Disclaimer: Surprising as it may sound, I have still not suddenly transformed into Stephenie Meyer. Thus, her world and creations are still not mine. I am merely playing in her dollhouse, and promise not to cut the hair off her barbie dolls.

Thanks to Ledybug for the beta, and Alisa for all her help.


"You are such a good example to me, big sister." Edward realized that this probably fell into the 'condescending' – or at the very least 'sarcastic' – category and added, to soften the effect and freak out the second floor Trio of Voyeurs: "I love you."

He was sure the sound of Emmett falling down the stairs in shock could be heard for miles.

Chapter Three: No Cure for Curiosity

June, 2005 – Present Day

Edward weaved an expert tale that had Bella listening in rapturous silence, her entire concentration focused on the words flowing from his mouth like they were a message from the heavens.

She then began interrogating him on everything he said, picking it apart like they were in English class dissecting the work of some poor novelist, who probably never envisioned their art would be misconstrued and slaughtered by teenagers who didn't care about anything more than a shiny red letter 'A'.

"So, you just…decided to get along?" Bella could imagine that. Both Edward and Rosalie seemed like the sort of people who could do whatever they wanted just by force of will alone.

"It wasn't as easy as that. There were, of course, times when I couldhave cheerfully pushed her off a cliff."

Was it wrong that Bella found that mental image so amusing?

"So, what happened?" Bella demanded, when Edward remained silent instead of indulging her and sating her rampant curiosity.

"Aren't you tired? It's past one in the morning."

Well, yes, but that was not the point. "It's summer, Edward. No one expects me to have a normal sleep cycle when I don't have to get up in the morning. During summer, mornings cease to exist."

"You must be tired," Edward finally decided, ignoring her reasonable and sound arguments. He lifted her from his lap and moved her to the bed. Bella reluctantly got under the covers, and then glared at him when he refused to join her.

"Edward, you promised you'd tell me." Bella refused to believe that she was whining. She did not whine. She…cajoled plaintively.

"Technically the word 'promise' never came out of my mouth," Edward replied. "You exchanged the Disneyland story for the bet, and I told you about the bet. Deal done."

"No. You didn't finish telling me about the bet! Have you learned nothing in a century of English class? A story has a beginning, middle and an end. Along the way tension builds and somewhere near the ending there's a climax and we haven't gotten anywhere near a climax. I want a climax, damn it!"

Edward's lips twitched and Bella stared in bewildered silence as a smile broke through his careful composure and he started to snicker at her.

She watched, her face expressionless, as he utterly failed to regain his composure. "I'm not sure I understand the hilarity of the situation, Edward."

"I'm sorry," he replied, still chuckling a bit. "That was very immature of me."

"That doesn't help me with my complete lack of understanding," Bella replied. "I couldn't understand any less than what I do right now. Please…elaborate."

His lips were still twitching. He was laughing at her. "It was just…a double entendre."

Oh. What did he - oh. Bella closed her eyes, her face burning in mortification. "Oh my God, you're such a boy."

"I apologize, I'll try to switch genders as quickly as possible," he replied, voice heavily tinged with sarcasm.

Bella took a deep breath and opened her eyes. He was still smirking at her. She narrowed her eyes at him. "You haven't distracted me, you know. We had a deal."

"You wanted to know about the bet, and I told you about the bet." Edward backed away from the bed, closing in on the window. Bella wondered if he was contemplating making a quick getaway.

It wouldn't work. She knew where he lived. "I want to know the whole story, Edward. You've finished with the beginning, now please move on to the middle. This is how you tell a story, you see. Please stop being difficult."

"Please stop sounding like my mother," Edward returned, sounding disgruntled. No doubt he was annoyed that she was winning the argument – which she was. He was going to give in to her persistence and superior arguments. It was inevitable. Damn it, Edward – give in to the inevitability!

"Maybe I should call your mother and ask her about this bet," Bella said contemplatively, tapping a finger against her bottom lip. "Oh! And she'll probably know all about Disneyland as well."

"You cunning fiend," Edward said, looking impressed. "Alright, fine. I can appreciate good blackmail. What do you want to hear next?"

Bella paused her preening over his appreciation. "How'd the bet progress?"

