Team 7 centric. No bashing. Kind of crack?

Naruto, is annoyed that people won't take him seriously.

Sakura, is annoyed at her other personalities.

Sasuke, is annoyed at all the damn atheists.

Kakashi, is still in the resistance phase.

Oh by the way, there is a reason Sakura has multiple personalities, when will it be revealed? I won't tell you :P

But I will eventually reveal it. I just won't reveal when I will do the revealing.

Story time!


Konoha, general POV...

Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves. Such a serene and peaceful place. That is to be expected of course it is the most powerful of the five great ninja villages so who would dare challenge it? At this time of year especial-

"DAMN CAT, GET BACK HERE!"

Err... as I was saying at this time of year especially the leaves are just beg-

"SHOOT, IT JUMPED OVER THE TRAP SEALS!"

-inning to turn the most beautiful shade of green-

"LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!"

Of fuck it I was trying to set the scene but, hey! Whatever. Who cares? I sure fucking don't!

"Are you guys sticking to the plan?" Kakashi asked over the radio flipping a page.

"We tried, it didn't work." Sasuke growled as he watched both Inner and Naruto chase after Tora the cat in a mad dash all around a Mulberry Bush.

"What about plan B?" Kakashi asked from where he was about three hundred yards away happily reading his book.

"Plan B needed Naruto's trap seals to still be in place." Sasuke said as watched Inner use Naruto's head as launch board to propel herself towards Tora who had leaped up onto a tree branch.

"What happened to the trap seal?" Kakashi asked actually putting down his book in interest.

Sasuke glanced down at the chakra enhanced ropes that currently had him tied up from the neck down to his ankles. "No comment." He responded.

"Well if you're not in the sharing mood." Kakashi sighed as he returned his attention to his novel. He was just getting to the page where the main character stealthily infiltrated the all-girls hospital to visit a pair of twin nurses. He giggled pervertedly.

"...Sensei are you reading porn?" Sasuke asked after a moment. Naruto had pulled himself back up and was chucking paralysis field seals attached to kunai at the cat. Inner had fallen off the branch she was on and landed face first in a bush.

"Now what would make you think that Sasuke-chan?" Kakashi asked teasingly, turning the page of his book.

"Do not call me that… Especially not when you're reading porn. Why don't you at least try to read some real literature?" Sasuke asked as he watched the recovered Inner attempt to use Naruto as a weapon to beat Tora into the ground… and failing.

"Oh and what might you recommend?" Kakashi asked as the main character encountered his long lost and thought dead lover in the amnesia ward of the hospital.

"The Holy Book of Jashin-sama." Sasuke suggested as Inner got caught in one of the Paralysis fields and dropped Naruto. If looks could kill the blonde's head probably would have exploded given the look Inner was giving him.

"I've never been the religious." Kakashi noted as the main character found himself in a room with his amnesiac lover, the twin nurses and his sexy arch rival and potential love interest.

"Fucking atheist." Sasuke muttered as he watched Naruto finally grab onto the cat and slap a seal onto it that temporarily shut down all higher brain functions.

"And what's wrong with being an atheist?" Kakashi asked as things began to heat up when it turned out the main character's rival was having a lesbian affair with the main character's amnesiac lover! He loved this book so much.

Before Sasuke could explain exactly how stupid it was to go through life without the holy blood colored light of Jashin-sama Naruto finally announced over the radio. "I GOT IT!"

"Well done Naruto!" Kakashi congratulated the blonde snapping his book closed. It was just getting to the good part but being the responsible adult he was, he would focus on his Genin team.

"All in a day's work sensei!" Naruto said picking up the downed animal.

"Sasuke, Sakura, why can't you be more like Naruto?' Kakashi asked seriously.

"GRMMPH!" Inner growled, still unable to move due to the paralysis. But it probably translated to something like; "CHA, I'LL FUCKING MURDER YOU AND THAT BLONDE LITTLE SHIT-STAIN, CYCLOPS!"

"I hate you all so much." Sasuke announced before suddenly losing his balance and toppling over face first. "Ow." He groaned into the ground due to the fact he couldn't catch himself from falling with his arms tied. At least the grass was reasonably comfortable.

