R&R
Doveryat'
A Grisha Trilogy Fanfiction
Chapter Three
As I approached the door that would lead back to my chambers, I couldn't help but hesitate when I heard movement behind the doors. For an irrational second, my heart sped up, and a panicked part of my brain immediately brought up the face of Baghra hidden among the shadows. With a shake of my head, and knowing who was on the other side, I opened the door.
"For the love of all Saints, it's about time," beautiful as always, Genya's face was there to greet me. Even the impatient frown on her face couldn't seem to ruin her perfect complexion.
Perhaps if this was just another morning, I would have felt the prick of insecurity in her presence as I always did, but today was different. Today, I was different. So rather than pout and grumble, I simply smiled at Genya.
"We are Grisha, Genya. We have plenty of time," I replied, emphasizing my point by slowly making my way to her and tugging at her hair playfully.
Genya's frowned further, and a wide range of emotion flashed through her golden eyes. I managed to catch the look of confusion, concern, and maybe a hint of longing.
"You seem in an awfully good mood this morning," Genya commented casually as she grabbed my wrist and began pulling me to the bathroom. She was right, and it didn't hurt that a bath was waiting for me.
I shrugged as I began to remove my black kefta and carefully set it aside. I touched the water in the bath and was even happier to see that it was just the perfect temperature, not scorching hot, but hot enough that my body would surely relax whatever tense muscles I might have. I stripped myself of the rest of my clothes and got in, sighing as the water covered my entire body and stopped at my neck.
As my body settled into the water and relaxed, my brain decided to start working again. I thought back to the previous day. I thought of Baghra's deranged words, of Mal's cold indifference, and I thought of the ever-present Shadow Fold just outside my reach. What did I have to be happy for? That I had finally found a place where I seemed to be of some use? That I had spent the night with the most powerful Grisha? What was I really happy about this morning?
I sighed as I caught sight of Genya picking up my discarded clothes on the ground, and frowned at the sight.
"You don't have to do that Genya. You're not my servant, no matter what anyone says."
Genya looked at me slowly, her eyes hard for just a split second, before she sent a warm smile my way.
"Well, friends are allowed to clean up after each other, aren't they?" she replied as she folded the clothing and placed it alongside the black kefta.
Friends.
Did I have any friends? Mal had been the only one I had ever truly considered my friend, and look where that ended up between us. Could a real friendship really be broken so easily? Then again… it would be unfair to say that everything that had happened was easy. It all happened so fast, before either could act or do anything about it. Like a vase tipped over the edge, we shattered.
And there I went again, even after promising myself to put Mal and our friendship in the past. Why was it that I couldn't shake him? As hard as I tried, he just wouldn't leave my thoughts.
"Is it wrong, to be happy when everything seems to want to make you miserable?"
The next thing I knew, Genya was sitting on the edge of the bath.
"Well, there goes your good mood. What managed to sour it so fast?"
I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't tell her about Baghra, and I wasn't entirely comfortable sharing the details of what had happened last night with the Darkling. All that I could tell her about was Mal, and maybe that's exactly what I needed. Some female input on the situation I couldn't wrap my mind around.
"I saw Mal yesterday…" I started, and wasn't surprised when she didn't seem shocked by the news. But I was surprised by the glimpse of guilt I thought I caught. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if Genya had known that he was there the entire time.
"What did he say?"
The familiar ache I was beginning to associate with Mal grasped my chest, and I wished it was as easy as telling myself it was in the past.
"Well, he sure wasn't happy to see me. He practically told me he didn't want anything to do with me, that he thought I was selfish and on a high-horse for wearing the Darkling's colors and having anything to do with him," even to my own ears, I heard the bitterness in my voice.
I didn't want to look at Genya, afraid of what I'd see on her face. Would it be pity, sadness? Either one would remind me of how weak I really was when it came to Mal…
"The great Sun Summoner, the only one with the power to save Ravka from the Shadow Fold, reduced to a pile of self-pity at the hands of a mere otkazat'sya tracker… there's something tragically beautiful about that…"
I glared as I looked at Genya, and was irritated by the teasing smile on her face.
"As much as a porcelain doll falling for a plain scrawny Durast" I retorted, immediately regretting my words as the smile faded from her lips.
"No matter how you look at it, he still outranks me…"
I frowned at her words, and remembered just how insecure Genya truly was about her place in the Order. I knew rank meant everything to her, a Grisha in talent, but a servant in rank.
"You don't have to look at it that way…" I tried to say soothingly, but as soon as I said it Genya's confidant smirk returned.
"Of course, I outrank all of you in beauty," she replied.
