Well I think that at this point a lot of people have probably forgotten about the story and I'm really sorry for that! For anyone who is still waiting for an update in either of my stories...here is one. I have been very occupied lately and my new sports season along with a summer team I'm on for another sport have been taking up almost all of my time. Well I guess I had better not waste any more time on this part and just get to the new chapter. Sorry again for the wait.
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Meredith
To say she was nervous, was an understatement. Her entire body was being continuously wracked by nervous tremors and she could practically feel the stares of everyone in the hospital. She was was definitely feeling the nerves. She would be seeing Derek again for the first time in years and she was nervous, but, she wasn't sad. She couldn't help but be mad at herself for that either. The woman who had practically raised her, was dying, not even thirty feet away, and she had somehow entirely blocked off the grieving portion of her brain. She had gone in to see, "Mom," as Meridith had grown up calling her, and the exchange was bittersweet. Tears had welled to her eyes and broken free then, but she didn't know why, because somehow, she wasn't sad.
Her Mom had pulled her close to the bed with her warm, clammy hand and Meridith had leaned into her for a half hug. She could see that there wasn't much time left. She hoped that Derek and his family would arrive as soon as possible because the next few nights might be a struggle for her.
Her face was shrunk in and pale, and the smile that she had given Meredith was only a fraction of what it used to be. The heart that always seemed to be present whenever Mom smiled was still there, but the strength to pull her lips into her famous grin, just wasn't. Meredith returned the smile, but without the obvious vim and vigor that she too normally had.
"You don't have to worry about me dear." Mom said, reading Meredith's thoughts directly. "I've done my time here, this is a gift to me. The pain these last few years has been more than enough." She smiled again but this time it was plagued by something other than the expected weariness.
"I love you." Meredith said before pulling a chair as close to the bed as she could manage and laying her head against the side of the mattress.
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She looked around the room and saw that she must have fallen asleep for a while because the sky had darkened and the halls outside of the room were quiet. She was grateful that she had chosen to wait until after her shift to visit Mom because she definately would not have gotten away with falling asleep while she was on the clock. Mom seemed to be in a deep sleep, and her face was at last peaceful and did not show the pain that had been present while she was awake not long before. Meredith smiled and sqeezed the small weak hand that belonged to the strongest person Meredith had ever met.
Like a wave crashing over Meredith's entire body, she felt the saddness that had somehow escaped her before. This person, the woman who had raised her, the mother to some of her best friends, and the man she had been in love with for the last fifteen years of her life, this woman was dying. No medicine, no therapy, no surgery could help her now and there wasn't a person in her life who didn't know it. Yet, this woman put on a brave face, and smiled every moment of the day. To protect her family and friends, when really they should be the ones caring for her. She was self-less and loving, eternally joyous, and always managed to be greatful for life's simple pleasures. Meredith was heartbroken that such a wonderful woman could be in so much pain, and that there was not one thing that the people around her could do to help it.
Meredith was broken out of her trance when she heard a small knock on the door and she realized she had been sobbing quietly. She turned around and looked into the face that she was both dreading and anticipating to see, smiled wearily at her and walked into the room, stopping next to the bedside opposite her.
"How is she?" He asked after a minute. He looked down into his Mom's face and tears began to rise in his eyes too.
"As best as could be expected." Meredith replied, her eyes still trained on his face. "It's good that you're here, she's not going to be able to hold on for much longer." She said, wanting to get the scary truth out right away. "How did you get in so early?" Meredith asked knowing that he wasn't supposed to arrive until the next morning.
"Her doctor called and said just what you did, so I bought a ticket on the earliest flight I could get this morning." He said before turning around to grab a chair and pull it close to the edge of the bed.
The sat in silence for a long time, both leaving the other to their own thoughts and watching Mom as she lay in drug induced unconsiousness. Her small body rose and fell evenly with each breath, but that was just about that only good sign that had been present in the last couple of days.
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Derek
Derek watched his mother as she slept, and couldn't help but let the tears rise in his eyes, thinking of everything she had ever provided for him. She had kept their family afloat when his dad died and everything that he had right now, could be traced back to the sacrifices she made for him. But he knew that this was what she had been longing for these past few years. The promise of no more pain, no more heartache, no more smiles to protect him and his other family members. She was ready to go, it was the people around her that weren't ready to let her. Her body was constantly giving her pain and emotionaly she was beggining to wear out.
