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Inspirational quote of the day:

"The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference." - Elie Wiesel

Sometimes, he hated her more than he thought he'd ever loved her. And he had really fucking loved her. More even than he'd ever loved Lilly, even, and that was saying something.

For almost a year he saw her everywhere. Her saw her in every blonde that walked by. Sometimes he thought he saw her in the clubs, only for it to be someone else entirely.

She'd meant it, he had realized months ago right after she pulled her disappearing act instead of returning from her internship with the FBI like he had expected.

He had thought that when she said it would take time, it would only take the amount of time she would be gone. He had been ready for that, prepared himself for that.

After all, they were epic, right? He'd said it to her once in a drunken speech and she had teased him about it often.

So when school started back up and she wasn't there he was confused. And hurt. And fucking furious.

Mostly though, he was mad at himself, because that's what he was good at. Self-loathing. Guilt.

She had wanted to go to Stanford before, had even been accepted. She'd stayed though, for him, for her father and their friends.

She was loyal. That was one of the reasons he had always cared about her.

He'd seen her first, after all. Not Lilly. Lilly had been background noise. Veronica had been in that damn soccer uniform and he had just stared at her. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. He didn't care that she was the sheriff's daughter and that said sheriff would destroy him for the thoughts he was having.

He'd tried speaking to her, tried flirting, though he wasn't very good at it.

She had blushed bright red and fled, hiding behind Lilly Kane as a shield, looking at him from her best friend's side with a sort of embarrassment and surprise on her face. Didn't she know she was hot?

And then he had met Lilly and that girl didn't run from anything. And eventually he had let go of his momentary crush on Veronica Mars.

But he'd never forgotten it. And he'd loved her as a friend, while she dated Duncan and joked with him and been his best friend while Lilly ran rampant over his heart.

He had loved Lilly. Would always love Lilly, but he had never forgotten that shy and quiet Veronica Mars was hot in a soccer uniform.

He had always known that no matter what he said, in any situation, he could expect her voice to follow his, either cutting him or supporting him. It had always been that way, through Lilly and after. Sometimes, when he and Lilly were off again, she was the one person he could go to, because Duncan had to support his sister. Ronnie though, Ronnie would shake her head, her beautiful blonde head and refuse to take a side, and then she would invite him out for ice cream or just to walk her dog.

She was the one he could always count on.

Until she had betrayed them all by choosing her deluded father.

They had based their entire friendship/enmity/whatever the hell it was on their ability to read each other. And they read each other better than anyone else. They could play off each others wit better than anyone else.

They knew each others tells and expressions. How to hurt and how to comfort with just a few words.

And he knew she'd meant it, about it taking time. He just hadn't realized how long she meant it for.

Almost ten years of her being there as a friend, as a nemesis, or as a lover. From the time they were fucking twelve, for Christ's sakes.

They were the only two left that had been through it all together. He needed her.

He had mocked her once, asking how much easier it would be if what she felt towards him could be indifference. She hadn't risen to the bait, and he had known he was right. Whatever she felt, it was never indifference.

Indifference would be better. He wished he knew how to be indifferent.

Because he missed her. He loved her.

She had stayed for him, he had held her back.

Now she was gone.

He knew he didn't deserve her, and she sure as hell didn't deserve him.

But he missed her.