I smiled encouragingly, not wanting to push Genya beyond her boundaries. There was a lot that she dealt with, and I continued to be amazed with her ability to come off as strong and confident.
"We all have our roles Alina. And you're right, it was unfair that you had to be stripped of your old life and forced into one you don't understand. But you're the Sun Summoner now, Alina. You're not just Mal's childhood friend anymore. You have responsibilities to Ravka, responsibilities that he should understand and support, not lash out at you for."
I sighed again, having told myself that a millions times already.
"I know. I just wish it got easier the more I try to convince myself of that."
This time Genya moved to grab my hand.
"Everything heals with time. In the end, it'll be worth it, just you wait and see."
I forced myself to smile and nodded as I squeezed her hand.
"Now hurry up, your bath is getting cold. I'll finish helping you pack," I watched as she stood up and walked back to my room, not for the first time wondering if I should have asked…
I didn't get any letters.
Mal's voice unwillingly crossed my mind. Could someone have kept them from him?
I sighed and shook my head. Did it matter anymore? That bridge had been burned, and all I should do is keep going, not try to get back to the other side.
"You know, he might be good for you after all…"
I turned to look at Genya as I finished putting back on my blue kefta, and saw her looking at me intently as if contemplating something.
"Who are we talking about?" I asked hesitantly.
"The Darkling. There's something different about you today… and I know something happened between you two last night," the grin on her face made the blood travel straight to my face.
Once more I felt like a fish out of water, trying to look for words that couldn't be found. She only giggled in response.
"You don't have to say anything, your face says it all."
I sighed in defeat, knowing better than to try and make up an excuse or lie. Besides, Genya was my friend, she was the only one I felt comfortable sharing such intimate details with.
"You've known him longer than I have… do you think it's a smart choice?" I asked.
For once, Genya seemed to really consider the question.
"Like I said, he's different from us. But then again, so are you. To be honest, you're the only one I can see him being compatible with."
Like calls to like…
It seemed silly that the Darkling and I were alike, but in a way, it made sense that we were alike in our differences to the rest of the Grisha. Even though I might be the only one with power to rival his own, he was still more experienced and knowledgeable in all areas. In that matter, he would always be on a different level than I.
"Still, I think you should be careful with him," and the concern in her voice truly made me believe it.
So I nodded, Baghra's words unwittingly sounding in the back of my mind.
"Before I leave, could I ask a favor of you Genya?"
Once we were done with breakfast, I went in search of the Darkling again. I had been relieved when no one at breakfast had looked at me differently, and I was glad to know there had been no rumors spreading like wildfire. As much as I told myself I wouldn't let it affect me, it would be easier to deal with no rumors at all.
Still, that didn't stop me from looking around uneasily as I approached the War Room where I was told the Darkling was waiting for me. As I entered the hall, a group of high-ranking Etherealki and Heartrenders were leaving, and I assumed they would be the ones accompanying us on the hunting party to find the stag.
Just the thought of leaving soon to find this creature made my heart beat with excitement and just a bit of fear. Whether I was afraid of the power such an amplifier would give me, or the fact that it might not exist at all, I wasn't sure.
When I pushed past the large doors, I saw the Darkling standing over the map that covered Ravka and the surrounding nations. He didn't look up when I came in, and I walked up to stand next to him and tried to see what he saw in such a map.
There was no doubt that it was a beautiful map. The cartographer in me admired the detail that it presented; the sharp lines of the mountains and the way the permafrost stood out. But as always, one look at the slash that was the Unsea and the amount of ground it seemed to cover on the map was enough to unsettle me.
"If the Tracker is correct, we'll be able to catch up with Mozorova's herd in a few weeks' time."
I tried to ignore the prick that came with the mentioning of Mal, and looked to the North where the Darkling's hand rested.
"That sounds like such a long time from now…" I said, truly meaning it.
The anticipation was killing me, the hope that this might all be over soon if we managed to get that amplifier.
"What's a few weeks, compared to hundreds of years of existence," the Darkling said as he finally turned to face me.
Like always, his pale and perfect face made by breath catch. The sight of his smile and quartz eyes made my heart skip a beat, and when his hand moved to caress my cheek I couldn't help but lean against his touch.
"After centuries of terror, you will annihilate the Shadow Fold in a day," he said.
I hoped so…
"It won't be just me… it'll be all of us," I said as a reached to grab his hand on my cheek with my own. Somehow, it made it feel less of a feat when I pictured him and the other Grisha and soldiers with me.
He grinned as he used his other hand to place it around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
"Of course. We can't let the Sun Summoner get all the glory," he replied, and I once more felt myself flush at his proximity.