"Rosalie and I got along, Alice and the others couldn't handle not winning so they tried to sabotage us and make us fight. We figured it out and retaliated. A prank war ensued. We won the bet. The others live in fear of us joining forces to destroy their souls or whatever ridiculous notions they've filled your head with. The end – goodnight. I'll be back once you're asleep."

Then he was gone. Bella was left sitting in bed, staring at her window and wondering how she'd ended up losing when she was so close, so close, to winning.

"Edward, come back – I don't want the Reader's Digest version!"

***

It took an embarrassing amount of time for Bella to realize that the events of the previous day had not been a bizarre dream. She laughed from the bedroom to the shower, giggled as she dressed, and chuckled all the way through breakfast, only to almost choke on her spoon when her brain finally kicked into gear.

On the other side of the kitchen table, Charlie was staring at her in bemusement, his own breakfast forgotten. "You okay, Bells?"

Bella fixed her gaze on the carton of milk between them as if it was the most interesting carton of milk she had ever seen. She wondered if her face was as red as it felt. "Yeah, Dad. I'm fine. Just remembering a funny dream."

Charlie shrugged. "All right, if you say so."

"Why aren't you fishing this weekend?" Bella asked, seeking some topic of conversation that would not end with her humiliation.

"I'm heading over to Billy's later," Charlie replied, checking his watch reflexively. "You'll be at the Cullens' place, then?"

Bella nodded and shoved a spoonful of cereal into her mouth to stop from saying something rude. It was better to ignore the thinly veiled disapproval in Charlie's voice whenever he talked about anything that related to Edward. Her father was still under the impression that Edward had caused her abrupt flight to Phoenix. He would get over it eventually, and it wasn't like Edward was particularly bothered by Charlie's anger. He even found some of her father's thoughts downright amusing.

She finished her cereal in silence, avoiding Charlie's gaze, and then began collecting the dishes.

Charlie cleared his throat, his posture hunching over slightly. Bella returned to contemplating the milk carton again. Charlie would be broaching a difficult subject. She braced herself for the full force of his fatherly concern.

"You shouldn't spend all your time with Edward, Bella. Spend some time with your other friends; your life shouldn't revolve around some boy." Bella glanced up to see Charlie's face tighten, as he awaited the full rage that one offended teenage daughter could unleash.

Bella was happy to disappoint. "I'm not seeing Edward today, Dad."

"Huh?" Charlie shook his head and raised one finger up to halt any further earth-shattering announcements. "Wait, what?"

Clearly, Bella had lost him a few pages back. "I'm hanging out with Alice today. Edward and Carlisle have gone somewhere…hiking or something."

'Hiking or something' was hunting – Carlisle and Edward had missed out the day before when the rest of the Cullens had gone. Carlisle had the day off from the hospital and they were making a trip of it. Bella had listened in morbid fascination as Edward had told her about the places (and animals) they planned to visit like one would talk about what they would sample at a buffet. He'd told her all this after rescuing her from being stuck in the tree outside her bedroom window like a helpless kitten. Bella had been attempting to sneak out and pry the proper story out of him after he'd left. Unsurprisingly, it had not worked.

"Oh." Charlie didn't seem to know what to do now that the wind had been unceremoniously let out of his sails. "Well – good."

Bella nodded firmly, and a little mockingly, in agreement. "Right on, Dad."

Charlie narrowed his eyes a bit. Perhaps she had been a bit obvious. "Have fun with Alice, she's a sweet kid."

Bella interrupted before he could launch into a diatribe on all the ways Alice was superior to Edward. Honestly, you'd think Charlie was advocating for her to swap in the Cullen sibling she was currently dating for the better model. "I know. You love Alice. Your soul pines for her presence in your life. You can't stand to be apart. I get it. Don't worry – she feels the same."

Charlie frowned. "I wouldn't go that far."

Bella smiled and stood to take their plates over to the sink. "I'm joking. I'm glad you like Alice. I just wish you wouldn't be so hard on Edward. It wasn't his fault that I went temporarily insane, ran off to Phoenix, and then proceeded to fall down several flights of stairs and out a window. That's classic Bella."

