Parallax Chapter 3


In accordance with its nature as one of the biggest, baddest motherfuckers out of all the routes in Hoenn, Route 120 was continuing to prove sufficiently annoying to navigate. It had been about a half hour since Paul and Sako had left Jason's house, and in that time the rain had stopped, started up again, somehow started raining even harder than it had been earlier, then backed down to how it was earlier once again. The muddy and slippery conditions had only continued to worsen as the rain continued to fall, doing little to ease Paul's way forward.

Paul happened to turn around just in time to see Sako's legs slip out from under her, sending her crashing into the mud. He quickly bounded over to her, intent on helping her up.

"Here," he said as he offered her a hand.

The Absol just glared at him. It took a moment for Paul to realize what he had done wrong.

"Right, no thumbs," he said. "Sorry, slipped my mind."

"Sol," Sako said as she picked herself up.

"You alright?" Paul asked.

"Absol," the Dark type said. Her underside was covered in mud, but the rain would wash it off in no time, Paul figured.

"I'll take that as a yes," Paul said. "You know how much longer we've got until we get to another route? This shit is getting old."

Sako shook her head. Paul let out a sigh.

"Guess we'll just keep following the path and hope it's not too far," he said exasperatedly.

He noticed the Dark type was eyeing his pocket and narrowed his gaze.

"I know what you're thinking, and I just want to say that I'm not sure it's the best idea," he cautioned.

Sako just rolled her eyes at his statement. Paul frowned.

"You know she'll be mad if we let her out. Especially at you, since you were the one to actually inflict damage on her. Nice work on that by the way, I know I've said it before but since it's the first battle we've ever won I think it's worth repeating."

"Sol," she happily said.

Paul couldn't help but smile a little bit. She seemed to have gotten over their first loss and the fact that he had accidentally caught her when he meant to catch the Grovyle. Good news for him, since it meant she was becoming easier to work with. He just hoped that the Grass type he had caught would prove to be just as ready to forgive, although he was expecting her to be difficult.

"Ab," Sako said, shaking him out of his stupor.

"Sorry, got lost in my own thoughts," Paul explained. "Anyway, I'm not letting her out just yet."

Sako started glaring at him once again.

"Why do you even want her to come out so bad? Like I said, she won't be happy that you beat her."

"Sol? Sol ab ab Absol," Sako said.

"I… uh… well, you get it," Paul stated.

The Absol's glare intensified.

"Sol! Absol Absol!" she shouted.

"Alright, geez, I'll let her out for a bit, just calm down!" Paul said as he reached into his pocket for the Poké Ball. "Fuckin' moody Pokémon…" he mumbled as he retrieved it.

He pressed the button on the front of the Ball, which opened and sent out a red light which struck the ground just a few inches in front of him. Paul silently thanked the fact that he had actually grabbed the right Ball this time; he didn't think Sako would be as forgiving a second time. After a moment the Grovyle materialized in front of him.

The Grass type took a look around. She noticed Sako, then Paul, and then the Poké Ball in his hand. Before anybody had time to react, she reached out and pushed the button on the front of the Ball. The Ball opened back up and pulled her inside before shutting.

The trainer and his Absol just stared at the Ball for a moment before Paul cleared his throat.

"Well, that went well," he stated before turning back to the Dark type. "Good enough for you?" he asked.

Sako shook her head. Paul sighed again.

"Figured as much," he said. "Alright, round two. This time I'll put it back in my pocket the second it finishes sending her out."

Paul pressed the button again. True to his word, the instant the red light disappeared, he jammed the Ball back into his pocket. This time the Grovyle tried to press the button again, but she was too late.

"That won't work this time," Paul said. He watched as her expression hardened, but pressed on anyway. "I guess now's a good time as any for introductions. I'm Paul. The Absol behind you is Sako. Do you have a name? Because I'd really rather not call you Grovyle, that seems demeaning."

The Grovyle glared at him. Paul was struck by how similar it was to the frequent glares he got from Sako.

"I know you want to go back into the Ball, but that's not happening until I at least get a name out of you," Paul stated matter-of-factly.

The Grovyle growled softly, then dropped down to her knees. Paul was about to ask what she was doing when he noticed she was scratching something into the mud. After a few seconds she stood up and shook the mud off her hand, then crossed her arms.

"Gaz," Paul said as he read what she had written. "That's your name?"

The Grovyle nodded. Paul smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you, Gaz," he said as he stuck out his hand.

Gaz stared at his outstretched hand before turning away. Paul lowered his hand.

"Too soon, I suppose," he muttered. "Well, now that you're out, why don't you keep traveling with us? It'll be far more exciting than being stuck in that Ball, I'm sure."

Gaz glared at him for a bit before letting out a sigh and moving alongside Sako. The Absol shot her a quick glance before turning back towards her trainer.

"Guess that answers that question," Paul said. "Let's keep moving, then. Hopefully we'll get through this route before long."

The trio continued on. Paul could hear Sako trying to talk with Gaz behind him, but the Grovyle didn't seem to be in a talking mood. Any questions the Absol asked were met with either a small grunt or no response at all. After a few attempts the Dark type simply gave up, and the group continued in silence.

It wasn't to last, as a man in hiking gear jumped out of the bushes to the side of the path and pointed at Paul.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "You have Pokémon! That makes you a trainer, which means that I can battle you!"

"Were you hiding in the bushes this entire time just waiting for someone to pass along so you could jump out?" Paul asked, confused.

"No," the man exclaimed. Gaz huffed, causing him to cross his arms. "Alright, maybe I was. What's it to you?"

"It just seems weird, is all," Paul said. "Also, why are you in hiking gear? There aren't any mountains around here."

"It's my theme!" the hiker bellowed.

"Theme?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, you know, like how some guys dress up as Pokémon, or dress in short shorts and carry around butterfly nets and stupid hats, or how some guys dress up as ninjas, or-"

"Sol," Sako spat. Paul still wasn't able to translate, but he assumed it meant something along the lines of 'we get it, shut up'.

"…Okay, then," Paul said. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd very much like to get on my way, and-"

"Oh no you don't!" the hiker bellowed as he reached for a Poké Ball.

Paul sighed. "Look pal, it's been a weird day, it's pouring down rain, and I've got a place to be, so why don't we just-"

"Hiker Scott doesn't let anyone get away!" the man shouted.

Paul withheld his desire to point out how much the comment made the big man sound like a rapist, instead saying, "Look, Scott-"

"The name's Hiker, buddy!"

"What the fuck?"

"Scott's my last name!"

Sako started laughing hysterically, catching everyone's attention. They all stared as the Absol doubled over in laughter, clutching her stomach as best as she could, no easy task given that she was a quadruped.

"There's nothing funny about being named Hiker!" Hiker shouted.

That just made the Dark type laugh even harder. Tears began streaming down her face as she clutched her stomach. Hiker began to grit his teeth.

"I want to battle your Absol right now!" Hiker roared.

"I, uh, don't think-" Paul began.

"I don't want to hear it, city slicker!" Hiker exclaimed.

"What's a city slicker?" Paul asked.

"That's not important!" Hiker shouted as he threw his Poké Ball. A Graveler appeared in front of him. "Let's do this!"

"Alright, fine," Paul said as he turned back to look at his Absol. "I hate to interrupt your laugh session, but this guy is very insistent that you fight him, and I'd rather not get on his bad side because he's built like a brick wall, so would you mind helping me out?"

Sako gradually stopped laughing and picked herself up off the ground. She wiped the tears that were streaming down her face due to her laughter and stepped forward. Gaz crossed her arms as she watched the Dark type get involved in another fight.

"Relax, you'll get the next one," Paul said, receiving a grunt for his troubles. He wasn't sure if that meant she was unhappy about being denied the chance to fight or that she had really wanted to fight, but either way it would have to wait.

"Winner gets a thousand poké!" Hiker shouted. Paul nodded, and the battle commenced.

"Use Magnitude, Rocky!" Hiker shouted.

Oh, come on, could you be more unoriginal? Paul thought to himself as a series of small shocks began to rock the terrain. Sako lost her footing and came crashing to the ground, but quickly picked herself up again, seemingly unhurt.

"Use Night Slash, Sako! Don't let him get another hit in!" Paul called.

The Absol rushed forward, dodging the cracks in the terrain that had formed as a result of the Magnitude. She leapt towards the Rock type, claws outstretched and colored black, but in her haste she had left herself open to a counterattack.

"Use Strength, Rocky!" Hiker called.

To Sako and Paul's surprise, the Graveler reached forward as she closed the difference and grabbed her outstretched leg, then lifted her up by it. The Absol gave a yelp as her leg was wrenched painfully upwards. The Rock type's hold wasn't to last for very long, as he was quick to fling her away before she could start slashing at him with her claws. She impacted against a tree and collapsed to the ground.

"Shit! Sako, you alright?" Paul called.

The Absol bounced back to her feet and gave a quick nod, causing her trainer to smile.

"Good to hear. Let's try that again, shall we?"