Just like that, I remembered the events of the previous night, and the familiar heat I now recognized as lust reared up like a wave and crashed over me. He must have seen it in my eyes, because his own quartz pair darkened and his grin disappeared as his hand moved from my cheek and to the back of my neck.
He pulled my face to his and I closed my eyes as his lips crashed over mine. The need of the kiss matched my own growing desire as I kissed him back, opening my mouth and loving the way our tongues immediately found each other. I was lost in the feeling of his tongue twining with mine, the way he expertly maneuvered it and seemed to send electricity down my spine with every flick of it.
Without realizing it, my own hands found their way under his Kefta and shirt, my hands trailing over the smooth skin that I had touched for the first time just last night, but already I had begun to miss. The images of his shirtless torso came back to my mind's eye, and I felt the urge to remove his shirt and see it once more, but as I began to tug on his shirt, realization hit me.
"What if someone comes in?" I tried to say between hard kisses, panic rising up at the thought of being caught in such a position, but at the same time not having the strength to pull away from the emotions and desire that came from kissing and touching him.
"Let them see," he practically growled into my mouth, and enforced his words by picking me up by the waist and placing me down on the edge of the table where the map was.
I tried to come up with an objection, but all rational thoughts left my mind when I felt his hips grind against my core. Instead all I could do was gasp at the force of it, and the pleasure that it sent through me. On instinct, I placed my arms around his back and pulled him closer, my legs wrapping around him and my own hips matching his thrusts as I tried to create more friction between our bodies.
There was something thrilling about the Darkling's intensity, and rather than fearing him, it only drew me into the passion. As his hands entangled themselves into my hair, I felt my own hands claw at his back. When I thought the delicious torture couldn't get any worse, his mouth descended to my neck, and I had to fight to hold in the moan I felt building at my throat. Instead, it came out as a small mewl as I arched my neck to allow him more access to his lips and tongue as it flicked and licked at my hot skin.
"We… we should stop," I fought to say, but it came out as a gasp more than words.
His tongue slowed down ever so slightly, teasingly licking from my neck towards the base of my ears where he nipped at lightly. My body arched towards him and my hands pulled at him, and I couldn't help but feel flustered at the riveting chuckle he echoed.
"Mm… are you sure that's what you want?" he asked teasingly, and I tried not to groan at the huskiness of his voice and its effects on me.
"N-no…" I gasped as I pulled back, only to grip my hands behind his neck and pull his mouth to mine once more, my body practically humming as he placed his hands around my waist and grinding his hips against my core once more.
He pulled away from me slightly, and our breaths came out ragged as we stared into each other's eyes. My head was spinning, and I could only stare with half-lidded eyes into his intense gaze. His hands moved to my kefta and began to remove it. Part of me knew that I should stop this, that the Darkling was a busy man and anyone could come through those doors any at any minute.
Whether it was pure coincidence, or a sick twist of fate, my fears were proven when a knock resounded from the other side of the door. Simultaneously, we pulled away from each other as I practically shoved him away from me and jumped down from the table, trying to smooth my appearance and quell the rapid beating of my heart.
I looked at the Darkling to see his face return to its usual calm, and I envied the way he made it appear as if nothing had happened just seconds before.
"Enter," he spoke, and the doors opened to reveal a charcoal-clad oprichniki.
"The trackers are here to see you," he said, and the only thing the Darkling had to do was nod his head before the oprichniki turned around.
At the sound of the word tracker, my heart skipped a beat, and I knew exactly who would be among them. Despite what had just happened with the Darkling, I still wasn't ready to see Mal again, not with the fresh wound that I still had from our last encounter.
"I'll leave you to your business," I tried to make a quick exit before the trackers came in, but I was stopped by the Darkling's arm coming around and grabbing me around the shoulders. I turned to look questioningly at him, but his calm façade gave nothing away.
"You should stay; this business is as much yours as it is mine."
I didn't know what to say. Staying was the last thing I wanted to do, but before I could say anything, the oprichniki returned with four others in tow. As I feared, Mal was among them. My heart sped up and thumped against my chest as I was filled with unease, but as I saw his eyes settle on me, I forced myself to give nothing away. I straightened my posture and looked him square in the eye.
He frowned, and I noticed his mouth tightened when he saw that the Darkling's arm around me. At the dark look in his eyes, I got just a small feeling of satisfaction.
I looked towards the other members of the group, assuming they must be the same soldiers I had seen the night before with Mal. They wore the standard soldier's uniform, and each wore the worn and dreary look of every soldier on their face. One of them hard short brown hair, with hazel eyes, while the other two had black hair and dark eyes. I tried not to think of how they paled in comparison to Mal's figure next them.
