You guys are... AMAZING! Seriously the amount of emails i got about reviews and favourite story/author and story/author alerts made me speechless, so i thought i'd give you the chapter with the kiss early ;)

Right i'm hoping you won't get confused here, but theres a flashback within a flashback here and the next chapter will resume from the first flashback, get it?

Disclaimer: If i owned Twilight Jacob would never have imprinted, But i dont... so he did.


Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up get out get away from these liars

Cause they don't get your soul or your fire

Take my hand knot your fingers trough mine

And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now

We can do what we like anywhere

I want so much to open your eyes

Cause I need you to look into mine

- 'Open your eyes' by Snow patrol


~ The present ~

Edward's cheque had burned in my pocket for two days before I actually cashed it, I was terrified I'd lose it; the cheque was worth more than our house. I hadn't returned to the Cullen's since then, when we rejoined the rest of the family I had quickly begged Edward not to tell Jacob about my leaving and he'd nodded. Edward and I didn't show the family our new found comradeship; in fact we'd acted the same as before although I tried to hold my sarcastic tongue a little more which i think he appreciated greatly.

With the money I had brought a second hand car, if it was brand new it would raise suspicion as to where I got the money but I managed to convince everyone that I had paid for it with some of the money dad left me.

I had now managed to fit the boxes into the car with space to spare, I had tiptoed through the house carrying them but thanks to my werewolf strength it was no problem and I had managed to not wake up anyone either which i viewed as a huge plus.

I crept back into the house and quietly looked through all the rooms. Even though I lived here, or had lived here it didn't feel like home, not since dad died. It felt off limits now, like dad's armchair that still sat in the corner of the living room, I don't think anyone had sat in it since he died.

The family photo's still remained undisturbed on the mantle piece, a darkness seemed to hang over this room, too many memories were here, ready to cause heartache at every turn. I walked over to a large table and reached into a drawer; bringing out the old family photo album.

I decided to sit in Dad's armchair, I perched on the edge of it and balanced the album on my lap, I took a deep breath before opening it. First off were family photos, black and white photo's of my parents as children, teenagers and their wedding day then pictures of me and Seth as children, ones of me hugging Seth who grimaced at being hugged by his big sister. There was a picture of me playing in the rain with dad as we splashed through puddles.

There were photos of me and Seth with other kids we knew, Emily, Rachel and Rebecca, Paul, Embry, Quil and Jacob. All different ages but it didn't stop our parents throwing us together for play dates.

There was a picture of me and Jacob, I was six and he was about four, we were playing together in the mud, both laughing and sharing toys. I traced my finger over his huge grin and felt the swell of emotion inside me, when it became too much I quickly turned the page.

The next lot of photos were of us as we gradually grew up, but the photos of me suddenly aged four years between two of the photos. I recalled that this was the section that contained pictures of me and sam, all of which I had removed and burned. I flicked through the rest of the photos, pausing at various points and chuckling quietly to myself.

I stopped at the last photo in the album, a fairly recent one it pictured the whole of Jacob's pack. From the left it pictured Embry, Quil, Seth, Jacob and on the outskirts of group was me. The boys had massive grins on their faces while I stood slightly apart from them, Jacob in an attempt to pull me in had his arm thrown over me but he only managed to reach the back of my neck, leaving a huge gap between us. I was smiling, but anyone could tell it was forced; it didn't reach my haunted looking eyes.

I would miss my pack, they drove me crazy but each was a brother. I gently took the photo out and put it in my pocket before putting the album back. I don't know when or if I'll see them again, I had avoided phasing for the last few weeks, apart from last night. The memory was fresh in my mind and I moved to distract myself.

Once I had put the album back I had nothing more to do, my thoughts turned to Jacob. The last time we had spoken was in the earlier hours of this morning, after my tearful goodbye to my mom and packing some of my things I had to get outside and phase for what could well be the last time.

All this morning I had tried to refrain from thinking about the disastrous conversation with Jacob, trying to remember anything but what had gone on in the early hours of last night.