Gaz grunted in protest. Clearly she didn't think much of her new trainer's abilities in battle, but Paul ignored her.

"Don't let him grab you like that again."

"Sol!" Sako cried as she once again charged at the bulky Rock type.

The Graveler made another grab towards her, but she was able to roll to the side and dodge it. In an instant she had closed the distance and had started opening up on Rocky, her limbs a blur as she nimbly dodged his attacks while continuing to strike back with her own.

"Enough of this!" Hiker shouted. "Use Brick Break!"

"Oh, shit," Paul muttered, before he remembered something. "Detect!" he called.

As the Graveler's fist came soaring towards the swift Dark type, she became cloaked in a glowing blue layer of energy. Just before she was hit, she rolled under it, avoiding damage completely. As she did so the energy dissipated, meaning that she was open to taking damage once more.

"Disengage before he tries that again!" Paul shouted.

Sako got out a few more hits before deciding to break off her engagement. She leapt backwards, out of the large Rock type's range, or so she thought.

"Rock Throw!" Hiker ordered.

The Graveler reached down and tore a big, heavy-looking patch of dirt out of the ground.

"I guess that counts as a rock," Paul observed. "Get out of the way, Sako!"

The Rock type threw his makeshift ordinance at the Absol, but she was quick to leap out of the way. As she did so, she landed oddly on the leg Rocky had grabbed earlier, letting out a gasp as she did so.

Hiker noticed his opportunity and took it. "Magnitude!" he ordered.

The Graveler raised his leg and brought it crashing down into the ground, which began shaking far more than it had earlier. A large fissure formed in the ground, headed right towards the Dark type. It opened up and swallowed her before closing.

Before Paul had a chance to ask the big man just what the fuck he had done to his Absol, a hole in the ground a few feet away opened up and said Absol was thrown out of it covered in dirt.

"Are you alright, Sako?" Paul asked, concerned. The Dark type nodded furiously and struggled to her feet. "Then let's end this shit before it's too late. Close the distance with Quick Attack, then go for another Night Slash combo."

"Sol!" she called out before speeding towards her opponent.

"Hit her with another Rock Throw before she gets close!" Hiker shouted.

To the Graveler's credit, he tried his best to his the nimble Dark type, but she was just too fast for him. She had closed the distance after he had thrown the first patch of dirt and was reaching for another, and she wasted no time in hitting him with another flurry of strikes. The two-hundred pound Rock type was gradually forced backwards due to Sako's assault, and began to try and shield himself rather than fight back.

"What are you doing? Hit her with Brick Break!" Hiker commanded.

Before he got the chance to retaliate, Sako channeled the energy in her claws to her horn instead, and with one slash, finished her combo. Rocky came crashing to the ground, where he stayed collapsed until his trainer returned him to his Poké Ball.

"Good job, Sako," Paul said happily.

"Sol!" she said, equally as happy.

Gaz let out another grunt. Paul decided to interpret it as meaning that she was happy for them, although he had no doubt that he was nowhere close to what she had actually meant.

"Good battle," Hiker said as he approached the trainer. "Here's the money I promised you," he said as he offered Paul his hand.

"Thanks," Paul said as he accepted the money and stuffed it in his pocket. "But really, how long were you waiting for someone to cross your path so you could challenge them?"

"Just a few hours," Hiker said.

"How? Don't you get bored?" Paul asked.

"There are ways to relieve boredom on your own with little effort," Hiker said, winking as he did so.

Paul quickly wiped the hand he had accepted the money with on his shirt. "Right. Well, I've got to get to Lilycove, so I'll be seeing you."

"Okay. Maybe we'll see each other again in the future, but until then, goodbye," Hiker said as he continued on his way.

"Goodbye," Paul called as he began walking again.

For a while, everything was calm. Nature had gotten their hopes up by making the rain go away, only to make it come back again not a minute later. The wind also started to blow fiercely, meaning the three almost had to fight their way forward.

"This sucks so fucking hard!" Paul shouted over the wind and rain.

"Gro," Gaz said, almost making him fall over in surprise. He hadn't expected a response from her. Paul felt a small grin begin to inch its way across his face.

"You there!" someone called.

And just like that, his grin disappeared.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Paul muttered as he turned to face the man. "Look buddy, now's not really the best time for a battle, so why don't you just-"

"A battle? No, no, no, I want to enlist your help!" the man shouted as he approached. Paul noticed that he was dressed in a laboratory coat, an odd choice of clothing for the current climate.

"What for? Did someone steal your purse or something?" Paul asked.

"Basically," the man said.

Paul paused. Of all the answers he could have received to his sarcastic remark, that wasn't one of them. "Alright, now you have my-"

"Silence, simpleton! I have no time for your ignorant questions when my life's work is at stake!" the man shouted.

"What?" Paul asked, perplexed.

"Did you not just hear my last statement? I said no time for questions, no matter how insignificant and necessary to your understanding of the situation they are!"

"But I-"

"Enough! I shall talk, and you shall listen! I am Charles O'Hanrahan. I am the world's leading scientist in the field of mega evolution, as well as a self-made billionaire due to my research. I am also an occasional fruitcake, tax evasion master, perpetual ruiner of children's fun, and, very rarely, an eccentric with a twisted sense of humor! How do you do?"

"Well, I'm-"

"Never mind, that doesn't matter now! You look like a trainer, therefore you can help me! In exchange, I shall show you my gratitude in whichever way I see fit, and you will be appreciative of it!"

"Just wait-"

"Nonsense! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you to have a billionaire in your debt in whichever way said billionaire may see fit! Be a smart boy and take the proposal and run with it!"

"Well, I need-"

"Good! Now, here's what I need! A man in a distasteful blue shirt and torn cargo shorts has just stolen important documents from me, documents which will answer the question as to whether or not mega evolution may be used even without the mega ring or a mega stone! You will get them back for me!"

"But what if-"

"Silence! Do as you're told, and the rewards may be great!"

"Where is this guy, anyway?"

"He ran that way!" Charles shouted as he pointed back towards the way he came. "Let us make haste before he gets away!"

"Wait a minute, if you're just going to tag along with us, why not use your own Pokémon and go after him?"

"Do I look like I own any Pokémon?" the scientist asked.

"Well, you just said you study mega evolution, so I figured-"

"You figured wrong! Now let us leave before he gets too far!"

"Alright, let's go," Paul said as they took off in the direction Charles had pointed them towards.

For a few minutes they ran down the path unmolested. That all changed when they rounded a corner and almost ran right into a female trainer.

"Hey, watch it!" she cried. She quickly noticed Gaz and Sako, and turned back to Paul. "Hey, would you like to-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as Charles kicked her in the groin, sending her tumbling to the ground. "Fool, we have no time for your antics! My life's work is at stake, and by proxy, the future of Pokémon battling as a whole is as well!" he shouted.

"Asshole!" the trainer cried as the group left her in the dust.

"Not that I can't appreciate a good cunt punt from time to time, but was that really necessary?" Paul asked.

"Of course! Now is no time for battling!" Charles said.

"I could have politely refused-"

"No time for polite refusals!" Charles shouted. "Aha! There is the man!" he suddenly shouted as the group rounded a corner. "You there!" he shouted.

The man turned around, giving Paul a good view of his shirt which had 'I am a motherfucker' written on it in bold white letters. The phrase was surrounded by pictures of women in various states of undress. The women were all holding marital aides and were gesturing the viewer towards them. Underneath them, the phrase 'Beer hunting champion, 2014, shot a keg and then chugged all of the beer leaking out' was emblazoned in red, white, and blue letter. All of this was set against a backdrop of a nuclear explosion, with the words 'Back-to-back world war champions, fuck you Churchill' scattered around the border.

"Wow, that is distasteful," Paul remarked. "I didn't even know it was possible to fit that many words on one shirt."

"Did I not say it was distasteful? Now do something about him!" Charles said.

"I don't know, I'm starting to think maybe this is just some other guy with a distasteful shirt," Paul said sarcastically.

"Idiot! If you look closely you will see that he is holding a briefcase with my initials on it, which can only mean that it is my briefcase! In addition, while other distasteful shirts exist, this one is the most distasteful of all, thus marking him as the perpetrator!"

"Relax, I was just messing around. Gaz, you want to get this guy?"

The Grass type let out a grunt before sprinting towards the man. He reached for a Poké Ball, but the Grovyle had managed to tackle him to the ground and pin his arm before he could use it.

"Motherfucker!" the man shouted as the rest of the group approached.

"Good work, Gaz," Paul said, receiving another grunt for his troubles.

"I will be taking that, thank you my miscreant friend!" Charles shouted as he reached for the briefcase.

"I've got a better idea: how about me and your friend over there battle for it? Winner gets it," the man said.

Paul let out a small laugh. "Fuck no, dude. Why the fuck would I fight you when I've already won? That's just stupid. I'm many things, but an idiot is not one of them."

"Could have fooled me."

