Wow guys! Thank you for all the reviews! I honestly wasn't expecting much when I started! :) So, thank you! I'm sorry I couldn't updated sooner but here it is! I hope it's worth the wait :)
I made this chapter in many characters' POV because I want you all to thoroughly understand what each of them are feeling, I hope that's okay!
Thank you again and I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy. Only the plots and some characters.
Chapter 3
Alone
**Dimitri's POV**
A rain drop landed on the tip of my nose. I didn't wipe it away nor did I run for cover. Unlike most people, I actually do love the rain. From the sound of it to the certain mood that seems to come with the it every time.
Today, the rain only seemed to add sadness and guilt to my mood. As if the sky was crying. Crying for me.
It's six in the morning and the guilt was still bugging me. Every since yesterday afternoon in the church. After Roza left – no, after she ran away from me – I was so mad at myself and what I've done to her. I wish I could take it all back and just gather her up in my arms like I've wanted to do all along. But I can't. After everything I've done to her as a strigoi! I know she said it's not my fault and that I wasn't me, I get that. If I were in her shoes, I'd be saying exactly the same thing. But looking at all of this from my point of view, it's just...different. I still remember every single moment of it like it was yesterday. From the moment she found me and that the first thought that entered my mind was that I had to make her mine, to the time I held her in my arms, my fangs sinking into her neck, sucking the life out of her. And the worst part? I enjoyed it. I fucking enjoyed sucking the life out of the woman I love the most. How could I ever be forgiven for something like that? I know Roza said she forgave me...that's not the problem. It's me. I couldn't – I didn't know how to forgive myself. I didn't even have any idea where to start.
I took a deep breath, I did the right thing, maybe by doing that it'd give her a reason to hate me...to maybe move on to someone who deserved her. Like Adrian...maybe. But how come something that sounded right felt so wrong? I didn't have the answer to that question.
I had been too lost in my thoughts and guilt to look where I was going. The next thing I knew I was standing in front of the girl's dorm. Roza's dorm. In the pouring rain, I was soaked wet but I didn't really care.
What the hell are you doing, Dimitri? I mentally yelled at myself. I couldn't be here. I shouldn't...but oh, what wouldn't I give to go in right now and see her. Stop it! This isn't right. You made up your mind yesterday, you can't just go running back whenever you miss her. No, my Roza deserved so much better than that. Another reason for me to let it go and just leave.
But I couldn't. There's something, something from somewhere deep down that was holding me right in the spot, unmoved. Before I could find out what that reason was, a movement caught my eyes.
My thoughts aside, the guardian part of me quickly took over.
The mysterious person went behind the dorm. I knew exactly where he or she was going. The dorm's back exit. Someone was trying to seek into the girl's dorm. At six in the morning. A random thought in my head found its way up to the surface. If someone tries to sneak up on Roza at six in the morning, or just simply tries to wake her up, they're good as dead. I remember how much she hated being interrupted while sleeping. She's not a morning person, so if you try to wake her up, you might as well just try pointing a gun at her. You get the same result. A familiar ache in my chest reminded me how long it's been since things were last alright between us. So long. Too long.
The exit door opening snapped me back to reality. There's no reason for anyone to be sneaking in this early. And since it's my shift, it's also my responsibility. I should just yelled at whoever it was to go back to where he or she came from, that would be easy. But I wanted to know where the mysterious person was going, so quietly I followed behind. Finally he or she stopped walking and was now standing in front of Roza's room.
What on earth was going on? "Hey! What do you think you're doing up here?" I asked from behind.
The person jumped and whirled around so fast, his green eyes widening in fear.
Adrian Ivashkov was standing in front of me.
As soon as he saw me, he relaxed, "God, Belikov! You scared the shit out of me. Don't you know it's wrong to sneak up on people like that?"
I snorted, "Says the person who just sneaked into the girl's dorm."
"Hey! I did it for a reason! Not like you, who did it just to scare the shit out of me!" he protested.
I shook my head, "I have my reason too."
Adrian raised his eyebrows.
"To scare the shit out of you." I smirked.
"Goddamn you, Belikov! And Rose said you're mature!" he meant it as a joke, of course, but as soon as those words left his mouth, the air of jokes and friendliness around us dissipated, replaced by an awkward silence that seems to stretched on forever.
"Dude..." Adrian started.
"So what's your purpose, anyway?" I asked, ignoring his 'look.'
Adrian seemed relieved by the change of topic, but suddenly there was anger in his eyes, "Ah, that purpose is to check up on Rose and see if she's alright. Something you failed to do." he spit out.
I was suddenly quiet, having no response to that because I knew he's right. And Adrian knew I knew because he looked satisfied for a moment there.
"Rose might not forgive me if I punch you in the face...but hear this, Dimitri. I shouldn't have to punish you. I mean I want to, but I don't have to. You know why? Because you just lost the most amazing woman in the world. All because of your own stupidity. That should be a punishment enough."
And with that Adrian turned away from me and began knocking on Roza's door.
