A/N: BIG Update today. I actually had the fourth chapter all ready to go, so I'm going to add that one up here too. I jump around a lot when I write, and the 4th was actually one of the very first that I started for this story. I also have the last few chapters of the story already written, but those you'll have to wait for. It turns out so GREAT! I'm so excited!

If you are reading this, PLEASE REVIEW! I'd hate to beg, but I am willing. Grovel even. I'd love to you're your thoughts and feelings, and TRUST, it will work out for our favorite couple. It just isn't as easy as in Stephenie Meyer's version. Everything good is worth fighting for, right?

Anyway, Chapter 3 is still sad, all in all, because Edward and Bella are still in an unhappy place, but there is a really fun scene in here that was REALLY fun to write. My hubby helped me out a ton with that, and I'm totally grateful for his help. Chapter 4 is also kind of different, there's some fun dialogue in there. Can't wait to hear what you think! (PLEASE, please , pretty please!)

Disclaimer: All characters from and references to Twilight and the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer. No money is made from this writing, and no copyright infringement is intended.

III. Unsettling

I felt disjointed. I knew that I'd done it to myself. Where everything was supposed to feel like it was connecting, I really felt like I was loosing the pieces to the puzzle, all of them scattered around haphazardly. It had been weeks since I'd told Jacob about my change of heart, since Edward had told me in turn that he would not treat me the same way as before. We'd seen each other often, though not as much with my trying to split between the two of them, but every time he moved away from me slightly, or we missed the opportunity for moments of intimacy, I felt like I was losing another piece. Damn puzzle.

A small part of me was thankful that Edward had easily allowed me this freedom—it was the space necessary for me to achieve my goal. But the larger part of me suffered at the growing chasm in our relationship—the chasm that I alone had caused—and I began second guessing everything. I didn't doubt that Edward loved me, but he was careful around me, even more so than before—not just with me but also with himself. I watched him restrain himself with the utmost of care, and he never asked me dangerous questions like why I had done this, or what my choices meant. Inside, I wanted him too, because I knew that I would not be able to contain the truth if he asked me directly, and I wanted it over. Before it even began, I wanted it done.

That morning, the morning when the idea had materialized, it had seemed so clear. It made so much sense to me as I formulated the plan to end this erratic love triangle. But as time stretched on, my reasons became muddied, I found myself confused, and I was losing the will to even continue with it.

What's more, I had a sickening felling in the pit of my stomach that I had been horribly wrong. There was something in Edward's demeanor that frightened me. I had never seen him truly afraid—he always managed to mask whatever fear he held in order to protect me. Now, the enduring traces of dread were always present. He was hesitant.

Jacob was ecstatic at the rift between Edward and me. He saw it as his salvation, the utmost advantage that he could use to win my heart. He saw our separation as evidence that he indeed had the upper hand. Unlike Edward, he was impatient for his own goal. He continually chided me for my feelings and wants, asking me on a continual basis what my intentions were, when I was going to make a decision, and when I would figure out that Edward was only proving what he knew all along: that he should step aside, because Jacob was the one who truly belonged with me. This was how Jacob saw things.

I was exhausted. I was working at Newton's as much as I could, trying to lose myself in something tangible and distracting myself from the unbearable ache of aloneness. There was a deep residual pain in my chest from the knowledge that I had brought this on all of us. I would be incorrect, though, to say that it was the worst pain I'd ever felt. When Edward was gone, and I thought that he didn't love me was thousands of times worse. This pain was like the memory pain of that one, dull and constant, regardless of my mood.

My time was spent on this solitary mission. When I wasn't working or sleeping, I spent a great deal of time with both Edward and Jacob, split between the two. This alone delighted Charlie. He, too, noticed the obvious change in Edward's and my relationship, and I could tell from the more frequent smiles and spring in his step that he was pleased at the change. He gave me a large girth to explore my feelings for Jake. Apparently, I was doing a better job this time of masking my heartache.

When I was with Jacob, I spent the time in La Push. It was how he preferred it, surrounded by his pack members. I imagined it was because he so badly wanted his strange family to be mine. Maybe he thought that if I was with them and saw how much they wanted and accepted me, it would be enough to tilt the bar that much more in his favor. I did love them, but I had another family on the other side just as willing to fight for me.

