I really wanted to get this chapter over with in 2008, and thankfully I've achieved my goal. I hope it turned out OK :)
Happy New Year everyone.
The usual disclaimer applies.
Chapter 3 – Pain
Just like the rain fell from the sky, tears of sorrow fell from her eyes. Usagi wandered aimlessly down the nearly deserted streets. The weather had scared most of the people inside their houses, but she didn't care about it. She stopped in a small park and sat on a bench, abandoning herself to her memories.
The cold drops of rain reminded her of that day... that day when she couldn't take it any more, when Mamo-chan's absence became overwhelming, when a red rose made her solitude unbearable... that day when he asked her a question which made her realize that she wasn't alone, that she had slowly fallen in love with Seiya, without even realizing it. Seiya had been there for her all that time, he put his life at risk to save her and he was showing her all of his feelings. He was good enough but she couldn't say it since her friends were watching them. She hoped she would have another chance to do it, but she was wrong, she never had it. They had to part with a silly promise from her side, a silly promise she made in order to disguise her true feelings from everyone, even from herself. She never imagined that it would be that hard to suppress what she felt, that his absence would become overwhelming. She almost got used to the idea that he wouldn't be around any more until she heard their song, their call for their Princess.
The sight of Usagi on that bench was a very sad one. Her clothes were soaking wet and her odangos became loose, her wet blond tresses sticking to her clothes as she looked towards the sky, hoping that somewhere, between the clouds, she could spot his star.
„Koneko-chan, what are you doing out at this time on such a weather?"
Usagi realized she couldn't see the sky any more as someone held an umbrella above her head. She looked and saw Haruka kneeling next to her, holding her umbrella to shelter her from the rain. She faked a smile but didn't reply to her questions.
„Look at you, you're soaking wet, you're going to catch a cold. Come, I'll drive you..." Before she could finish her sentence, Usagi got up on her feet and moved away in the opposite direction.
„Don't worry, I'm fine, I'm..." Usagi's body contradicted her words. When she got up she felt very dizzy and her vision was getting very blurry. She tried making a few steps, but her feet felt numb. Just as she was trying to repeat her lie, her vision turned completely black and her body started falling down. Thankfully, Haruka's good reflexes allowed her to catch Usagi before she hit the ground.
* * *
Two faces kept overlapping in Usagi's mind. Mamoru kept being replaced by Seiya, Tuxedo Mask by Sailor Star Fighter. Even in her dreams her doubts haunted her, that is why recently she barely slept at all.
Slowly she was regaining consciousness. She was feeling warm and her forehead and cheeks were burning. She heard voices but couldn't understand what they were saying or recognize them.
„I've called her house and announced she'll be sleeping over. I didn't have the heart to tell them something's wrong."
„You did well, Michiru. I called Mamoru-san and asked him if he knew what was wrong with her and he said he is coming over."
Usagi thought she heard Mamoru's name so she opened her eyes to see three familiar faces above her, looking at her with great concern.
„Haruka-san...Michiru-san...Setsuna-san... What happened?"
„Koneko-chan, don't scare me like that again. You swooned as you were about to walk away on my offer. I brought you to our house, I didn't want to scare your parents. You have a fever, hopefully it goes away by morning and doesn't turn into anything more serious." For the first time in a long time, Haruka's voice was soft and she was smiling at Usagi.
„Thank you, Haruka-san, but I should go back home" Usagi replied, trying to get up.
„It's OK for you to stay Usagi, I called your parents and told them you're sleeping over" Michiru informed her, gently pushing her back on the bed.
„That's right koneko-chan. I called Mamoru-san and he said he's coming over as well" Haruka continued.
„Mamo-chan? I should get going." Usagi's eyes became full of tears and distant. She got out of bed and tried to get out of the room, but dizziness took over her again and she lost her balance and landed straight into Haruka's arms.
The girls looked at her, surprised by her reaction. Did Usagi actually want to avoid meeting her loved one, or did they misunderstand it?