"Do you want me to have my Grovyle knock you out? Because she's been a little antsy today, I don't think that bit of violence a few seconds ago was good enough for her, and I can tell she doesn't like you. Must be the shirt or something."

"Fuck you, this shirt kicks ass," the man spat.

"Keep telling yourself that," Paul said. "What did you want with this briefcase anyway?"

"Nothing in particular, I just felt like stealing something and I couldn't find any old ladies with purses around so I settled for the next best thing. I don't regret it, either. Made me feel like I was back in high school, pushing nerds down the stairs and taking their lunch money from them. You know, the good old days."

"Alright, that's enough talking with criminals for one day. Gaz, can you knock this guy out or something?" Paul asked.

The Grovyle thumped the man on the side of the head, then climbed off of him. The man stayed on the ground, unconscious.

"Thank you," Paul said as the Grovyle returned to his side.

"Speaking of thank you's, thank you, random trainer!" Charles said.

"The name's Paul, and I believe you mentioned something about a reward," Paul said.

"Of course!" Charles shouted. "You are a trainer, yet you do not have a universal translator!"

"What's that?"

"It translates universally!"

"Well, gee, thanks a lot for answering my question so well," Paul said. "How about you tell me what it actually does?"

"It changes Poké-speak to human-speak! Very useful! It's worn around your Pokémon's neck and works automatically! Solar charged, no batteries required, even! Very nice! I happen to have one with me that you can have!"

"Why do you have a universal translator if you're not a trainer?" Paul asked.

"Because I need some way to spend all this money in my bank account!" Charles opened the briefcase and took out what looked like a necklace with a small box in the middle. "For you!"

"No offense, but it seems kind of small for the fact that I just saved your ass in a major way," Paul said.

"How dare you speak to me that way! And how dare you be right! For this, I am forced to concede to you! I'll set you up with universal translators for life, then! Give me a call and I'll have one delivered to your location immediately!"

"That's more like it," Paul said.

"Here is my number!" Charles said as he fished around in his pocket and pulled out a business card, then handed it to Paul. "Give me a call when you require a translator, and I shall hook you up!"

"Alright, cool," Paul said as he pocketed the card.

"Now I must be leaving! Farewell to you!" Charles shouted as he took off running. Paul didn't bother to say goodbye to him as he left.

"Just when I thought this day couldn't get any weirder," Paul said, examining the translator as he did so. "Alright, now here's the big question: which of you wants this thing?" he said, turning to his Pokémon.

Gaz didn't seem to care, simply rolling her eyes at the suggestion. Sako seemed much more eager, approaching her trainer for it.

"Guess that answers that question, then," Paul said. He slipped the necklace over Sako's head, then tightened the strap. "Go on, try it out, Sako," he said.

"As the human puts the translator over my head, I begin to reconsider my offer, as I now realize that I will be forced to translate for the Grovyle as well," she said.

"Fuckin' awesome!" Paul shouted, causing both of his Pokémon to take a step back. The unconscious man on the ground began to stir due to the sound, but another quick move from Gaz sent him back into unconsciousness.

"Not so loud, please. Sensitive ears and all that shit," Sako said.

"Hey, did you just swear?" Paul asked, surprised.

"Is it really that surprising? Even if I didn't already know all the swear words in existence, I definitely would have picked a few up after traveling with you. Speaking of which, I must say I'm impressed; you've managed to help me see the highest amount of weird shit I've ever seen in one day. Well, other than that time that passing group of Magnemite decided to have an orgy in the forest," she stated.

"What?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, you've managed to equal that amount of weird shit in like three hours of travel time. Like I said, I'm impressed; that orgy was an all-day event, you know."

"You watched an all-day Magnemite orgy? Why?" Paul asked.

Sako huffed. "Do you know how boring it gets living in a forest? Anything that disrupts the status quo should be embraced. Why do you think I'm traveling with you?"

"Because I caught you?" Paul said, confused.

Sako laughed. "Oh, please. I could leave at any time I want, I'm only sticking around because you let me fight and don't treat me like shit, which is more than can be said for most of the residents of the forest I came from."

"I'm, uh, sorry to hear that," Paul said.

"Don't be. As for the ice queen over there, I can't speak for her. She's maybe said five words to me since we started traveling together," Sako said.

"Gro," Gaz grunted.

"Make that six."

"Well, it's good to finally be able to actually hold a conversation with you," Paul said.

"Likewise. You're alright for a human. Also, the one-sided conversation bullshit started getting old an hour ago, and if we had had to keep it going for more than a week I would have cut and run the instant you fell asleep. No offense."

"Gro," Gaz said.

"That makes seven."

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"'Likewise'," Sako answered. "Anyway, I think you ought to buy that scientist guy a beer the next time you see him, because you owe him big time for this thing."

"You know about beer?" Paul asked.

"What is this, twenty questions?" Sako said. "Yes, of course I know about beer. I spent a lot of time hanging out around Fortree, stealing the groceries people left outside when they went to go prop their doors open and put them inside. Sometimes I took a beer. Can't say I enjoyed the taste, but I took it anyway."

"Should you really have been drinking alcohol?" Paul asked.

Sako laughed again. "Probably not, but I did anyway. Not like anyone would stop me, after all. Speaking of alcohol, do me a favor and get me some different kinds the next time you go to a bar, I want to see if there's at least one I enjoy."

"If you think you'll be alright, then I don't see the problem."

"Alright." The Absol turned to the Grass type next to her. "How about you, ice queen? You want the human to get you anything?"

"Gro," Gaz huffed.

"I'm guessing that's a no?" Paul asked.

"That's a polite translation, but yes," Sako said.

"Also, I have a name."

"I know, but it sounds weird."

"What's so weird about my name?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't sound right."

"Well, despite that, I'd appreciate it if you'd call me by it anyway."

"Alright, fine, I'll call you by your name," Sako said.

"Grovyle," Gaz grumbled.

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"She asked if we can get going. I'm going to go ahead and echo her line of thinking, here. Can we get going?"

"Sure thing," Paul said. "By the way, how much longer is it to Lilycove? Do you know?"

"Yeah, I know. Been there a few times. Can't say I enjoyed it; too many people. Anyway, it's about two hours away. Short route, but hard as hell. I'm surprised you made it this far. Congrats."

"Thank you. Let's get going," Paul said.

The three continued along the route for several hours. Along the way, they encountered several trainers, though all of them used Fire type Pokémon, so Gaz didn't get a chance to showcase her abilities.

That all changed as the trio passed Mt. Pyre.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Sako mentioned as the group passed a large building to their left. "Maybe it's the fact that this street looks like it contains nothing but rape, or maybe it's the fact that there's a giant, haunted-ass mountain a few miles to our right that is undoubtedly leaking ghosts out here. Those motherfuckers can float, you know, so this big body of water doesn't mean anything to them."

"Afraid of ghosts?" Paul asked, a smirk on his face.

"Fuck yes. They're cold, they're prone to pranking people for no reason, they're fucking dead, and I don't like 'em."

"Makes sense, I guess. By the way, what was that big building back there?"

"Seriously? That's the entrance to the Safari Zone. Do you just not know anything about the region you're in?"

"Not really. How do you know all of this stuff, anyway? Didn't you spend your whole life in a forest in the middle of nowhere?"

"Yeah, but even I got out every now and again. Also I stole maps from the fine citizens of Fortree sometimes."

"You sure do like stealing things. Should I be concerned that you'll rob the next person we see blind?"

Sako scoffed. "Please. Even I have standards, and let me tell you, none of the faggots we've seen so far have met them."

"Oh, really? What are these standards?"

"Rich, for one."

"Holy shit, a talking Absol!" someone called from behind the group, causing all of them to turn around. When they did, they were met with a man in a large Charmander costume. Or, rather, the bottom half of a Charmander costume.

"Who is this guy and why is he dressed as the ass end of a Charmander?" Sako asked.

"I have a terrible feeling that we're about to find out," Paul said.

"Should we run?"

"I'm considering it."

The man started rushing forward, causing Paul to regret not making a break for it while he had the chance.

"Too late now," said Sako.

"Unfortunately," Paul remarked.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you have a talking Absol!" the man said as he stopped a few feet from the group. He turned towards Sako and smiled at her. "Hello, boy! Can you speak for me?"

Sako frowned. "What did you just call me?" she asked.

Paul was distinctly aware of Gaz chuckling behind him, which happened to be the most emotion he had seen from her yet, and, he realized, would most likely be the most emotion he got from her in a while.

"Oh my God, how amazing!" the stranger said as he turned towards Paul. "What's your secret? How did you get him to talk?"

"Dude, really?" Sako asked. "Are you only paying attention to what I'm saying and not how I'm saying it? Do you have cognitive problems, or some shit?"

"Oh my God, he said it again! Please, you simply must-"

"Well, I taught her to talk by giving her a universal translator that I got from some rich guy whose ass I saved. She certainly appreciates her newfound ability to talk, isn't that right, girl?" Paul asked. He hoped the stranger would catch the hint he had dropped.

