AN: Sorry if this chapter is kind of, well, shit. I realised that I haven't updated this in forever (nearly two months. Holy crap!), so I just sat down and forced myself to write it.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the Mortal Instruments.
"Alec, you're lying to him!" Isabelle said angrily. Recently, her patience in her brother had worn dangerously thin. "Doesn't that make you feel bad?"
"I'm not lying to him!" Despite the fact that he was arguing with her, Isabelle could see the guilt in Alec's eyes. "I'm just... withholding information..."
"That is the most pathetic comeback ever. I've just lost all the respect I've ever had for you. Though it's not like I had much in the first place." Isabelle gathered up her study books and glared at Alec, though it was lost on him because he was no longer paying attention to her. "Honestly, Alec, you're such a loser."
Her brother looked at her steadily. "Do you think that's why Jace doesn't like me?"
"Oh, for the-" Izzy screwed her eyes shut, resisting the urge to slap him. "No, Alec, Jace does like you." Isabelle opened her eyes to wait for Alec's reaction, but he didn't seem to notice the emphasis she put on 'like'.
"Don't try to be nice to me, Isabelle. I know he doesn't," Alec said glumly, face carefully devoid of emotion. He gestured to her hastily collected books. "See? Even you don't want to spend time with me. Why would Jace?"
"I do like spending time with you, when you stop all your, 'Jace will never love me, I'm so depressed, I'm going to become a mundane' crap," Isabelle said in exasperation, carefully planning her next words. "And I'm sure Jace loves spending time with you, too."
"Sure. Whatever."
Fine. Be like that, idiot. Isabelle decided to give up for the day. She didn't even bother answering back as she marched out of the library, ignoring Jace, who was seated near the door, when he glanced up at her as she passed. Izzy had known from the minute that Jace had walked into the room that Alec wouldn't be far behind. And then they'd go through the whole regime again: her hinting to him, him not getting it, her getting annoyed, him being emo, her storming off.
She slowed her pace. If she went to her room, there was a fifty per cent chance that Alec would follow her. There was also a fifty per cent of Jace following her, instead. She didn't know who was more annoying. Alec would come and moan at her. Jace would come and insult her because... he was Jace, and that's what Jace did.
Isabelle stopped abruptly, turning around and heading back past the library and to Hodge's study. She knocked on the door, and entered when Hodge's voice told her to. Izzy often thought that the room looked just like a smaller version of the library. Hodge looked like he always did, wearing a crisp suit and sitting with his back dead straight. Hugo was perched with his head under a wing on top of a bookcase.
"Um... can I sit in here for a while?" Izzy asked hopefully. Hodge gave her a quizzical look, and she added, "Alec and Jace are being really annoying."
"Of course," he said, looking amused. He noticed the textbooks clasped in her hands. "Do you need help studying?" Izzy shook her head. She sat down heavily on the extra chair at Hodge's desk. After a stretch of silence, Hodge spoke.
"Are you sure you're alright, Isabelle?" Izzy looked up at him from under her lashes. "You've been acting down lately." She shrugged. "If you need to talk to someone, I'm always here if you need me. Your parents will be back from Idris soon enough."
Isabelle realised that Hodge was waiting for an answer. Before she could think one up, she blurted out, "I was just thinking about Alec and Jace."
"Oh." Hodge sounded taken aback. This obviously wasn't what he was expecting. He gave her a slightly funny look. "What about them?"
"Umm..." Crap. "You know. They're parabatai. They're so close; it kind of feels like... I don't know. They don't like me as much as they like each other."
They definitely don't like me as much as they like each other. Isabelle blushed. Hodge noticed but, thankfully, jumped to the wrong conclusion.
"That's nothing to be embarrassed about. Parabatai are always close, instinctively. It can feel as if you're being left out, but the bond between parabatai is so different than the bond of family, or friendship. I can promise you that both your brothers think very highly of you." Hodge smiled reassuringly. Isabelle smiled back weakly. Her tutor noticed her lack of enthusiasm and frowned. "You were never taught about any of this, were you?"
"No. Mom only taught Alec and Jace because they were going to become parabatai. It was 'none of my business', apparently."
"Well, technically, that's the only time you should be taught about it, according to the Clave." Izzy could sense Hodge about to go into his 'the Law is the Law' mode, and she quickly intervened.
"Did you never think that the reason I never asked about it was that I don't actually know anyone who could be my parabatai?" Isabelle said, sounding as earnest as possible. Hodge looked at her thoughtfully.
"That's a good point. I apologise for never asking." Izzy tried not to look guilty. "Do you want to have a parabatai?"
Never in a million years. "Yeah! Alec and Jace are. It's so not fair."
"You know, there's a lot more to it than that," Hodge told her sternly.
