A/N: This chapter I am playing with inner dialogue. Tell me what you think if you have any thoughts.


I hate running. I hate running. I HATE RUNNING! I need to think of something else or I'm never going to make it through this run. I had to admit that running on the beach was pretty ingenious, though. No matter how far I run I have to run that far back. I was too smart for my own good because I never turn around until I reach my rock and I had started farther back today than normal. Then the only fast way back is to run. I continued my internal dialogue: I'm turning around. No, Raven, run another quarter mile until your rock; you can do this. I hate running. Think about something else, fat ass. So, I did:

What was up with Seth last night? He kissed your neck. I know I didn't imagine that. Did I? Is it possible to want something so much that I imagined a scenario to be so real? Why won't he kiss me? Run off this last twenty pounds and maybe he will. That's stupid, if he doesn't like you like this then you shouldn't want him. You know Seth isn't like that anyway. Remember the way he looked at me right before that zerbert? He was going to kiss me…he was. Wasn't he? GAH!

I still hated running and I still had a long way to go. So, I replayed the rest of the night in my head.

"Raven," he called after we were finished eating, he had moved back up to the couch. I loved that voice he used when he didn't understand why I was upset with him. I loved that voice, but it drove me crazy, too. I purposely sat as far away from him as possible. After he kissed my neck I couldn't think straight. I needed some distance to clear my head.

"What?" I answered keeping my eyes glued to the television. A space ship had just crashed into London. I wondered how much money it was going to cost to rebuild after that.

"Why are you way over there?" Seth asked me. My stomach turned over and all the butterflies I had tried to kill by throwing things around the kitchen after he kissed my neck resurrected themselves and were trying to escape through my throat. Because I'm trying to stay away from you, you idiot. That's what I wanted to say.

"Because I was trying to avoid flying bits of food while you wolfed down your food, you pig." That's what I said out loud. He smirked at me. "And you finished off my pizza so I have nothing for breakfast tomorrow, so I'm mad at you." And I can't be held responsible for attacking you if you ever kiss my neck again. That would be his fault, wouldn't it? He kissed my neck. What the hell did that mean?

"You don't like cold pizza and I'm done eating." He did know me well. Damn. I hated that because it made me love him more. "So, get over here," he finished.

"No." I bit my pinky nail. If he can't see my lips, he can't tell I'm smiling.

"Why?" he asked, still looking at me.

"You're missing the show," I replied. Why? Because all that's going to do is get me all riled up and then you're going to go home and leave me in an unfulfilled, confused, horny fog. You really are an idiot! I did love getting riled up though. I liked the butterflies. I liked cuddling on the couch with him. Even if he never kissed me, I knew that he didn't do this with anyone else…and he could. I heard the girls on the res talking. Some even asked what his deal was.

"I won't miss anymore if you just get over here." I hated him. I hated the way he made me feel. No, I loved him and the way he made me feel. I hated that he didn't reciprocate. I should take what I could get, shouldn't I? I'm not getting any younger and I don't want anyone else.

"I'm fine right here," I replied. I wasn't fine right here. I wanted him to coax me again. I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted him to kiss my neck again.

"I am stronger than you, you know," Seth taunted, his eyebrows raised. That's it. That was what I wanted.

"What? Are you going to make me come over there?" I taunted back, silently begging him to do it.

"Is that an invitation?" he asked subtly preparing to launch. Why did we always end up wrestling? I guess it was a good release of the frustration I felt. If I couldn't make out with him at least I could wrestle with him. Either way I get to feel his body against mine.

"No. But remember I'm almost as big as you and I'm meaner than you." I countered. I hated that I felt like I was bigger than him. But that did it. He launched, grabbed my wrists and pulled me towards him while flipping me on my back and pushing his weight on me to pin me down. Okay, maybe he was bigger than me. I knew he was stronger than me.

