Chapter Three

Ste's point of view

What had I just done? I can't believe I let him do this to me again, I ran home as fast as I could; I thought he might have followed me, but he never. I did look round a few times, but he wasn't there, I mean – was I hoping he was? Did I want him to follow me? Amy and Michaela didn't even notice me come in and go straight to my room, which, to be honest, I was glad about. I knew that Amy would ask me twenty questions as to why I was upset, and I just didn't need that right now. I laid on my bed thinking of him it, was always him. Why was I so quick to sleep with him? I know I love him, I know how I feel, even if I do deny it to everyone else; I can't lie to myself anymore. But to move on properly I know that I have to let him go and not keep jumping into bed with him, no matter how good it felt, no matter how alive I feel when I'm with him. He has hurt me and let me down so much, I can't go through it again, I just can't. I don't want to be here anymore, he will always take me when he wants me, and I will always let him; he knows that, I know that. Sometimes I wish I had of left with Noah, okay he cheated on me, but I cheated on him didn't I, but at least I would be free of him, free of that moustached man who drives me crazy, who I love so much but hate equally. He will never change, not ever. Okay so he admitted to being gay, so what? That doesn't mean anything. I can't see us holding hands like a proper couple; he never gave me that before – so why would he give it to me now? I know what I've got to do, I've got to move on, get away from here, get away from him; start a new life, a new chapter. Right so that's it then I will speak to Amy tomorrow, I know she won't understand and I will miss the kids so much, but this is the only way, isn't it? Still lying on my bed I close my eyes trying to escape my thoughts, but here he is, again; heavily on my mind, just like he is every single time.

Brendan's point of view

Did he really just walk away? Does he expect me to go after him? Well I'm not, I'm Brendan Brady! He'll be back, he always comes back. As I sit here alone, all I could think about was him and all these feelings I felt, I should tell him but I can't, that would make me weak, and I'm not weak. I mean, where would I even begin? Sorry for hitting you all those times? Sorry for denying you a proper relationship? Sorry for ruining your life? No, some things are better left unsaid. It was easier this way, I had all the power, I had all the control, I could take him any time I wanted him. I knew it, he knew it. I returned to the bar to help Rhys and Ash clean down. It had been a busy night for them, and I was no use; Stephen was the only thing on my mind tonight. I couldn't help but remember the times when Stephen and I had closed up together, why did I fire him? I'm so proud at times, so stubborn, he could read me, he knew me; and at that point, I thought I didn't need him, but I did, I have always needed him. I locked up the club and decided to go to his flat, not to go and knock on the door but just to see if I could get a glimpse of him, but when I got there all the lights were off, everyone must have been asleep. I felt happier from just being outside his flat, so many memories – some good, some bad. I finally get home to an empty flat, Chez must be having a good date, seeing as she wasn't even home. I thought about texting him and inviting him round, I even got so far as writing it:

"Fancy round two? BB"

But thought better of it, and deleted it. So here I lay in my empty bed, visions of my beautiful Stephen and what we had done in my office, in my head. My cock became hard as the visions of me thrusting into him suddenly seemed very real, I could almost feel him here with me, and I imagined he was and that we were on round two. I moaned his name as I bought myself to a climax. What has this boy done to me? I need to tell him, I need him to understand that he belongs to me.

Ste's point of view

I woke up early, everyone else was still in bed, which I'm glad about, as it might just make this easier to do. My head is heavy, all over the place; and I've decided to take the coward's way out and leave a note to Amy explaining that I have to leave, it read:

"Amy

Going away for a bit

Will call soon

Ste xxx"

I couldn't write much more, I mean writing never was my strong point was it. I didn't know where I was going to go, I didn't know anything; but I knew I had to get away. I packed a bag with a few things I just took what I needed really, I wanted to travel light. I took £30 out from our savings jar, I could always send Amy some money when I got a job, couldn't I. I quietly crept into Leah and Lucas' bedroom and kissed them both goodbye, trying not to wake them. I placed the note on the table where I knew Amy would see it. I felt horrible not talking to her, but I couldn't; I knew she would talk me out of it – and I needed this, I needed this fresh start. I opened the door to leave, tears streaming down my face. I walked through the village, it was so quiet, hardly anyone around; it was nice like this. I find myself standing infront of ChezChez, not really sure why, for memories? For some closure? Who knows? I closed my eyes seeing happier times when I worked there side by side with Brendan; life seemed so good back then, at least better than it is now. The thought of not seeing him again makes my heart ache, but I know I have to do this, even if it's just for a few months; so I can gain control of my feelings. I know I'm running away but I don't know what else to do; I'm so weak when it comes to him. I walk over to the bus stop; I didn't want to go too far, just far enough so he couldn't find me. I'll just get on the bus and see where it takes me. The bus was empty, and I sat right at the back. I looked out of the window mouthing the words "goodbye Brendan" as the bus started to pull away.

Brendan's point of view

I awoke feeling happy, today was the day I was going to get him back. I knew what I'd have to do, I knew I'd have to go to him, but I didn't care; whatever it takes to make him understand that he is mine and I am his. Our relationship would never be normal, it would never be hearts and flowers but as long as we were together we could figure the rest out later, couldn't we. I knew he couldn't resist me. I put on my best suit and red shirt, the same red shirt from the first time I kissed him. I looked in the mirror to do my hair and smooth down my tash, looking good! I thought to myself. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door making my way over to Stephens flat. I knocked on the door expecting him to answer, I felt anxious when Amy answered the door with tears running down her face.

"What do you want Brendan" She said.

"I was looking for Stephen"

She interrupted me

"He's gone"

"What do you mean Amy? Gone?"

"I mean gone Brendan"

She showed me the note, I tried hard to keep my emotions inside but I felt like I was going to explode

"I don't understand but why?" I said to her

She snatched the note out of my hands and slammed the door in my face. I couldn't believe it. He's left, was this because of what happened? I have damaged him even more, but I thought it was okay, I thought he was just making me sweat. He feels so desperate to get away from me that he's left the only security he's ever known: Amy and the kids. Now the kids are without a dad and it's all my fault. I don't even know where he's gone or if he's coming back, but it will be okay because like I've said before; he always comes back to me, why would this time be any different? What was I thinking, I let my guard down; I was about to tell him how I really felt, I won't make that mistake again. He obviously doesn't want me, if he did he wouldn't have run away would he? It's better not to show emotion to anyone. Love makes you weak, and I won't ever be weak again, I might even find myself another Stephen to play with. It doesn't matter; I was stupid to think it would work, stupid to show my softer side, I won't do it again, not for him, not for anyone. Brendan Brady doesn't do love, emotions and feelings; I control and manipulate. That's the way I've always been until I met him, until Stephen.

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