"No measly cat can match the all powerful fox demon!" Naruto cheered hoisting the unconscious cat over his head.

"Naruto we've been over this. You're not a demon." Kakashi sighed with frustration. In the few months he'd had them as students he had attempted to rid Naruto of his insane belief that he was the Kyuubi given human form. Unfortunately...

"And like I've said before, you can stop pretending now sensei. I know." Naruto hissed out the last part as though imparting a secret. He stood up and began walking towards Sasuke to untie him only to end up trapped in one of his own paralysis field seals.

This was the scene Kakashi arrived on a few moments later. Sasuke lying face first on the ground while tied up, Inner with both hands poised above her head as though to smash something with a hammer and Naruto with Tora tucked under his arm with his foot raised as though he were about to take a step. He sighed and shook his head in shame.

Yep, just another normal day for Team Seven.


Naruto's POV, Hokage's office…

The members of Team Seven (Not including Kakashi) glared at the cat they had captured. Currently it was being crushed- *ahem* cuddled lovingly by its owner.

Stupid cat, Naruto thought to himself, it had us running in circles for hours! He conceded that if he was treated like this animal was though, he would probably run away and do whatever it took to never return.

When he had finally graduated and become a ninja, Naruto had been expecting to do awesome ninja stuff, not chores. He did have to admit they were at least a way for him to get done his good deed of the day. It wasn't exactly making up for the thousands of lives he had taken and/or ruined during his past life, but hey! It was a start at least.

Of course that didn't mean he was just going to sit down and take more of these dumb D-ranks.

"I've had it with all these stupid missions! Can't we get a real mission for once!" He complained deciding to direct it at Kakashi rather than the Hokage..

"I don't know…" Kakashi said thoughtfully. "You're still rather new to this. I think we should do a few more D-ranks just to be sure."

Tora took this opportunity to leap out of his owner's arms and flee to freedom once again.

"Ah!" Kakashi said pleasantly as Madame Shijimi cried about her pussy. "It appears a new mission has just opened up!"

"NO!" The three genin cried out simultaneously. None of them wanted to go after that damn cat again.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked sounding concerned. "It would be very good practice for real missions."

"So you admit they are not true missions Hatake-san." Naruto nearly leapt out of his skin at the unexpected input from Missy. When did Sakura switch? There wasn't anyone injured around right now!

"Oh, well you see..." Kakashi started trying to defend his statement.

"Hokage-sama, I formerly request a C-rank mission for myself and my team. We have been able to complete every mission assigned to us thus far and therefore are clearly legible for a more difficult and useful task." Missy directed at the Hokage. Naruto paused to wonder where that lab coat kept popping up from.

"Hmm." Hiruzen hummed thoughtfully lightly stroking his small beard. "I suppose your argument is fairly valid. As long as your sensei agrees I see no reason not to assign you a C-ranked mission." He explained and looked to Kakashi for confirmation.

"Well, I suppose it might be good for them to get some experience outside of the village." Kakashi agreed after considering for a moment.

"In that case you have quite good timing. For it just so happens I have a mission concerning escorting a-" The Sandaime read the mission file and frowned. "-a super awesome bridge builder back to super Wave Country so he can finish building his super bridge."

"I'm sorry to say that I have never heard of super Wave Country, but we'll be happy to escort him to normal Wave Country!" Kakashi eye smiled.

"Very well then, send Tazuna in." Hiruzen directed.

Naruto wondered just what kind of person they were escorting when he walked in. It was an old man with glasses holding a sake bottle. Lovely. He could smell the alcohol on his breath from here. They were escorting a drunk, what fun.

Then again, maybe he'd finally get to try alcohol. He and Sasuke had tried a year ago because of… reasons, but had not actually managed to get any.

It was a funny story actually. You see-

"What the heck? I asked for some super ninja to escort me." Tazuna took a gulp of his bottle. "Not a bunch of green brats. They look like they couldn' protect a fly. Especially the stupid looking blonde one."

Okay he was paying for that comment.

Naruto reached for the small part of his sealed chakra he could access and allowed it to flow through him. When his vision took on a red hue he spoke, "What was that you pathetic little ant?"