There was a tense silence as she began washing the dishes. Charlie did not like it when the 'Phoenix Incident' was mentioned. Mostly he tried to pretend it never happened, apart from his resulting dislike of Edward, which he happily cultivated like a beloved houseplant.

Bella sighed, turning around to apologize for even bringing it up. Charlie met her eyes, and his own softened at whatever he saw there.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I can't help but be protective. You're my girl."

She couldn't help but smile, even as her cheeks started to flame. "I know, Dad. Thanks for caring. Maybe just tone it down a little?"

Charlie let out a breath and nodded long-sufferingly. "I can't promise I'll be friendly, but I'll try not to bother you too much, okay?"

Bella nodded. "Deal."

Charlie would probably forget that their conversation had ever happened the next time he saw Edward, but it was nice to know he could pretend to be reasonable.

"So…" Charlie trailed off, fishing for some way to restart their awkward conversation. "Do Edward and his dad go hiking a lot?"

Bella shrugged. "I guess. If they're even hiking– all I know is they're doing something outdoorsy that involves a lot of mud, nature, and exercise." And blood.

Charlie gave a grunt of acknowledgement. He turned his eyes on her again in that nervous manner that made Bella's stomach sink in apprehension. "It's good that they do stuff together. Dr. Cullen must get stressed working at the hospital."

Bella could believe that. How many times could you flash your wedding ring at persistent nurses before you felt like announcing over the loudspeaker: 'I'm married – deal with it'?

She chose not to reply, instead waiting for the bomb to drop.

"We should go fishing together."

And there it was.

Oh God, no. Bella winced, closing her eyes and wishing fervently that she had let him continue his normal ranting against Edward. Anything but this.

She tapped her heels together and muttered, "There's no place like home."

Bella was unsurprised to open her eyes and find herself still in the kitchen with Charlie watching her, brows creased.

"What do you think, Bells?"

Quick! A distraction! Bella glanced wildly around for something – anything – to drag Charlie's attention away from the subject of fishing and her in the same context. Where's a squeaky toy when you need one?

"Ah – oh! Look at the time!" Bella rushed around the kitchen, almost dropping the dishes she was attempting to put away at record speed. "Alice is expecting me. We'll talk later, okay?"

If Charlie found it odd that Bella was leaving the house up to her elbows in soap suds, he didn't have a chance to say anything about it.

***

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

Alice sighed and turned around to give her a hard stare. "On what planet does adding the adjective 'pretty' actually have any influence on someone's decision on whether or not they're going to change their mind?"

"This one?" Bella asked hopefully.

With a frustrated growl, Alice turned on her heel and walked off. Bella followed along behind her.

Since arriving at the Cullen house, Bella had spent her time trailing after Alice like a forlorn, persistent, and clumsy duckling. Alice had spent her time trying to escape, as if Bella was a particularly ugly and stupid duckling that Alice, being a beautiful swan, wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

Emmett and Jasper had spent the first five minutes watching the phenomenon of the 'Bella Duckling' curiously, before vacating the house to go and wrestle outside while they had the chance. Esme, Bella's first choice to interrogate, had chosen today of all days to find some pressing reason to go to Seattle.

No doubt Edward had something to do with it.

"Alice? Alice, please!"

"Bella, you're driving me insane." It did look like Bella was having a somewhat negative impact on Alice's mental health. Her eyes were certainly very wide, wild and had a strange gleam in them that Bella really did not want to think about right now.

"Give up, then. Surely, your visions must be telling you I'm not going to stop," Bella said reasonably, although even to her own ears she ended up sounding eager and whiny.

"No, you will eventually." Alice sighed. "I'm just wondering if I'll be able to manage listening to this for another three hours."

Three hours? Bella had been underestimating her own willpower. Maybe she could even stretch it to four…

Alice winced. "Oh God, I give up."

"Oh good, I'm glad."

"You're certainly something," Alice muttered. She waved one hand, gesturing for Bella to lead the way. "Let's take this to my room."

Bella hurried eagerly to Alice's room, settling herself down almost as soon as she was in the door. She turned her full attention on Alice, staring at her with wide, keen eyes as the vampire entered behind her. Alice seemed a bit disconcerted to find Bella sitting on the floor just inside the doorway, when she had a perfectly good bed only a few feet away.