Haruka was expecting Usagi to push her away, but instead her kitten leaned her head on her chest, as if she was trying to find shelter in her embrace. She gave Michiru a surprised glance but her astonishment grew bigger when she realized that Usagi's body was shaking violently. She was crying like she had never seen her cry.
„Usagi... What's wrong? You're worrying us..."
„Haruka-san, tell me ... why?" Usagi began with a whisper but she raised her voice as she continued „Mamo-chan is back at my side, I know he never left me, I know he never stopped loving me... I should be happy, right? I am happy but... if I am... than why? Why do I still feel this big emptiness inside my heart? Why does my heart hurt so much every time I remember him, every time I think that he left and I'm never going to see him again? Why do I miss him so much, Haruka, why? Seiya..."
Haruka was too shocked to speak. Usagi was in that state because of Seiya? What she had feared had come true? She was afraid Usagi might develop feelings for him and end up suffering, that is why she always tried to keep them away from each other. And yet it happened and now Usagi was feeling miserable. She was angry at herself, angry at Usagi, angry at Seiya.
Michiru and Setsuna were equally surprised. Soon Michiru's shocked face turned into one expressing disapproval and she broke the silence.
„Usagi, stop acting silly. You have Mamoru-san, you can't be thinking about Seiya."
Usagi pushed herself away from Haruka and wiped her tears away. It was a useless gesture though, as more came down from her eyes to replace them. She looked down into the ground and started laughing.
„Acting silly... that's what I always do, isn't it? I'm just silly Usagi..." she clenched her fists and continued: „Everyone just laughed and tought I was silly and naive when I told Seiya we'd be friends forever. What else could I say? Was I supposed to say that he is good enough? That I wanted him to stay? Should I have done that just to prove that I'm not just a silly girl who can't figure out a man's feelings for her?"
Usagi looked up at Michiru, her eyes full of hatred. Michiru couldn't believe it, Usagi had never looked at her that way, not even back in the days when she disapproved with their method of finding the Talismans, with their intention of killing Hotaru, not even when she and Uranus attacked her.
Setsuna decided it was her turn to try and return Usagi to reasoning so she drew closer to her.
„Usagi, please, stop acting like this. You and Mamoru have a future together as Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion. The two of you have a duty towards this planet..."
„Stop it!" Usagi shouted. „Everyone thinks they can decide things for me, I can't take it any more! I'm tired of being reminded of this future I have with Mamoru, I'm sick of it! I'm tired of people reminding me that my duty as Sailor Moon, as Serenity, is to be at Mamo-chan's side! I want to be able to take my own decisions without anyone interfering and reminding me what my duty is! I'm sick of it! I wish I never knew what my future was, so I can be free at taking my own decisions! I hate the day Chibiusa came here! If it hadn't been for her, I would have never known! I don't want this future if I can't have a word to say about it! I don't want it! I hate it!"
A heavy hand fell on Usagi's cheek and stopped her from saying more things which she probably didn't mean from her heart. Haruka felt sorry for slapping her in the state she was in, but it was probably the only way to bring her back to earth.
Usagi gave her the same hateful look she had given Michiru and Setsuna, before bursting into another fit of uncontrollable tears. She pushed Haruka away and ran out of the house, ignoring the fact that she was only wearing an old night gown of Michiru and that the rain seemed to fall with an even greater intensity.
Between the drops of rain and her own tears she could barely see anything in front of her, so she just dashed in the middle of the road to cross the street, ignoring the fact that a red car was just steering around the corner right in her direction. The driver only noticed there was someone in the road when it was too late to avoid or hit the breaks. Usagi felt a powerful hit that sent her flying through the air a few feet, slamming her against the wet and cold pavement.
Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna ran out of the house after her, but they were too late to catch up and stop her and could only witness the accident with horror. They rushed to Usagi, calling her name, but she could no longer hear them. Boiling with anger Haruka rushed to the car to avoid that the driver would run away from the scene, but when she looked through the windshield and saw the driver's shocked face, her blood froze in her veins and tears started falling from her eyes. Could fate really be this cruel?