He felt an immense satisfaction when the bridge builder froze and dropped his bottle. Next to him Sasuke smirked and Missy just shook her head. Kakashi just sighed. To be fair the man probably was concerned about his willingness to reveal himself, but he knew what he was now so there was no use hiding it from everyone.

Tazuna coughed turning away slightly. "What I meant to say was I'm honored that you're willing to take time away from your busy schedule to aid me. You… whatever you are."

Naruto smiled happily, "Great! I can't wait to get going!"

Watching this, Hiruzen could not help but wonder if he should have corrected Naruto when he had the chance…

Oh well.


Kakashi POV, The next morning, Konoha's gates…

"So are you three all set to go?" Kakashi asked his three students the next morning using shunshin to appear behind them.

They jumped and turned to stare at him.

And stare at him.

And stare some more at him.

And continue to stare at him.

"Is something wrong?" He finally asked the trio after two whole minutes had passed without any of them blinking. That was not healthy for the eyes after all. Or in his case eye. Singular. Maybe they could close one and then the other would dry out and they'd only have one eye too.

Wait a second. Was he actually fantasizing about his students losing one eye a piece? Maybe that blood covered homeless man with the rat puppets was right and he did need therapy.

"S-s-sensei…" Sakura started a panicked look on her face.

"You're a-a-actually…" Naruto continued his eyes widening in horror.

"On. TIme." Sasuke finished reaching up to his neck and grasping the prayer beads that hung around it like they were a lifeline.

"Hmmm?" Kakashi toned putting on a thoughtful look. "Huh, I guess I am. How lucky the road of life lead me here today!" He said with an eye smile. In truth he had only shown up on time so he could promote a professional attitude to Tazuna to help Konoha's image.

Unfortunately his genin decided to ruin it.

"IT'S THE END TIMES!" Sakura screeched and start to sob into her hands.

"I'M NOT READY TO DIE YET!" Naruto shouted clutching his head and running in circles.

"Oh Jashin-sama, I apologize for failing you so early. I humbly offer my soul to you for judgement. I pray that you take my short time in this world into consideration before judging me." Sasuke muttered as he knelt and prayed.

Kakashi sweatdropped and Tazuna just watched the spectacle dumbfounded.

"Is there something wrong with them?" He asked Kakashi seriously.

Kakashi just shook his head shamefully. "There are so many things wrong with them."

It took about ten minutes to convince the team that no, the world was not ending, and yes Kakashi really was on time and was not an imposter.

That however led to another rather asromgical conclusion.

"He must be possessed!" Sakura deduced.

"Of course!" Naruto slapped his forehead. "Why didn't I think of that!" He turned to Kakashi. "Do you know who I am? I am the Kyuubi no Youko! Get out of my perverted sensei lesser demon!" He roared and tried to tackle Kakashi.

Kakashi just sighed and reached out and grabbed Naruto's head keeping his wild swings at bay. Like he would allow himself to be possessed by a demon. If anything had possessed him it would have been a ghost because he wouldn't have been able to see or hear it coming. But it's not like there are dead teenagers just floating around in an endless green void or anything.

(In an alternate universe and/or dimension a white haired, green eyed teenager sneezed) [1]

"I can assure you three I am most certainly myself and not currently possessed by anything. Demons or otherwise." Kakashi told them.

So much for helping Konoha's image.

"Okay then now that, that's sorted out. Are you three all packed a ready?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto held up a storage scroll, of course.

Sakura presented a bag which was filled with dresses, make-up, lab coats, and spare glasses. Did she actually need glasses and only Lucy was willing to wear them or something?

Sasuke presented a bag that was filled with some more practical items. As well as some less practical ones such as an extra set a prayer beeds, a sacrificial knife and a copy of The Holy Book of Jashin-sama.

"I'd be willing to let you borrow that." Sasuke added helpfully as Kakashi inspected the book.

"I'm good thanks." Kakashi told him whipping out his own copy of Icha Icha: Paradise. The three genin groaned.

"Oh, is that the new one?" Tazuna asked. "I'm a few novels behind." He admitted. The genin glared at their client with a distinct lack of respect.

After checking in with the gate guards the group marched off towards Wave.

Due to this fact they missed the following conversation:

"Hey Kotetsu?" Izumo asked.