When I was with Edward, my time was mixed between him and the rest of the Cullens. Esme, especially, went out of her way to make our time together memorable. Alice, Emmet, Carlisle and even Rose planned activities to occupy our time. But Edward and I also spent a great deal of time alone. I was thankful that we had these moments, though it was not our usual kind of solitude. He would not kiss me. He would not touch me. And the few times I tried to tell him that I loved him, the pain that flashed over his face was enough that it made me vow to not say it until the whole situation was taken care of. Which hurt me more than anything else.

When I woke on the first Saturday of July, I was especially excited. I don't know if it was because this had been the first truly summer-like day since graduation, or if it was the fact that I was alone, was scheduled off of work, and was slotted to spend the whole day with the Cullens. Probably a combination of the lot. I hadn't felt this way for a long time, and for whatever reason, I sensed that the day was going to be a very good one. Charlie was fishing and wouldn't miss me until very late. I got up quickly, hurriedly got ready, and hopped in my truck to speed over to the mansion.

When I got there, Edward was waiting on the porch, sparkling in the rays of sun that managed to make it through the leaves. He was breathtaking, and I felt my heart start to hammer wildly in my chest. I bounded out of my truck the second it was parked, fully intending to leap into his arms, but stopped short just before my feet left the ground. Apparently the bright sunshine and freedom of the day had made me forget all else. He smiled knowingly.

"You seem happier today."

I sighed. "I am. I was excited to see you."

"That's very good," he said, rising to stand with me. "We should get everyone so we can go."

"Go? Where are we going?"

His half smile reached his eyes for just a second, reflecting a sneaky sort of look.

"You'll see."

In a little over an hour the Cullens and I were standing in the middle of a cleared out field. It was not any of the fields that I had been in before, and it was huge. We were miles and miles from anything. It had taken a long time for us to get there, and that was at Cullen speed. I wondered if they were avoiding the other clearing because of the recent events there. The sun shown brightly through intermittent clouds, and I watched in awe as it danced off the bare spaces of their bodies. Emmet and Jasper playfully bounced around, punching at each other. Alice danced around lightly while Esme unpacked the jeep. Carlisle and Rose argued strategy. Edward led me over to the edge of the clearing and laid down a blanket on the grass.

"So what's the plan?"

"We're going to play football."

"Football? In July?"

He smirked and shrugged. "Sure. We aren't bound by temperature or traditions. We're vampires, so regular mores are out the window." He took my hand to help me sit down—it was a very gentlemanly gesture, and the contact of his cool skin against mine was enough to make me shiver down to my toes.

I smiled and Esme came up beside me with a picnic basket.

"Here you go, Bella. I made you some lunch." I smiled up at her appreciatively and watched her head back to join her children. Edward watched with me.

"So tell me: how does this work? Do you play all out tackle, or do you guys grab each other's flags." I gave him a teasing smirk and elbowed him. He returned it and jumped lightly to his feet.

"Oh, no. Don't go insulting the game. This is vampire football. This is about as full-contact as it gets." He flashed me a brilliant smile before darting off to join his brothers. "Call me if you need anything," he called over his shoulder.

I watched as he joined into their revelry. Emmet was twirling the football in his palm expertly, shooting sly looks over at Rose, who in turn rolled her eyes. I imagined him joking about his ball handling skills, and cringed. They met together in the middle of the large field. I watched as they divided into teams, and then as Alice pouted and huffed towards me.

She trotted up beside me and plopped down next to me gracefully.

"Hey. Odd man out?"

She nodded and sighed. "This time. They'll rotate me in, but I hate sitting out. Just because I happen to be able to see the plays before they make them…" she grumbled. I laughed at her face, a mixture of aggravation and pride.

"Sorry you have to babysit the human."

"It's okay," she assured me. "It won't last long. Edward is just as annoyingly intrusive as I am, and Emmet will get mad at him fairly quickly. Then I'll get to play," she announce jubilantly. "Besides, the teams will be even soon, and we can all play."

The reminded of my joining her family twisted uncomfortably in my stomach. I didn't say anything to that, and continued to watch the group of vampires that I came to love play with each other.

It seemed fairly evenly divided: Carlisle, Esme and Edward verses Emmet, Rose and Jasper.

They set themselves up, Edward's team first with the ball. He stood in the middle of the field and Carlisle and Esme flanked him. Emmet was opposite of Edward. I watched as he taunted him playfully.

"Okay, little brother. Prepare to eat dirt."