"You're like a toddler at story time." Alice shook her head exasperatedly. "I sure hope this all lives up to your expectations. God only knows what ideas you've got running around in your mind about what we got up to."

There had been an insult buried somewhere in that, Bella was sure of it. "Alice, please. I've been waiting for this all day. The next thing out of your mouth better be relevant or so help me God –"

"Fine!" Alice flopped down opposite her, so they were sitting close together on the floor of her room, knees touching. "What did Edward get up to?"

"Emmett fell down the stairs."

Alice grinned. "Oh yeah, that was funny."

They giggled together for a moment.

"Edward didn't get very far, did he?" Alice mused. "He must have been trying to draw it out."

"He's a very good storyteller," Bella replied, sensing that Alice was being critical of her boyfriend.

Alice was less than impressed. "Bella, he was trying to keep from getting too far into the story. Good storytelling has nothing to do with it. He's left me with all the gory details. How typical."

"So, spill!" Bella had never before felt more like a teenage girl than she did right at that moment. "Edward said you couldn't handle not winning a bet, so you tried to sabotage them."

Just as Bella had predicted, Alice's eyes blazed with righteous fury. Maybe Bella was better at this whole 'underhanded' thing than she thought she was.

"Did he really?" Alice's voice was a low hiss. "Well, that's –that's pretty accurate, yes."

Bella blinked. "You just cheated?"

Alice looked a bit blank. "Yes, of course. What do you expect, Bella? We need our mother to referee our baseball games. What's worse is that our father plays with us, and we still need Esme to referee. Of course, that's because Carlisle cheats just as badly. Never play monopoly with that man; it's an exercise in torture. There has yet to be a game invented that we, the Cullens, can't cheat at."

"Why didn't you want to win the bet properly?" Bella asked, flummoxed. "What's the point if you just cheat?"

"I was all for honest sportsmanship and goodwill and everything," Alice replied. "But Emmett convinced us to sabotage them – he couldn't stand the idea of the bet going on."

"I thought he was used to losing?" Bella asked.

"Losing bets, yes. Going for a long period of time without contact with Rosalie, no." Alice leaned forward eagerly. "Rosalie took the 'no sex' thing and ran with it. She wouldn't let him touch her. She acted as if he had rabies."

Bella laughed. She hoped Emmett was out of hearing range while they gossiped about his relationship woes. That certainly wouldn't be a good memory for him.

"She actually got really enthusiast about it," Alice recalled. "She liked being an independent woman. They had a 'fake breakup', although they pretended for Carlisle and Esme's benefit that it was real, since we were keeping the entire situation a secret from them."

Finally, she was hearing details again. Damn Edward for teasing her and then snatching the story away at the last second.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

Bella cringed. What rotten luck. Two days in a row and Rosalie had walked in on her when she would much prefer Edward's other sister to be far away. Preferably on another continent far away – when were she and Emmett leaving for Africa again?

Alice rolled her eyes and turned around to face her sister, who was standing in the doorway and glaring down at them. "What does it look like we're talking about, Rosalie? Makeup? Which boy at school has the best hair?"

Edward, Bella answered mentally. He had wild, silky hair that was just asking to have hands run through it. He also had long, thick eyelashes that made half the girls at school jealous because they couldn't even get the effect with mascara. Actually, now that she thought of it, Edward was probably prettier than most of the girls at school.

Really, he was probably prettier than her too.

Bella blinked back to reality when Alice waved a hand in front of her face.

"Earth to Bella, please stop contemplating naughty acts with Edward and return your attention to the here and now, thank you."

Bella must have spent half a minute stuttering indignant protests and looking like a complete idiot before Alice finally sighed and covered her mouth with one cool hand.

"Finished?" Alice waited for her to nod before removing her hand. "I was joking, Bella. Although you have gone a lovely shade of red – did I hit too close to home?"

Round two of the awkward stuttering commenced, as Bella tried to tell Alice off and give her an explanation at the same time.

Alice laughed, clapping her hands and beaming like she had found a new toy. "You're too funny, Bella!"

Huffing, Bella glared at her sulkily. "Where did Rosalie go?"

"She left while you were lost in your Edward-induced daze," Alice replied. "She just wanted to borrow a belt of mine."

