2. Convincingly Joly that he has pneumonia when he sneezes is unacceptable. If you insist on doing it anyway, you are responsible for dealing with his panic attack.
Éponine looks up at the sky in disbelief as the first drops of rain fall lightly onto her face, and her nose wrinkles in displeasure. 10 minutes ago the sky had been a hazy, azure blue; now it was greyer than steel, and the smell of a storm hangs in the air. She turns to the small group of people following her.
"Alright guys, I suggest we split up. I don't fancy wandering around in a downpour, but if we go home empty handed, there will be hell to pay. Nobody wants to see Enj throw a sulk, do they?"
There is a fervent shaking of heads, and Éponine laughs.
"There is bound to be a supermarket or stall that sells them somewhere. Text if you find anything."
She walks away, keeping her eyes peeled, as the rain becomes heavier. She wraps her arms around herself for warmth, scowling at her lack of appropriate clothing.
Enj, I actually hate you.
Enjolras winces as he watches the light drizzle outside the window morph into a torrential downpour. Not because he feels sorry for Éponine and her posse, but because he knows full well that when she gets back, there is going to be hell to pay, as if he somehow knew the weather was going to change.
Returning to the kitchen to chop vegetables, he prepares for the inevitable explosion.
Eventually he hears the smack of several pairs of feet against wet pavement, then the frantic jangling of keys. The door bursts open and several drenched bodies rush inside. He puts down the knife and surveys the group for a second, as all 5 faces glare at him in silence. The only noise is the steady drip of water onto the carpet.
Éponine wordlessly holds out a soaked paper bag, staring at him icily and he accepts it, holding back a smirk.
"I hope you appreciate how fucking difficult it is to get strawberries at this time of year."
Enjolras gives her a small bow of appreciation, accompanied by a the hint of a smile, before returning to his cooking.
"That's it? That's all I get? A nod? I look like a fucking drowned rat and all I get is a nod!" She calls after him. "Why the fuck do you even need strawberries?"
Enjolras ignores her, but laughs quietly at her outrage.
Her subsequent eruption is drowned out by Joly's shout of "I call dibs on first bath!"
Enjolras hears Joly race up the stairs accompanied by complaints from the rest of the group. Joly's baths always lasted at least an hour, but if Joly washed after anyone else, the previous user of the bathroom was subject to a lengthy lecture on proper hygiene conduct, so the entire household was always locked in a catch-22.
When he walks into the living room, dinner safely in the oven, he finds Éponine, Grantaire, Feuilly and Bahorel all in their underwear huddled under a pile of blankets, desperately attempting to warm up and dry off.
He poorly masks a snort of mirth as a cough and Éponine's eyes narrow as she looks at him.
"Let it be known, Olivier Enjolras, that I am never going out to buy you out of season ingredients for your annoying baking habits, ever again."
"As you say, Mademoiselle Thenardier."
Her eyes tighten even further. "If you take the piss anymore, I swear to god I will move into Combeferre's room."
Her empty threat only makes him laugh, and she lets out a frustrated shout as he goes back to the kitchen to make use of the strawberries.
A loud sneeze echoes from upstairs, and Enjolras freezes. He hurries into the living room to find similar expressions painted on everyone else's faces.
"Was that-?"
"Yep." Grantaire cuts across him.
"Fuck."
Éponine's eyes widen in alarm. "Courf is upstairs."
Feuilly leaps from the sofa and races up the stairs at a speed Enjolras previously assumed to be impossible.
Only moments later, he returns, panic etched all over his face.
"He's already in there."
Enjolras marches up the stairs closely followed by Éponine, dreading what they faced when they opened the bathroom door.
Éponine looks at Enjolras before they push against the wood, and he gives her a small nod, jaw set.
Joly's face is as white as a sheet, staring transfixed at Courfeyrac, who was sitting on the edge of the bath, chatting animatedly.
"Of course, there are the less common symptoms: Nausea, coughing up blood, vomiting, wheezing, and sometimes it can even send you into a coma!"
"Shut the fuck up, right now."
He turns to look at them, grinning mischievously. "Oh hey guys! I was just filling in Joly on the symptoms of pneumonia!"
"We noticed." Enjolras's voice is low and threatening, but Courfeyrac's attention is on Éponine.
"You seem to be missing a few items of clothing Ep."
She raises one eyebrow at him coldly, ignoring the quip. "Why do you think it's so hilarious to work Joly up into a state?"
Courfeyrac's smile slides off of his face. "Oh come on, it was only a bit of fun. You can't even catch pneumonia from being out in the cold, it's caused by a bacterial infection!"
"Fascinating." Éponine deadpans. "Try telling that to him." She gestures with her head at Joly, whose breathing has become frantic and looks like he might be sick from fear.
"Oh well isn't that just peachy." Courfeyrac rolls his eyes, and makes to leave the bathroom. "Well have fun dealing with this, you guys."
He rushes past them before either one can react.
They look at each other, clearly not impressed, before turning their attention to the panicking man in the bath.
"I hope you're proud of yourself." Éponine shoots at Courfeyrac as she finally returns to the living room, almost an hour later. He grins at her, clearly ecstatic at his antics.
"At least you're fully dressed now."
She glares at him before she starts to rifle through the drawers, looking for a pen. She goes to the kitchen and scribbles enthusiastically underneath Enjolras's first note.
"Never again will I have to deal with your pathetic excuse for a joke ever again!" She exclaims triumphantly, loudly enough that Courfeyrac will hear her.
"I told you that list was a good idea."
Enjolras's voice makes her jump and she wheels around.
"I never said it wasn't a good idea, I just said your rule was stupid."
He smiles at her affectionately. "Dinner is ready. Time to see if the trek for the strawberries was worth it."
"I just had to convince a 23 year old man that he hadn't been struck down with a potentially fatal disease. It had better be fucking worth it."
A/N: So here is rule number 2! I hope you enjoy it. :D I am curious, which rule are people most looking forward to reading about? Also, if anyone has any suggestions for any of the rules, please message me. I'd love to hear your ideas! :D
Also, I have been absolutely floored by the response to this fic so far! It still shocks me that you actually found it funny! So thank you so much, all your positive feedback is hugely appreciated. :)
