Chapter 3
After the conclusion of the Chapman presentation, Laura and Remington departed the office for their separate domiciles to pack for the weekend. Retreats at the Friedlich Sensitivity Spa only took place on the weekends, with couples checking in on Friday evening and departing on Sunday afternoon. While the Spa, and its owners, claimed they wished to heal everyone, the truth of the matter was the Spa catered to the elite, for the average Janie and Jack simply wouldn't be able to afford the exorbitant fees associated with the seminar. Thus, to ensure their cover would not be compromised, it had been decided they'd be driving the Auburn.
That hadn't been the only decree delivered by Laura. Despite the fact it was Friday, per that 'agreement' she constantly espoused, business was business. They might be sharing a room, as the case demanded, but they wouldn't be sharing a bed – or anything else for that matter – while they were on the case. Thus, the law had been laid down: their personal lives were on hiatus, until further notice, and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.
The edict only added to his mounting frustration with this so-called 'relationship.' Is there any relationship to speak of at all, when one of the party holds all the power, controls what will and will not happen with an iron fist? There was never a conversation, no sharing of ideas, no looking for a middle ground, simply decrees of this is how it will be, not to mention all those insecurities and fears to be constantly tiptoed around. And what bloody choice did he have, he fumed. If he refused to fall in line there was every likelihood she would announce their personal relationship was clearly not working within the confines of their professional lives, and it would be for the best if they ended the former before they were in even deeper than they already were.
It was an untenable position for a man to find himself in: to be in love with a woman, to envision a future with her, but to be handcuffed at every turn. It was… demoralizing… emasculating… intolerable. And he was bloody well tiring of it all.
Laura zipped up her suitcase and hauled it down the steps, setting it next to the open front door beside her overnight bag. Remington should be arriving within a few minutes, which would allow her long enough to water her plants since she wouldn't be home the following day to do it. Filling the watering can at her kitchen sink, she allowed her mind to wander away from business to personal matters… specifically to her Mr. Steele.
He'd been utterly furious when he'd left last night and hadn't even made an attempt to hide it. She'd felt the same anger simmering beneath his surface when she'd reminded him it would be a business only weekend for them. In her mind, the downtime from 'them' might be a blessing in disguise, allowing them the time to consider what it really was they wanted from this relationship. It wasn't easy juggling their personal and professional lives, never had been. But in her mind, it was time to shake things up, because their personal relationship had been at a standstill for far too long.
Yes, this weekend might do both them and their relationship, good. To that end, she'd purchased then packed a copy of the Steinmetz's You Can Be Better Than Okay in her overnight bag. It couldn't hurt to read it after all, to get the alleged experts' advice on how they might move this relationship ahead… or let it go, as hard it was to even think of the last. Besides, reading the book was technically groundwork for this case. Right?
"Ready?" Remington's voice broke into her thoughts and she spun to face him.
"Just let me put this up," she answered, indicating the watering can in her hand.
Picking up her overnight bag, he slung it over his shoulder, then picked up her suitcase. In short order, the loft was secure and they were on their way to Malibu.
The drive to the Spa had been pleasant enough. They'd tossed theories back and forth at one another, had determined what needed to be investigated relatively quickly after they arrived and had gotten to know each of the suspects, at least as well as they could from dry facts on a piece of paper. The only real hiccup which had occurred was when they'd stepped into the room they'd been assigned to for the weekend. Opulent, it was not, which is what one would expect given the fees associated with this seminar. Yet, if anything, it reminded them both of a low budget chain hotel, for even their accommodations at the Downtowner during the Shane case has far exceeded these. As for Remington, he'd looked with muted horror at the chaise and ottoman, the only option the room offered unless he wished to sleep on the floor. His eyes flicked with regret to the bed that he should be – Never mind, that, old sport. No use wishing for what will never be, he reminded himself. With a careless shrug of his shoulders, he dropped his suitcase on the chaise and took his shave kit into the bathroom. If nothing else, his years on the streets had made it possible for him to kip anywhere an occasion demanded.