"Don't you dare zerbert me again! I don't need your spittle all over my body." Yes I do. And I want his lips on my neck again. I loved the smirk that crossed his face. I loved his brown eyes that close to mine and I loved that I could feel his slow steady breath. Why wasn't he affected by me like I was affected by him? My chest was heaving and I was sure he could hear my heart pounding in my chest.

"I'll do what I like," he said playfully. "And I like cuddling with you." He rolled to the back of the couch while flipping me on my side, effectively spooning me. He wrapped his strong arms around me and I felt safe and warm despite the war the butterflies were having in my stomach. We didn't even make it through the first disk of the DVD series. It wasn't long after that I felt his slow, steady breathing behind me signaling that he had fallen asleep. I just let him sleep; we could rewatch the episode he missed.

When I moved to grab the remote to turn the television off he stirred holding me tight to him. "I'm not going anywhere, I just need the remote," I whispered. His grip loosened and I sat up to turn off all the electronics. The side I was laying on hurt so I turned to face him and snuggled back in using his arm for a pillow. His other arm snaked around my waist and there we slept until I got up for my run.

My internal alarm clock was infallible. I never had to set an alarm and when I woke up I really didn't want to leave my little bubble. Who needed snogging and sex when I had this kind of safety and comfort? But, if it ever did lead to sex, I wanted to be able to be naked without being mortified. So, I got up to go for my run.

I hadn't told anyone that I was trying to lose weight. I just began slowly by switching to diet soda and walking from the back of the parking lot. After watching the pack run one day and having so much fun, I decided to give it a try. I still didn't understand why it's so fun, but I loved how I feel when I finished. Some days the only thing that got me out in the morning, especially the rainy days, was the thought of the endorphin rush. Then after a run, I didn't want to undo what I had done, so I ate better food. It had been a pretty easy process-if I could get out the door to run.

When I emerged from my thoughts and back to my bare feet slapping on the sand, I realized that I made it to the part of the beach where I allowed myself to walk and cool down. Running the previous evening's cuddle session in my head over and over again helped me forget the physical torture I was putting myself through. Replaying the feel of Seth's breath on my ear and neck, that did other things to me.

"RAVEN!" Jake's voice called across the beach. I swore I saw Jacob more at the beach than I did at his house recording the entire tribe's history. I'd been so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice him. He closed the distance between us. "You're out and about early."

"Yeah. So are you, what's up with you?" My breathing was slowly returning to normal and I was completely soaked through. It wasn't raining, but it was misty and chilly, though the heat of my run kept the chill away. "Why are you out so early? I thought you'd be at the Cullen's."

"Nessie sleeps and I come back here while she's sleeping." He looked out towards the water. "It gives Rose a chance to be with her alone. I don't mind it so much when she's asleep." He turns back to me and smiled. "You left Seth?"

"Same feeling," I smiled back at him. "He's dead asleep on the couch." There was an awkward silence as they walked towards where she left her shoes. Jacob noticed her bare feet.

"You run without shoes?" Jacob asked.

"You do too," I pointed out. I knew why the pack ran without shoes so I clarified. "When I run on the beach, it's just easier than dumping all the sand out later."

"What made you start running?" Jacob asked sounding interested and concerned at the same time.

"Oh," I sighed, "I want to get a little more fit and you guys make it look like fun." I paused. "It's not as fun as you make it look," I admitted, "but I like the way I feel afterwards." Jacob considered me for a moment.

"He doesn't care if your fit or not," Jacob said, knowingly.

"I'm not…" I was shocked. What was he saying? That I was doing this for Seth? "I don't…" I didn't know what to say.

"Look, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I hope that this running thing and all this weight your losing is for you and not for Seth," Jacob said. "Because honestly, the boy is pretty stupid when it comes to that sort of thing and wouldn't notice either way." I had to consider that. Why was I doing this?

Jake noticed I had lost weight. I'd lost about thirty pounds and no one had said anything to me at all. I still wore my baggy clothes so I didn't really expect people to notice too much. But I was wearing spandex leggings and a fitted running jacket I bought just last week. There really was a noticeable difference today. "You noticed." Was all I said in reply.

