Chapter 3

Rachel had been typing away and searching the site for hours before she stumbled into a chat room. It was titled Curiously Seeking. She decided that it could be a good place to start. She clicked on the link and was only mildly upset that she would have to create an account to go further. She quickly thought about what she should call herself.

Then she heeded Blaine and Kurt's warnings. She couldn't put herself out there without outing herself completely. She didn't care about that, but she knew that it would cause a media circus that she didn't want to deal with at the moment. She wanted someone she could be anonymous and not have to worry about the repercussions of her fame. Eventually she settled on a name that no one could help but believe it as her own. She doubted that anyone would get the references anyway. So MariaBrice10038 was born.

She sat back as she filled out the questionnaire. She knew that she could put some truth down, but more than likely she wouldn't be able to use the complete truth. She didn't want anyone realizing who she was until she was certain that this was what she wanted. It was a bitter pill for her to swallow because she was always so open with her life, both public and private. It was something that she prided herself on and she knew it was because of her upbringing. She understood the need for secrecy even if she hated it.

She doubted that anyone would get her screen name and she was okay with that. It was her completely unsubtle nod to Broadway. It was the only way that she could feel like herself and not be herself at the same time. She settled down and prepared to do the one of the things she hated most: lying. Acting wasn't lying. It was art and that was the biggest difference. When she was acting, everyone knew that it wasn't real.

She read through the questionnaire. She decided to keep her name as Maria Brice. No one needed to know that it wasn't really her name. Plus it would just make things easier as she was talking to anyone online when they called her Maria. Her online persona would be her but not her. She would act.

The rest of the questionnaire was easy, too. She didn't lie about her age. She was proud to be twenty-five and as accomplished as she was. She filed the form out telling anyone that would read her profile on the site that she was indeed Jewish, practicing but not necessarily orthodox. She was on the petite side, average build but athletic, and had graduated college. Those were the easy basics. She opted not to upload a picture because she wasn't sure that she wouldn't just post one of herself.

The rest of the questionnaire was about her likes and dislikes. Favorite color: easy, pink. Favorite food: anything vegan. Favorite band: now she was hitting the hard stuff. She liked music, all types. Just because she was on Broadway didn't mean that leaned towards musicals. She thought about the answer for a long time before she just put Classic Rock. Favorite book: she honestly wasn't sure that she had one. She tried to think of one but besides the classics, she couldn't recall anything that struck her fancy long enough for her to care beyond the scripts for whatever play/musical she was doing. She ended up putting the Hunger Games because she liked the movies. She hoped that would be enough.

Favorite place to go on vacation: she stopped. She'd never really left New York except for glee competitions. She didn't know of anywhere that she really wanted to go. She thought about it some more. Hawaii would be nice, but it was so far away. It was like another country to her.

She sighed. This was harder than she thought it would be. She knew that this wasn't a dating site, but in some ways it was worse. She wasn't sure that she could continue until she saw the one glorious question about favorite actor or actress. She thought that it would weird to put herself, even though she knew she was good. It would be too conceited. So, she went with her idol. It was the easiest answer and still it wouldn't give her away. A lot of people liked Barbra Streisand.

She finished up the profile. She added little "Rachel-esque" flourishes to some of the answers. She didn't know if it was too much or not enough. Was it wrong that she referenced her favorite musicals and plays as she wrote about herself? She didn't think so. She decided that she would let Blaine read the profile and help her tweak it later, but tonight this would be enough. She posted it and waited to see if anyone decided that she was worthy enough to talk to.

After twenty minutes and not one private messaging her, she decided to check out the chat rooms. She was good at striking up a conversation with new people for the most part. She just hoped that she wouldn't feel too out of her element once she got into a chat room. She pulled up the list and started to scour the names looking for something that struck her interest.

The first one that stuck her was the one titled NYCurious. She thought that it couldn't hurt to start there. She only stayed there for a few minutes before she decided that everyone in the room was completely vapid. She knew that she had an ego, but that was just too much for her. No one really wanted to talk to her because they all thought that she was a little naive showgirl. Thankfully they couldn't see the hurt on her face and her mental tantrum that turned into a storm out.

She went back to the list and found another site. She clicked through them, but nothing was really sticking out. Then she found the one titled LitLoversUnite. She liked to read. She liked to act. She thought that this would be a better fit. Sure, there would be people in the room that were from everywhere, but it would give her a start. She didn't have to pretend as hard. She could be more of herself because she didn't know where everyone was from.