Edward backed up and tossed the ball easily over Emmet, straight down the field into Carlisle's waiting arms. I cringed as Edward did indeed eat dirt—Emmet crashed into him with a great force, plowing them both into the ground.

"Don't worry, Bella," Alice spoke quietly beside me. "He's tougher than Emmet thinks."

He did seem fine, and Emmet helped him up to his feet, smacking him hard on the back as soon as he was upright. I was so worried about Edward that I didn't notice that Rose had taken down Carlisle before he could make much headway down the field. I had to hand it to her: she could play.

They all rejoined their teammates at the new location further across the long field. They huddled together and formed a strategy, each in their own, tightly-formed group. This time, Rose covered Edward, and Emmet sauntered over to where Carlisle waited.

As Edward pulled back to let go of the ball, Esme and Carlisle both headed straight down the field, but suddenly crossed towards the middle. This time, however, Rose got to Edward before he could propel the ball forward, and he went down to the ground with a thud. I didn't worry quite as much this time; if Edward could survive a bear like Emmet, I was sure Rosalie couldn't do too much damage. I heard Emmet grumble at his wife that he couldn't make an "unbelievable" play if Edward still had the ball. They huddled again for a moment and set themselves up for another play.

Everything happened so quick. Edward set up, and I heard him call out. Immediately, Carlisle set off, around Emmet strait down the field. He ran for only a second, but when I could make him out again, he was at least a regular football length away from where he'd been. Meanwhile, Esme had headed down the field towards the opposite direction, Jasper close behind. Suddenly, she changed direction forty-five degrees, straight towards Carlisle. Jasper didn't have time to make up for her quick change. At some point, Edward had let go of the ball, as Rose tackled him forcefully to the ground. Emmet was right on Carlisle's tail. Emmet's eyes lit up with vigor, engrossed at the sheer ease of his pending pounce. He threw himself at Carlisle using the full force of his body to propel him down into the ground, causing muddy grass shrapnel to fly around them. He shot up quickly and spat out an overconfident guffaw.

"Gottcha! Yeah! I'm the man, baby!" he shouted.

"Actually, we got you!" Down the field was Esme, football in her tiny palm. At the last second, and with prefect synchronization, Carlisle had turned just as Esme neared, gracefully tossing the ball back to her. Too caught up in the thrill of his impending victory, Emmet never saw her. She shot past him easily. Alice and I watched as Edward ran up to her and threw his arms around her and lifted her lightly off the ground in a congratulatory hug. Emmet's face fell and his eyes grew wide.

At that, Emmet let out a string of expletives the likes of which I'd never heard. If vampires could fume, he was.

"Emmet!" I heard Esme scold. "Watch that language!"

"A hitch and pitch?! Really?! Goddamn it, Edward, you're such a cheater!" Emmet howled down the field at him. Alice smiled, enthralled, beside me. Esme scolded again.

Edward was nearly rolling with exultant laughter. That pushed Emmet even further over the edge. With sudden determination, Emmet stalked over to him until he was looming over him irately. Though I was panicking, Edward seemed not to notice. He continued in hysterics. I watched as Emmet turned towards the rest of his family for assistance. Edward finally held up his hands as if he were surrendering.

"My turn." Alice shot up quickly and went to join the rest of her family.

Edward was still laughing when he came over to join me. I watched his happy gait, and smiled to myself. It had been a long time since I'd seen such mirth in him, and it warmed me. I wanted nothing more than to see him happy. All the time.

He came up to me and offered his palms to me. I eagerly slipped my hands into his and he pulled me up. The momentum was enough that I flew up with a bounce, and crashed gently into his chest. It was innocent, but it still made my heart beat wildly.

"Nice play," I breathed, not quite as casually as I'd hoped.

"I knew it would really irritate Emmett, and I wanted an excuse to be ejected from the game. Care to walk with me?"

I nodded dumbly we wandered away from the field and off onto a well-worn path. We walked side by side as I took in the surrounding area. I knew that we were far away from Forks. The trees were the same, but they were not covered by the tell-tale green moss. I wondered what state we were in, and if Charlie would send out a warrant for their arrest if he realized that the Cullens had fled the state with me. Edward's voice shook me out of my musings.

"Esme would like to know if you'd be interested in coming over tomorrow evening as well?" His eyes lit up at the idea.

"I can't." I shot him an apologizing look. "I promised Jake I'd go to the reservation."

I watched his face as it went over all the most heart-wrenching emotions: anger, sadness, regret, longing. Then it faded until it was unreadable.