~ Five hours earlier ~

I was sick of packing, my eyes still stung from saying goodbye to my mother and loading 20 years of memories into boxes was emotional. I stopped packing and headed for my window. I gently slid it up and was assaulted by the cold night air.

I had to get out of here for a while, I wanted to run, feel the winding whipping against my fur. I didn't know if I'd phase again, perhaps when I leave here it will be better to stop phasing and start aging again, try and have a normal life.

I pushed myself through the window and I landed on the grass with a soft thud, my room was closest to the tree line which I ran to. I was thankful it was dark; I didn't need neighbours asking why I was disappearing into the woods this late. Although I didn't need them asking that question at all. Once I was deep enough in the trees I quickly stripped off and left my clothes next to a thick tree stump, I dived forward and where my hands should have collided with damp earth there was now furry paws bounding across it.

Leah? Came Jacob's confused thought once he noticed my phasing.

Hey Jake, just started patrol? I asked trying to be innocent.

Yep. He replied casually before we both turned our thoughts away. I had forgotten Jacob was on patrol tonight and now awkwardness was pouring down on both of us. Jacob was really good at hiding his thoughts; he did it for ages when he ran away after the newborn battle. I on the other hand wasn't as good and I was doing my best to concentrate on sounds around me.

Suddenly Jake's control slipped and I was bombarded with images of myself, they were from his perspective and close ups of me, I realised it was from the kiss we shared a few weeks ago. Seeing it in his mind reopened my own memories and suddenly neither of us could close the flood gates. Our memories matched, only seen from a different perspective.

~ Two weeks earlier ~

I was sick of feeling like this, heartbroken and bored out of my mind, Seth was around Embry's playing some stupid videogames and mom was working. Looking around the house I couldn't be bothered to watch television or do anything. Out of pure boredom I decided to take a walk.

Once outside I relished the crisp cold air that almost seemed to burn my lungs, inhaling deeply I wandered down the street at an idle pace. I had nowhere to go but at least the air was helping me clear my head. For ages I simply walked until I ended up near the outskirts of La push, I considered phasing and running but remembered that Quil was on patrol, I couldn't be asked to deal with his overprotective thoughts over Claire or stories of how they watched some barbie princess film together, sighing heavily I began walking home.

I took the long route home and walked slower, gazing up at the sky which for once was clear, stars were dotted across the sky. It was a beautiful sight; it was so rare that we ever saw them, small blinding points of light.

Rounding the corner I saw Jacob's house with the lights still on, it was a little late for Billy to be up, Billy was a firm believer in early bedtimes and a decent night's sleep and like clockwork was in bed at 9.30pm unless there was an emergency. It was also rare for Jacob to be home, normally he was at the Cullens, Embry's or our house, but rarely home. Curious I wandered up the small path and knocked on the door. Within a few seconds the door swung open.

"Leah?" Jacob questioned once he saw me, he looked a little confused as to why I was knocking on his door so late, before I could say anything he lifted his hand to his mouth and I only managed to see the beer can encased in his large hand.

"Drinking Jacob?" I frowned then nodded at the can.

"Huh? Oh yeah." He said looking at the can, he quickly downed whatever was left in the can and crushed it, the sound of metal bending filled the air, with a sharp flick of his wrist he threw the twisted metal over his shoulder.

"Does Billy know your drinking?" I asked raising my eyebrows. Another thing Billy didn't believe in was underage drinking. He'd go crazy if he caught Jacob downing beer.

"Nope, he's on a fishing trip with Charlie Swan, not back until tomorrow afternoon." He grunted leaning on the doorframe.

"Got any more?" I asked hopefully, Jacob grinned before stepping aside and allowing me in.

"Sure Beta." He smiled, scooping down and grabbing a beer, I managed to catch it before it collided with my chest. I wasted no time in opening it and downing half the can almost instantly, it was cheap and warm but it contained a decent amount of alcohol so I wasn't going to complain.

