CHAPTER 3

Misery Likes Company

Author's Notes:

Disclaimer: All characters associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Myer. No copyright infringement is intended at any time.

EPOV

As I hurried to my next class, Alice's vision from this morning replayed in my head. Why was I running? It was obvious, at lunch, that they knew something more than what they were telling me. Alice kept me from reading her mind by repeating the words, "happy thoughts" over and over again. When I went to read Rosalie and Emmett's mind, I wish I hadn't; they were both reminiscing an intimate moment. School was almost over, so whatever they were hiding I was going to find out soon enough.

I walked into science class and handed my note to Mrs. Sims. I surveyed those sitting. It seemed like all the excitement over us new kids had already worn off. Mrs. Sims smiled, like they all did, and pointed me to an empty chair in the back of the second row.

Class began and they were on the topic of astrology. I sat there taking down notes and listening as always. I quickly glanced up when I heard the door open, and watched as a very nervous girl walked in. Is she trying to skip into class? How amusing, I thought. I went to take a peak into her mind to find a reasoning behind her action. To my surprise, there was nothing there to read. I glanced around the room. Everyone's thoughts were unrestricted, except for her.

"Nice of you to join us today, Ms. Watson." Mrs. Sims addressed her curtly. "You will still be marked as absent."

"Yes ma'am."

She walked in my direction to the empty chair in front of me. When she sat down, something powerful hit me that I had only felt one time before, twenty years ago. I stared at the back of her light brown hair while memories attacked me from all sides. Not again! This can't be happening to me again, my thoughts screamed inside my head.When she turned around, I was motionless. I didn't dare breathe, swallow, blink . . . taste. We sat there engrossed in each others stare.

"Ms. Watson! Would you and Mr. Cullen care to share your conversation with the whole class?" I quickly turned my attention back to Mrs. Sims. I tensed as my torturer turned in her desk, pounding me with her aroma.

"Um…" The back of her neck started turning a light shad of pink. Her heartbeat quickened, making it harder for me to control my thoughts and emotions.

"Ms. Watson, I wonder what your father will say when I tell him about your disruptions today? You interrupted me by being late, you distract other students by talking in my class." Mrs. Sims had no intentions of stopping. She was taking pleasure in humiliating this girl.

"Please, Mrs. Sims, it was my fault. She turned to welcome me to North Pole High and, well, I couldn't stop talking. I apologize for being so rude." I saw no sense in both of us having to be punished.

The teacher stopped her badgering and smiled. "That's quite alright. We want your first day at our school to be as pleasant as possible. That was very kind of Ms. Watson and I'm sorry for being so abrasive." She turned around and continued her lecture.

I didn't hear another word of the lecture. I glared at the girl sitting in front of me controlling the burning desire to sink my teeth in the very exposed, pale, lovely neck of Ms. Watson. My teeth ached and my throat burned from her scent. I closed my eyes and inhaled. The pain was almost more than I could bare. I couldn't explain it, and at that time, I didn't care. I was in another time and another place, facing the demons that I had created. I quickly opened my eyes to see if maybe, for some strange reason, I had imagined things, but the girl was still there and her aroma was still intoxicating. I've got to go, I panicked. It's been so long, I don't know if I have enough strength . . .

As soon as the bell rang, I was out the door. At that point and time, I didn't care who may have seen me; I ran. I had to leave before I did something I would regret. I raced by my family, not stopping as Emmett called after me. It was then that I understood Alice's vision. She had told me she didn't know why I was running, but from the way they had been acting it was apparent that they all knew.

As I approached my home, I thought of how to explain to Esme why we had to pack and move; or at least I did. I read her mind as I got closer to the house and found that she already knew about what happened. The others had called and warned her of my state of mind. She stood waiting at the bottom of the stairs as I slammed through the front door.

"Edward, wait for the others, please. Let's not make any drastic decisions here." she pleaded.

" 'Drastic decisions' were made when my brothers and sisters didn't tell me what I was in store for. I don't think you want me around when they get here." I didn't mean to growl at her, but my temper had got the best of me. I had had a hard time with controlling my emotions for the past twenty years. My mood swings were a bit unpleasant at times; my family never knew what kind of temperament to expect. The smallest things could set me off.