**Rose's POV**
I shifted around in my seat for what seems like the hundredth time. But whatever I do, I just can't seem to fall asleep. I supposed it has nothing to do with my sitting position.
I've been on the plane for four hours now, heading for Russia. I got myself a first class seat because I do not want to be disturbed my other passengers while I get lost in my thoughts.
I wonder what is going on at the academy right now. Due to the time zones difference thing, it should be around six or seven in the morning back in Montana. I don't think anyone would notice my disappearance yet. Adrian said he was going to stop by in the morning but somehow seven in the morning and Adrian just don't seem to fit together in a sentence. Too early, I thought. But curiosity finally won me over and I decided to slip into Lissa's head.
Lissa is running. Which I have to say, it's a sight that surprised me quite a lot.
She is heading up the stairs in my dorm. And from the look of it, she's heading towards my room. Hmm...interesting.
Soon, she got to my floor, panting. But she didn't stop, she keeps running until she arrived at my room. Much to her and my surprise, Dimitri and Adrian were already standing there.
I have to admit, the sight of the three of them made my heart ache. But what can I do?
Adrian is knocking furiously on the door, "Rose! Open this goddamn door!"
Finally, Dimitri stepped forward passed him. "Let me." was all he said.
"Guys...what's going on?" Lissa asked, standing awkwardly behind the two of them.
No one paid any attention to her.
"Roza...please, I'm sorry. We need to talk. Please, open the door..." Hearing Dimitri begged like that made me want to just go running back to him.
But no, I cannot. He is just doing this because he somehow felt guilty. It has nothing to do with wanting me back. No, I just can't afford to think like that.
"We're coming in!" Dimitri announced before ramming his muscular shoulder into the door, making it swung open and almost fell out off its hinge.
I held my breath as I waited for their reaction.
Through Lissa's eyes I could see my empty, lifeless room. Everything was cleared. The wall is empty, my bedside table, my closet, everything. All gone. Left for the two envelopes lying on my bed.
I heard someone's sharp intake of breath. Adrian.
"No...no!" he ran to my bathroom, swung the door opened. Another empty room. "NO!" he punched the wall beside my bed, "This is all your fault, you bastard!" Adrian shouted at Dimitri's shocked, terror-masked face.
Looking at him even through Lissa's eyes made my heart clenched. "Don't talk to him like that, Adrian." Lissa warned.
Still protecting him, I thought.
"No, he's right. It's my fault." he said, his voice barely a whisper.
"Hey guys! There are letters here addressed to Adrian and Janine..." Lissa's voice wavered a little when she realized there's none for her.
I feel guilty, but I had nothing to say to Lissa, my so-called Best Friend who was nowhere to be found when I needed her the most. It's better this way.
Adrian's attention snapped to the white letters on the empty bed and I closed my eyes and pulled out off Lissa's head. I don't need to see this. I'm pretty sure that seeing him in pain would definitely change my mind.
I lay back in my seat and closed my eyes. This time, sleep took over. Turned out it had nothing to do with my sitting position after all.
*Adrian's POV*
Lissa left the room so there's just me and Dimitri left. We both lost in our own thoughts.
I tore the envelope open without hesitation.
Taking a deep breath, I see Rose's familiar handwriting.
Adrian,
You seeing this letter mean I'm long gone. I'm so sorry I couldn't say goodbye. I'm a terrible person for all that I've put you through. I need you to know that I had to leave. There's something...important I have to do. Thank you for always being there by my side when no one else seems to care. I care about you more than you know. Please don't come looking for me. This is something I have to do alone. But I promise you I will be back. I will come back for you. Take care of yourself and Lissa for me.
Your little dhampir forever.
I felt like crying, but the tears wouldn't come. Anger came instead. Anger towards the man that caused all of this.
I turned to face Belikov, who now sat on the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands.
"This is all because of you." I said through my gritted teeth. "All she's ever done was loved you! Do you have any idea how others would kill for a chance like that?" I yelled at him, venom lacing my voice.
Dimitri snapped, "You think I don't know? You think I don't blame myself every single second knowing I was the one who caused her pain?" he took a breath to calm himself down before speaking again, quieter this time. "You have no idea what I've been through. You have no idea why I did what I did. If only..." suddenly he stopped, standing up. Without another glance at me he left the room.
**Dimitri's POV**
No, no, no! My Roza couldn't be gone. This must be some kind of joke. She wouldn't leave. Not without goodbye. Nothing. She can't be gone. She just can't...
After I left her room, I ran to the gym. I remember the last time she was upset, she ended up here. I found her punching the crap out of the dummies. Just thinking of her, strong and brave...God! I couldn't believe how things had become between us. How did I mess up so terribly?
Maybe Ivashkov was right. She left because of me...
I was an idiot to think Roza would just let it go. Let me go. After knowing her for a long time, I should have known better. If our roles were reversed, I would never give up. Would never let her go. So how could I be so stupid to doubt her feelings for me?
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
When I got to the gym, my heart sank. It was empty and the dummies were still in good conditions.