"Another time, then." His tone was clipped, but I knew that it was not the anger that won out, but the pain.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. He sighed.

"You don't have to apologize. I knew this is what it was all about." We walked a while before he spoke again. The ground crunched beneath our feet. "What are your plans? If I may ask." He didn't seem angry, merely curious.

I nodded. "Bonfire. Your typical La Push Wolf Pack Soirée. This time with fireworks." His brow furrowed as he thought about that. It reminded me of when we'd first met, and he'd asked me questions over and over, trying to learn about me. The look was one of confusion.

"Oh. And you enjoy that?"

"Sure. What's not to like? Fire. Food. Amped up wolf antics." I smiled at him, but he didn't return it. Instead, he looked concerned. "Don't worry, nothing dangerous."

He nodded to himself, but I could tell he was lost in thought. Suddenly, he looked up at me and his eyes were soft.

"I trust you."

It was a simple enough phrase. The average bystander of our conversation would have thought nothing of the exchange. But in those three little words, I saw all the power and sincerity that he had in him, and the effort that it took him to stand beside me while I potentially crushed his and my future—the future that we had both been fighting so hard for. He did trust me, something I didn't know if I deserved.

We walked a little more, neither of us speaking, too lost in our own thoughts. Finally, Edward stopped, putting his hand lightly on my shoulder so that I would stop with him. It was the most contact we'd had in weeks.

"I don't mean to pry, but can I ask you something?" His voice was so low and soft that it stirred me. He was hesitant to ask, but I could tell that he felt it necessary.

"Anything."

"Where do you stand?" Anything but that.

I didn't answer him. For one, I was so shocked that he'd asked it. Our current situation made rules that he didn't ask me that. And then there was the fact that I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him.

"I'm not trying to be impatient, Bella. I just want to know where we stand."

I had anticipating that we'd need to have this conversation. It was unrealistic of me to expect him to wait in the wings forever, unknowing, until I figured things out. But I didn't want to have it now. I wanted to keep my happy, sunshine-filled day far away from this conversation.

"I don't know." It was weak, but it was all I could give him, because I truly didn't. Which depressed me. I was no closer to my destination than I'd been at the start of my endeavor, and I was sad and tired. And I'd already given up so much. "I'm sorry."

He sighed heavily, and his shoulders slumped.

"Please forgive me," I pleaded.

"There's nothing to forgive." He faced forward and didn't press me anymore, but I wasn't done with it.

"I guess…I guess I still feel the same way. I hate that I've hurt you both, and I need everything to be right. I'm confused as to how to do that. It hurts me to think of everything that's happened." He didn't look at me. Something flashed over Edwards face, but I couldn't place it. We kept walking.

"Can I ask you something else?"

I nodded regrettably.

"How often do you go and see him?" The question took me by surprise.

"Well, if I'm not working or with you guys—or sleeping—I visit him in La Push." He nodded.

"And how often are you alone with him?" I stopped and he stopped with me. He was watching me intently, waiting for me to respond. I eyed him hesitantly.

"Not much I guess." His question confused me. I hadn't spent much time alone with Jake. For a long time, he was healing, and his pack spent a great deal of time fawning over him. I preferred this to alone time with him. Once he was reasonably mobile again, they'd taken their get-togethers outside, but they were always still together, like a great big family. It seemed natural—they were a pack, after all. I liked them, and he knew that, and it was easy. I thought that was what Edward would want. Was he testing me? He sighed deeply beside me.

"Bella, how are you supposed to figure out what you feel for him, if you never give yourself the opportunity? You can't tell me that you can reasonably figure that out with his wolf pack slobbering in the background." More confusion.

"What? Are you saying…?"

"It's eating away at me not to know what our future will hold. I don't mean to rush you but…" He interrupted me, shifting his feet around uncomfortably. Realization sunk in, and I felt my jaw physically drop. This was not my Edward.

"Are you saying you want me to date him?!" He focused his eyes on me and stepped closer, trying to make himself clear.

"Bella, I don't want it, but maybe this is what you need to do. This is what you asked of me, isn't it? You don't know where your heart lies, and you need to figure that out, right?"

I stepped away from him, gaping at him incredulously. Of all the things I expected him to tell me, this was the furthest from my mind. Edward—my Edward—wanted me to go on dates with Jacob Black, the enemy, his rival. The man who wanted my heart. And he wanted me to go to dinner and a movie with him. I felt like I was in an alternate reality in which everything was suddenly reversed.