"Yeah Izumo?" Kotetsu put down his manga novel.

"You ever notice how Naruto looks like the Yondaime Hokage?" Izumo questioned.

Kotetsu looked thoughtful. "Huh." They both looked towards the Yondaime's giant stone face carved into the side of the mountain.

"Yeah you're right he does kinda look like Yondaime-sama." Kotetsu agreed after a moment. "How weird."

Izumo nodded, "Yeah, must be a coincidence." Kotetsu nodded and went back to his manga about two best friends who always had guard duty together but one secretly had a crush on the other. He just felt some sort of connection to it.


General POV, on the road to Wave…

"Ugh it's so hot!" Sakura complained as they trudged along the road.

"Yeah it's been days since there's been any rain." Sasuke agreed. Sakura's eyes lit up with hearts in them due to the fact that her Sasuke-kun was agreeing with her. Even though this is biologically impossible. Also rather cliche. Just accept it and keep reading.

"Huh, then it's a good thing I dropped an explosive tag in that random puddle back there." Naruto commented.

"Wait what?"

BOOM

Two smoking and wet lumps went flying over their heads and crashed on the road in front of them, twitching.

"Aww man." Naruto complained seeing the twitching forms of two ninja.

"Why are you complaining isn't that what you were planning?" Sasuke asked confused.

"What? Of course not! I just wanted to make a big splash of water to cool us down!" Naruto explained his reasoning. "I had no idea it was a… actually how did they do that?"

"This part was written when the series was new and Kishimoto was still w-working out how our world worked." Lucy explained pushing up her glasses nervously. That was weird, Sakura hadn't been reading anything...

"Fourth wall breaking aside." Kakashi sent a glare at Lucy who looked down in shame. "It's a bit hard to tell but I'd say these two were the Demon Brothers, a pair of chunin level Kiri nuke-nin."

"Wait so are they actually demons?" Naruto asked curiously.

"No people just call them that." Kakashi told him.

"But they're not real demons." Naruto complained.

"Neither are you." Kakashi pointed out.

"Okay Kakashi-sensei it used to be funny but now it's kinda getting annoying. Knock off the whole "Naruto is really a human" act." He scolded Kakashi.

Kakashi just closed his eye and counted to three. "Whatever the case I am very curious why there are two nuke-nin who just happened to be sitting around waiting for us. Now they could have been after me but I doubt it considering this mission could have just as easily been assigned to another team."

"So Tazuna, care to explain why these two are after you." Kakashi asked a deadly glint in his eye.

"Wait what happened? Who are those two? Why is everything clearer?" Sakura suddenly asked as she looked around feeling very confused. She still had Lucy's glasses on too which explained the last question.

Sasuke just sighed. If only these fools had accepted Jashin-sama, then they would be able to live their lives with true clarity and would hopefully be less insane and more normal and well adjusted like himself.

Damn atheists.


Timeskip…

After getting the truth about the mission out of Tazuna, that they was a businessman named Gato who had been terrorizing Wave Country, the team decided to continue on. Naruto had checked with Tazuna to find out if this guy was calling himself a demon too. Fortunately for Gato, he was not.

So the group continued on and met the Rower Guy. He rowed the boat gently down the stream. Not so merrily but you get the idea.

"Hey guys what's not white and fluffy, but still probably wants to kill us?" Naruto asked suddenly as they walked through a completely natural and normal fog.

"Is this some sort of weird riddle?" Sakura asked. She had left her glasses on after assurances from Sasuke that it did not make her look ugly. "And why would anything white and fluffy want to kill us.

"Knowing Naruto, probably both a warning and a riddle. Also he has weird fear of rabbits" Sasuke sighed. "Oh we should probably duck." He added dropping to the ground.

"Hey I've told you before teme it's a completely rational fea-" Naruto was suddenly cut off quite literally as a massive blade came spinning through the air and nearly sliced his torso in two. He dropped to the ground in a bloody mess.

Kakashi froze as he watched his sensei's son suddenly and unexpectedly, (kind of) die. Damn it! He had failed someone else. If only he had both eyes and depth perception. He might've been able to save him.

His resolve hardened. Whoever this bastard was he was going to make him pay.

