A/N: Thank you for all the reviews.
Chapter title comes from the song I Don't Want To Love Somebody Else by A Great Big World
Chapter 3: I Don't Want To Love Somebody Else
It was very hard not picking up her phone every time she saw that Jane was calling her. But she had to be strong; at least that's what she kept telling herself. You have to make a clean break, leave all that behind.
But it was Jane, her best friend and the woman she loved. Someone she had talked to and had seen every day even at their busiest. They'd spend so much time together and not just at work and now not seeing or talking to her at all was beyond difficult. Jane was a very hard habit to break.
Work kept Maura busy. It kept her mind from wandering back to Boston and Jane. Kept her from wondering what Jane was doing, where she was hiding when she had to do paperwork, if she was getting along with the new M.E. She wished that work could help her stop wondering if Jane was missing her as much as she was missing Jane.
The college that Maura lectured at was having a faculty party and Maura was coaxed into going by a teacher that had befriended her on the first day Maura gave a lecture at the college.
Maura sat on her bed in her apartment as she slipped on a pair of black heels. Her cellphone rang on the bedside table and she got up to check it. A picture of Jane smiling flashed up on the screen indicating she was calling. Maura sighed, tapped 'decline' and put the phone into her small black purse. She grabbed her wrap then headed out the door to the party.
The evening was boring. Maura made polite chit-chat with whoever came up to her but she really had no interest in being there.
The teacher who had convinced Maura to come to the party walked up and stood beside her. "See the man standing over by the window holding the glass of scotch?" the woman said to her.
Maura looked in the direction to see a tall man with light brown hair standing and talking with a small group of people.
"Yes. What about him?" Maura asked.
"He's new here as well. In fact he just got here two weeks ago." The woman told her.
"What's your point Carol?" Maura asked her.
"I hear he's newly single and came to London for a fresh start." Carol told her quietly as she smiled at Maura.
Maura sighed this was the third time that Carol had tried fixing her up with someone. Maura told Carol that she wasn't interested, that she was in London to work and nothing more. What she hadn't told her was the reason she wasn't interested was because she was very much in love with someone back home.
Honestly Maura would rather be alone than be with someone just for the sake of being with them. She didn't want something casual and she didn't want to have a relationship with anyone.
"Carol I'm really not interested." Maura told her.
Carol looked at her, "Maura, forgive me for saying this but ever since I met you you've had this …." She paused for a minute as if trying to choose the right word, "Sadness about you."
"I just thought maybe if you had someone in your life that maybe you'd smile a little more." Carol said to her.
"Well thank you but you thought wrong." Maura said to her then walked away from Carol.
Maura knew that Carol meant well but she just wasn't interested. She had someone who made her smile, who made her laugh and who helped her when she'd had a real bad day. She had someone to sit on the couch with and watch movies while they drank.
But that was back home in Boston. In London she didn't have that. She didn't have Jane.
Maura was heading to the parking garage when Carol called out after her, "Wait Maura, please!"
Maura stopped walking and stood waiting for Carol to catch up.
"Maura forgive me please." Carol said, "I didn't mean to overstep. I really didn't."
"It's okay Carol." Maura said to her with a soft smile, "I'm sorry as well. It's just been a very difficult transition for me."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Carol asked apprehensively, hoping she wasn't overstepping again.
Maura sighed heavily, "I left Boston and came to London in hopes that maybe in time it would make it easier." Maura said to her.
"Make what easier?" Carol asked.
"The fact that I'm in love with a woman who can't seem to love me back." Maura said sadly.
Carol looked at her with sadness and understanding, "Oh Maura."
"I know it was silly to think that leaving would somehow help." Maura said to her, "But for once in my life I didn't know what else to do."
"You came all the way to London so you could get over this woman?" Carol asked.
"Jane." Maura said, it hurt saying her name, "And yes but I don't think being here is going to help me move on."
"But do you really want to move on?" Carol asked her.
Maura thought about it and she realized that it didn't really matter the distance between her and Jane. She knew that it wasn't going to be that easy to move on from Jane even if she really wanted to.
"No. I don't." Maura told her and a dull sadness crept up in her heart. "I'm sorry Carol, I can't really talk about this anymore."
"I understand." Carol said giving her a smile, "But Maura, if you ever want to talk, you have my number."
"Thank you Carol." Maura said to her and watched as Carol headed back to the building where the party was.
Maura continued to the parking garage and her cellphone rang again. She pulled it out of her purse. It was Jane calling her again. She turned off her phone and put it back in her purse. She got into her car headed back to her apartment.
A part of her wanted to answer the phone when Jane would call because maybe there was a chance that Jane had changed her mind, that she found the courage to finally admit that she did love Maura.
But she couldn't pick up the phone because despite her hopes she didn't want to hear Jane's voice, didn't want to hear her say 'Please just come home and we can be friends again.' That's not what Maura wanted. She was in love with Jane and even though being in London without her was miserable she knew just how hard it would be to continue being in Boston around her.
She thought about what Carol had asked, 'Do you really want to move on?' She had said no but then Maura started to think that maybe in time and with the distance it would all fade away. She would find someone else and then maybe she'd forget how much she loved Jane and she would move on.
'Yeah right.' Maura thought to herself as she pulled into her driveway. Maura didn't want to love somebody else and she didn't even want to try.
"Next time she calls, I'll pick up the phone." Maura promised herself as she went into her apartment.
