You can stop thinking about it… but you cant forget

So I'm here at my apartment. Two weeks have past since the little incident between me and Carmen. The guys never knew, so that's good. The next day I told the guys about the bag. They did ask me why I didn't tell them sooner. They know it's hard for me to do this, so they bought the lie that, I was figuring out what it meant. Well technically… it's not a lie. Then I told them that I thought she was in her old house. This time they didn't ask why. And I was totally ok with that. So we went there fully armed. I knew she wasn't going to be there. I knew she was already gone. So later, we went back home to downtown LA. And here I am…

It's sad you know…We lived together for almost 2 years… I remember how we met, like it was yesterday… I was getting out of a bad relationship. Real closet case. She broke my hart telling me she was going to get married with this guy, I didn't know about. But apparently, lot of people did. A month later, I was still devastated about the fucked up situation and wanted to get fucking drunk, so that I wouldn't feel the pain that was eating me alive. I went to this place cold… The Planet….

(FLASHBACK)

(Shane/Planet/ Lots of people)

(Really cool place. I knew the owner, Kid. Her sister and I used to date, so… But there she was. She was the DJ…Kid saw the look I gave her.)

"ok, Shane I will introduce you to her after she's finished" what can I say…

So after she was finished, Kid introduced each other and we got a table and started to talk. I don't know why I felt so comfortable with her. I told her about my job and why I became an Agent. She seemed intrigued by my old, sad story.

(Now I know why… That's what she meant when she said "and I know you know what I'm talking about Shane" some thing like that, the last time we confronted each other… Anyway back to the story)

When I was talking to her, I felt good. Finally in a month of being sorry for my self, I was … good. It was crazy, because the time was not right and then just like that you start to feel again. I told my self that I was NOT going to like someone for a while, you just don't want to fall in love, just to get your hart broken again. But then it happens… in your face and its sucks, cuz… its never part of the "plan". She had this smile that I couldn't get enough of. This body…wooooo, what can I say she was hot.

(And I ask her on a date, and……she said YES!!)

(END FLASCHBACK)

I don't like these things… these flashbacks that I'm having. It's like they are trying to say something. And I don't want to remember anymore. I want to forget. Because it's hurts to know that … that was not completely her… that she was letting out something. And if I cant have her all… I don't want her at all…

NEXT DAY AT WORK

I'm sitting in my office just looking at a picture I had of me and Carmen at vacations on PUERTO RICO. That was the best vacation ever.

(FLASHBACK)

(Shane/Carmen/Beach/Drinks/a lot of people laughing/lots of noice)

(not again, no!!!)

(Ends FLASHBACK)

Fuck !!! why does this keeps happening

(A woman came in Shane's office)

"HEY"

"Hey…"

"What are you doing?"

"Working"

"Oh…" (she got closer to Shane and sat right in front of Shane on her desk) "I think you need a brake…" (She went to kiss her, but Shane stopped her.)

"I can't….. Sherry, I'm working" (she got up and went to opened the door for her)

"This is about that villain Carmen right?... your EX ?"

"NO!!... I'm working"

"Work didn't seem to bother you before... You were sleeping with me and coming home to her, and now she's gone and you don't want me anymore?"

"That was a mistake. I never should have had sex with you."

"I can't believe you. All this for a fucking bitch"

"Get out!!" (Sherry got out and she closed the door. Then someone knocked. And Shane opened it) "I told y-… oh, Pablo sorry come in" (Pablo saw the look Shane had on… so sad… so miserable)

"Look Shane… I know your hurting right now… and I could understand that, but… that's life… Loves not like in the movies… and …something's are better just left to mystery" (Shane looked down.)

"Thank you…"

"Anytime… but look um… there was a murder on Culver City." (He had a file on his hand. He sat down and so did Shane)

"Who?"

"A lawyer named… Chris Barkley."

"Ok so, what's his backgrounds ?"

"Well… the word is he always defended GOOD people… and he always wins… so I don't know, it's not her normal scene"

"Well if we want to find out, I guess we have to go to Culver City then"

CULVER CITY

(Crime scene)

"What we got?"