No! Please don't let it be true...but where else could she be?
Then it hit me, the cabin! Of course, our cabin. She must be there. She had to be there, I couldn't afford to think otherwise. With that I ran to the place where we let ourselves love each other unconditionally for the first time.
Please, please God, let her be there. We will work things out. I just... I couldn't imagine what life would be like if she's really gone.
I arrived at the cabin. The door is closed and the trees that surrounded it was quiet. Dead silent.
I've never done it before but right then I sent a prayer to God, hoping he'd feel some kind of sympathy for me. Please, let her be in there.
I pushed the door open and it made a squeaky sound. Not good.
I can't say I wasn't expecting it, but I was hoping I would be wrong. Apparently not, the cabin is empty. Well except for the white envelope that was lying on the bed.
I dashed for it and tore the envelope open.
Dimitri,
If I have to write you a letter, describing how I feel about you, I would run out of paper and my pen would run out of ink. So I'm just going to keep it short.
When you were taken away from me, it was as if someone cut my chest open and ripped my heart out. I couldn't imagine my future without you in it. Then one day, I received the best news of my life. There is a possibility that I can bring you back, Possibility, Dimitri, just a possibility. But in the time when nothing else matters, when you have nothing left to lose…that possibility was the sunlight in my dark and pointless world. I'm not even going to describe the process of what I had to do to get you back. Then you were back. My Dimitri was back. There are no words to describe how I felt when you brown eyes finally recognized me again. But I should have known it wasn't going to be that simple. I thought I was prepared to deal with whatever challenge I had to face in order to feel your arms around me again. I was SO sure. But when you said you no longer loved me, Dimitri. I realized I couldn't be more wrong. I asked myself, what's the point of fighting it anymore if in the end… you no longer care? Do you know what was the thing that kept me fighting? Trying? Doing all the impossible? The love we had, Dimitri! The kind of love I was expecting to feel again once you are back!
I'm sorry I left without goodbye. But honestly, what difference would it make, right? Maybe one day I will come back. Who knows?
Thank you for everything you've taught me, given me, made me feel. Even if it was only for a short time, you can't begin to imagine how much it meant to me. And those memories will stay with me forever even if nothing else does. Deep down in my heart is where you will always stay.
One last thing, try to forgive yourself, Dimitri. Because even I have.
Rose.
I sat in silent, the words she wrote replaying in my head, Over and over. I feel so many things right then. Guilt, sadness, pain, longing…But the worst part is that, if something happens to her out there…if she died – no, I can't think like that – but what if…what if her last thought was that I no longer love her? How could I live knowing I caused her so much pain? I thought I was helping her, giving her a chance of a better future…but I really went too far. And the knowledge that she was really gone, that there's no way I could let her know the truth…that I still love her more than anything else in the world combined, it's killing me. She's gone…my Roza was really gone. I think of the future ahead of me, endless and forever alone. Tears made my eyes blurry. I blinked them away. There were so many things left to say, so many moments I've taken for granted. And why is it that her letter made me feel like things would never be the same again even if she did come back someday…? What did she mean by those memories will stay with me forever even if nothing else does? Why would nothing else stay? What did she mean? So many questions are left unanswered and so many explanations are left unexplained. Out of everything that is going on, one thing is certain.
She's right, I have to forgive myself, Because the guilt and self-blaming was the reason that caused all of this. I will forgive myself but I won't admit it to anyone but her. And in order to do that…I have to find my Roza.
*Rose's POV*
Soon, I was woken up by the flight attendant. She told me our plane is landing and so I freshened up a little before coming back to my seat.
I looked out the window, the sun is setting and that made that whole sky orange-y. The sight would have been romantic in any other situation. Now, it only made my heart ache more. With every single minutes that passed by, it gave me a chance to rethink, therefore increasing the chance of me changing my mind. But every time, I would find an excuse. What's the point of remembering him if he's not going to be in your future? Everything you do would remind you of him, it would only hurt you. Why not a fresh start? I kept telling myself that until finally, the plane landed.
I got myself a cab and gave the driver the direction to the Belikov's. Through the whole ride I was lost in my own thoughts.
By the time we pulled up in the Belikov's driveway, the sun had set. The warm glow of light from the Belikov's window seems to be the only source of light in the otherwise darkness. I paid the driver and got out with my duffle bag.
The porch floorboards made a creaking sound as I approached the house. My heart was beating fast and loud.
This is it, Rose. No going back now.
Fresh new start, fresh new start, my new motto is ringing in my head.
Alright, taking a deep breath, I lifted my hand up and knocked on the wooden door.
I see movements from inside. Dark silhouette moving towards me.
The door opened.
I'm going to find a shelter! Please don't kill me for leaving it like that or you won't find out what happens next! HAHAHA :)
Phew! It was a little tiring writing this chapter! I got all emotional, especially Dimitri's part! But I promise next chapter won't be so angst-y :)
Let me know what you think by leaving a REVIEW! All your opinions and suggestions are really appreciated! :)
Thanks for reading and I will try to update soon!
Prim