"That's pretty much what happened, yeah," Sako remarked. "Actually, I wouldn't call it a newfound ability to talk, more like a newfound ability to get other people to understand, since I've always been able to talk, and the only reason nobody could understand me was because humans are too fucking lazy to learn our language."

"A universal translator?" the man asked, confused. "Where can I get one?"

"I don't know, try buying one online or something," Paul asked. "You can probably get one from the same website you bought that weird-ass costume from. Speaking of which, why are you wearing half of a costume?"

"Obviously because I appreciate Pokémon more than you," the man said.

"Yeah, okay, but why only wear half of a costume? Either wear the costume or don't, don't go halfway and then say fuck it."

"If you want to sit here and roast me over an open fire because of my fashion choices, then I'm going to challenge you to a battle," the man warned.

Sako stepped in before Paul could respond. "Oh, we're shaking in our boots, the guy in the stupid costume is going to kick our asses. Whatever will we do?" she asked sarcastically.

Paul glared at her. "What she meant to say was-"

"Oh, no, I've heard enough. We're doing this shit, so declares I, Ian Macleod!" the man proclaimed.

"That's the geekiest fucking way to introduce yourself I've ever heard. I bet you become intimately acquainted with the inside of a lot of lockers while you were in high school," Sako said, "would explain why you wear the costume, since only a fucking nerd would wear something like that."

"Do you enjoy grinding people's gears?" Paul asked her.

"Maybe just a little."

"Enough talk!" Ian declared, as he threw a Poké Ball up in the air. A Swampert materialized in front of Paul and his team, looking mad as hell.

"Didn't we just see one of those earlier?" Paul asked.

"Must be common or something. Regardless, I've got this," Sako said as she took a step forward, only to be stopped by Gaz.

"Gro," the Grass type grunted.

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"She wants to handle this one," Sako answered.

"Why?"

"Vyle," Gaz spat.

"Apparently, he reminds her of that other Swampert," Sako translated. "She hated that other Swampert," she added.

"You got all of that from one word?" Paul questioned.

"The magic of Pokémon language. You should try learning it sometime."

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Hey! Are we doing this, or what?" Ian called.

"Let's get this shit over with," Paul said. "Gaz, what moves do you know?"

"Gro, vyle, Grovyle, vy," the Grass type answered.

"Leaf Blade, Pursuit, Agility, Mega Drain," Sako translated.

"Good to know. Okay, then, use Leaf Blade!" Paul said.

Gaz bounded forward, but to Paul's surprise, she wasn't extending her arms in order to increase her reach. Instead, she fired a green beam from her hands, one that arced towards the opposing Pokémon. The beam connected, and small orbs of energy flowed from the target back to Gaz.

"What the hell was that?" Paul asked.

"I think that was Mega Drain," Sako said.

"Why'd she use that instead of Leaf Blade? I did tell her to use Leaf Blade, right?" Paul questioned.

"That's what I heard."

"Damn it," Paul said. "Gaz, what are you doing?" he shouted.

The green beam had faded, leaving the target standing there, apparently unscathed. Gaz was circling the Water type, eyeing him and waiting for an opening.

"Hit her with Surf!" Ian commanded.

"Swamp!" the Swampert shouted, bringing a torrent of water crashing towards the Grass type as he did so. Just before the water connected, its intended target bounded out of the way and circled around to the Swampert's other side. The leaves on the side of her arms began to glow as she closed the distance, and she was able to get several good slashes in before the target brought one of his arms crashing towards her.

Unfortunately for the Swampert and his trainer, the Grass type proved far too nimble for the attack, easily dodging it. The Water type's massive arm continued towards the ground, where it impacted and left a large crater.

"How is she moving so fast?" Paul asked, as he watched Gaz continue to bolt around the Water type before charging in and slashing at him. "I don't remember her being this fucking fast. What happened?"

"She must have used Agility at some point, that's the only logical explanation I can think of. Or maybe she just really wanted to be caught by you," Sako said.

"No more games!" Ian called, as he watched his Pokémon futilely try and fend off another assault from Paul's Grovyle. "Next time that fucking lizard comes in for an attack, grab her!"

From where he was standing, Paul could have sworn he heard Gaz let out a snort of contempt at the other trainer's statement. Her overconfidence would prove to be her undoing, as the next time she closed in, the Swampert was able to grab her.

"Now hit her with an Ice Beam!" Ian shouted.

"A what now?" Paul asked. He watched his Pokémon struggle in the Water type's grasp to no avail as a ball of white, ice-cold energy built up in the Swampert's mouth.

An instant before the attack was ready to fire, Gaz freed one of her arms and plunged the blade on it downwards into the Water type's wrist. The target let out a cry of pain, and the energy that had built up began to dissipate. While he was reeling from the blow, she was able to free herself, close the distance once again, and open up on him. This assault proved to be too much for the Swampert to take, and he collapsed, unconscious.

Gaz cast one last look at her fallen opponent before returning to her trainer's side, a triumphant look on her face. That look faded when she glanced at her trainer.

"What the hell was that?" Paul asked.

"Gro. Vyle, vy, Grovyle," she spat.

"She says the she did a better job alone than the two of you would have done together," Sako said.

Paul glared at her. "What makes you say that?" he asked.

"Gro. Grovyle."

"Oh, come on, he's not that bad," Sako protested.

"What? What did she say?" Paul asked.

"She said that she's seen the way you battle and that she wouldn't be caught dead following orders from someone like you."

"Oh, really?" Paul asked. "If you think you're so good, then why did you lose to me and Sako?"

Gaz let out a grunt and averted her gaze. Paul smirked, knowing that he had her.

"Guess you're not as good as you think you are," he said. His expression softened, and he followed up his sentence by saying, "look, Gaz, if you don't want to be on this team, I can smash your Poké Ball right now and send you on your way. I'm not going to force you to stay with me if that isn't what you want."

The Grovyle's expression dropped slightly, and she looked back towards her trainer. "…Gro?" she asked.

"She wants to know if you're serious," Sako said.

Paul nodded. "Of course. Is that what you want?"

Gaz thought for a bit, but then let out a little grunt and shook her head no. Paul smiled at her.

"That's fine," he said, "but if you're going to stay, then you need to listen to me, okay? Unless you don't want to travel with me and Sako, in which case-"

"Gro," she stated.

"Okay, nevermind," Paul asked. "Anyway, I'll just collect my money from-" he said as he looked around for Ian, only to find that the trainer and his Swampert had disappeared. "Figures. Well, let's keep moving, then," he said.

As the group continued moving, Paul turned to Sako and asked, "what was up with Gaz? Is that normal?"

Sako chuckled. "Oh, yes. Some Pokémon are weird that way. Guess they just need some time to adjust and think about what they really want."

"You mean like you?" Paul taunted.

"Hey, I wasn't anywhere near as bad as that, especially once I got this translator. Seriously, this thing is fucking great, it's made life so much easier already and we haven't even had it for that long."


Lilycove City is one of the richest cities in the Hoenn region due to its prime location next to the sea, which allows for a lot of trade opportunities. This location also means that it is a primary location for those trainers who wish to travel to Mossdeep City, as Lilycove is one of the closest cities to it. Because of this never ending influx of wealth, its citizens are also some of the smuggest, most pompous, most arrogant, and all-around dickish citizens in the world. It is not uncommon to have the more well-off citizens greet the somewhat impoverished newcomers with something called the "Lilycove Rains", which is a fancier term designed to cover up the fact that the rich people spit on the poor ones before turning their noses up in disgust and walking away.

In addition, Lilycove City is regarded as one of the more exciting locations present in the Hoenn region by people who have terrible taste in cities. This is because, like all other big cities, Lilycove is more prone to crime than other, smaller cities, there are too many people and not enough places to sit, and garbage accumulates in the worst of places because the municipal waste disposal workers have long since passed the point of drinking for enjoyment and have instead started drinking in the hopes that the next shot of alcohol will finally completely destroy their livers so they can die instead of keep working as waste disposal technicians, and it's starting to affect their work. Lilycove City is also prone to tourism, which attracts tourists, who are some of the most insufferable, unbearable people to ever walk the face of the Earth, right behind artists and middle schoolers. Lilycove City is also right next to the ocean, meaning that occasionally the city will flood during storms and that everything smells like a sushi bar if the fish were all alive and pissing in all the water glasses.

Until very recently, the citizens of Lilycove collectively decided that they were all too good for a standard Pokémon League Gym, opting for a giant contest hall instead. Surprising nobody except the people who voted in favor of this motion, the contest hall failed to bring in much of a profit, probably because Pokémon contests are about as fun as watching paint dry while being punched in the nuts by someone wielding spiked brass knuckles while listening to someone read a book about the history of country music. Realizing their mistake, the citizens of Lilycove decided to install a gym next to their giant department store, which was a good move as all the trainers who got their asses kicked could head over to the department store to buy comfort food instead of actually healing their Pokémon first.