"Damn it Naruto, not again." Sasuke muttered and Sakura just stared blankly at the unexpected blood that had sprayed and gotten on her.

"Well honestly I thought it would be harder to kill any of you than that." A voice said. The group turned away from Naruto's body and saw a man with bandages wrapped around his mouth standing on the sword where it was embedded in a nearby tree. "Oh well, guess I got my hopes up to high."

"SHANNARO!" Inner Sakura suddenly roared and pounded the tree where the sword wielding ninja had just been standing.

"What?" The bandage man asked as he watched the tree break in two. That little girl just punched hard enough to splinter a tree. That was concerning.

"YOU GOT BLOOD ON ME, CHA!" She screamed at him and came running with death in her eyes.

She was unexpectedly dropped to the ground by a whack on the head just before she reached him.

"Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist." Kakashi growled staring at the man who had just killed one of his students and knocked out another. He slipped his hand into his kunai pouch and pulled one out.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" A voice Kakashi had not expected to hear again shouted. He whipped around to see Naruto sitting up, still covered and blood whacking his forehead repeatedly. Kakashi was flooded with both relief and confusion. Relief that his student was alive and confusion at the fact that, well, he was alive.

"Didn't I just kill him?" Zabuza asked seemingly no one as everyone else's attention was on Naruto.

"Why is it there are so many fake demons!" Naruto complained pulling himself to his feet. "All those Demonic Illusion techniques for Genjutsu, those two people I blew up earlier, even Kakashi-sensei was pretending to be one earlier!" He ranted.

"No I wasn't…" Kakashi said quietly still rather shocked Naruto was still alive.

"Listen up! I am the only real demon here! Anyone else who claims to be one, is a pretender, 'ttebayo!" Naruto told everyone.

"What the fuck do you mean you're a real demon? You're just some blonde brat!" Zabuza said

Naruto's eyes went red."You dare question the Kyuubi no Youko tiny nuke-nin?"

"What the fu-" Zabuza started but stopped to dodge before Kakashi could fully slice his neck open with a kunai.

"To tell you the truth, I'm rather out of practice." Kakashi told Zabuza as the nuke-nin put pressure on the small gash on his windpipe. The Leaf Ninja had uncovered the sharingan eye his friend had given him. But the scarecrow wasn't done attacking. Zabuza barely had time to raise his sword before Kakashi could shove a kunai through his heart.

"But I just watched my sensei's only legacy nearly die before I could fix whatever the hell his messed up childhood did to him. So right now I can tell you, if you don't back off, I will kill you." Kakashi stared him in the eye with both his own eye and Obito's sharingan. If his tone of voice was anything to go by, he believed every word he said.

"I'd like to see you try Copycat Kakashi." Zabuza told him, smirking behind his bandages and shoved the other man away.

"And I'D like to see people like you, stop ripping off real demons like me!" Naruto shouted, his eyes still red, as he hurled a barrage of kunai trailing various types of seals at the "Demon" of the Bloody Mist.

"Like a weak little newbie genin like you could- oh shit." Zabuza said as he saw the explosive tag on one of the kunai flash.

Zabuza however was not a A-ranked nuke-nin and a swordsman of the hidden mist for nothing. He had simply used the Kawarimi to switch with the nearest thing. Which just so happened to be Kakashi.

Kakashi however was not an A-ranked former ANBU captain for nothing. He used the Kawarimi to switch with a nearby log.

Praise the log!

"Okay neat trick brat." Zabuza admitted ignoring the shouted correction of "DEMON!", "Let me show you one of mine." He started making a series of hand seals.

Meanwhile Sasuke was drawing in the dirt and Tazuna was huddled behind a tree beginning to regret lying about the missions difficulty.

A moment later, the mist deepened and covered the entire area effectively blinding everyone. The leaf shinobi looked around and tried to pinpoint the swordsman.

"Sasuke, Naruto be careful, he's a master of the silent killing technique." Kakashi warned them. He wasn't quite sure how Naruto had survived but he wasn't going to complain about it.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted as he finished what he was doing. It was hard to tell in the mist but it looked like he did it right.

"Hey Sakura, can you see anything?" Naruto called to his unconscious teammate. He had allowed his demonic chakra to fade away.

