The New Leader of the Pride

A Harry Potter Fanfiction

by Drauchenfyre

Chapter 3: Shakin' It Up

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry

The Great Hall

Fri, 2 Sep 1994

0631 GMT

Albus Dumbledore was becoming slightly worried. Though the breakfast period had begun half an hour before, not a single Gryffindor was at their table. Though breakfast ran for another hour and a half, the other three Houses were all well represented, but not a single Lion was eating.

A loud whistle blast tore through the air. The doors at the far end of the Hall burst open and, two-by-two, the Gryffindors, led by the Seventh Year Prefects, marched into the Great Hall, towards their table, the two lines dividing to go up either side of the table. Bringing up the rear, in identical clothing to his students (Albus thought they were called 'sweats'), was their new Head of House, Samuel Glyphs. A whistle between his lips gave a sharp TWEEET, and the students stopped, aligned with the table.

The whistle dropped from his lips as Glyphs barked out, "TAAAAKE... SEATS!" The Gryffindors scrambled into their chairs as plates already filled with food appeared at each place.

As Glyphs walked up and down the table, most of the students dove into their meal. When Glyphs was passing the fourth years, he suddenly spun and slapped his open palm onto the table. "WEASLEY!" he started, then lowered to a more normal volume when he saw he had the boy's attention. "Are you a human or a wild animal?" Pointing at each in turn, he continued, "That is a fork, that is a knife, that is a spoon. Use them. I catch you shovelling your food into your mouth bare-handed like a savage again, it'll be ten laps around the lake. Got me?"

Ronald Weasley, frightened fourth year, frantically nodded, then grabbed knife and fork.

"Weasley act civilized? You'd do better trying to civilize that oaf Hagrid!"

A loud THUNK drew attention to Draco Malfoy, as the sudden appearance of a large knife protruding from a support beam six inches above his head had cut off his obnoxious laughter.

Nor was the culprit hard to find. Glyphs was staring straight at the Malfoy scion, glaring and still holding his throwing stance. "Mr. Malfoy," he began in a menacingly-smooth voice, "As I am in full possession of my faculties and can speak for myself, I have no need of assistance in dealing with my House. I strongly suggest you keep your attention, and your comments, on your own table instead of braying like a donkey across the entire Hall."

Draco Malfoy, never one for critical thinking, exploded, "Wait til my Father hears about this!"

Glyphs smirked, "And once again, you prove your inadequacies, Mr. Malfoy. Hiding behind Daddy's name like the snivelling coward you are- certainly not a Gryffindor. Your lack of cunning in making obviously derogatory comments in the Great Hall- hardly Slytherin of you. Your lack of intelligence in insulting not one but two of your teachers with hundreds of witnesses- no Ravenclaw here. Add to that your demonstrated lack of a solid work ethic, and you certainly don't belong in Hufflepuff. I wonder, Mr. Malfoy- if we were to ask the Sorting Hat, would it tell us it placed you in Slytherin because you didn't fit anywhere, so he just put you where you wanted?"

Draco Malfoy opened his mouth again, only to have Snape's hand come down hard on his shoulder. Some hurried, angry whispering passed between the two, and Draco, still fuming, settled down. Glyphs turned back to his students as fourth year Lavender Brown asked, "Professor, why is there no bacon or breakfast potatoes?"

"Because, Miss Brown," he replied, "Those foods are dripping with fat and grease, which causes fatness, shortness of breath, and outbreaks of acne. Your diet here will be designed to get you fit and healthy. What slows down most wizards in battle is the fact that they have no stamina. Out-of-shape, out-of-breath wizards lose in any prolonged fight against someone with the staying power to outlast them. Besides, Miss Brown," here he smirked at the Gossip Queen of Gryffindor, "Do you have any idea how much time those fashion models in your magazines spend working out, how closely they monitor their diet, so they can look their best?"

Lavender Brown blinked, twice, then grabbed her spoon and dove into her half-grapefruit. Across the entire hall, the more appearance-conscious girls started whispering to each other about this fitness regime that the Gryffindors had going.

Albus Dumbledore sighed. He was starting to get that sinking feeling again. Samuel was on one of his crusades. This was going to cause him headaches.

CHAPTER END