Lilycove was also home to Team Aqua when they were still active, something which the locals still refuse to talk about since they are under the impression that Team Aqua will break into their houses, kill their mothers, and rape their Pokémon if they dare talk about it. This means that it is easy to prank Lilycove natives by simply mentioning how you heard from your second cousin twice removed that Team Aqua had moved back into their old hideout, provided someone is available to clean up the trail of piss the prankee leaves behind, as the garbage disposal guys certainly won't be doing it unless the piss contains massive amounts of ethanol. Despite this, the prank remains a favorite among those newcomers who are sick of being spit on by a bunch of arrogant pricks with more money than sense.

"So, what are we doing here, again?" Sako asked as the trio entered the big city.

"We're looking for a friend of mine. He said he'd meet me here, though he didn't give me an exact location," Paul said.

"Gro. Vyle gro, grovyle," Gaz said.

"She said-" Sako began, only to be cut off by Paul.

"You know what? I'm getting you a translator right now, Gaz," Paul said as he pulled out his Pokénav and dialed Charles's number. "Yeah, Charles? I'm gonna need another translator about now. I'm right at the gates of Lilycove, so could you send a guy over or something? Thanks," Paul said as he ended the call.

Not ten seconds later, a man in a suit and a Xatu teleported in front of the group. The man wordlessly handed Paul a translator before teleporting out.

"Damn, that was easy," Paul said as he handed Gaz the translator.

The Grass type slipped the machine over her head, then tightened it around her neck.

"Try it out," Paul said.

"It's about time, I was wondering how long I would have to wait before you finally called in another favor," Gaz spoke. Her voice was slightly deeper than Sako's, but not by much.

"You know, I don't think I'll ever get over how weird it feels hearing Pokémon talk."

"I was considering teaching myself English. Or forcing you to learn Poké-Speak."

"Now that that's out of the way, can we focus on finding Paul's friend?" Sako asked.

"Great plan," Gaz deadpanned. "This is one of the biggest cities in Hoenn, it's going to be like trying to find a needle in a-"

"Hey, Paul!" someone called from the left of the group, causing them to turn towards the sound.

Paul felt a smile creep across his face. "What's going on, Greg?" he asked, rushing forwards to meet his friend. The two extended their hands for a handshake, then came in closer for a quick one-handed hug.

"Eh, the usual. Hall of Origins is as boring as it's always been. Can't believe none of them cared I was gone for so long. Well, maybe I can, since the last time I was there it was April Fool's, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one having any fun." Greg glanced past his longtime friend at his Pokémon. "Shit man, you caught a Grovyle? Nice. What's her name?"

"Gaz," the Grovyle said as Sako and her stepped forward. "And this is-"

"Sako," Greg interrupted. "We've met before."

"We have?" Sako asked.

"Well, kind of. I met you, at least."

Sako raised an eyebrow, but didn't question the issue further.

"Anyway, I'm thirsty as all hell, so we're going to the bar," Greg said.

"There's a bar in Lilycove?" Paul asked.

Greg laughed. "Of course! There's a bar in every city, man. Lilycove's got one of the best, too. Follow me and I'll take you to it."

Paul and his Pokémon followed Greg through the streets, dodging other pedestrians as they did so.

"So, who is this guy?" Sako asked as she avoided a man and his Arcanine.

"He's my best friend. His name's Greg," Paul said.

"Why'd he say he already met me even though I've never seen him before in my life? Was he present when my mom gave birth to me, or some shit?"

"It's a-"

"It's a long story, yeah, alright. Do you plan on giving me a straight answer to any of the questions I ask you?"

"We're here," Greg stated as he stopped in front of a small building next to the harbor. He opened the door, then motioned for the other tree to enter, which they did so.

Paul was surprised to see that the bar was heavily populated. Greg seemed to sense his surprise, and answered his questioned before he had a chance to ask it.

"Sailors," he stated simply, "they dock in the harbor on the other side of town and come into here for a drink and sloppy, one-night-only sex with a drunken patron whose name they won't remember and who more closely resembles the ass end of a moose than an actual person. That's assuming they don't try and pick up a Gardevoir or something, which is not only frighteningly common, but also encouraged by a good portion of the general population."

"That's disturbing," Paul said.

"Hey, you won't hear a contrary opinion from me. Unless I'm in my Mew form, in which case I'd have to take the opposite opinion out of principle."

"What did he just say?" Gaz asked.

"I'm pretty sure I heard something about a Mew," Sako said, confused.

Greg let out a laugh. "Oh, man. I take it Paul hasn't told you yet? Well, I guess that's one thing we'll have to do. Once we get some drinks in us, of course." He motioned towards an unoccupied table, and the group sat at it.

"What do you recommend?" Paul asked.

"I don't even need to think about the answer to that. Get the mojito, it's one of the best I've ever had, and I've had a lot of mojitos."

"Okay, I'll get up and get them," Paul said.

"No need, there's a waitress coming over here."

Paul raised an eyebrow. "Waitresses in a bar?"

Greg laughed. "Told you things were different around here," he said.

The waitress arrived a few seconds later. "What can I get you?" she asked.

"Four mojitos," Greg stated.

"Coming right up," she stated as she left.

"You planning on drinking three of those yourself or something?" Paul asked.

"It wouldn't exactly be unusual for me. Especially after the meeting I just got out of. Good lord, can they fucking ramble on and on. It's a good thing I didn't take a gun with me when I went to your house in the morning, because I probably would have blown my fucking brains out in that damn meeting room."

"That bad, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it. Anyway, I figured those two would want a drink," Greg said as he motioned towards Gaz and Sako.

"Is that wise?" Paul asked.

Greg chuckled. "It's just alcohol, it's not going to kill 'em. Besides, it's just an Absol and a Grovyle. Now, if you had something like a Tyranitar, things would be different, but as they are now, I think we're good. But enough about that, how's your day been?"

Paul let out a sigh. "It's been a little crazy, alright? I'm a little tired from it all, honestly. Anywhere good I can go to rest up after this?"

"There's always the Pokémon Center," Greg stated as the waitress returned with their drinks. "Thank you," he said as she placed all four of them on the table. He passed one to Paul, one to Gaz, and one to Sako, who just stared at it, confused.

"How do you expect me to drink this with no hands?" Sako asked.

"Ah yes, my mistake. Here, I'll fix that," Greg said. Sako's drink became cloaked in a blue light and began to float towards her. The two Pokémon stared at the man in shock as the drink came to rest just below the Absol's mouth.

"Okay, what was that?" Sako asked.

"That was what Paul has neglected to tell you about," Greg stated. "Shame on him, by the way, for not telling you about this."

Paul threw up his arms in surrender. "Alright, maybe I fucked up, but I'm kind of new at all this shit, alright? Why don't you start telling them about it all while I try and slam as much of this mojito down my throat as I can in one go, because my day has been crazy and I need to unwind," he stated, as he brought his drink to his lips and began to gulp it down.

"Good to see you haven't changed one bit, then," Greg said before turning back to the two Pokémon. "Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm a Mew. I got sick and tired of dealing with the constant bullshit the other legendary Pokémon were spewing, so I teleported myself to another dimension, one where Pokémon don't exist, per se. I lived in a small town there for several years, occasionally coming back to go to meetings I hated, but mostly staying in that town, enjoying my downtime. There I met Paul here, who's been my best friend ever since."

"Likewise," Paul said as he put his half-full drink back on the table.

"If you hate living in this world so much, why did you come back?" Gaz asked. She tentatively took a sip of her drink upon asking her question, and visibly recoiled from the taste.

"Well, I kind of fucked up big time and teleported into the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency, or the CIA for short. The CIA have files on everyone who lives in the country, and of course I was there long enough for them to have most likely gotten a snapshot of my face, so it would stand to reason that they would want to bring me in for questioning, especially since teleportation is not supposed to be a thing in that world," Greg answered as he took a long sip from his own drink.

"Why did you teleport yourself into what sounds like a very powerful government agency that you knew could fuck up your day if given the chance?" Sako asked.

"Because I was drunk. Heavily drunk. Piss-your-pants-while-standing-and-laugh-about-it drunk."

"Ah. One too many mojitos, then?" Sako asked as she tried the drink in question for the first time. Unlike Gaz, she handled the taste well, and went back for another sip.

"Actually it was a combination of lemon-lime soda and bourbon, which probably sounds nasty but is actually quite good, I would recommend it any day of the week over most drinks."

"Close enough. So where does Paul fit in to all of this?" Gaz asked as she set her drink aside. Paul gave her a questioning glance, and she nodded at him, giving him the okay to take her drink. Paul didn't need a second confirmation, and replaced his empty glass with her almost full one.

