Chapter 3

Will's P.O.V.

7:00 am

My phone wakes me, telling me to go to work until I open my eyes and realize Rhodes had taken my shift for me. I try to move my arm until I feel it weighed down by something and turn my stiff neck to see a sleeping Jay. I stare at him amused how cute he looks when he's sleeping. His face is peaceful and he reminds me of when he was little. He was so cute when he was seven I think. He would run into my room and hide under the covers, whenever there were thunderstorms.

Smiling, I carefully move my arm and replace it with a pillow. He shifts and snuggles around looking for a blanket so I bring him one. I drape it over him and quietly walk to the kitchen checking if we have any food. I sigh looking at my empty unused refrigerator. I hadn't even peeled off the plastic being so busy working shifts and sleeping when I didn't.

Glancing at Jay one more time, I make sure he's deep asleep. I grab my car keys off the wall and scan my house one more time making sure I didn't leave a light on or something as I head out and lock the door.

Jay's P.O.V.

7:30 am

I wake up stretching my arms out and yawn. Closing my eyes again I take in where I am and smile. Even though my head still throbs dully, It's been such a long time I actually had a good night's sleep. Slowly sitting up I ignore the dizziness and feel the soft blanket that's covering me. Touching the soft fabric of the white blanket I realize that Will's not here. The words "Will's not here" repeat over and over in my head and my head starts to throb at the word Will.

As I try to steady myself the corners of my vision start to blur and I panic. Shaking my head, I hold my head in arms as my mind keeps flashing back to Mom's death. I feel so disconnected to the world I try to to steady myself, but it's not working. In front of me I can't stop seeing all these painful memories. I don't want to feel the pain of losing mom and Will again.

It gets harder and harder to breathe as I struggle to focus my vision. I try to fight off the haunting memories trying to flood back, but it just keeps coming. I gag in the effort of trying to get at least some bit of air into my lungs but instead I start coughing violently which makes it harder to breathe then it was before. I slump down to the ground and claw at my chest trying to take off what's making it so hard to breathe but nothing's there. I know I'm having a panic attack and I can't stop it.

My vision starts to fill with black dots and I finally give into the darkness.

7:45 AM

(Jay's Flashback)

It's Will's 15th birthday and we're all sitting at the dinner table. We'd just finished dinner and it was time for dessert. Mom walks over to our old refrigerator which we really needed a new one of and pulled out a homemade double chocolate cake. My mouth waters at the sight of it with two candles that formed the number 15 and I glance at Will. Dad turns the lights off and we start to sing Happy Birthday. The light of the candles reflect in Will's eyes as he stares at the cake and candles. When the song ends Will blows out the candles with one blow and we all smile. I can't wait to get a slice of that luscious chocolate cake I bounce around in my seat and Will jokingly pushes me. Everyone giggles and we celebrate the rest of the night playing games and having the best time ever. I look at Will and Mom and Dad and miss the perfect little family we used to be.

Suddenly I'm in a different memory. I'm back to when Mom died. Right now, I'm watching football when the phone rings. I . I've never expected to hear that name through someone else especially through a phone.

"Ye...Yes. Is something wrong?" I say my voice trembling.

"I'm very sorry to inform you," and I drop the phone, not wanting to hear the rest. The phone clatters to the floor and I'm left thinking the worst. Slowly I bend down and lean it against my ear, hoping I just misheard something but all hear is that my Mother has passed away. I pinch my cheek hard fighting off tears as I do and start to hyperventilate. This isn't happening as I repeat in my head over and over again until I decide to call Will.

I'm in a different memory again and this time I'm alone. Curled up leaning my head against the wall, the calendar above me marks that it's exactly one year after mom's death. But no one's home and I'm alone. I look up tears filling my eyes and count each passing second as I think what I did that my life is like this. I missed my family. My dad, Will they are supposed to be here for me but after waiting and waiting it was already 10 and no one was home. I close my eyes tightly and whimpered crying softly and laid my head between knees. Once again, I was left alone to deal with my this pain with no one to rely on.

Will's P.O.V.