He couldn't help but feel the way he did though. Even if this was what she wanted, what she needed, he couldn't stand that she would soon be gone. Derek knew though that it would be better, she knew it too and that's why she had asked him not to feel sad or anything but happy that she had been released from her pain. That was easier said than done though. He and his sisters had come together and they all knew that this week would most likely be her last. He thought back to his childhood, being raised mostly by just his mother and how close his family had always been. They could put on strong faces for her and let her last few days be filled with smiles rather than tears, but they were breaking on the inside.
Derek looked up to Meredith, who was also pulled tight against the side of the bed and was letting silent tears run down her face. His mother had all but raised Meredith too and he knew that she was having just as hard a time with it as he was. He stared at her face, watching the way she pulled her lips up slightly, like she was remembering a memory from long ago that still managed to be fresh in her mind. He watched her tighten and relax her grip on his mothers hand as she tried to comfort herself.
Death was a greedy man. It had stolen his dad, and for the last five years it had been wrapping it's slimy fingers around the only parent he had left. Derek sighed and got out of his chair. He knew that his mom didn't want him to be sad about her going. She was ready for death and was prepared to welcome him like a friend, and even though Derek knew that death was best for her, he couldn't help but think that it wasn't what was best for him. He stepped out of the room and slid down the side of the wall until he plopped firmly onto the ground.
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Meredith
"Hey Addison!" Meredith greeted the person who had been like a sister while they were growing up, but both were only smiling for a moment before they remembered the reason that they were meeting today. The entire Shepherd clan, along with Addison and Mark had arrived in Seattle about forty-five minutes before and had not even stopped at a hotel to drop off their baggage before coming to the hospital. The room was crowded with people and the tension in the room was absolutely amazing. Mom was laying in her bed surrounded by her family, and like always she had mustered up a brave face and was trying to stop the inevitable tears that seemed to be welling up in just about everyone's eyes.
"Hey Meredith." Addison responded as the two pulled eachother in for a hug. "How is she doing?" Addison asked in a wispered voice.
"Not good." Meredith told her. She had stayed at the hospital the entire night, leaving the room only once to change out of her scrubs that she was still wearing from that days work and to bring food for her and Derek. Mom had made it through the night, but only just. "She's was holding on for you guys I think. It was a rough night." Meredith said, and the two fell silent.
The room seemed to be getting even fuller as the grandchildren filled into the room to see Mom. Meredith stepped out of the room with Addison and Mark to give them all privacy. She collapsed in a chair just outside the door and watched as Mark and Addison left for her appartment to drop of their bags and bring her another set of clothes.
She didn't look up when a shadow covered the spot of tile on the clean hospital floor she had been looking at. She waited patiently for the shadow to either leave or talk, but finally bronke down and lifted her head to meet the shadows. Her eyes locked with a pair of blue that were so rich so momentarily lost any thought she had previously been holding. "Uhhmm." She cleared her throat distractedly and blushed. "Hey."
"Hey." He responded simply and sunk into the chair next to hers. "It's not going to be much longer." He said after they had sat in silence for a while.
Somehow, they had slipped into the comfort that they had once shared as best friends. They didn't need small talk, they didn't really even need talk. She knew. She knew what he was thinking, what he was going through, and he knew her too. They would always be like that. No matter what. He knew her and she knew him. It was that simple. Except it wasn't. Because he was here for his mother's death, and she knew that she shouldn't feel anything but sad right now, but she couldn't help but feel everything. She felt everything that they had shared all those years ago, and she knew it wasn't healthy to be thinking about him like this...still. She was thankful though that he hadn't brought a girlfriend. It wasn't like he would have, she knew that. This wasn't some wedding, but the thought had still crossed her mind once or twice and she was glad.
She broke out of her thoughts and answered what he probably hadn't meant as a question. "No."
"It's good that they all made it." He said, off on a new train of thought. "She can let go now." They both knew it was close, but he said it soflty like he didn't want anyone but them the know.
"You should be in there," she said "You're right. It won't be much longer." He turned to face her and pulled his lips into a painful smile.
She looked away after giving him a mirror of was might not even qualify as a half-smile. He got up out of his chair and opened the door slowly and quietly before walking into the room. They both knew it was close.
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So once again I'm very sorry about how long this has been. I just had to sit down and do this and I wasn't able to make time at all before. Please review. Thank you.