"Edward, calm down. We can't talk to you when you get like this."

"Like what? Scared that I could have just sucked the life out of an innocent young girl? Angry because my siblings were curious to see my reaction to a scent I haven't smelled in twenty years? To see me in so much pain, because my memories wont quit replaying my mistakes and regrets over, and over, and over…" I fell to the floor exhausted. Not physically, that's not possible for a vampire, but mentally and emotionally I was battered beyond repair. I never spoke to anyone about what had happened between me and....

Bella. Even though I thought about her every day, I still hadn't said her name out loud. No one had.

The door opened behind me and I heard my family enter the room. I must have looked like a wreck; on my knees on the foyer floor. Esme was kneeling next to me with her arm placed lovingly around my shoulders.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." Alice lightly put her hand on my shoulder. I jerked away from her touch.

"I trusted you when you said you didn't know." I wouldn't, couldn't look at her.

"I told you I didn't understand my vision this morning, and at the time I didn't."

"When, dear sister," I spat with venom, "did you have your epiphany?"

"She was in my 2nd period class." She had known at break, and hadn't said a word. "I caught her scent, freesias," I shuddered, "and then her eyes, those brown eyes made my wheels start turning." Yes, I had noticed that also. "It wasn't until after you walked away during break that I knew if you got close enough to her that you would catch it, too."

"That's what all of you were hiding at lunch. Bravo." I said as I rose to my feet to shake their hands and give them a well deserved pat on the back. "Bravo to you all! She sat down in front of me during last period. Her hair was up and she was sweating. The teacher yelled at her which made her heart beat faster and her skin blush. When she stared at me, it took every inch of strength I had not to kill her!"

"Edward! Please, calm down." Esme begged me, but I had snapped from the pent up rage at myself, at my family, at this cruel life I had been given.

"Edward, we know you wouldn't do something like that." Alice cautiously backed away from me. "I was going to properly introduce you two at lunch but Rose ran her off."

I was astounded by her lack of understanding. Is she being serious? I asked myself. I read her thoughts and realized she was being sincere. I looked at all of them and realized they hadn't meant to hurt me at all. They hadn't agreed with Alice's plan, but their intentions, regardless of how dangerous, were good. They had much more faith in me than I had in myself; slowly my temper dwindled.

"I'm going to be alone now." I left them standing there; watching me walk up the stairs to my room so I could be alone with my thoughts. After today's drama, it was clear that I was going to have to eat and soon.

I closed my door and stared out my window. There were some similarities between Ms. Watson and Bella. The most obvious, to me, was the fact that I was unable to read her thoughts; to see into her mind. Then there was the physical: those beautiful brown eyes, the pale skin that blushed under scrutiny. Other than that, she was just like everyone else.

I compared her scent to Bella's, just as Alice had. But thinking back, there was a small difference. Bella's scent was a strong, floral scent. We always compared it to freesias because that was as close to a name as we could get. Ms. Watson's scent was more pungent. There was a trace of freesias but I had caught something else; a very clean, enticing aroma. I remembered years ago when I spoke with Jasper and Emmett about my attraction to Bella. Only Emmett could sympathize with what I was going through. He had told me he had come across two people that titillated his senses and that one had been stronger than the other. The memory made me fearful for Ms. Watson.

I heard Carlisle come home and I knew he was on his way to check on me. He must have received a report from Esme. "Come in Carlisle, door is open," I called out not waiting for him to knock.

"Checking to see if you would like to go hunt." and to see if your room is still in one piece, he thought but didn't say.

"Yes, thank you." I was more than ready and was pleased he hadn't invited anyone else in the family to join us. I didn't feel like being around Emmett trying to lighten my mood, or Jasper trying to diminish it. Carlisle understood me. After being with me for nearly 132 years, sometimes I got the feeling he could read my mind better than I could his.