"Well, like I said, the CIA has files on everyone, which means they have access to your friends and family, which means that if they can't get to you, they'll go after your loved ones in the hopes of drawing you out. Since I literally had no family in the entire world for them to get to, that left my friends, with my best friend at the top of the list. Even if I was to teleport back to this world, that would still leave Paul in the tough position of being interrogated by an elite security force over information he knows nothing about. So I brought him here with me. As for the rest of our friends, I hate to leave them behind, but having one fish-out-of-water is bad enough, so they're just going to have to deal with it, unfortunately. Leaves a real fuckin' bad taste in my mouth to have to leave them behind like that, but I don't think that they'll be in too much trouble, what with them knowing nothing at all. Well, less trouble than Paul, I mean. Anyway, yeah, I brought Paul here with me, 'cuz I didn't see any other way out for him."

"And then proceeded to dump me in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere, with only Sako here as company," Paul said.

"Quit whining about it, you big baby," Greg stated. "You're handling it pretty well. Somehow."

"Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. I guess the possibility of living in a new world has helped deal with the shock of actually being here."

"So you're the one who helped him catch me?" Sako asked, earning a nod from Greg in response. "Alright, then. I was wondering how someone with no Pokémon was able to knock me out so easily. Where'd he get the Poké Balls from?"

Greg shrugged. "Some dumbass kid who doesn't know when to throw in the fucking towel. I've robbed that kid blind like four times now, and he just keeps coming back. Gotta respect that kind of tenacity. Fear it, too. Twenty bucks says he'll grow up to be a complete fucking badass later on."

"I know better than to bet against you. I'm not doing it again, not after the last time," Paul said.

"Hey, I told you that Kyle was going to lose to that teenager in his sparring match, and I made it perfectly clear what the odds of him actually pulling a victory out of his ass were, so it's your fault for not believing me," Greg said.

"What?" Sako asked, confused.

"I'm also confused," Gaz stated.

Greg waved his arm. "Nothing, just a bet we had. Paul thought our friend Kyle would win in a kickboxing match he had against some teenager, even though Kyle only had like a year's worth of experience and this kid had been participating in the sport since he was ten. Anyway, let's try and focus on the task at hand, shall we?"

"What would that be?" Gaz asked.

"Finishing our fucking drinks!" Greg shouted, earning cheers from Paul and Sako. "Oh, and figuring out what everyone is going to do next," he added.

"That's a good point. What are you planning on doing next, Paul?" Sako asked.

"You know, I'm really not sure. I'm probably going to be in this world for a while, so I should probably find a way to make money so I can, you know, afford to eat," Paul said.

"Well, you've got no job history, no degrees of any kind, including something as simple as a certificate signifying that you completed elementary school, let alone a high school diploma or college degree, no family or friends other than me, your Pokémon, and whoever was generous enough to give you those translators, and there are few jobs available in a city like this," Greg explained.

"You're making it sound like things are bad," Paul said.

"Would you prefer I lie to you and tell you that things are just fuckin' peachy for you?"

"A little."

"Well, too bad. Anyway, things aren't completely hopeless for you."

"Really? Because it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like I'll be living out of a cardboard box in a little while."

"Well, I suppose that's always a possibility, but you could always make a living battling other trainers."

"Really?" Paul asked.

Greg nodded. "Absolutely. It's not expensive to live in Hoenn, play your cards right and you should make more than enough money between each city to be able to rent a room somewhere and buy supplies. And if not, you can always stay in a Pokémon Center for free for one night. They'll even give you food, though it's nasty hospital food a hundred percent of the time. Still, it's better than starving."

"Well, given that my options are somewhat limited, I guess I have no choice," Paul said.

"And hey, while you're at it, you can take the Pokémon League Challenge, too. Do well enough at that and you'll start getting sponsored, and that's where the big money comes from."

"Sounds good to me. How about you two?" Paul asked as he turned towards his Pokémon.

Gaz shrugged. "Whatever. At least I'll get to fight," she said.

"It's better than staying in that fucking forest for the rest of my life," Sako said as she finished off her drink.

Greg brought his hands together. "Excellent. Guess that's that, then. As for me, believe me when I say that I'd love to join you, but currently I'm needed in the Hall of Origins."

"Something big going down?" Paul asked.

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe."

"Mind telling us?"

"Well, since you asked, sure, I can part with some information. Other than the usual bickering and bullshit, nothing much has happened, except for Arceus. That motherfucker got his ass caught, can you believe that shit? Fucking hilarious."

"Wait, so what does that mean? Does he not show up to meetings anymore?" Sako asked.

"Oh, no, he still comes to meetings, he just has to duck out every once in a while, that's all. Still, it's caused a bit of an uproar. Again, I think it's pretty fucking funny. Too bad nobody else does, which is a tragedy, because it's funny on several levels. Can you imagine the sheer trouser-browning terror that other trainers must have to contend with when that human calls out Arceus to fight for him? I swear, just thinking about it puts a big smile on my face."

"Isn't Arceus basically a weaker version of God? How'd he even get caught in the first place?" Paul asked.

Greg shook his head. "Nah. I mean, yeah, Arceus kind of created everything, but he's not exactly an immortal, despite what a lot of people may think. His 'immortality' extends as far as being immune to aging and disease, and that's about it. He can still get hurt and die if he's not careful, which is why he spends most of his time in the Hall of Origins."

"I'm guessing that means that he can also get caught?"

"Yup. He is still a Pokémon, after all, so he's not immune to Poké Balls. Especially Master Balls, which is what the human caught him with."

"How'd the human even get into the Hall of Origins in the first place? Isn't it a little exclusive?" Sako asked.

"This is no ordinary human, I'll tell you that," Greg said. "Arceus got his ass caught by the most powerful trainer in the world, no question about it. This guy has traveled to almost every region and either placed extremely highly in their Pokémon League, or emerged as the Champion before abdicating the title to the runner-up because he can't be assed to stick around and actually do his fucking job of stomping hopeful trainers into the fucking ground and shitting on their dreams. His name's Chris Richardson, and he's without a doubt one of the most talented Pokémon trainers in history. Hell, once you take the fact that he isn't even over twenty-one yet into account, he probably is the most talented trainer in history."

Gaz scoffed. "Please. Anyone can spend a few years training up a team of powerhouses and taking them to a new region, then curbstomping everyone else. It's not that impressive."

"That's the thing, though," Greg began, "he doesn't do that. Whenever he goes to a new region, he drops off his old team at his house and starts a new one. He doesn't even take a starter Pokémon, just a handful of Poké Balls and a map to the nearest route, where he catches his own starter. Guy's fucking unreal. He's literally got hundreds of ultra-powerful Pokémon at his disposal, and he barely uses any of them. "

"That still doesn't explain how he was able to get into the Hall of Origins," Sako said.

"You're right, it doesn't. But it sets up an explanation. You see, for a young man who's as talented as Chris Richardson, it's only natural that he would eventually cross paths with a legendary Pokémon. And cross paths with one he did; a few years ago, he had the good fortune to meet Cresselia."

"And she just gave him access?"

Greg shook his head. "Oh, no. He helped her with a little problem she had been having, one involving a group of Pokémon hunters, and in return for his help, she promised him a favor, to be called in whenever he wanted. He finally cashed that favor for a meeting with Arceus, and then caught him once they were both face-to-face."

"What would he even use Arceus for? You've already established that he's a really good trainer without him," Paul asked.

"It's not like he needs to use Arceus. I think it was more just a way for him to say he did something nobody else has, as if consistently beating the living shit out of everyone else he battles with no matter the competition isn't enough. Maybe he just felt like he needed another cool million dollars in his wallet and sought the notoriety that would bring him more sponsorships. Point is, nobody really knows why he caught Arceus, and he seems to want to keep it that way for as long as possible. More power to him, I say; the more time Arceus spends outside of meetings, the less time he has to chew me out for bailing on this world for years at a time. Believe me when I say I don't need that; I catch enough flak from my parents as it is."

"You've got parents here?" Paul asked.

"Of course. Mom's a Mew, dad's a… well, dad isn't a Mew. He's actually a Lucario."

"How's that work?" Gaz asked.

"Cleaner than you'd think, actually. Mew's the common ancestor of all Pokémon, so a Mew can mate with just about any Pokémon they want, and there's a chance it will come out as a Mew. I've got a whole extended family out there, actually. Good luck finding them, though; they all love to transform and maintain those forms for extended periods of time, so they're practically ghosts."

"If there are a bunch of Mews, then why are you the one that gets to attend all the meetings?" Sako asked.

"Simple: because mom and dad wanted me to, since nobody else in my family was planning on doing it, since they're all lazy assholes, and the reason why they wanted me to do it is because my mom already did it for a long time and figured it was time to pass the title on to someone else, so to speak, and someone had to do it."

"How'd your parents feel about you running away for months at a time?"

"Not too bad, once I explained to them where I was going. Dad's always been a bit distant, which is par for the course for a Lucario. Mom's very understanding, and when I told her I just wanted some time away from all the bullshit, she understood. Also, I told them I'd come back and visit every once in a while, which I did."

"Sounds like it all worked out for you, then," Gaz stated.

"It sure did. Too bad the fun had to end, thanks to my drunk antics and the CIA being a bunch of dicks."