Good thing it was a belt, since Bella found it highly unlikely that Alice owned anything else that would fit Rosalie, what with her being four foot nothing and Rosalie looking like a statuesque runway model.

"So, where were we?" Alice grinned. "Oh yes, Emmett's lack of physical contact with Rosalie. He was like a drug addict in need of a fix. Oh! And when the rest of the school thought that Rosalie had dumped him in favor of Edward because they were spending so much time together, it was hilarious! His reaction was – Bella?"

Bella felt her smile freeze on her face and then fall away as though it had never been. She wasn't sure she wanted to listen to this story anymore. "His reaction was what?" Her voice sounded dull, all her previous enthusiasm forgotten.

Alice blinked. "A lot like that, actually."

"Oh. Okay." Bella nodded slowly, feeling a little ill. "I'm just…going to go away now. Thank you for telling me about this very…amusing…thing. Yes."

In any other situation, the bewildered look on Alice's face would have been funny.

***

She was being completely stupid.

Rosalie was his sister, and whatever the rest of their schoolmates thought, the Cullens were not that type of family.

Bella was being insecure, and needlessly jealous. She realized this. She realized this was an overblown reaction, but that didn't stop her from wanting some darts to throw at a picture of Rosalie, or maybe even an effigy to burn. Or a voodoo doll to poke with needles and cut hair off like she would a Barbie doll.

Bella imagined cutting off all of Rosalie's hair. It would never grow back, being a vampire and all. However, Bella was not that petty. Truly.

Yes. No matter how fabulous it would be to live in a world with a bald Rosalie.

Sometimes it was amazing to realize that this year she would be turning eighteen. She certainly didn't feel like an adult right at this moment.

Alice poked her head around the door, peering into Edward's room, where Bella had curled herself sulkily into a little ball on his couch. "Bella? I'm sorry if I upset you."

"It's not your fault." Bella sighed. "I'm just being…stupid."

"Yes, just a bit," Alice agreed. Such a supportive friend – truly, it was amazing that Alice didn't have lines of people queuing up, impatiently waiting for a chance to be her friend, such a comforting presence she had. "I mean, Edward and Rosalie? You're taking your insecurities a bit far. If any of us in the family are really siblings, it's them."

"They didn't…act like that while the bet was on, did they?" That was Bella's main concern. It had quickly occurred to her that Edward might not want her to know about everything that happened because he and Rosalie had been overly affectionate with each other.

"Ah, no." Alice looked a bit sick at the very idea. Bella could sympathize. "Very much no. We all would have fallen over dead on the spot. Well, more dead, anyway."

Bella nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm over it."

"Really?" Alice asked doubtfully.

She glared. "Give me a second, would you?"

A couple more calming breaths and Bella felt like she was in the middle of yoga or one of those other ridiculous classes her mother had taken to trying. Admittedly, she did feel more composed.

And more embarrassed over her reaction.

"Please don't tell Edward."

"Cross my heart," Alice promised. "He'll never know that you thought he had some kind of affair with Rosalie, who he thinks of as a very trying sister and who he rejected when Carlisle first made her – for him. Something which you all ready knew."

"Yes, okay." Bella crossed her arms and shuffled on the couch, embarrassed. "My reaction was overwrought, unnecessary and completely ridiculous. Anything else?"

"One thing." Alice let out a short laugh. "Now I'm done."

Bella scowled. "Wow. I feel so much better, thank you for all your support."

"I know what will cheer you up," Alice said, grinning. "Emmett's first plan to sabotage Edward and Rosalie involved Rosalie's Ferrari Testarossa – and him and Jasper in the garage with a toolbox."

Bella uncurled herself and sat up straight. "Tell me more."

The Cullen family truth that Alice never lost a bet may have been in doubt, but the fact that one did not mess with Rosalie and Edward's cars was so completely irrevocable that it might as well be put down in the bible as the eleventh commandment.

It looked like the story was about to get very interesting.


Next chapter we delve into the mind of Alice, and learn why Jasper should never be given the reins to plot things. Thanks to everyone who has favorited this story - drop me a line and say hello, reviews are always appreciated and responded to.

Now we are back to Bella, who faces a reticent Edward, a well-meaning Charlie and annoys the heck out of Alice...