We fed in the nearby mountains in Alaska where wildlife was plentiful. It was a clear, peaceful night. Afterwards we sat down and watched the stars.

"Would you like to talk about what happened today?" Carlisle asked. I was sure he remembered my panicked state of mind the last time we encountered this problem. That was the reason for the concern in his voice.

"What part about today should we discuss? Alice not telling me the truth about her vision? My brothers and sisters keeping a dirty little secret from me? Or about the girl that has signed her death certificate and doesn't know it?" Bitterness had made me a very sarcastic person.

Carlisle looked over at me and smiled. "I think we both know better than that."

"Why does everyone think that I am so strong?" It frustrated me that my family thought so highly of me. They were so sure I wouldn't lose control; yet I was so sure I could. "There is always that chance that I could slip. I wouldn't be the first of your kids to lose it." I knew it was wrong after I said it.

"Jasper still holds himself responsible you know. You have your memories and regrets to live with, and he has his. The only difference, his was caused by his nature, yours was your decision to make."

He was right. I had opened my mouth to argue and protest, but I knew he was right. If only I could open a portal to the past and correct my life ending decision, I thought. "It may have been a horrendous choice, but I think it was the best one for her."

"You didn't let her have a say in the matter, son. You didn't give any of us a choice."

"You didn't have to follow my request! You could have stayed if you wanted to. You could have called her on the phone, even adopted her if you wanted to!" The thought of her being like me, seeing the vision Alice had, started playing over again in my mind. I hadn't wanted that life for her. I couldn't damn her soul as mine had been damned. It wasn't right and I wasn't going to let it happen. It had came so very close with James. I hadn't realized I was snarling, digging my hands through the cold, hard ground until Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder.

"We stick together no matter how much we may disagree. You made a request and we followed." He turned his eyes and looked back out into the night. "I keep thinking if I would had tried harder, maybe I might have been able to have changed your mind. I can't stand to see you like this son. Broken, empty, angry, depressed."

"I'll leave. The rest of you shouldn't have to suffer because of me."

"Leaving is not an answer, Edward!" I looked in Carlisle's eyes and could see the frustration. "You have to stand and face your demons or you will never heal yourself. Do you think she would want you to live like this? I know she loved you and it would kill her to see you in such pain." It's killing me to see you in so much pain.

"I don't know how not to feel the pain." I was defeated. Love and loss had ended me.

"Maybe Alice is right and this girl is a good thing." I looked at him in wonderment. "I believe in second chances, being able to start over. I think we were brought here for a reason and you were placed in her school for reason."

"What? To end her life before she has a chance to live it?" I asked, terrified at the thought.

"No," he said comfortingly, "to start living your life again."

I shook my head not sure if I would be able to ever enjoy life as I once had.

"Let's stay here until January." Carlisle continued. I quickly looked at him pleadingly. "You don't have to engage with anyone you don't want to. You do have to attend school; I can't live here and you not. If you want to become friends, fine. If you don't, fine. We won't force you to do anything you don't want to do except stay with us."

"Does this include Alice?" My sister had a tendency to follow her own rules.

"We shouldn't stop Alice if she wants to be friends with the girl. She was very upset when we left.…"

I dropped my eyes. I had already read his mind. They walked on eggshells around her name. "It's going to be difficult. I can't read her thoughts." I saw Carlisle's startled reaction.

"What else?"

"Her scent, but there is something different about it. It seems stronger, cleaner." I focused on one star that was shining brighter than the rest. Even though I had just hunted, I could still wanted her. My muscles tightened and my mouth watered at the thought of her neck. "I can control myself until January." I had to convince myself that I could. "I want to talk to Alice and make sure she understands that I'm not going to get involved with Ms. Watson. I'm not going to risk her life for any reason."

He seemed pleased with my decision. We stood and started back towards our home. "Anything else you wish to get out in the open?"

I took an unnecessary deep breath. "Thank you. You have always been there when I needed you. I just want you to know that I don't blame anyone but myself for the past twenty years. I know how hard it has been for everyone."

"We will always be here for you. Edward, you have got to let it go and move on some way. This is not the kind of life I had planned on you to live."