"Speaking of which, what do you plan on doing about the rest of our friends? Don't tell me you're just going to leave them there," Paul said.

"Oh, don't worry about them, I've got it covered," Greg said. "First off, I doubt they've got it as bad as you would. Don't get me wrong, it's probably still a shitty situation, but they've probably at least dodged the bit about enhanced interrogation techniques and having automatic weapons pointed at them. Hell, some of them have probably already been through the questioning process and been set free. Still, I'll do something. Maybe pop in to the FBI headquarters in my true form to bring the CIA's attention to something else for a while, I don't know, we'll see how I'm feeling later."

"Well, at least you're not just going to leave them there. Unlike that time you left me outside Fortree with only an injured Absol I had just met and minimal supplies."

"Oh, come on, are you still bitching about that? Just let it go, man," Greg complained.

"I'm going to keep bitching because it was a shitty thing to do! The least you could have done was give me some way to contact you."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, we should trade Pokénav numbers," Greg said as he pulled his Pokénav out of his pocket. "Give me your Pokénav and I'll plug my number in."

"Is this really necessary? I have my cell phone with me, you know," Paul stated as he handed over the machine to his friend.

Greg chuckled as he typed in the numbers for both Pokénavs. "You might as well trash that thing, it's of no use to you here. For starters, whipping it out is going to get you more than a few odd stares, since nobody's ever seen anything like it before. Second of all, it's useless, because I guarantee that whoever your service provider was back in your world, they're not supported here, so you can't make calls on it." He finished exchanging numbers with his friend and handed back the machine to him.

"Still, I think I'll hang on to it. Who knows, might come in handy one day," Paul said. "Anyway, other than the cell phone service providers, what else is different here?"
That got a big laugh of Greg. Several of the patrons turned to look at him before returning to their drinks.

"That much, huh?" Paul asked.

"Well, let's just say that if I wanted to go list everything that was different here, we'd be at this table for a long-ass time. How about just a few of the big things?" Greg said.

"Alright, shoot."

"Well, for one, you know the Holocaust? Yeah, that shit never happened. In fact, Hitler never became a politician."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. He got accepted to art school instead and became a very famous artist. So, if you ever visit a gallery and see an authentic Adolf Hitler painting hanging on the wall, don't be too surprised about it. World War Two still happened, though. Other than that, the next big thing is America and Russia. The Cold War? Yeah, that shit didn't happen here. In fact, American and Russia are the best of friends right now. No Cold War also means no arms race, which means no massive proliferation of nukes. Japan still got nuked, but after seeing the destruction they caused, nobody wanted to even think about using them again. Firearms development also kind of stalled around that time, mainly because there aren't many wars that need to be fought. If you were to introduce someone to the concept of a magazine-fed, man-portable, select-fire, intermediate-caliber rifle, they'd look at you like you grew a third eye."

"Fuck, dude. This place sounds like a paradise."

"It is a paradise, at least compared to where you're from. Anyway, that's some of the big stuff, you'll pick up on more as you go along on your journey. That is what you're still planning on doing, right?"

"You make it sound like we weren't just discussing this two minutes ago."

"Just want to make sure that this is what you want to do, is all. Not that you have much of a choice, but still."

"I'll be honest and say that the idea of traveling the world and getting paid to do it always appealed to me, probably because I've spent most of my life behind a desk of some kind. And hey, I'll have some friends to do it with, too," Paul said, as he motioned towards his Pokémon.

"Speaking of which, I've got some advice for you regarding them," Greg said, as a mischievous smile crept across his face.

Paul sighed. "That smile can't mean anything good. Alright, I'll bite. What have you got for me?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that you should probably catch a male Pokémon, since female Pokémon tend to get a bit… frisky, I guess is the term. Unless you plan on dealing with that sort of thing yourself."

"Did you seriously just imply what I think you just implied?" Paul asked, utterly amazed at what his best friend suggested.

"We're right fucking here, you know," Sako said.

"Hey, I'm just spreading some awareness around, here. It's not uncommon for trainers to handle that sort of thing themselves. You can probably guess how."

"I take back what I said earlier," Paul said. "This place isn't a paradise at all, it's the opposite of that. I think I want to go home."

Greg threw up his hands in surrender. "I'm just fucking with you, man. But, in all seriousness, that really isn't that uncommon of a thing to hear about. As a side note, don't ever look for porn on the internet in this world, because there's a good chance you won't like what you find."

"I'll take your word for it," Paul said as he slammed the rest of his drink down his throat to try and cleanse his mind of what he had just heard. He placed the now-empty glass back on the table and reached for another one.

Greg turned towards Sako and Gaz. "Have I mentioned he drinks like a fish?" he said, motioning towards his friend.

"So we've gathered," Sako said.

"How can you guys drink that stuff? It was absolutely vile!" Gaz said.

"Lightweight," Greg taunted. "You done, Paul?"

"Yeah, I'm done," Paul said as he placed the second empty glass back on the table. "You heading out?"

"I'd better, mom's expecting me back home. Nice to see you again, and nice to meet your Pokémon as well, you guys are going to make a great team, so long as you don't get into any fights with Chris Richardson. If you ever need anything, give me a call, and I'll pick up unless I'm in a meeting," Greg stated as he placed some money on the table to pay for the group's drinks.

"Alright. Just out of curiosity, is there anywhere you recommend I go first?"

"Other than to the Pokémon Center to get some sleep? I'd head over to the harbor, find a boat that's heading to Slateport, and hitch a ride. From Slateport you can get to Mauville, which has a gym you can challenge. To the west of Mauville lies Rustboro, which has another gym. Those are some good places to get started if you intend on taking the League challenge. Whatever you do, don't challenge the new gym that Lilycove just opened, because you will get your ass kicked so hard you'll have to open your mouth to take a shit."

"There's a gym in Lilycove?" Paul asked.

"Yup. It just opened a few months ago, which bumps the number of gyms in this region up to nine. You only need eight badges to enter the Pokémon League, so you can substitute a gym out if one's proving too hard for you, although I wouldn't recommend doing that at your current level, since this gym is a fucking bitch. Fairy types, not even once."

"I'll take your advice, then," Paul said as the four of them made their way towards the door. "Anyway, I'll see you around, alright?"

"Yeah, see you around, and good luck in the battling circuit," Greg said as he began walking towards the nearest alleyway. Paul was about to question what he was doing when he saw a small flash of light come from the darkness, and he realized his friend had teleported away.

"Man, I wish I could do that," he muttered. "So, to the Pokémon Center, then?" he asked.

Both of his Pokémon nodded, and the three started looking around for the Pokémon Center. They found it after a few moments, and entered.

"Whoa," Paul said as the door shut behind him.

"What?" Gaz asked.

"It's so… empty," Paul said. "I thought for sure this place would be full."

"Most trainers don't stick around in this city for very long," said the nurse at the counter. "Hello, I'm Nurse Joy. How may I help you?"

"Do you have any rooms available?" Paul asked.

The nurse nodded. "We sure do. Room 101 should be free."

"Thank you," Paul said as he motioned for his Pokémon to follow him.
Room 101 was the first room on the left. Paul opened the door, and immediately found himself faced with the sight of a completely naked man straddling a Flareon.

"Jesus Christ, what the fucking shit?" Paul shouted as he backed out of the room with his hands covering his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" the man bellowed as his hands moved to cover his crotch. "Ain't you ever heard of knocking?"

"Ain't you ever heard of not dicking your Pokémon? That's fucking disgusting!" Paul said.

"Fuck you," the man said before slamming the door on Paul and his Pokémon.

"Good work," Sako deadpanned.

Paul glared at her for a bit before facing down the hallway. "Hey, Nurse Joy! Room 101 is occupied! Do you have anything else?" he called.

"Try room 103!" the nurse called back.

"Thanks!" Paul shouted before walking over to the room. He knocked loudly on the door before doing anything else. After not receiving a response, he slowly opened the door and entered.

"Is this one clear? I'd hate to have to see some other shit due to your incompetence," Gaz asked.

"Looks like it," Paul said as he opened the door for his companions. "Looks like there's only one bed, though, so you two will have to share it."

"Wait, what?" Sako asked. "You're not taking the bed?"

Paul shook his head. "You two can have it, I'll sleep on the couch," he said as he gestured towards the piece of furniture in question. "That's when it's time to sleep, though. It's not too late, so if you both want to stay up, we can."

"What would we do?" Gaz asked.

"Well, there's a television in the corner, so we can see what's on. Personally, I'm a little curious what they show on TV in this world, so I'd like to take a quick look. Also, Greg said that they serve food here, and I wouldn't say no to that, even if it is nasty. But first, I was thinking we should get to know each other a little better."

The two Pokémon cast a glance at each other before turning back to their trainer.

"I'll pass," Sako said.

"As will I," Gaz stated.

Paul crossed his arms. "Let's not do this right now, okay? We're all going to be traveling with each other for a while, so we might as well share some information about ourselves. I'll start. Back in my world, I almost got married."

"Whoa, really?" Sako asked.