"I know, but unfortunately I've never been told what it is," Isabelle hinted, giving Hodge a hopeful smile. He rolled his eyes at her, catching on immediately.
"Fine, fine. Hm, where should I start?" Hodge thought aloud. He tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully. Isabelle fidgeted impatiently. Hodge looked at her sheepishly. "You know, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell your mother that I've told you this."
"Duh. Are you crazy?" Hodge looked reassured.
"Well, it's a permanent Mark; you can't just decide that you don't want to be parabatai anymore, and-"
"Wait. So you can never, you know, break up?" Isabelle's heart sank. Hodge shook his head.
"It's a permanent Mark-"
"Yeah, well, so is the marriage one, but people can still get divorced, can't they?" Isabelle said, wishing she had paid more attention when being taught about all this in the first place. "You just put a line through it, right?"
"That's true, but the parabatai binding rune is quite different than that. It's a lot more powerful, for one thing-"
"Okay." Izzy was fighting off the huge scowl she could feel forming on her face, knowing Hodge would take it personally. "What about-"
"Isabelle. You do know I don't have to tell you this? Actually, I really shouldn't be-"
"Okay, okay! I know," Isabelle said impatiently. Hodge raised his eyebrows.
"No more interrupting?"
"Oh, fine. I'll do my best." Izzy narrowed her eyes. "Sorry," she added as an afterthought. Hodge, who was quite used to Isabelle's manners (or lack thereof) by now, just rolled his eyes.
"Hm, right. Well, it's quite rare nowadays to get parabatai, since most people don't really have someone that they are willing to commit to before they're eighteen." Hodge paused to take a breath and waved a hand to let Isabelle talk. "No questions this time?" he asked, with only a hint of sarcasm.
Izzy chewed her lip. "Yeah," she said finally. "What do you mean, 'nowadays' it's quite rare?"
"Well, there was a time when almost every Shadowhunter had a parabatai."
Hodge didn't seem inclined to say any more on the subject, but Isabelle pressed on. "Why don't they now?"
"Well..." Unless it was her imagination, Hodge looked slightly uncomfortable. "Because parabatai were so... close... they didn't... feel the need to marry."
"So? People didn't get married. Why's that a big deal?"
Hodge sighed. "People weren't getting married, so they weren't having children. You know how precarious our population is. The number of Shadowhunters was slowly dwindling, and, with the way things were looking, pretty soon there wouldn't be enough of us left to fight demons at all."
"Oh. But... why couldn't they just get married and have children with their parabatai?"
"You can't," Hodge said simply.
"What? What do you mean?" Isabelle asked in confusion.
"Well, you could marry them, obviously, but you can't have children." Hodge searched for the words as he regarded Isabelle's blank face. "You can't conceive. We're not entirely sure why."
Isabelle understood then. Thinking quickly, she wondered what to do with this new information. Alec and Jace were both guys. It's not like they could've had kids in the first place. Pushing that rather disturbing thought away, Izzy remembered something else. That was the reason for the Clave disliking it when you were gay: you wouldn't have children. They didn't throw you out because hardly anyone actually was gay, so it wouldn't have a huge effect on the population anyway. So... would it matter if Alec and Jace got together? Isabelle didn't think so, but she didn't know for sure.
She was vaguely aware that Hodge was still talking, but Isabelle was too engrossed in her own thoughts that she couldn't distinguish the words. Here she was, with Hodge, the one person who would have the answers to everything she needed to know. And she couldn't think of how to ask him.
What to say? How could she phrase it so it didn't sound like she was asking about her brothers? So, imagine that you fell in love with your parabatai... but you were both guys... What does that have to do with her?
So frustrating.
"I think I preferred it when you were interrupting me. At least, then, you were paying attention," Hodge said in exasperation.
"I'm really sorry, Hodge," Isabelle said. He didn't look convinced. Quick, think of something! "Um, but if there used to be loads of people who were parabatai, how come there aren't loads now?"
"Well, the Clave just stopped allowing people. They used to just let anyone be paired together, but now they're a lot more selective. You'll also notice that any parabatai you see are usually the same sex. You can still get a male-female partnership, of course, but they're generally a lot rarer. Another thing, like in the case of Jace and Alec-"
"What about them?" Izzy, who had only been half-listening, asked abruptly. Her heart sped up a little faster, in panic. She hadn't said anything, had she? Oh, God, please no.
"I was just going to say that there usually needs to be parental permission." Hodge frowned at her, concerned. Isabelle could sense that her time was running out, and threw hazard to the wind.
"So, is that the only reason parabatai can't, you know, go out? Because they can't have kids?" she asked, trying to seem casual.
"Well, yes, I suppose," Hodge replied. He opened his mouth to say more, but Isabelle cut him off.
"Then that's why there are mostly two girls or two guys, right?"