We both flopped down on the sofa and watched some TV, the show we watched was actually quite funny and I found myself laughing so hard some beer came out my nose which made Jacob fall to the floor as he held his sides laughing so much. We kept drinking and I was grateful I was a werewolf, no human could drink this much and still be conscious but my body could handle it well.

We both couldn't hide our disappointment when we realised we were starting to run out of beer, there was some left which earlier I had decided to put in the fridge and I sent Jacob to get them, a few minutes later he returned and handed me the beer.

"So why are you drinking anyway? I thought you were responsible." I stated welcoming the cold metal into my grasp. Jacob flopped down beside me, his expression suddenly filled with sadness.

"I thought I was too, but it turns out that I was wrong." He frowned staring at his beer can.

"You didn't answer the question Jake." I pointed out to him; he sighed and turned the television off.

"Just stuff." He shrugged.

"Wow, what a detailed answer. Surely you don't think I'm just going to settle for that." I laughed, Jacob rolled his eyes at me but he knew I wouldn't give up now I knew something was wrong, I could get pretty protective of my pack if there was something wrong, it was an annoying habit I'd recently picked up.

"It's so hard, Bella's playing happy families with a vampire and a mutant kid and I have to stand there and watch as she dances around with no heartbeat." He shuddered at the last part but his shoulders slumped forward with the heartbreak he'd been hiding.

"You don't have to watch Jacob, why do you stay if it's getting to you so bad?" I questioned my eyebrows pulling together; I never understood why he stood by her, throughout everything, even through that whole royal vampire confrontation thing.

"Because… I still love her." He whispered staring down. I felt my stomach drop, I couldn't explain why I suddenly felt so upset to hear him say that, I had thought he was over her but it shouldn't even matter to me if he was or not.

"Maybe… it's time you let her go Jacob." I suggested resting a hand on his arm in a comforting way.

"I've tried, god I've tried so hard. It hurts like hell and she wants me there, she still wants me there as a best friend and its only worse when Edward struts around parading his dead sparkly wife around." He muttered darkly.

I had to hold back a laugh at the mental image of Edward freaking Cullen strutting; it added a whole new dimension to his stuck up prissiness. After that I felt the anger swell, that was low if Edward was thrusting Bella's cold ice heart in Jacob's face.

"Then tell her she needs to move away, there's nothing stopping her now, tell her it's time she stopped stringing you along. You need to get over her already!" I exclaimed, Jacob stared at me blankly as I said the words but soon his face twisted into anger.

"Seriously Leah? You're telling me to get over Bella already and yet you're still not getting over Sam, you know what Leah? I don't think you're the right person to be giving me relationship advice, it's not like you're very good at them." He snarled furiously at me.

I froze, the first emotion that came to me was disbelief, the second unbelievable fury and the third was overwhelming hurt. It was a hard mix to have. I wanted to shout back at him, I had only been trying to help but I couldn't bring myself to, instead I just dropped my head, the truth in his words hurt a hell of a lot more than I was willing to admit.

Jacob seemed to pick up on the fact that he had gone a bit too far, his face twisted into horror as I avoided his gaze, my eyes blinking furiously in an attempt to hold back the tears. I will not cry, I will not cry, dam it Leah don't cry! I chanted over again in my head. I couldn't explain the tears, I'd laughed off much worse insults but for some reason my tear ducts seemed to be extra sensitive around Jacob.

"Oh god Leah I'm sorry! That was unfair, I was angry and I took it out on you, I'm sorry." He gushed quickly leaning over and trying to see my face. Luckily no tears escaped me as I looked up at him.

"Jeez Jacob grow a pair will ya? You don't insult someone then take it back you wuss." I laughed feigning humour, Jacob frowned at me.

"I know but I am sorry Leah, it was outta line and I –" I held my hand up cutting him off.

"No, it's true. I deserved it, don't be sorry Jake." I told him looking down and whirling the still unopened can around in my hands.