"Yes," He nodded, "you can tell in your face," he paused. "He really does like you, you know." I looked up at him a little surprised.

"I know he loves me." I responded, because I did. I could feel his gaze settle on me and I knew what he was getting at. His words were hard to believe, though. "I just don't know how he loves me." I vented all the frustration I felt from the night before. I just spilled it all to Jacob and I have no idea why. I did feel better afterwards, though.

"Wow," he said. "You have it bad and I know exactly how you feel." His look was very sympathetic.

I nodded because I knew he did. I knew about his unrequited crush on Seth's step-sister. "Was it worth it?" I asked him. He looked over at me with a raised eyebrow. "All the crap you went through with Bella, was it worth it in the end?"

He thought about that for a moment and I could tell he was really weighing the pros and cons. I didn't know if that was a good sign or not. "Yes." he finally answered. "As frustrating as it was, the good times outweighed the bad times. Even after she was married and before Nessie, which wasn't that long, it was worth it just to be around her."

"Look," we had reached my shoes and we stopped, "I know he hasn't imprinted, but he thinks of you as his. That growl yesterday when I picked you up was an instinctual reaction. I can't tell you what's holding him back, but don't get too frustrated with him." Too late, I thought.

"You can't tell me or you won't tell me?" I asked. There was quite a difference in my mind.

"Same thing in this case. I've seen his thoughts here and it wouldn't be fair if I just told you. I will tell you, however, what I've seen that everyone else would be able to see. That growl yesterday was possessive and you are the only person he ever goes to see outside his family during his free time. Take from that what you should," Jacob urged.

"Are you going try really hard to not think about this conversation when you phase?" I asked just a little scared. "Please."

"Talk to him before Monday and it won't be an issue," he grinned. At least that gave me some incentive. "But I'm getting really good at that by hanging around Edward so much," he finished.

"I bet you are," I smiled. "What are you going to do when Nessie gets all hot and stuff?" I joked. "He may kill you." I hoped I didn't just reveal the kinds of things I think about by making that statement.

"Ew! I don't think about that yet. She's still only about 9 or 10…physically." To his credit he shuddered. "Mentally, she's passed me, though," he smirked.

"She is reading Harry Potter to you, which shows she has taste and I like her already," I stated. I sat down to slip my shoes on. I was still pretty warm, but my feet were freezing.

"I should take you out there sometime. You'd like the Doc's library and he'd love someone to read those books," Jake suggested.

"I'd really like that," I said. "Just let me know when." I had been interested to meet Nessie, too. "Well, I should head back. I want to surprise Seth with breakfast."

"Make a lot," Jake suggested, "and he likes cinnamon rolls."

"I made them yesterday. I just have to heat them up and put the icing on them." I smiled. Then I wondered how he knew that cinnamon rolls are his favorite and I felt a little bit of the possessiveness that Jake was talking about. He waved and I headed towards my car. I wanted to get home, showered, and changed before Seth got up.

When I pulled in to my drive way Leah was coming out of my front door and that scared me. Leah never came to my house, they needed him they'd just howl and he'd phase. I hopped out of my car and called out, "Leah! What's wrong? Is someone hurt?" A funny look crossed her face that I couldn't decipher.

"My brother's an idiot and you shouldn't even…" she started by was interrupted by Seth's booming voice.

"Leah! Get the hell out of here!" His face was fierce and his whole body quaked. I had never seen Seth yell at his sister before. He'd get aggravated with her, but he never yelled at her.

"Good luck," she muttered and headed towards the woods.

I looked towards Seth who seemed to be seeing me for the first time. "What happened? Is everyone okay?"

Seth smiled at me, shook his head at me while closing the distance between us. Without hesitating his arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into a deep kiss.


A/N: Next chapter is back to Seth's POV. Anyone wonder what Leah said that made him FINALLY kiss Raven after years and years? Stay tuned and give me some love.