"I can't believe that you're saying this to me. Did Emmet rattle your brain loose? Or did you finally decide that I wasn't worth the trouble?" I didn't mean to sound angry. The truth of the matter was that I was so damn scared. It manifested itself in a strange way. He set his jaw and looked at me squarely.

"If this is what is necessary, I know you have to do it."

I softened at the look in his eyes. This was not what he wanted, I could see, but he would put up with it if it was what I needed.

It was then that I realized that he was right. But not for the reason that he thought he was. He thought that I needed to explore my feelings, but what I really needed was to explore Jacob's. This is what my plan had been lacking. The whole while, I thought that the time is what Jacob needed, but it was not that at all. What he needed was exposure, and I couldn't see any other way for him to get it than with me. Sitting in La Push with the same people he saw everyday would not cause Jacob to imprint. If that were the element needed, it would have already happened. I didn't know much about the magic and legends, but I knew that much.

I didn't want to "date" him. I loved Jacob, his warm presence calming me and making me thankful for all the good that he had done for me when I needed him. He was good, and pure, and was worthy of love, but the very thought of dating him was like the blackest kind of betrayal. I did not want to do that to Edward, but I didn't see any other way. I needed him to separate himself from the normal so that he could find the thing that he was really looking for, and the only way to make him do that was to lure him to it. Was for me to lure him. With me.

"I don't want to hurt you, Edward. I can't hurt you."

"I trust you." There was that phrase again. It held in it everything that was good about him. He trusted me, even though I'd hurt him. Even though I was lying to him. Even though he knew there was a possibility of my betrayal. He trusted me.

And I knew that he did. He saw this as a means to an end. But it was the hardest and strangest thing that I every agreed to do for him. I thanked my lucky stars that I had him, and vowed that I would earn the trust that he gave me with every fiber in my being.

***

I spent the second of July on the reservation. It was everything a weekend wolf party promised to be. In recognition of the holiday that would fall on a Tuesday this year, Embry and Quil got fireworks. I half expected a few of the members of the wolf pack would be short a few paws. Fortunately, everyone came away with all their eyebrows, and appendages all intact.

Jacob had been more than happy about the arrangement that Edward had offered. I knew that he would be. At the mention of "dates" he threw his arms around me, pulled me to his chest, and nuzzled me lovingly. I let him, because it was necessary that I show an appropriate amount of enthusiasm, but deep down I was terrified.

My goal had not to lead him on. This arrangement got me teetering close to deep, perilous water. I didn't promise him anything, but he assumed it. He assumed this was his victory. In his opinion, he was sure that a few solo dates—real dates that didn't involve the watchful eyes of my overprotective boyfriend—would be just what I'd need to help him secure the place in my heart that he thought was rightfully his. He felt that, since Edward had sanctioned it, I would really let loose and give into what I didn't know I actually wanted yet. But I knew what I wanted already, no overzealous wolf dates necessary. He just didn't.

I resigned myself to going along with this ruse—because, well, it was of my own making—but I didn't have to jump in feet first. It was important for Edward to trust me, and I offered to start slow, having Edward and Alice join us for an outing to the movies. Safe. Easy.

Of course, Jacob hated the idea. He reacted at the very mention of it, saying things like, "I'd rather eat my own hand than spend my time with that parasite," or "Screw him. The hell I'll go out with you when he's there." But I wouldn't back down. In the end, he grudgingly agreed, if only to appease me. I hastily promised that I would find some alone time with him after the fact.

Truly, I was scared. I was afraid to be alone with him. I was afraid that someone would see us out together and they would assume the worst. I was afraid I'd be fueling Jacob's fire too much, and that I'd be in over my head without hope of resurfacing unscathed. I was afraid Edward wouldn't love me anymore.

"Bella, why are you even still friends with him? After what he's done to you, you should just drop him…and take me," Jacob had said, smiling, after I'd proposed my group date idea. I hadn't listened at the time, writing it off as typical Jacob. Later, when I thought about it, I cried. I imagined Edward as my friend, and nothing else, and knew that I wasn't going to be able to handle that. It made me more determined to find the finish line of this impossibly long race I'd started. I just hoped I didn't trip and land face first before I saw the end in sight.

Chapter End Notes: There is hope in sight. I promise. On with Chapter 4!