"Well not much, he was shot on the heart"

(FLASHBACK)

(Carmen/ Old house/ Gun)

"When you kill someone by a bullet on the heart, its better… not that messy, as if on the head, but its more personal."

(END FLASHBACK)

fuck, what can I do to stop this thing!!!!!!

"…Shane… Shane are you ok?"

"um…yea, yea sorry, um, anything ells?"

"yea, a red rose…-" fuck!! How can she still do this?

"It's her…"

"How do you know?"

"That's her mark. For her, it means forgiveness."

"You sure?"

"No… Nothing more?... no note ... Anything?"

"No" Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck CARMEN!!!! Shit… I am in love with a fucking monster… how can she do this…and how the fuck am I going to find her know?... what if she really doesn't want to be found?… I'm going crazy because of her. Every time she kills some one, it's like a bullet on my gut… because I know she will never change… The weird thing is that I really want to find her… to see her. But at the same time I know if I do, it would probably be the end of her…. So I went home, I couldn't take it anymore…. knowing she's throwing her life away…That I could never be with her.

(Shane arrived at her apartment really tired and didn't notice Carmen sitting on the floor on her room)

"I didn't do it" (Carmen said in a low voice. Shane jumped of surprised, but when she saw who it was, she was shocked and scared at the same time)

"Get away from me. Get out" (she didn't have her gun with her. She left it on her desk. Carmen was sitting hugging her legs. When she herd Shane's response she looked down and buried her head on her legs)

"I didn't Shane…" (she was crying now. She looked up to see Shane on the opposite wall, like if she was scared of her) "are you afraid of me?"

"…Should I?" (Carmen was really hurt now. Her tears falling from her eyes like if she had lost someone)

"No… I didn't do it Shane…not this time" (Shane got closer)

"Fuck you Carmen… I know It was you… you left the fucking rose remember" (Carmen stood up)

"That doesn't mean anything, I didn't do it!!!!!... He was a good man, why would I kill an innocent guy Shane!?!?"

"Because your crazy. You can't decide… who's bad and who's good Carmen… that's not your job… your not suppose to do that. Crazy people do that" (Carmen laughs and cried at the same time)

" Maybe I'm crazy, everyone is, in some point… but I know what I do and I know what I don't do… and I didn't do it" (Shane didn't know if to believe her or not)

SHE LYING SHANE "I'm not lying Shane… I would never lie to you… Trust me…please" (Carmen eyes where red from all the crying and Shane couldn't take this… couldn't stand to see the woman she loves so destroyed) Fuck she looks so sad… I can't take this… I can't watch this… this is breaking my fucking heart. I hate this. (She got closer to Carmen and sat next to her)

"Please don cry" (Carmen turned to look at her)

"Do you believe me?" (Shane looked away. She new the answer but didn't want to say it)

"Yes"

"Look at me and say it. I don't need does people, to now I didn't do it … but I do need you to believe in me" (Shane looked at her)

"Yes Carmen I believe in you… I don't know why but… I know you're telling me the truth… and again I don't know why" (They looked at each other for a minute. But Carmen broke down laughing)

"What's so funny?" (Shane panicked)

"This… this is a fucked up situation Shane… I'm supposed to be running from you, you are supposed to be arresting me"

"Yea about that, I'm not doing a very good job"

"No we are not…"

"You know… a friend of mine ones said that… Love is not like in the movies, that… something are better just left to mystery…" (Shane looked away from Carmen)

"Well… what good is a mystery if you don't try to solve it?" good response (They looked at each other and smiled. Carmen got closer and went to kiss Shane. Shane met her half way and started kissing passionately, until Carmen stopped)

"Are you going to stop this when it's really staring to get hot again? Cause this time I'm not sure a can take it." She so fucking hot… I can't resist her, I admit it

"I don't think I can do that anymore… it was a one time thing" (she smiled)

"Don't start what you can't finish Shane" lol She is such a tease

"oh a can finish it" (Shane grabbed Carmen and pulled her up. They walked kissing to the bed. When Carmen's knees touched the bed Shane pushed her down so she was lying on the bed. Shane didn't want to waist anytime so she took off Carmen's pants . Carmen was smiling at Shane's desperation. Then Shane took off her shirt and straddle Carmen. They where kissing again. They moved a little up, so they where fully in the bed. Not breaking the kiss. Shane took off Carmen's shirt and bra like in a second. Shane's leg was in-between Carmen's. And all of a sudden the phone rings)

"Are you going to get that?"