"Yes, but-"
"So, the Clave wouldn't throw you out and stuff, if they went out, because they don't throw out people if they're gay?"
"Wait... what?"
Isabelle exhaled slowly. "The Clave doesn't throw someone out to be a mundane if they're gay, right?"
"No," Hodge confirmed. He didn't say anything, but he was definitely starting to look suspicious now.
"So if two people, say two guys, were together. You know, like, romantically. They obviously couldn't have kids. But the Clave wouldn't care. Well, not enough that they get thrown out. But then, if those two guys were to become parabatai, would the Clave throw them out?"
Hodge didn't answer immediately. He gave her a look so wary she wondered if he was intending to answer at all. Izzy shifted her weight, prepared to run for it if she had to, and all the while the tension was so bad she was nearly passing out.
"Yes," Hodge said abruptly.
"Ye... yes?" Isabelle's jaw went slack. "Why?"
"Think about it. If they allowed one kind of relationship, then people would want all kinds allowed. It's only fair that if the Clave allowed same-sex relationships for parabatai, they should allow normal ones as well. So, they didn't allow any kind. That way, everyone's equal."
"Yeah, 'cause the Clave's all about equality." Isabelle stood up, suddenly angry. She had been so damn close. She should be grateful that Hodge told her anything at all, knew she was being horrendously rude. But then she remembered that Hodge couldn't tell her mom about her rudeness, because then he'd have to admit about telling Isabelle all the secret Clave stuff. Ha ha. When she got to the door, however, she turned back to face him.
"What did you mean by normal relationships?"
"What?" Hodge looked confused.
"You said same-sex relationships, and then you said normal ones," Isabelle said, voice shaking slightly. She gritted her teeth. "What, if you're gay you're abnormal then, are you?"
"Isabelle, I didn't mean it like-"
"Whatever." Izzy spun around and wrenched the door open. She didn't glance back as she left the room, slamming the door as hard as she could behind her. In all honesty, she knew Hodge hadn't meant anything by his wording, but she was too pissed off to care. Stupid Hodge. Stupid Clave. Stupid Jace and stupid Alec. Stupid everything. Why did it have to be so difficult? As she marched away, something hit her.
Hodge had said that people hadn't wanted to get married because they were so close to their parabatai. How close did you have to be to someone for you to not want to marry someone else? Answer: pretty damn close. Which is why the Clave usually only allow two people of the same sex to become parabatai. Because they made homosexuality into something bad, frowned upon, something that would make other people look down on you. Nobody wants to be subject to that. So, when you and your parabatai inevitably fallinfucking love, you pretend otherwise, so people accept you. Because you don't know that it's normal for you to feel like that towards them.
Isabelle knew what Jace meant now, when he insisted he was straight. He couldn't help falling for Alec, in the same way that Alec couldn't help falling for Jace-
No. No, no, no. It wasn't the same at all. Izzy had been angry at Jace for only figuring out he loved Alec after it was illegal. After they were parabatai. Alec had admitted to her years before that. Before their father had even suggested it. Isabelle was certain Alec was definitely in love with Jace. But Jace. If Alec wasn't his parabatai, would Jace be interested in Alec at all?
AN: Right, as for the huge wait between chapters: I have exams, which is not helping. I've done four, so I'm halfway, but don't expect regular updates for a while yet. I apologise for being a failure *hangs head in shame*. But panic not, I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP THIS STORY. (Or my other story, which I still haven't updated. SORRY)
As for the people who have reviewed, you guys are too nice. I seriously love you :) As for the people who haven't, well, since asking nicely doesn't seem to work all that well... REVIEW GODDAMNIT BEFORE I KILL YOU. Hate this chapter? THEN TELL ME! (Also, did you guys all understand what was going on? It seemed kind of confusing when I re-read some parts...)
One more thing... OMG GUYS HAVE YOU READ THE MALEC SCENE THAT CASSIE WROTE OMG IT'S SO CUTE AHHH YOU NEED TO READ IT AHHH I LOVE MALEC! That being said, I now feel that the way I write Alec is really out of character. Grr. I'm off to read it again, anyway.
Oh, I remembered another thing... HOW AWESOME WAS CITY OF FALLEN ANGELS? I could go on about it forever, but my AN would be longer than the actual story...
PS: This is from Cassie Clare's twitter, so this is basically all we know about it: Parabatai can be boy-boy, boy-girl, or girl-girl. They must choose each other before either of them turns eighteen. There is a ceremony. It is done in the Silent City. You will get to hear about it in Clockwork Prince. You can have only one parabatai in your life: the only way to break the bond is death, or one of you becoming Downworlder or mundane (or both). You can't have a romantic relationship with your parabatai. It's against the Law. Yes, there's a reason*
*Yeah, so I just made up a reason for this story.
Have a nice day. (If you read all that rambling, I'm impressed :D)
