Again, nothing to say. Um, yeah.

Disclaimer: still don't own anything.


Kaoru POV

I stretched my arms out, reaching for the warmth I was so accustomed to waking up beside. My hands searched the empty bed. My thoughts turned worried as my search came up empty-handed. Where was Hikaru? What had happened? I flicked open my sleep heavy lids, searching the room. My eyes fell upon a human shaped lump resting on Hikaru's bed and I sighed in relief before the guilt of changing beds came back to me.

I was probably making Hikaru sick with worry. I could never do anything right. I checked the alarm on my night stand. It was time to get ready for school. I kicked the covers off, standing up with a pillow in hand. Grabbing my usual uniform I made my way to the bathroom door. I stopped just before the door, turning back to Hikaru. I threw the pillow at him, aiming for his face. I'm pretty sure I missed though.

He started awake, sitting straight up. His eyes met mine. I watched the shock turn to mock anger.

"What was that for?"

I smirked at him before turning my back. I looked over my shoulder, smirk still in tact. "Payback" I stated simply, walking into our shared bathroom and shutting the door behind me. As soon as the door shut I leaned up against it heavily. I let out a shaky sigh, holding back the water fall of tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I knew, had known since I first realized that I loved Hikaru as more than a brother, that he would never love me the same way. It only got worse when he started falling for Haruhi, and it didn't help that I couldn't hate her for it either. I wish I could, but I just can't hate her. I pulled myself from my thoughts, walking up to the shower.

I pulled the curtain aside, turning the water as hot as it would go. I stripped out of my pajamas, leaving them in a pile on the floor. I stepped under the steam of droplets, hissing as they burned my skin. I scrubbed my body until it was red and raw, I scrubbed myself again and again, but that dirty, used feeling that had been plaguing me since IT had happened wouldn't leave me alone. I shut off the water, feeling defeated once again. I dried quickly and dressed in the standard male uniform. I unlocked the bathroom door, stepping out as steam* billowed out behind me.

I walked over to my twin, not missing the way he eyed me suspiciously.

"Well, ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's go" I said, forcing my voice to stay normal when all I really wanted to do was scream my head off. I walked out our bedroom door, starting down the stairs. I heard the familiar and comforting sound of Hikaru following behind me. His light footsteps and even breathing telling me I wasn't alone after all. Even if he didn't know what had happened he was still there for me. For now anyway. I couldn't shake the sinking feeling that things were going to change. I know he'll never feel the same way, but could he ever hate me? Most likely, if he ever found out.

I was gnawing my lip in worry as we climbed into the limo. I stared out the window as the suburban scenery flashed past, going faster and faster as each second passed. The air in the limo was becoming less and less, suffocating me. Killing me. My breaths came shallower, trying desperately to draw in more oxygen. I was sure I was gonna die, sure of it. Then a hand squeezed mine and I looked up into my brother's eyes. He smiled, reassuring me. I couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe, maybe everything would be alright. Or maybe it'll all turn to hell in the end.


Wow, this is turning out allot more angst than I initially thought, Hmm.

* Yeah, it's actually condensed water vapor, you can't see steam. I only know this because our science teacher yells at us if we call it steam.

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