8:00 AM

I had just finished buying groceries and arrived home. It took longer than expected because of a car accident that had happened on the highway. It did bring some bad memories watching people get carried onto an ambulance but I had to get home quickly. Locking the door of my car I stumbled over to the elevator hands filled with groceries. I couldn't remember the last time I'd bought actual fresh food and laughed at that thought. Struggling I pressed the elevator button, trying not to drop any groceries.

I rustled through my clothes looking for my keys and when I did, I shoved them into the keyhole. I pushed the door open after hearing that satisfying click and walked in settling the groceries on the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jay sprawled on the ground in a tangle of blankets.

"Jay!.. Jay!" I yelled rushing over to Jay's side. I was trying to stay calm but how could I?!

I stared at his pale cheeks and lips and lightly tapped his cheek trying to get him to wake up, and he didn't. Checking his pulse I noticed how fast and light it was. Worried I shook him, this time determined to wake him up and shouted his name. His eyelids twitched and slowly opened his eyes that were red from crying. He looked up at me as his breathing hitched and quickened.

Using my doctor instincts, I quickly helped him sit up as he continued to failed to catch his breath. He looked at me lost and helpless as I pulled him towards me and slowly rubbed his back in circles.

"Jay, you're fine I'm here. Just follow my breathing," I say trying to calm his down. He tries and slowly and very slowly his back muscles once tense slowly relax. His hand which I didn't notice was gripping my shirt releases it's grip and falls to his sides. He looks up tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he looks straight at me. He looks like a scared child that had lost his mom.

"Will...You...You're home," he says his voice shaking.

"Of course I am. I just left to buy some food, I'm so sorry Jay." I say. As I notice his bottom lip still trembling I realize he had a panic attack.

"Oh Jay," I say sighing deeply and hold him tight. At those words he breaks down crying softly into my shirt. I lace my finger through his hair trying to comfort him.

"I thought you left me…Again," he muttered. I looked down and saw him pressed against my chest repeating the words "I thought you were gone" over and over again. Registering this broken form of Jay I regretted every past decision in my life. I should've been there for him, I should've.

Jay's P.O.V.

Someone is tapping my cheek. Someone is calling my name.

I open my eyes blinded by the morning light and slowly they focus revealing a figure front of me. The details come into focus and I see Will hovering over me worry written all over his face. Suddenly everything comes back to me and I realize why I'm lying on the ground.

Looking at Will, my heartbeat quickens and I'm helpless again unable to control my lungs but this time Will is next to me and he holds me tight. Closing my eyes I lean against Will's shirt listening to him breathe and relax. I look up at Will and manage to say "Will...You...You're home," without my voice breaking. His eyes are filled with sadness and guilt as he tells me he just went out to buy food. A wave of relief washes over me.

"Oh, Jay," he says sighing. I can tell something about me has him worried. When he says my name for a second I'm lost, dazed with all these mixed feelings, and I don't even know why but I start crying.

"I thought you left me...Again," I say mustering every ounce of strength to say that. Suddenly, memories rush of back of being alone. I don't even realize I've been saying I thought you were gone over and over again. Tears run down the sides of my face as I bury my head into his chest.

Will's P.O.V.

When Jay finally is calmed down I half lift him up to the couch he's looks really out of it probably because he's cried so much. His eyes are red and puffy again. I've seen his eyes so red over the course of just two day but I still haven't gotten used to the sight of him crying. His head leans against

"Jay," I whisper softly into his ear. He responds with a slight nod not wanting to talk since his voice would catch after crying so much. What I'm about to say I've always I've always about telling Jay. I never could though I felt too sorry every time, but this time I wasn't going to let that happen.

"Jay, you know I've always wanted to tell you this but I never got to. I'm supposed to be there for you; I'm your brother. As a brother I sucked at my job to protect you and I'm sorry. But I just wanted you to know I'll be here for you this time. I'll be with you forever as your brother. I know I left you alone when you needed me the most and I promise I'll never leave you again, but just . let be next to you, let me your brother again." Finishing my little "speech I look over to Jay. He looks lost and for a moment I'm worried that his concussion has gotten worse, but that thought doesn't last long.

"Will, even through those times when you weren't here, you were always my brother and not even the worst things that happen can't change that.," He said looking down fiddling with his thumbs.

"So we're ok?" I said hopefully.

"Of course, We're brothers," Jay said, and we smiled.