaimed jumping out of the mess that was once a torture machine, "Thank you sexy heroine!"
"Whatever, and could you not call me that?? I'm NOT sexy. I'm a blood-thirsty bounty hunter who will kill without hesitation."
"I can see your stomach."
Samus looked down at the part of her stomach, which had completely split in half somehow.
"ARGHHGHEWKHRTW! WHY CAN'T I BE A MAN!!?????" She roared shaking in her angry tantrums.
"Somebody's PMSing." Pikachu joked, shaking his tiny finger at her. She was on the verge of choking that Pokemon when the room began crowding with R.O.B.s who were now storming through the door.
"Escapee! Escapee!" They cried, charging forward at the two and attempting to grab them. Pikachu quickly grabbed Samus by her leg and pulled her into the hallway of the Subspace Bomb Factory. Both turned a corner of the halls running as fast as they could. Samus gave a yelp as she was pulled threw a door on the left. The R.O.B.s somehow did not notice this as they continued zooming away. Pikachu quickly slammed the door shut, giving a great sigh of relief. Samus suddenly felt cold wind hit her upper back, and could tell it too had ripped.
"How come every time I move around, EVEN a little, this cursed thing keeps tearing itself APART!? Where's my power suit where you need one? HUH, SUIT? YOU WANT ME TO DIE!!?"
The suit responded by having the part of Samus's right hip rip.
"AGHERLATHURT;HORYLKEAL5JJYRTJ;!!!!!!"
Pikachu was nearby, staring at the mad girl who had now gone insane. Needing something to distract him, he looked around the room. It happened to be the room in the factory will all the screens of where the security cameras were. One of them, was watching a large room with a capsule similar to his torture one, but it was bigger and held an orange power suit.
"Yo, Ms. PMS!" He called to Samus, "Is that the power suit you lost?"
"Wha?" She looked up at the screen and saw it- her pride and joy. "P-P-P-POWER-S-S-SUIT?? Power suit!!!!"
She tackled the tv. screen, practically hugging it which frightened her Pokemon companion.
"It's ok...Mommy's here....Mommy will get you...than Mommy can wear you...and then she can go to the doctors to change herself to a guy...MWAHHHAHAHAHAHA!"
"..............................."
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I wanted the relationship between Marth and Ike all rivalry and stuff! Plus, I always imagined that It must be hard for Samus to move around. I mean, how can you move around in something like that without it getting ripped!? Plus, this explains why she prefers to be a guy. And Pikachu can talk for a certain reason to soon be known...