She fell into a conversation as soon as she entered the page. She was amazed at the age range in the chat room. When a younger woman asked her if she lived in the South before they read her profile, she felt good and accepted. She was making friends. They were accepting her and not judging her for her lack of lesbian knowledge. They all understood that she was just looking. Of course there were the few bad apples that accused her of just being a man looking for a hook up, but she never fought too hard about it, knowing that her fighting would just prove their point to others in the chat room. Instead she just denied it, claimed to be a Broadway star that was in the closet, and hoped that it would be enough.

It must have been because suddenly she had private chats from some of the people in the chat room. None of them claimed to be from New York, but Rachel wasn't going to break character. She would have to remain Maria Brice and not turn into Rachel Berry, no matter how badly she wanted to. It didn't matter that they were the same person, with the same interests, jobs, statistics, and dreams. As long as she didn't have a picture, no one could tell who she really was.

There was one private message that popped up that really made her think about things. She remembered being young and talking on a window like this for instant messaging. In a lot of ways, it was just like when she was younger. There was the excitement of meeting someone online and not knowing who they really were. There was the safety and calm that the anonymity gave her, but also the thrill of being able to talk to someone without them judging her for who she was outside the confines of her own home. She could find someone that was just as jubilant and flamboyant as she was.

The screen name for the person that she was talking with was LawfulWriter. She didn't know why that intrigued her so much, but it did. She quickly found herself only replying to that private messaging window. It was late and nearing two am, but Rachel didn't care. She'd found someone to talk to about things that she didn't have anyone else to talk or rather anyone that she was willing to talk to about it.

At one point she was at a loss. She didn't know what she wanted to ask. There were so many questions she wanted to ask, but she didn't know what the social convention that such a meeting warranted.

Instead she decided to go look at their profile. She was instantly impressed. This woman was smart and literate. She was a graduate from Yale and UCLA. She was a lawyer and she lived in LA. She was perfect for Rachel. She could be someone that she talked to without having to worry about every really running into her and that was a major plus. She just hoped that LawfulWriter felt the same way about her. She didn't want her to be turned out because Rachel lived so far away. Rachel didn't believe that anything would ever come of them talking to each other, but she was worried that they might hurt each other's' feelings in the end. It was a gambit and one that she wasn't sure that she wanted to play the longer that they talked. But, the feelings of acceptance and fulfillment by having someone want to talk to her for being her overrode every red flag that was going off in her head. She decided that it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone so far away, right?

Rachel decided that she would continue to talk to the person name LawfulWriter. She hoped that they could have a wonderful friendship. She took the chance and put herself a little more out there with her as they talked. She wasn't rejected and she smiled a little bigger with each of the responses she got.

MB: What do you do?

LW: I do many things. What exactly do you want to know? My job? My hobbies? What?

MB: I guess I'll have to be more literal with you, won't I?

LW : I do have a way with words.

MB: I see that. But, your job, what exactly do you do? Your profile just states law. That could be anything. Can you be more specific?

LW: I could, yes.

MB: Will you?

LW: Sure.

MB: So?

LW: I am in entertainment law.

MB: Really? That must be interesting. I'm sure that you have your fair share of running into divas.

LW: Yes, I do. The biggest one I know is my partner at the firm. But, she is a good lawyer. The studios don't know what to do with her. They'd rather deal with me, but I am a more behind the scenes kind of girl. In our case for the most part, she's the face and I'm the brains. Don't get me wrong. She's smart, wicked smart, but she isn't very couth all the time.

Rachel had to laugh. She knew exactly what she meant by that. Sometimes, if it wasn't for Blaine keeping Kurt reined in, she wasn't sure that they would still be friends. He was an acquired taste.

M B: I am sure she isn't that bad.

LW: Oh, no, she is. Definitely, trust me on that. She is very much an acquired taste. But, she has been my best friend since grade school. I'd be fool to anger her now. She has too much dirt on me. But, then again I have just as much on her.

MB: I understand that. I have that with my gay best friend. But, I would have to say that it is his never ending loyalty that has kept me around so long with him. He is extremely smart and has excellent fashion sense. He is the only one that I let dress me and he designs clothes for me as well. Being his friend has its perks.

LW: Sounds like it.

MB: Well, he does make me look good for all the award shows.

LW: Award shows?

MB: Oops...maybe I shouldn't have said that.

LW: Why not?

MB: I am actress in hiding?

LW: No why don't I believe that?

MB: But, I am.

LW: What could you be hiding from?

MB: The world.

LW: But I am sure that the world loves you on stage.

MB: How would you know? Are you trying to flatter me? I am just one of many actresses that lives in New York. The world doesn't know me. So, how can it love me?

LW: And, you say that I have a way with words.