"No, the machine will get it:" (They continued what they where doing. Shane pushed her leg harder on Carmen's center and obtaining a moan. But then they herd a women's voice)

"Look Shane I'm sorry about tonight. (Shane froze) I shouldn't have reminded you about sleeping with me wile you where with your ex. (Shane started to get up and Carmen was in shocked) I real woman doesn't do that, so sorr-"

"HEY!!!!"

"oh Shane um… look a just wanted-"

"Look Sherry I'm busy, and a really don't want to talk about this right now. Get over it… I don't want you" (And she hanged up) "I'm sorry about that" (she got in the bed and went to kiss Carmen)

"Don't touch me!!!!" Fuck you Sherry!!!

"What's wrong?" play it cool

"WHAT"S WRONG!!?!?... fuck you Shane!! … Is she right?"

"What are you talking about?" fuck !!!!!!!!

"Don't you fucking play with me Shane… did you deceived me?" (Shane looked down)

"Yes" I can't lie to her… never could (Carmen was now crying again. And she stood up) "It was that time when we had that enormous fight, because your ex was in town" (Carmen grabbed her cloth)

"Yea and you just had to do that"

"I'm sorry Carmen"

"Sure you are" (She started putting her cloth back on)

"Are you going?"

"Yes Shane, I'm fucking going"

"I'm sorry, it was a mistake and I know that now… I don't want to loose you again"

"I guess you never know how much you love a person until she's gone right?"

"I Love you" (That words right there, where the one's that hurt Carmen)

"Everything just keeps getting worse… But, what do you want me to do? (Crying) … Forget that, THAT happened… that you fucked another woman and then came back home to fuck me?"

"……I did… right now I'm forgiving you… " (Carmen looked at Shane. She new she was right, I mean, right now she's forgetting that she needs to arrest her, that she lied to her, that she's a killer) I get so fucking week around her… I would never be able to arrest her.

"I can't… bye Shane" (She got out of Shane's house)

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!" (Shane got up and went to the machine, grabbed it and threw it to the floor making it break in peaces) shitttttttt. Fuck (she started crying) why can't this be easy for a change. Why can't I be fucking happy!!!!!

( FLACHBACK)

(Shane/ Carmen/ Couch/ Food)

(not again!!!)

"I don't think a person can be truly happy"

"Carmen how can you say that?... your not happy?"

"I am, ok you know, but I'm not truly happy. And It's got nothing to do with you so don't put that face" (Shane smiled)

"Then tell me Yoda, why can't anyone be truly happy?"

"Because it will be too boring, to perfect… why would you want to be good if you could be bad…and who the fuck wants good or perfect?"

"You're perfect"

"Yea right... I'm far from perfect…. But the thing I'm trying to say is… it can't be always easy. It's like that saying: you've got to go through hell before you get to heaven."

"Well, then I know I've been thru hell"

"Why?"

"Because I got my heaven" (They smiled and started kissing)

(END OF FLASHBACK)

(Shane was now laying on her bed)

fuck!!! Stop that!!!!!! My head hurts when I have does…Stop thinking about the past Shane… and start thinking about the fucked up future… It's like something doesn't want me to be with Carmen. Some times I think we don't belong together, but sometimes… it's like we are made for each other. It's hard. Sometimes I think about killing my self… I mean I don't have anything in this world anymore. And if I have to spend my life running around looking for the woman I love… I rather just die. I just hope that it's like she says… sometimes you've got to go through hell before you get to heaven………….. Well I've been through hell, now where's my fucking heaven? …