You never know what you're missing until it's gone.

She had never really, truly understood that saying until she was seventeen. She didn't have a choice in the matter. She was forced to come to terms with the fact that her skin would never come in contact with another's ever again.

It was amazing really, how much she missed such a simple thing. She had long since given up on the hopes that she would ever gain control. Even the professor himself said that it was doubtful. How much of a chance had there ever been to begin with? At first she would have given anything to be rid of her so-called gift, or even just to have the ability to turn it off.

Then the opportunity presented itself: The cure.

She hated herself for being so weak. She spent many restless nights at the mansion, trying to decide what was best. With the cure she'd be gaining so much. She'd be able to touch again without fear. She'd be able to have kids. She could have a real family…

But what would she be giving up?

She'd be giving up on her life here at Xavier's. She'd be giving up on her friends, on the only people she could relate to and think of as family. All of the weeks, days and months of training would be for nothing. She'd be giving up on herself, admitting defeat.

Was it worth it?

Seeing Bobby and Kitty outside her window she wasn't sure. They were able to share something she'd never be able to share with anyone as long as she had her powers.

Would she be able to handle the rejection she was bound to receive from everyone if she took the cure?

Looking down at her gloved hands she knew the answer. There were so many risks and so many unknowns, but she knew what she had to do. Coming to Xavier's was all about not letting your mutation control what you do. The only way that she would be able to do that was if she were able to turn hers off.

Heading to her room she packed the single bag she had shown up with and donned her familiar travel clothes she had arrived in not so long ago – even if it had felt like years.

"You runnin' again," she heard as she reached the front door.

She couldn't help but smile at the familiarity. "Not anymore," she replied confidently as she reached for the door handle. If anyone here were to understand, it'd be him. He wouldn't stop her.

"I hope you're not doing this for some boy." But it wouldn't stop him from being concerned.

She shook her head. "Not some boy," she said back. "I need this for me. So I can finally stop runnin'."

With that she left without looking back. She knew she'd return someday. Who knew when that'd be? But Xavier's would always be home to her, no matter where she ended up, powers or no powers.