MB: Sorry. I tend to get loquacious sometimes. It's a flaw.

LW: There is nothing wrong with having a decent lexicon. And, being an actress, I would hope that you have developed a massive one. There is nothing that I can't stand more than someone that cannot speak with sense. Elocution and annunciation are just as importation as the definition. See, this is why I don't go to court. I tend to get wordy even in normal conversation. I would bore the jury.

MB: You're not boing me.

As soon as the words were typed and she'd pressed enter, Rachel wanted to smack herself in the head. She was being shameless in her flirting and she didn't flirt. Well, at least, not like that. She sighed. Sweet Barbra, why did I do this? she thought. But, her chat partner answered before she could think about it too much.

LW: I'm not. Well, I guess that's a first. But, I promise I won't tell anyone that you are here talking to me. Wouldn't want the press to find out that you are hiding here and all.

MB: I am not hiding here, per se…

LW: I get it. You're not out. Hollywood can be…well, tense. I am sure that New York is no better. It still isn't easy being out and being in entertainment unless you've already made a name for yourself and everyone loves you.

MB: I have made a name for myself.

LW: And, what would that be?

MB: Smooth…very smooth, but I'm not going to tell you my name.

LW: Not even a hint.

MB: Nope.

LW: A mystery woman from New York that likes theatre and Broadway who is either known for being very straight or you are just very closeted, keeping your private life private, which is commendable and hard to do in this business, and you seem to be self-depreciating…I like challenges, Maria. I will figure you out…if you let me.

MB: I don't know if I should.

LW: We could just talk. I won't hound you. I understand what it is like to be held to certain qualities. I also know what that does to your sanity. I can be an outlet, a sounding board if you will. I won't push you because I hate it when people push me. Ask my partner. She literally threw me out of the office today and on a mandatory vacation.

MB: Must be nice.

LW: Well, I can't complain. She's is sending to her house in paradise for a week. I'll be all alone with my laptop in a bungalow on the beach.

MB: Sounds perfect.

LW: I hope so. I really need to work on my book. My publisher has been hounding me for months for a new draft and I've got nothing. Literally, nothing, no pages, no sentences, not even any words. I love words, but I've got nothing that I can turn into a story. It sucks.

MB: Eloquently said.

LW: Bite me.

MB: Well, I would if I was with you.

Rachel smacked her head again with the heel of her hand. She couldn't believe that she had just said that. She just didn't understand why she was saying these things and why it was so easy to talk to this person. She shook her head at the response she got.

LW: I believe that we would have to go to dinner first before I allowed that to happen.

MB: I am mortified right now. I am so sorry. I don't know what's come over me. I'm not usually like this. I apologize for my bluntness and my forward speech.

LW: You're fine. But, what would your parents say if they heard you speaking like this? Would they be appalled?

MB: Can we please leave me fathers out of this.

LW: Fathers?

MB: I have two dads.

LW: Interesting.

MB: Why?

LW: Why what?

MB: Why is that interesting?

LW: You didn't mention a mother.

Rachel gasped. She had unwittingly giving this stranger more information. She sighed and hoped that they didn't start taking notes, because she was sure that if whoever she was talking to decided to they could figure out who she was very quickly with the little clues that she had been giving them throughout the conversation.

LW: It's alright. I am not going to stalk you. I have no intention on figuring out who you are. I am sure that you when you feel open enough, you'll tell me. Until then, I'll call you Maria. And, Maria, you may call me, Quinn. That is my real name. I won't give you my last name because then you might find me. My name is strange enough as it is. I don't need any New York Actresses deciding to show up on my door step without any warning.

MB: I can't tell if you are serious or teasing me.

LW: A little bit of both.

MB: I am not sure that I should talk to you.

LW: Because it is too easy to tell me things.

MB: Yes.

LW: I won't betray your trust.

MB: Why not?

LW: Because that isn't who I am, and I know what it's like. Besides, I am lawyer. We tend to have that client privilege thing.

MB: But, I'm not your client.

LW: We could always pretend that you were.

MB: Thank you.

LW: No problem, Maria.

MB: I need to go to bed. It's very late and I need to read lines in the morning. I'm sorry.

LW: Life continues to move forward, my dear Maria. Sweet dreams. I hope to see you on sometime tomorrow or later in the day for you, so that we can continue to chat some more.

Rachel smiled at her laptop. She had done more in the past few hours than she hoped that she would. Kurt and Blaine would be proud. She just hoped that when they talked later that Quinn would continue to be friendly and understanding. She knew that when she woke up she would start a list of questions that she wanted to ask the other woman. She just hoped that Quinn would answer them without too much hesitation.