There is no way I will ever be able to move on, I thought but gave him a courteous smile. I knew he meant well; they all did. We returned to the house and everyone was sitting in the living room anxiously waiting for our arrival. One look at Carlisle and everyone relaxed.

"Edward and I have discussed what happened today. There will be no more secrets in this house. Edward has agreed to stay at least until January. If he decides to leave after that, we can choose whether to leave with him then, or wait until we feel ready to leave. You may choose your friends, but do not make living difficult for anyone in this family. Are there any protest or would anyone care to add a stipulation?" He looked around the room but no one said a word. "Good." He reached his hand out to Esme and they headed towards their living quarters.

"Alice, may I have a word with you in private?" I could tell that she wasn't happy with the outcome of our family meeting, but she knew better than to push Carlisle. She got up and followed me outside. The wind had picked up and the air around us was cold, but no colder than our skin. We walked away from the house so our conversation could not be heard. This was between me and Alice, no one else.

"I hope you understand my conditions." I turned and faced her. I could had easily read her mind but I was going to play nice.

"I understand that you want to remain absent from feeling life again." She looked at me without smiling; challenging me to debate her reasoning behind my choice.

"You think what you want to Alice," I replied cold and unconcerned, "as long as you obey the rules. You can be friends with that fiend as long as you leave me out of it. You can dress her, clothe her, pamper her, have all the slumber parties you want with her, just don't expect me to be charitable."

She didn't say a word, just kept looking at me with those amber eyes. I couldn't help myself; I had to know what she was thinking. You are a fool. You didn't listen to me the last time and look where that got you. Twenty years of being tortured with only the memories of Bella. As soon as she said her name, my composure vanished.

"I suppose I should have listened to you and damned her soul for eternity? Would that have made you happy? Does that sound sensible to you?" I lashed out.

She stood in front of me calm and relentless. "I don't consider my soul damned, Edward. We are good people and she would have been one too."

"We are not people; we are VAMPIRES!" I had to force myself to calm down. "There was no reason for her not to live her life as a normal human should. For most of us, our lives were already over when we were transformed. I could not do that to her. I would always have wondered if somehow I had persuaded her decision. I knew how much more life she had to live. Experiences that would be lost forever."

"She loved you."

"I loved her more. I couldn't be selfish and I know I did the right thing." I realized there was no sense in holding anything back. "I never told any of you about my last visit to Forks. After you called and told me that she needed help, I left South America that day. First thing that came to my mind was Victoria had gotten to her and I was frantic. I had been trying to track her by myself but lost her somehow. Anyway, I went to Bella's house expecting the worse. I saw her standing outside and she was in Jacob Black's arms." I could see that Alice was wanting to deny my statement, but there was no denying what I had seen. I had been heart broken to see how fast she was able to get over me, but at the same time I was happy for her. All that supernatural stuff wasn't good for her. It had almost gotten her killed more than once. She needed to be happy and free of psychotic vampires.

"Maybe you misinterpreted it. There could have been a good reason…"

"Alice, it's okay. I'm happy she moved on. That was why I left. I needed to see that so I wouldn't go running back into her life; begging her to take me back like I was going to do." None of my family had known about that either. Again, Alice gaped at me. "I had made up my mind that I couldn't live without her and I had been wrong to leave her. Apparently I was only half right."

"Oh, Edward. I didn't know. How could she?"

"Alice, don't you dare blame her. I left her no choice. It ended the way it should have. Her with her kind and me with mine. This is the price I pay for playing such a deadly game and I would rather me be the one to pay instead of her, or anyone else for that matter." I had hoped she would understand why I was so adamant about staying away from Ms. Watson.

"Okay, you win. I won't do anything to offend you. I'll keep my distance from her so there won't be any questions."

"Thank you." I gave her a hug to close the deal and we walked back to the house in silence. I reached out and read her mind one more time to make sure we were on the same page. It's a shame. She is such a nice a girl, but I have to do it for Edward. But still, I know he would be happy if he would just try.…. I should had known the answer was going to be no.