As the meeting began, it took all my willpower to keep my eyes from straying towards Mal. Instead, I tried to focus on the conversation between the trackers and the Darkling as they planned which routes would be best to take, how many soldier to take, and all the places that would be suitable for resting and making stops.
There really wasn't much I could contribute to the conversation, and all I could really do was answer to the concerns they had about my safety. They asked whether I could handle crossing mountains, or whether I'd prefer to ride a coach or on horseback, and by their questions I felt more like a child than the supposed salvation of Ravka. They also worried about protecting me, and trying to find ways to make it appear as if I wasn't with the group at all to avoid assassination attacks.
A part of me felt like this trip would be like the day my powers were first discovered, where I was forced to stay inside the coach surrounded my countless soldiers and Grisha. I tried to convince them of the fact that I was stronger now, that I had learned to fight and protect myself during my stay in Os Alta.
"She should stay."
I was shocked when I heard Mal bring this up.
"We can't worry about her safety and assassins while also trying to track the herd," he argued. In a sense, I knew that he had a point, but this was no ordinary search and retrieve mission.
"I have to go, I have to be the one to take down the stag if I want to claim the amplifier," I replied, hoping that I looked more confident than I felt.
"She's right, there's no way around it. I'm sure Alina is more than capable of handling herself by now," the Darkling added, and couldn't help but see once more how he was the one supporting an encouraging me, while Mal was the one who doubted my abilities and saw me as a hindrance.
"You are the best tracker, are you not?" the Darkling asked, clearly addressing Mal.
Mal looked at him with hard eyes before nodding.
"Then you should be more than enough. If you are worried about drawing attention, then we will travel in a small inconspicuous group. We will travel without my guard, Grisha, or any other soldiers. We will take Genya to hide our identities, and one of my Durasts to fashion the amplifier once we find the stag. That should be a more than enough to keep attention from us, wouldn't you agree?"
I saw Mal's jaw tighten, but even I knew that what the Darkling proposed made sense. As long as no one could tell who we really were, then we shouldn't have to worry about attempts at my life or drawing attention in a coach with the Darkling's symbol and a number of Grisha and soldiers in our wake. It would also mean that it would be easier to track the stag without a large number of people to worry about, and we would even move at a faster pace.
And more than anything, I knew that Mal hated the idea of helping the Darkling and I towards our goal, even if it meant we could save Ravka by doing so. From our talk the night before, he had made his aversion to serving the Darkling clear. But I also knew that Mal was a soldier at heart, and he could not disobey orders on a selfish whim, not when it meant the fate of Ravka depended on it.
"Very well," Mal finally answered.
"Good, then we will be on our way tomorrow at dawn," the Darkling looked satisfied, and his reply spoke of the matter as being settled.
Mal nodded stiffly. I saw his eyes flicker over to me for the briefest moment before he quickly turned around and walked towards the doors of the War Room, the three other men quickly moving after him.
As I watched him walk away, it dawned on me that it didn't matter how strong I had become, and how capable of handling myself I really was. It didn't matter that I was the Sun Summoner, and that the most powerful man in Ravka would be within reach at all times. As my heart thumped painfully in my chest at the prospect of what tomorrow would bring, I knew this trip would be the hardest I'd have to endure thus far.
A/N: Well, I read Siege and Storm, and I was not disappointed in the least bit. I was disappointed however, by the lack of Darkling in it. It was all about Mal and Nikolai, and while I appreciated her effort with trying to still include the Darkling with those little scenes, it simply wasn't enough for me. While I was afraid of the book taking my muse away from this storyline, it actually managed to give me quite a bit of ideas. I now intend to bring in our wonderful privateer, which I'm sure we all grew a little fond of, despite him being a little too close to a Mary Sue, among other things.
I am also very excited about Dreamworks picking up the title for the Grisha Trilogy. I've always thought the the Grishaverse would make a beautiful movie, and if its true that the director of Harry Potter will be directing it, than I'm sure we won't be disappointed. As with every amazing thing, the wait and anticipation is always the hardest part, but I'm sure time will fly by. After all, time sure flew by since I first discovered the Grisha trilogy.
I now have an hour to do my online class hw, but I finally finished this chapter! I was soooo close to adding a full smutty seen in here, but somehow it didn't feel quite right yet, so I'll leave it for later when I hope to develop the Darklina pairing a little more. Their chemistry still doesn't feel quite right, and I'm excited for the drama that will follow the small group in their search for the stag.
As always, I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter, and are still out there somewhere. Don't be shy to leave a review, and tell me what you liked about this chapter. I really appreciate feedback rather than just pleading for the next chapter, because it helps me understand what you guys would like to see from me in the future.
Thanks for reading, and review! :)