Paul nodded. "Really. I proposed to her and everything."

"What happened to prevent it?" Gaz asked, taking Paul a little off-guard with how gentle she sounded.

Paul sighed. "She said no. Turns out, she had been cheating on me for a while before I proposed to her. I wouldn't have ever known if Greg hadn't told me. Somehow he got a hold of her phone and brought it to me, then showed me the texts she had been sending to some other guy. For a while I wondered how he even got her phone, but after today, I guess it all makes sense." He let out a sigh and leaned back, then chuckled a bit. "Fuck, it still hurts. I really loved that girl, you know? Until I learned about her second partner, that is. Still, thank God that Greg was watching out for me. Alright, now that I've shared a bit about myself, how about you two?"

Sako cleared her throat, and Paul motioned for her to go ahead. "Well, I wasn't actually born near Fortree. I was born closer to Lilycove, actually. Lived there with my parents for a while before they kicked me out."

"Sounds rough," Paul said.

Sako laughed. "Oh, no, it wasn't like that. My kind don't tend to stick around for very long once we reach maturity. We've just got that natural desire to move along. Gaz should know, I hear that her kind is the same way."

"That true?" Paul asked.

Gaz nodded. "More or less. But I didn't wait for my parents to kick me out, I told them I was leaving and left."

"Any particular reason for that?"

"Other than because I just felt like it was time to go my own way? No, not really."

"I see. How long have you both been living on your own?"

"A few years," Sako answered. "Figured I'd find someone to settle down with in that time, but I guess that will have to wait. Unless you want to-"

"Let's not joke about shit like that after what I just witnessed a few minutes ago," Paul pleaded.

Sako grinned. "Fair enough. Anyway, I never guessed I would be traveling with a human, but I suppose it makes for a nice change of pace. Doesn't hurt that you're actually a decent guy, certainly better than those other assholes who live outside of Fortree."

"Glad to hear that I haven't made you want to disembowel me yet."

"Well, the translator helps a lot with that."

"Oh, no doubt about that. How about you, Gaz? How's it been, traveling with us so far?"

The Grovyle shrugged. "I don't like taking orders," she said. "Especially from a human."

"That's too bad, because we're going to have to work together if we plan on traveling as a group. Don't forget that I told you that you could leave, and you chose to stay in the end. We're a team, Gaz."

The Grass type scoffed. Paul was about to respond before a knock at the door cut him off. Paul rose from his seat to answer it, but Gaz got there first. She opened the door to reveal Nurse Joy standing there with a tray of food.

"Figured you three were hungry," she said as she entered the room and placed the tray on the table.

"Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said. "You know, you're a lot nicer than your sister."

"Which one?"

"The one in Fortree."

Joy's face darkened. "Oh. That bitch. I sure hope I'm nicer than her."

"I didn't bring up any bad memories, did I?" Paul asked, concerned.

Nurse Joy smiled at him. "No, nothing like that. She's just always been… well, a bit of a bitch. I think you'll find that the rest of us are much, much nicer than her."

"How many sisters do you have, anyway?" Paul asked.

Joy giggled. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Anyway, I really should be getting back to the front desk, so if you need anything, just contact me."

"Okay, thank you," Paul said as she closed the door behind her. Once she was gone, he took a look at the food she had brought.

"It doesn't look that bad from where I'm standing," Sako said.

"We'll see," Paul said as he stared at the soup on the table. It was colored a deep red, with small bits of meat and vegetables floating in it.

Before he started eating he grabbed one of the bowls of Pokémon food and placed it on the ground where Sako could get to it, then slid the other over to Gaz, who took a seat at the table next to it.

"You ever eaten Pokémon food before, Gaz?" Sako asked between mouthfuls.

"Can't say I have," the Grass type answered as she stared at the unappealing brown pellets.

"Well, believe me when I say that looks are deceiving. Just try some."

Gaz hesitated before reaching out and grabbing one of the oversized pellets and putting it in her mouth. Her expression lit up as she chewed, and before long she was going back for more.

"How's yours, Paul?" Sako asked.

"I'll be the first to say that I like this Nurse Joy, but that doesn't mean I have to like her cooking," Paul said as he brought another spoonful of soup to his mouth. "But, for a more direct answer, I guess I'd have to say that I've eaten worse. Like that time my mom made eggplant casserole for dinner when I was a teenager. Good lord, that stuff was disgusting."

"What are your parents like, anyway?" Sako asked.

"They're not around anymore, unfortunately. They both passed away not too long ago. But they were good people, when they were still around. But let's not let that cast a damper on our moods, shall we? What were you guys planning on doing before I showed up and kind of turned your lives upside-down?"

Gaz swallowed her food before responding. "I hadn't given it much thought," she said.

"Same," Sako said. "I figured I'd spend a little while longer in that fucking forest before moving elsewhere. I was thinking Johto. Don't ask me why I wanted to move, I never really put much thought into that part."

"Why Johto?" Paul asked.

"Why not? Better than that damn forest. And at least I'd be able to move around a little more without needing to hitch a ride on a boat. Plus, Kanto is right next to it, so I could always move there if I wanted. Fuck, this is making me want to go to Johto. Paul, can we go there sometime?"

"I don't see why not. But after I've progressed a little farther in the League challenge."

"How well do you think we'll do?"

"Well enough, I suppose. I doubt we'll get very far, but that's because of my own inexperience more than anything. I'd chalk up most of our wins today to me getting lucky."

"You're selling yourself short," Sako stated. "I think we'll do just fine as long as we keep at it. What about you, Gaz?"

The Grass type shrugged again. "I'll do fine. You two, I'm not sure about. Catching some more Pokémon would help."

Sako glared at the Grovyle. She considered responding to her comment, but decided to ignore it. "Speaking of, what kind of Pokémon do you plan on catching, Paul?"

Paul also chose to ignore Gaz's remark, instead shaking his head at his Absol's comment. "Not really, no. A Dragon type would be cool, I guess, but they're kind of rare, aren't they?"

"Wait, how do you know what kinds of Pokémon there are?" Sako questioned. "I thought Pokémon didn't exist where you were from."

"They don't. Not in real life, anyway. Pokémon exist, but only in fiction. It's kind of weird to think about, so I try not to. But if you ever wonder how I know some of the stuff I do about Pokémon, that's why."

"Oh," Sako said. "I guess that makes sense. But it is a little weird."

"Told you," Paul said.

"What's your world like, anyway?" Sako asked. "We heard a little about it back at the bar, but I'd like to know more."

"Imagine this world, but shittier," Paul said as he kept eating his soup.

Sako blinked. "That's it?" she asked.

Paul shrugged. "That's the best way I can describe it. Pokémon aren't real there, so that already means it's worse than this world. That's not even factoring in the constant wars and the fact that everyone's an asshole. Maybe I'm just biased by the fact that my life recently took a turn up Shit's Creek and I wasn't handling it very well, but that's my opinion."

"Yet you plan on going back?" Gaz asked.

Paul shook his head. "I thought about it, but there's nothing there for me other than a few friends, and I'm sure I'll be able to pop in and see them every now and again thanks to Greg. Once this whole business with the CIA blows over, of course. Other than them, I've got nobody there. Both of my parents were only children, so I have no aunts or uncles. I was also an only child, so I have no brothers or sisters. My parents and grandparents are all dead. All I've got waiting for me other than my friends are bills and taxes I have to pay. No, I'd rather see what this world has to offer."

"I see," Sako said as she finished her food.

"Is it the same with you guys?" Paul asked. "Do you plan on seeing your friends and family again?"

"Eventually," Gaz answered simply.

"Same," Sako said. "Well, for my family, anyway; nobody really cared about me in that forest, so fuck them."

"Well, if you ever get the urge to see them again, just tell me and we can make a detour."

"That's kind of you," Sako said.

"Anything for my friends," Paul responded. He swallowed one final spoonful of soup before getting up from the table. "I wonder what's on TV," he said as he reached for the remote.

The group spent a few hours watching TV. Gaz and Sako had never seen one before and were captivated by the images on the screen, while Paul was struck by how similar all the shows were to those he had watched back home. For the most part, they were the same as they would have been back in his world, but they had Pokémon added. After a little while, the novelty wore off, and they all decided to get some sleep.

"Okay, how do we want to do this?" Paul asked as he looked over the bed. "I said I'd take the couch, so unless anyone has any objections, we can keep doing that."

Gaz huffed and approached the bed. Sako glared at her as she climbed under the covers and stretched out.

"Fuck the bed," the Absol declared. "I'll sleep on the floor next to you."

"That's fine with me," Paul said as he grabbed a spare blanket. "You want a sheet or something?"

Sako shook her head. "My fur will keep me warm," she stated.

"Okay, then," Paul said as he laid down on the couch and covered himself with the blanket. The Dark type approached him and laid down at his side, then closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, you two," Paul said as he turned out the light.

If this is all just a dream, I don't think I ever want to wake up, he thought to himself, just before falling asleep.