"Zabuza knocked her out while you were unconscious." Sasuke told him as he unsheathed his sword.

"Darn, we could use Missy or Inner right now." Naruto pouted.

"MMMPH!" A grunt suddenly came from where Tazuna was hiding.

Except it wasn't Tazuna grunting.

"SWEET IT WORKED!" Naruto cheered as the mist slowly began to dissipate making it easier to see.

This was most unfortunate for the bridge builder who nearly pissed himself when he saw a motionless Zabuza trembling with his sword poised to take the "Super" bridge builder's head off.

"Naruto- what?" Kakashi managed to say, feeling a bit out of the loop.

"Oh after the whole thing with the puddle brothers a slipped a seal I'd been working on, onto Tazuna. Instead of paralyzing the person who has it on, it paralysis anyone with a high enough amount of adrenaline at the moment." Naruto explained causing Sasuke and Kakashi to blink at him blankly.

"What?" He said indignantly. "I can be smart sometimes!"

"Can I still sacrifice him to Jashin-sama?" Sasuke asked hopefully. It had been far too long since he had been able to offer a human sacrifice to Jashin-sama.

"Well I don't see why not." Naruto told him with a shrug.

A bunch of senbon needles suddenly stuck out of Zabuza's neck causing him to drop like a rock. This is due to the fact the paralysis seals only work if the target is still alive. Apparently death-like states also count.

"Okay now I see why not." Naruto conceded.

"Thank you for disabling him like that." A voice that's gender could not be assumed said as a masked figure appeared. "I have been hunting Zabuza for some time now and you made his death much simpler for me."

"DAMN IT YOU RUINED MY SACRIFICE!" Sasuke shouted at the masked nin causing them to sweatdrop.

"My apologies but I needed to kill him." The hunter-nin said as they jumped down and lifted Zabuza's body. "I thank you for your aid in that endeavor.

"I would've done it! You couldn't have waited a minute?" Sasuke complained. Kakashi however ,after re-covering his sharingan, had noticed something.

"Why did you use senbon needles to kill him? And why are you taking his body?' Kakashi eye widened as he came to a realization and he tensed up. "You-" He felt a series of sharp prin picks in the back of his neck. Then the world went dark and he collapsed.

"What? You?" Naruto and Sasuke turned just in time to see the hunter nin Shunshin away. They were now alone in the clearing with a drunk old man, an unconscious teammate and an unconscious sensei.

Sasuke turned to Naruto. "Do you think I could get away with sacrificing the old man instead?"

Naruto stared at him for a moment then sighed and face plamed. "No Sasuke, no you can't."

"Damn it."

Tazuna sat staring for a minute before pulling his sake bottle out and downing the whole thing.

He was way too old for this crap.


And scene.

Much faster this time!

I had a lot of fun with parts of this. Some trouble with the Zabuza fight. I wanted it to end a bit anti-climatically but without bullshit overpowering people. So Naruto messing with a new seal seemed like the best bet.

References:

[1] More story promotion continues to be shameless!

Now then I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter out but I have some plans for it so stay tuned.

Now reviews!

LiveForeverOrDieTrying: Fortunately it did not need as many iterations this time and thanks for the offer.

Duskrider: There will be more interactions between the two but I hope this is good for now.

Daygon Yuki: Yeah, I kinda mistreated Kakashi quite a bit, that's mainly because he has no idea what's going on yet. He'll get over it.

Guest: Glad you think so!

Brandon ShadowWalker: He will have lot's of fun. I can promise that.

PureInsanity39: I'd like to agree with you but that might be a tad narcissistic.

Toolazytologin: I'm gonna try and keep it realistic yet also find ways to make it simultaneously hilarious and keep it from falling into total crack. Glad it's working so far.

Rinnigan: I already PMed you to check the bottom of the chapter, also I forgot to point out that he does have shoes, they just aren't sandals which was weird for Naruto. Both the character and the show. Literally everyone wears sandals.

Someone: Glad you like those two aspects, I have fun with them.

Jfoodsama: I am touched that you think so.

Spidja: Wait no longer for here it is!

I'm not gonna do a preview for the next chapter but I will say Haku and Naruto. That is all.

See ya, folks!

~FriTik

R&R