"I'm just going to pop into town and pick us up a bite to eat…" he hesitated, then added, "…unless you'd care to join me for dinner."
"Actually, I have a bit of research I'd like to do before we dig in tomorrow, so if you wouldn't mind bringing something back, that would be wonderful." He nodded as much to himself as in answer to what she'd said. Why would I think she might give me any other answer? he questioned himself silently.
"Certainly. Any preferences?" She looked up from where she was digging through her overnight bag.
"I have every confidence whatever you choose will be more than fine," she smiled. He nodded, then hesitated before picking up his keys off he dresser and leaving the room. His ever present desire for the frustrating woman commanded that he kiss Laura goodbye… but the wall between them was as high and thick as it had been a year ago, leaving him unable to do so.
Kicking off her shoes, Laura reclined on the bed, back against the headboard and opened the book authored by the Steinmetz's. If she were honest, and she was, she would admit that she'd anticipated the book would be drivel – simply another cash cow, like Spa itself. Instead, she unconsciously nodde14=h
her head from time-to-time in agreement with something she'd read, and every once and a while, she'd visually straighten, as a passage hit home.
Relationships evolve. We, as individuals, evolve while a part of those relationships. How you and your relationship evolve is dependent upon you and the choices you make. We'll repeat that. How you and your relationships evolve is dependent upon you and the choices you make...
The passage evoked a "Ha!" to cross her lips. Or choose not to make, she thought to herself. Isn't it what she'd been trying to get across to Remington for years: that their relationship needed to move forward, to evolve? Yes, they'd crossed that line in recent months, but he seemed perfectly content, now that they had, to remain exactly where they were. No words. No conversations about the future. After all, he'd gotten what he'd been after all these years: her in his bed. It seemed to be enough for him. She sighed aloud. But it wasn't for her.
Conventional wisdom suggests anger is a destructive force, and when found within the confines of an intimate relationship it should be feared, repressed. We disagree. Where does anger come from? It comes from injury. Pain, much like any piercing injury, can fester, abscess, until it eventually comes bubbling to the surface, as pus does from a wound. You need to cleanse that wound before it infects the whole of you, and by extension, your relationship. Free the anger, free the hurt. Your partner can neither defend what they are unaware of nor can they take steps to fix the harm done.
Her eyes widened at the passage, then closing the book over a finger holding her place, she took a few minutes to mull it what she'd read. The truth was, she didn't know if she had in her to be that honest with him. Frankly, she was terrified she'd drive him away for good if she were. She needed to know this was more than a roll in the hay to him, that he saw a future in which she was very clearly a part. She was terrified of the answers she might discover if she were to truly let out everything that was eating at her, because words or not, future or not, she didn't know if she could end them again. Not at the risk of him leaving, and she had no doubt he would, as he had the summer before. And while he might not see her in his future, she couldn't see hers without him in it. It was exactly the position she'd vowed to never find herself in again, yet here she was.
With a sigh, she flipped back open the book.
The singer and song writer, Bob Marley once said: "The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." No, truer words have been uttered. When you open your heart to another person, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to them. It is an absolute certainty each of you will injure the other, in some way, countless times across the years. What you must ask yourself is this: Can you envision a life in which your partner is absent and still be happy? Does even the thought of their loss make your heart pound and stomach clench? If the answer to these questions is 'no,' to the first, and 'yes' to the second, then you have found someone worth suffering for.
She nodded her head slowly. Suffering is as good a word for it as any, I suppose, she mused. She felt as though she were constantly inching her way along a tight rope without a net beneath her and with one wrong move, she'd plummet to the ground. The only time she felt at peace these days were during her weekends with the very man who was the source of her problems. And then, when they parted, the doubts, the fears, all those uncertainties would avalanche leaving her conversely short of temper and a jangled mess of nerves. Was he worth the suffering? In her mind and heart, he was, elsewise she wouldn't still be doing this dance with him. But her feet were growing weary, along with the rest of her.
Picking up the book again, she settled in to read, wondering if the Steinmetz's offered any solutions or merely food for thought.