"Leah, why are you here?" Jacob questioned suddenly, I looked up in surprise at him.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked standing up and heading for the door without his answer, I felt his arm grab me, he twirled me around to face him.

"No! Tonight's been good. Really good. But I know why I'm drinking so much but why are you?" he indicated to the large pile of empty cans around the room, most of which had been mine.

"Hasn't Seth told you? I'm an alcoholic." I laughed kicking some cans out the way.

"Haha, now the truth." He demanded moving closer.

I looked up at him, his expression was determined, he wasn't going to let it go but for some strange reason I actually wanted to tell him. As if laying all my problems on him would somehow cure them. I put this down to the alcohol but it also seemed the alcohol was in control of my mouth too.

"I'm here because I don't want to be alone, I've been alone for so long and no one understands what it's like. I still have to see Sam walk down the street with Emily on his arm and a wedding ring sparkling on her finger instead of mine. No one wants me, no one ever wanted me." I exploded throwing my hands in the air.

"Your not alone Leah." Jacob whispered softly he tried to put a hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off and continued.

"I am, I'm ugly and useless. If I was any good then Sam would have imprinted on me but I'm not so i can't have big wolf babies. I'm cold, heartless, cynical, bitchy and annoying, I'll be alone for life and there's nothing I can do." I huffed angrily, I could feel the tears coming and I tried desperately to stop them. Jacob looked furious.

"Are you blind Leah?! Open your dam eyes! How can you say that about yourself? You'd never end up alone. You're the most beautiful girl I know; anyone can see your passion, your loyalty. You're so strong, you can take anything and you don't let anyone mess with you or those close to you." He rushed suddenly gripping my shoulders, I was astonished at his outburst but he still carried on.

"When I went through all that crap with Bella it was you who was there, who understood and tried to help despite the fact that no one was there for you. When I ran away I felt ashamed because I didn't have the guts to stay like you did, you are so much braver than anyone I know and aren't afraid to stick up for what you believe in. Everyday I wish I can be like you, strong and independent and you're so beautiful that every time you're around I can't help but hope that you'll smile, because when you do, it makes me feel a hundred times lighter." His eyes were boring into mine as he spoke.

"Your amazing Leah, when you finally find the right guy he should feel lucky, lucky that when he wakes up in the morning, the first thing he'll see is your face. That each day he knows that hes blessed just to be near you, that when he's depressed your voice is the only one that can reach him in the darkness, that even after decades together he'll still get a buzz from kissing you." he declared passionatly.

He was still talking but I my brain couldn't seem to handle any more, I was amazed. I watched as his lips continued to move, speaking with a passion that right now was falling on deaf ears. I was suddenly aware of how close we were, his russet skin so close to my own. It sent a thrill down my spine and his grey eyes seemed to burn as he looked into mine. Without a thought I leant forward, cutting Jacob off by capturing his lips with mine.

Instantly he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me, I threaded my hands into his hair pulling him closer. Our lips moved together in perfect rhythm and soon I felt his tongue against mine, I refused to let him have the upper hand and threw myself into the kiss, both fighting for dominance.

After a few seconds my brain started functioning again, the moment was perfect but now my thoughts were screaming at me. I realised why they were, I was kissing Jacob. But it wasn't just Jacob; it was my alpha, my best friend, a pack member. An unimprinted man.

What the hell was I getting myself into?

I couldn't get involved with Jacob, I was only setting myself up for more heartbreak if I did because eventually Jacob was going to imprint and leave me.

Like Sam.

I stopped dead. Jacob felt me tense up and pulled back confused. He looked at me, his eyes still burning but this time I could see the worrying edge in them.

"Lee?" he asked unsure. Panic rose within me, I couldn't do this. I shook my head, allowing the tears to well over as I backed away.

"I'm so sorry Jacob." I choked out in a whisper; his expression was a mix between sadness, horror and confusion. I took one last look before turning and bolting for the door.


*Sniffs* Poor Leah... Don't forget the next chapter picks up at the first flashback when they're both in wolf form and don't worry there's a lemon too... ;P

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